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BBC3 Documentary - The Autistic Me

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One small thing that bugged me about the review and possibly the actual documentary itself. Why all three guys? Couldn't they have had a story about a girl as well rather than just as an afterthought? No offence to Kirsty, you did great :D Other than that I enjoyed it. :notworthy:

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One small thing that bugged me about the review and possibly the actual documentary itself. Why all three guys? Couldn't they have had a story about a girl as well rather than just as an afterthought? No offence to Kirsty, you did great :D Other than that I enjoyed it. :notworthy:

 

sciencegeek i can explain that they had limited time bbc told production to only focus on 3 guys due to limited time they fought for me but the only way they said yes was through alex. but oh well

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sciencegeek i can explain that they had limited time bbc told production to only focus on 3 guys due to limited time they fought for me but the only way they said yes was through alex. but oh well

 

Ok >:D<<'> But it kind of gives the impression that the female aspie/autie perspective view doesn't matter and that is wrong. I personally think that it would have made the documentary a bit more rounded.

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yes i keep in touch via email and phone when he is avaliable hoping to see him in person again wont be too long just need money to get on a train:)

 

Alex is LOVELY, lovely manners, nice looking, and twinkly eyes. go get him girl! Enid

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I missed it last night (got sidetracked by son having his mate round) so will catch up on BBC I-Player at some point, having just downloaded it.

 

:D

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ScienceGeek,

 

I completely agree with you. As the mother of a daughter with AS, I would've really liked to see some of the trials and tribulations young women faced at this time in their lives. Maybe we can request for them to make an entire program about it! I was glad that Kirsty was in it. I really thought that it looked like a good match. Alex seemed like a really nice and fun guy!

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Ok >:D<<'> But it kind of gives the impression that the female aspie/autie perspective view doesn't matter and that is wrong. I personally think that it would have made the documentary a bit more rounded.

 

no it just that they didnt start on me and it was limited time avaliable that was all

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its on the bbc homepage now. For me it is anyway.

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Blimey - I was just about to pop in and see what everyone here made of the programme last night, as well as comment on how I quite fancied Kirsty(!), only to find she's a fellow member here! :lol: (Not that I'm a regular any more, mind - like Viper, I haven't been for years [see my member number and join date to the left of my post!], but this show brought me back!)

 

You were so adorable, Kirsty! :wub: Ah well - Alex has got ya now (in a manner of speaking) ... plus you know nothing about me ... and I'd be too old for you anyway. And Alex seems like a top bloke as well - I like his sense of humour. :D Plus he says he's always on-time, whereas I'm always late for everything. :lol::rolleyes: He's far better for you than I would ever be. :notworthy: You'd make a great couple, so go for it, I say! ;):thumbs:

 

I loved the bit at the end, where you explained your emotions, coz I expect most people would've had no idea how happy and excited you'd been until then. :)

 

By the way, always be careful posting anything you're personally involved in on YouTube. In my experience, it's THE least civil place on the entire Internet, and, as you've already seen, you'll attract unwanted negative attention. I know it's everyone's first stop when it comes to posting videos on-line, but it's also the place people most speak their mind, however unfair and cruel they're being, knowing they won't have to suffer any reprisals. :(

 

(Oh, and no wonder people didn't realise this thread was here - you put it in the "Off Topic" sub-forum! This is far from being off-topic though! :) )

 

*waves at Viper, a fellow "old-skool" member* :groupwave:

 

James

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I've merged the two threads about the documentary, hope the resulting mix makes sense!

 

Hi Gordie, Viper, and anyone else who's been drawn back to the forum through watching this. :) I haven't seen it myself yet hope to do so on iplayer soon.

 

K x

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got him now :) he asked me out last friday :)

 

Well done that girl!! and smily faces as well.! seriously though as the mother of a boy, nearly 14, with autism, I think you are both lovely young people. hope it goes well, keep us posted. Enid

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I've merged the two threads about the documentary, hope the resulting mix makes sense!

 

Hi Gordie, Viper, and anyone else who's been drawn back to the forum through watching this. :) I haven't seen it myself yet hope to do so on iplayer soon.

