Relationships

[ScienceGeek]

I've had a lot of problems lately with several people sending me messages saying that I don't make enough effort keeping in contact with people (my dad, friends, family etc). I'm quite happy with very little attention, and find people who need constant attention quite hard work. It has been quite upsetting because they presume that I don't care, but I do. I never know how much contact is too much or too little. I just don't understand it It has been a complaint that people have made about me over the years and I still can't get the hang of it. I never knew people saw me as distant, aloof and cold

 

The thing that concerns me the most is my dad seeing me that way and he takes everything to heart. Is there anything that I could send him about AS? Any recommendations?

Edited July 20, 2009 by ScienceGeek

[bid]

To help give us a better picture, how often do you contact your dad, SG?

 

Bid

[ScienceGeek]

Every few months I phone them, they live on the other side of the country. He sees family as people who are in contact with each other all the time, I never know what to say on the phone if I do it any more often than that. It's all well and easy when you live close to each other. I live such an isolated life most of the time that I forget other people exist He is very extroverted and very very NT.

[bid]

Everyone is different, of course, but maybe every few months sounds quite infrequent?

 

My very elderly mum lives a round trip of 50 miles away. I work 4 nights on, 4 nights off and I try to see her on one of my days off. This doesn't always work because of overtime, sickness, appointments, etc. I try to ring about once a week, more often if she is unwell or very depressed.

 

I think that even if it feels uncomfortable to you, if people are telling you they feel a bit neglected, then you could listen to them and phone or see them more often. I don't think it really matters what you say or how brief your calls are, it's the contact and thought that matters. I do think this is terribly important with parents, as they age very quickly and before you know it they are very frail and there is limited time left.

 

Bid

Edited July 21, 2009 by bid

[ScienceGeek]

I know I could try harder with the phone calls, but as for visiting it takes a lot of arranging because he lives in Canterbury and I live in Bristol. I don't have very much money and public transport is really expensive. I will try to phone more often, and am trying to arrange to go visit sometime over the summer

[bid]

You could decide to ring every week or fortnight, and then pick the same evening each week so that you can put it on a calendar/timetable making that it easier to remember.

 

Bid

[ScienceGeek]

You could decide to ring every week or fortnight, and then pick the same evening each week so that you can put it on a calendar/timetable making that it easier to remember.

 

Bid

 

Good idea Bid, then it would become part of my routine

 

[Mad cat lady]

I agree with the putting it on the calendar, you could also have a notebook and write down anything that happens between calls, which would give you something to talk about.

 

I never keep in touch with people either

[ScienceGeek]

Well we talked on the phone and have patched things up for now. I'm going to visit them soon probably in August, and we now have Tuesday evening as our phone call time

[Guest featherways]

How about alternatives? Letters, text, email, postcards? Does it have to be phone calls and meetings? I find those the most stressful things.

[Tally]

Sending a postcard can be a good way of keeping in touch without needing to have a lot to talk about.

[NobbyNobbs]

emails also a good option, for the most impressive 'sharing and thinking of you' attach a few piccies of things, the house, garden, places you've been to... or ask for advice on something (even if you dont follow it!)

[flyingladybird]

going back to OT, I always had this too.

remember getting a few "lectures" from my Mum who at the time, was dependent on children emotionally.