 

K x

Whew! :unsure: You had me worried then! I'd been refreshing the "Off-Topic" forum to check for any new posts, and suddenly the whole thread had disappeared! :o I thought something I'd said had caused you to delete it or something! :lol:

 

But now I know it's here, merged with the other thread, and not deleted(!), I can say it's nice to see you again, Kathryn. ;) Otherwise I might've had different thoughts! :whistle:

 

Well I was gonna reply to what was previously "the other thread" a bit later too, once I'd digested all the comments made so far, so, to do that now, I'll have to add to what's already in this new thread from me so far ... :wacko:

 

James

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Sorry James - thought I was just being tidy - I didn't mean to cause confusion - honest. :D:oops:

 

I'll just take myself off to bed now before I cause any more trouble.. :rolleyes:

 

K x

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Sorry James - thought I was just being tidy - I didn't mean to cause confusion - honest. :D:oops:

 

I'll just take myself off to bed now before I cause any more trouble.. :rolleyes:

 

K x

:lol: S'okay - no harm done. :) Night night! :groupwave:

 

James

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have not watched this yet, but will wathc it on bbc iplayer.

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Well, apart from Kirsty and Alex stealing the show(!) (in my eyes anyway) (see above for what I said about them) ...

 

Overall, I was very impressed with the show. :):thumbs: It was well-made: positive while still being informative and "real". The filmmaker had obviously thought very carefully about how to fairly and effectively portray those with autistic spectrum disorders. :clap:

 

Can't say I thought much of Tom's mum though - bit of a bad attitude. Tom seemed the "least autistic" of the 3 featured guys - little more than just a bratty teenager with anger management issues, as far as I could see (although I appreciate we probably only saw about half-an-hour of his life). But, if he does have an element of autism about him, then he can't have been helped by the upbringing of his parents, constantly treating him like a kid. His mum should've been happy for him that some girl somewhere thought positively of him - this girl obviously made him happy ... until she was unable to visit him, of course. His mum just wanted to keep him all to herself, openly admitting that she still sees him as her 4-year-old. :shame:

 

Oli's attitude, on the other hand, to the world of work was fantastic - something I really admired, given my rather lackadaisical attitude to it. :notworthy: How he was / has been unemployed for so long, with enthusiasm like his, I have no idea. :blink:

 

Okay - gonna respond to some comments in this thread now ...

 

Firstly was in Oli's interview with the council worker where he mentioned wanting to do a job relating to the Arts -- and then his Mum piping in with 'repetitive data entry'; if someone said that to me, something that was completely aside from the idea that I had mentioned, I have to say I would be incredibly insulted. Practically, I agree with the mother - but for somebody who is supposedly neurologically typical that shows a remarkable lack of tact and empathy.

You're dead right. I've had the odd job here and there that has involved repetitive data entry, but they've only been temporary jobs, and I've been quite content with that for a limited amount of time. It's not something I could handle doing over a prolonged period, however good at it I may be (and I would be). Oli's clearly looking for something permanent and stable, so repetitive data entry surely wouldn't be suitable for him - there'd be no mental stimulation at all beyond the first week. You could tell from his initial reaction that he didn't fancy it either. :rolleyes:

 

I've never been on a date (or been out with a girl alone in a social situation, for that matter), and I'm guessing that the majority of people (maybe not the people on these forums) watching the documentary would think it strange that they both said they enjoyed the data even though very little actual communication was done. Particularly loved that as I know that I would feel exactly the same way. :D

Me too. :) Thought it was vital to everyone watching that they showed the bit with Kirsty's face cards, otherwise most neurotypicals would've thought it was an awful date. :thumbs:

 

I could see Tom reacting in a similar way that my eldest can react when our house is chaotic and noisy. If our house is too active or noisy my eldest has to escape to his room to block out the hustle and bustle. There are only 4 of us living in our house and he finds it difficult. I could see why Tom might be having issues in such a busy household.

I think it was more that Tom was feeling thoroughly miserable about his female friend not being able to visit him. I used to go into very depressed states like that a few years back, just lying on my bed, facing the wall, blocking everything out, not wanting to be disturbed at all, hence Tom lashing out when his mum came in. All you wanna do is beat yourself up (metaphorically speaking), and you don't want anyone trying to cheer you up, coz you don't feel you deserve to be cheered up. :wallbash:

 

Also did anyone else think it strange when Tom and his family arrived at the school he had to go and do an exam straight away!!!! I didn't think it was planned out very well-I know my son would have needed to settle in and had time to be calmer etc.

Yeah! Me too! :blink: That was ridiculous! Not the timing of the exam (as that would've been fixed months previous), but the timing of his departure from home. Couldn't have been any worse! :wacko:

 

James

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Can't say I thought much of Tom's mum though - bit of a bad attitude. Tom seemed the "least autistic" of the 3 featured guys - little more than just a bratty teenager with anger management issues, as far as I could see (although I appreciate we probably only saw about half-an-hour of his life). But, if he does have an element of autism about him, then he can't have been helped by the upbringing of his parents, constantly treating him like a kid. His mum should've been happy for him that some girl somewhere thought positively of him - this girl obviously made him happy ... until she was unable to visit him, of course. His mum just wanted to keep him all to herself, openly admitting that she still sees him as her 4-year-old. :shame:

I agree with the above; I found myself getting increasingly agitated at the way he was being treated and the assumptions made about him and the low expectations held of him by his mother. It almost felt to me as though she was purposely keeping her expectations really low (below a level whereby Tom could develop the skills necessary to be more independent) precisely so he was less independent and didn't have the opportunities to consider what he could do.

 

Although he was apparently 'least autistic' (difficult phrasing but I understand what you mean) there was one incident that I wonder if others spotted that I could observe as an outsider but I may have answered the same myself and was, to me, quite indicative of an 'autistic' response (if there is such thing). I think it was quite soon before he was due to move to the residential school, the narrator/interviewer was talking about this generally and then asked Tom directly "How are you feeling?" Rather than link the question to feelings of going away from his family and the challenges of the school which is I think what the narrator was getting at, Tom said something along the lines of "I'm really hot at the moment, there's still steam coming off me" (he had just got out of the shower). 'Feelings' were translated as physical feelings rather than emotions.

 

The only thing that concerned me with the Tom case was the focus on violence. Violence is not directly caused by autism nor is it part of the dx. It may come into the wider picture of everything the individual with a dx is experiencing (in Tom's case, I think, great frustration). I could see past this and I also think many teenagers/people, not just those on the spectrum, would react to being restrained in the way described by his father in a similar way to that which Tom did. I just hope the general public can also see past that and it doesn't strengthen a link that some laypeople have between autism and violence. :(

 

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Oooh - one final thing Kirsty might like to know ...

 

According to Digital Spy, you were watched by approximately 679,000 people on Tuesday night!! :dance: (That's 3.4% of the people watching TV between 9pm and 10pm, and over 1% of the population of Great Britain!)

- http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/a170916/lat...-2-million.html (at the bottom of the page)

And look - you beat E4's first showing of the latest episode of Ugly Betty! :D

 

Although he was apparently 'least autistic' (difficult phrasing but I understand what you mean) there was one incident that I wonder if others spotted that I could observe as an outsider but I may have answered the same myself and was, to me, quite indicative of an 'autistic' response (if there is such thing). I think it was quite soon before he was due to move to the residential school, the narrator/interviewer was talking about this generally and then asked Tom directly "How are you feeling?" Rather than link the question to feelings of going away from his family and the challenges of the school which is I think what the narrator was getting at, Tom said something along the lines of "I'm really hot at the moment, there's still steam coming off me" (he had just got out of the shower). 'Feelings' were translated as physical feelings rather than emotions.

Yeah, good point - I hadn't really noticed that.

 

James

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Got to say well done to the makers of this documentary; it was remarkably unbiased and I found I could relate to each of the people in it in some way.

 

A few things stood out to me especially. Firstly was in Oli's interview with the council worker where he mentioned wanting to do a job relating to the Arts -- and then his Mum piping in with 'repetitive data entry'; if someone said that to me, something that was completely aside from the idea that I had mentioned, I have to say I would be incredibly insulted. Practically, I agree with the mother - but for somebody who is supposedly neurologically typical that shows a remarkable lack of tact and empathy.

 

Second thing was relating to Tom's fight with his Dad. The documentary came over entirely on the side of his parents, and I can appreciate why that is. I'll say now that I disagree with violence in any form -- but I find myself sympathising far more with Tom than his Dad; even if I had hit somebody, being restrained to the ground (for anybody, never mind somebody who is autistic) would aggravate me ten-fold, and at which stage I would personally become incredibly violent. It seemed to me that when Tom hit his mother earlier on in the documentary he was just trying to push her away -- and she seemed to take it as if he was attacking her -- could anyone explain this? It was fairly plain to me that he wasn't intentionally attacking her, but that isn't how it was put across in the documentary.

 

The last thing was very positive; I absolutely loved near the end with Alex's 'date'. I've never been on a date (or been out with a girl alone in a social situation, for that matter), and I'm guessing that the majority of people (maybe not the people on these forums) watching the documentary would think it strange that they both said they enjoyed the data even though very little actual communication was done. Particularly loved that as I know that I would feel exactly the same way. :D

 

Hi Tom,

i completley agree with all your points.. espically the date with Alex, from a body language point of veiw they was not coming across as if they was having a good time etc but the wording showed the complete opposite..

i found that to be very educating to me as my son displays inappropriate body language compared to how he is feeling, just need him to verbalise more.

thought the documentry was very interesting.

 

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Well done Kirsty :thumbs: great documentry..

 

I found quite alot of similarities between Tom and my son who is only 12 though.. the need for lots of covers on his bed and his clothing style

its hot but my son wears hoodie and jumper.. needs heavy duvet etc.. space when angry.

Unable to relate to his siblings.. his older brother was really good with him i thought except for the scene when he tried to get Tom out of bed.

 

When his dad hugged him he wiped it off, my son does that too..

 

I did agree that when he lashed out at his mum it was out of frustration not intentional violence, my son cools off in his room and as a family we know not to enter... i thought taking away the letter was unfair, a copy of the addy fine.. but to take it away was imo not fair.

 

Found it quite upsetting Toms relationship in the house as he clearly seemed unhappy as did his parents .

For me personally when my son is stressed yes he is destructive angry voilent withdrawn but these are just the results of his stress levels not him as a person or the aspergers.. i have held him to stop him hurting anyone else and himself but i try and intervene before this.

 

Dont think the mum is to blame as its a struggle to know whats best to do and as mentioned we only got a glimse into his life..

life skills is what i try to teach my son, i do think he is younger in his mental age but i dont treat him to that age

parents need more help as do siblings imo..

 

Im glad Tom liked it in res school even though for me it was upsetting to watch the mother so upset.

 

Oli... wow what an insperation :thumbs: i really hope an employer snaps him up as he is so positive and enthusiastic its a damn shame

he does not get a fair chance.

 

Alex again super lad, full of positivity and was great to see him searching for love..

did anyone think it strange his mum went with him everywhere though?

 

As above was good to see the differences and challenges and yes i would like to have seen more cases of girls with autism too

 

but on the whole great

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Blimey - I was just about to pop in and see what everyone here made of the programme last night, as well as comment on how I quite fancied Kirsty(!), only to find she's a fellow member here! :lol: (Not that I'm a regular any more, mind - like Viper, I haven't been for years [see my member number and join date to the left of my post!], but this show brought me back!)

 

You were so adorable, Kirsty! :wub: Ah well - Alex has got ya now (in a manner of speaking) ... plus you know nothing about me ... and I'd be too old for you anyway. And Alex seems like a top bloke as well - I like his sense of humour. :D Plus he says he's always on-time, whereas I'm always late for everything. :lol::rolleyes: He's far better for you than I would ever be. :notworthy: You'd make a great couple, so go for it, I say! ;):thumbs:

 

I loved the bit at the end, where you explained your emotions, coz I expect most people would've had no idea how happy and excited you'd been until then. :)

 

By the way, always be careful posting anything you're personally involved in on YouTube. In my experience, it's THE least civil place on the entire Internet, and, as you've already seen, you'll attract unwanted negative attention. I know it's everyone's first stop when it comes to posting videos on-line, but it's also the place people most speak their mind, however unfair and cruel they're being, knowing they won't have to suffer any reprisals. :(

 

(Oh, and no wonder people didn't realise this thread was here - you put it in the "Off Topic" sub-forum! This is far from being off-topic though! :) )

 

*waves at Viper, a fellow "old-skool" member* :groupwave:

 

James

 

i never put the clip on youtube the bbc channel did.

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I think we should be wary of criticising any of the parents, to be honest. We all know that programmes are edited to produce the most 'watchable' TV.

 

I seem to remember that the original title of this film was something like 'Let Me Grow Up', so I imagine that it was made from that angle.

 

For those criticising Tom's parents, especially his mum, I think it's important to remember that he was struggling in mainstream school until he was 14. They then got him a place at an independent special school...we all know how hard that is, so they will have battled hugely to get that for their son. Ditto to get the funding for him to become a residential student there.

 

I think if there had been a film crew in our house when my son was out of school with a severe breakdown prior to us succeeding in getting him a residential placement we could have been made to look like all the things people are criticising Tom's parents about, or that my son was 'not that autistic', just a 'bratty teenager' :(

 

None of us are perfect parents...all we can ever hope to be are 'good enough' parents. I think the parents in this film were very brave to let the cameras into their lives to explore many important issues about young adults with autism.

 

Bid :)

Edited by bid

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'not that autistic', just a 'bratty teenager' :(

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that way at all, I knew it was clumsy wording at the time but I couldn't find a better way of expressing it. I suppose I meant that in comparison to the other two featured he appeared least autistic in terms of the stereotype view much of the public hold of what autism 'looks like'. I don't think he was bratty; I do think he was incredibly frustrated.

 

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I think we should be wary of criticising any of the parents, to be honest. We all know that programmes are edited to produce the most 'watchable' TV.

 

I seem to remember that the original title of this film was something like 'Let Me Grow Up', so I imagine that it was made from that angle.

 

For those criticising Tom's parents, especially his mum, I think it's important to remember that he was struggling in mainstream school until he was 14. They then got him a place at an independent special school...we all know how hard that is, so they will have battled hugely to get that for their son. Ditto to get the funding for him to become a residential student there.

 

I think if there had been a film crew in our house when my son was out of school with a severe breakdown prior to us succeeding in getting him a residential placement we could have been made to look like all the things people are criticising Tom's parents about, or that my son was 'not that autistic', just a 'bratty teenager' :(

 

None of us are perfect parents...all we can ever hope to be are 'good enough' parents. I think the parents in this film were very brave to let the cameras into their lives to explore many important issues about young adults with autism.

 

Bid :)

 

it was going to be called please let me grow up but they changed it for some reason maybe sounded better.

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I think we should be wary of criticising any of the parents, to be honest. We all know that programmes are edited to produce the most 'watchable' TV.

 

I seem to remember that the original title of this film was something like 'Let Me Grow Up', so I imagine that it was made from that angle.

 

For those criticising Tom's parents, especially his mum, I think it's important to remember that he was struggling in mainstream school until he was 14. They then got him a place at an independent special school...we all know how hard that is, so they will have battled hugely to get that for their son. Ditto to get the funding for him to become a residential student there.

 

I think if there had been a film crew in our house when my son was out of school with a severe breakdown prior to us succeeding in getting him a residential placement we could have been made to look like all the things people are criticising Tom's parents about, or that my son was 'not that autistic', just a 'bratty teenager' :(

 

None of us are perfect parents...all we can ever hope to be are 'good enough' parents. I think the parents in this film were very brave to let the cameras into their lives to explore many important issues about young adults with autism.

 

Bid :)

Well said,Bid! :notworthy: Something similar cross my mind too.

The documentary was really well done but I think maybe just one sentence was missing which would let the audiance get a glimps about difficulties the parents have to face while trying to get for their ASD children a decent schooling. Maybe something along this line:"Tom had to stay in the mainstreem school although he was very much bullied because LEA didn't give Tom a Special School placement in time when he desperately needed it!"

I don't think that the "outside" world is really very much aware (or care) about our strugle!

 

Danaxxx

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For those criticising Tom's parents, especially his mum, I think it's important to remember that he was struggling in mainstream school until he was 14. They then got him a place at an independent special school...we all know how hard that is, so they will have battled hugely to get that for their son. Ditto to get the funding for him to become a residential student there.

I wondered if maybe he hadn't been diagnosed until shortly before that either, so they had been struggling all this time without knowing what was wrong. With a lack of support and five other children, they are going to struggle to get things right all of the time. I did feel they babied him, but they are also aware of what he is capable of - for example, his mother removed the girl's address because she felt he might run away to visit her. It's hard to say whether he would be likely to do that, but he did have a history of running away so maybe the mother's concerns were valid.

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Loved it and hated it all at the same time - could see my son in all 3 of them, was a glimpse into our futures, and we both thought "hmmm daunting". Tom, Olly and Alex were all great ... and there was a lot of humour in the programme.

 

Did you notice that they used the words "weird" and "for some reason" a lot - my son always says them too .. and we found that weird for some reason (lol!)

 

It raised a lot of awareness and got some good information in ... but I would have liked the programme to have been on for longer, it made me want to ask a lot of questions at the end of it.

 

 

Stephanie x

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Just to add about the criticisms of Tom's Mum ... we all do our best, I am sure she is doing hers, we only got to see half an hour of his life and she had seen 16 years and I am sure she has had a hard slog at it like we all have. It's a mothers job to protect her children, I am sure that is all she was doing.

 

Surprised no one mentioned about him drinking at 15 .. that is the only thing I would criticise!

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Hi

 

Just watched it after recording it. Fantastic and very insightful for me as a parent!

 

Must say that Tom was the one that's most like my son. I can see why it may have looked that Tom's mum was negative, but I actually think she and his dad were simply worn out with worry. I think they're both loving and well meaning parents that are simply trying to do what they think is best. I guess over the span of the programme it's difficult to get a clear all round picture of how someone can be - sadly some focus was on the violence. That's something that I encounter on almost a daily basis, hence the reason I think Tom's parents are simply desperate and worn out. I sat and cried too when I saw how difficult it was for them to let go of their son. The mother spoke about how it felt like failure/guilt that her son was becoming a resident at his school unit. What also came across was that they had a real desire to help him acquire skills to become independent.

 

I think the programme really put it across how different people with ASDs can be (they're no clones!). The difficulties came across, but also so did some of the positives too ie with Alex employers.

 

All in all I thought it was very insightful.

 

Caroline.

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I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that way at all, I knew it was clumsy wording at the time but I couldn't find a better way of expressing it. I suppose I meant that in comparison to the other two featured he appeared least autistic in terms of the stereotype view much of the public hold of what autism 'looks like'. I don't think he was bratty; I do think he was incredibly frustrated.

Hang on, Mumble - it wasn't you that first used those terms - it was me. You were just quoting me, for want of a better phrase, so you have nothing to apologise for.

 

And I was only using those terms to describe Tom as I saw him during that half-hour (his story probably took up about half-an-hour of the hour-long programme), and it wasn't meant to be implied to refer to anyone else.

 

It raised a lot of awareness and got some good information in ... but I would have liked the programme to have been on for longer, it made me want to ask a lot of questions at the end of it.

Being on BBC Three, I would imagine they thought the target audience (16 to 34) would only have a limited attention span for this sort of programme, hence an hour was about as far as they could realistically go. A controversial opinion, yes, but that might've been their line of thinking when commissioning this show.

 

James

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Tom came across to me as being rather frustrated and like he wasn't coping with the home environment. His mum mostly seemed tired and like they all needed a break from each other really. I've had the chance to watch it a couple more times now :)

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Tom came across to me as being rather frustrated and like he wasn't coping with the home environment. His mum mostly seemed tired and like they all needed a break from each other really. I've had the chance to watch it a couple more times now :)

 

 

My son is heading Tom's way at present ! and yep we get tired too (It goes with the job really !). Unfortunately requesting a break from looking after your own child risks all sorts of condemnantion from the ignorant well-meaning elsewhere. You can be viewed a failure and even abandoning your child. So many of us are on a guilt trip we just carry on..... I expect to, until I fall over with exhaustion.

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Alex is LOVELY, lovely manners, nice looking, and twinkly eyes. go get him girl! Enid

 

I'll say!

 

Alex's Mum: "You don't have to have a girlfriend"

 

Alex: "Well I'm not having a boyfriend!"

 

Me: "Damn!"

 

:lol::D

 

 

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My tuppence:

 

I thought it was well done all in all. Part of me would have liked seeing it as a two or three parter to see how things developed.

 

A few things did stand out from the way the families treated the boys/men featured.

 

Firstly Tom, very busy household which must make it hard - but I couldn't help thinking a little more explanation would have helped. As for taking the card from his room, without even telling him - that was well out of order. Reading it in the first place is bad enough, but hiding it away. Surely if you've it would have been easy just to confront him about it. Explain you don't want him to go to Peterborough, perhaps suggests he looks closer to home, or if he must go, tell him you'll take him. Just taking it without saying anything was low. But given the household and the stress perhaps understandable to a degree.

 

But the big one was Alex, why was his Mum everywhere? She was even at the date! If my mum came on a date with me, I'd probably shoot her. I know we're all different and Alex may have wanted it. But isn't part of a parent's gig to try and make sure their child gets to grips with the world; including at times facing things that are unfamiliar or daunting or make us apprehensive? She seemed to be holding on a bit too much, and the guy did seem really quite intelligent enough.

 

But I suppose we're all different.

 

Something's were very familiar as well on a personal level. Like Tom saying that drinking made him less anxious in social situations and Alex hiding away behind his glasses (I hide behind my cd player).

 

But pretty good.

 

:)

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We've just watched this as a family, & we all thought it was really good. JP identified most with Alex. I have solemnly promised him that when he gets his first date I'll stay well away! :lol:

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Hi

I also enjoyed watching it even though my son is 6 Alex reminded me of my son,so funny sweet and seemed hard working.I really didnt like it when Toms mother read his private valentines card and also it seemed she did nag him constantly and even said she wouldnt want him seeing the girl,I thought she was being so unfair would she treat her other children this way???I know when he went to the residential school he said he was happier because he had more freedom and his own space,so this was one good thing I could see from her.I dont really like to judge but this is what I felt.I know it is not easy being a parent especially if they become violent but I think maybe they did not get the help they needed when he was younger so that is why it esculated to that point,which means they are not to blame.But like I say she did seem to go on at him more than her other kids,I treat all my boys the same no exceptions,even though I can excuse my Sam at times on a whole everyone is equal in my home!!

I did like Oliver as well and felt so sorry that he could not get a job and wondered if he was being allowed to persue his dream because it did not seem he wanted a job in a shop,or bank etc. Prehaps there was to much pressure on him to get a job,I think young people in general should do volunteer work and things like working behind the scenes on a stage may have suited him,even if he wasnt paid he would feel he was accomplishing something.Again just my opinion!!

 

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It is very difficult to make judgements when we have seen only a glimpse of their lives. Yes, there were things his parents could have done better, but we don't know the full story. Tom reminded me of my eldest at 11 - our relationship was very strained because of all the things going on and the lack of support. When he went to residential school at 11, we managed to repair our relationship. It did my eldest a lot of good - I hope it does for Tom too.

 

The issues around his "girlfriend" visiting, reminded me of my youngest. He comes out with statements like that (eg: he told me he was going to France with his friends!), and then I have to keep chasing him to find out the finer details!

 

Alex reminds me of my eldest as he is now.

 

>>>I did like Oliver as well and felt so sorry that he could not get a job and wondered if he was being allowed to persue his dream because it did not seem he wanted a job in a shop,or bank etc>>>

 

For all we know, he plucked that ambition out of the air. It is the sort of thing my son would do - lol! We have to give his Mum the benfit of the doubt - presumably she knows him well.

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