Is asd a gift ?

[Sa Skimrande]

Many I understand believe asd to be as the acronym suggests, a disorder, but has anyone every tried to reverse that notion and consider asd as a gift ? I mean, just consider what we can do, what we are good at compared to 'normal' or as yet undiagnosed unknown people.

 

Me, I have had my diagnosis confirmed only recently, though I have suspected for years, ever since someone suggested it and I researched what they said. But, what I have found out, is pecularities of asd, and in my case aspergers syndrome make me very good at the jobs I have done. I am now 42, I have gone through life with this thing, and managed. I have held higher education certification, but found it was no use to me, and so did blue collar work, aircraft repair, plant repair and anything repair. Repairing things I have found I have a natural aptitude for, and everything I repaired stayed repaired, I put this down to the fact that I always knew I could narrow beam focus on a problem and visualise the problem in action and there find the fault with ease. My aircraft repair days, where everything has to have a logical process of fault finding, me, I just found the fault, the logical process of finding that fault was never there, I had to later backtrack to try and think what was a logical way of finding the fault for the official paperwork. So, what I did was illogical to others, but my fault finding and repair techniques was faster and more accurate than anyone elses. Knowing about asd now, years after the fact, I cannot help but wonder if that was an element of the aspergers at work there.

 

Now, I have left industry behind, I am in the process of changing my career path, and have plans to become a metalsmith, as my out of work spare time activities of the past always included jewellery making, silver and copper smithing, I like to make things, so off to art college to study for a BA in the subject. But something has occurred at college, I have a situation, where I cannot watch anyone else struggle and fail at anything metalworking, if they can't understand, they know to ask me, as it has been found I can think through problems quickly, and again, narrow beam focus on the problems and come up with a solution the tutor or technicians can't think of. Furthermore, I can easily picture a design in my head, turn it through it's angles and there dissect it to work out how it can be made, my college tutor said I had an uncanny way with that, spacial awareness or something she said, and the word gift after it.

 

So, with the not being able to watch someone struggle and fail, I actually teach others different ways of achieving the same aim, I have been watched by technicians it seems and been reported on, the upshot of which, I have unusual but effective teaching abilities with people, and especially the learning difficulties people, and again, the word 'gift', which I have been advised is worth pursuing and developing. Thinking on what I do, when someone does not understand, I see it as a failure of communication on my part, so I try different approaches until the person gets it, and can demonstrate what I have taught them. I will not walk away until I am sure the person is happy, and I will check back on them, just to keep an eye out.

 

So, there we go, I have identified two things where I excel over 'normal' people, natural abilities that I am very good at, I see problems as challenges to be overcome, and possibly failures of learning as machines that don't work, have a fault that needs to be repaired. I also cannot ignore something that does not work, I just have to fix it, it is like an addiction.

 

So, I know my obvious difficulties, the reasons why I have never got anywhere in industry aside from being head hunted by other workshops on a regular basis for my skills in machine repair. My leading abilities leave a lot to be desired, I guess I treat people as cold machines, tend to trust the wrong people and believe everyone either good or bad, no in betweens, so despite my eagerness for progression, I was not cut out for management,I have tried, not been comfortable, and failed, not for me.

 

So, do you see what I am saying about asd, it is not so much of a disorder, a negative, a failing, but I consider it an enhancement, and yes a gift. I know some of my aptitudes, and I have to discover what else I can do naturally, which has been squashed by normal education aimed at the majority student. I know my failings, well some of them, I am 42 now, and I have got this far without help, I view aspergers if used within my comfort zone as a gift, a gift to be understood and there made use of in a very positive way.

 

Just because the majority are one thing, that does not mean that the majority are correct.

 

 

I do believe the education system to be wrong as to be identifying all these disorders, i.e. the reasons why a teacher cannot teach a person, for I believe aside from the basic 3 r's, a persons natural apptitudes should be discovered and developed, and there, their future doing something they were perhaps designed to do.

 

You can't bang square pegs into round holes without causing problems, and you can't bang a round peg into a square hole without there being deficits. We have to fit the peg exactly to the hole.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Sa Skimrande

[Suze]

I agree with you and found your post to be very enlightening.You have alot of similarities with my son, who has fantastic spatial awareness abilities, (a test conducted when he was 7 showed him to have spatial awareness abilities of someone aged 16...it had gone off the scale) His thought pattern and problem solving methods are the same as yours also.He thinks in a 3 D way and can build from scratch the most intricate pulley and hydraulic systems using lego technic.He wants to be an aircraft engineer when he leaves school.Despite being severely dyslexic ..I like to think that his ASD has enhanced who he is.He is a very caring lad, has a cracking sense of humour and compared to other NT lads of the same age he seems to me to be so much more adult and practical .I don,t at the moment view his ASD as a disability for him at all , how ever he has had very difficult times where his ASD has caused problems for him.

[chris54]

A good question.

 

For some on the high functioning end of the spectrum, may be, but many would disagree with you.

 

My self, I feel that I somehow missed out, never fitted in, even as I now realise I am fairly intelligent, never felt I was as able as everyone else.

 

As for my son, at the time I know no different but now looking back I realise how much he/we missed out on as a baby/toddler. How many fun times there never were, how many hugs and kisses never happen. I now mourn for that that never was.

 

But now at the age of 9 he knows no different and is happy with his life.

 

But what will the future bring, I don't know.

Edited August 28, 2009 by chris54

[bid]

Well, I think it depends on whereabouts you are on the spectrum.

 

I don't consider that I have any particular 'gift', but I am happy to be me which includes having AS. And I'm proud of what I have achieved since my dx.

 

However, I work with some of the most severely autistic children and young adults. Whilst I believe passionately in their intrinsic value and worth as people, I don't see their ASD as a 'gift'. And I wonder if their parents might think such a view is quite offensive or patronising?

 

Bid

[Sa Skimrande]

Suze;

 

your lad, the difficulties he has had, I also remember many difficulties in growing up, even my infants school, my parents were told at a parents evening, they believe me to be autistic in some ways, something which my father would have none of. I never fitted in, and I was bullied all the way through school, I was the butt of everyone's jokes, even some teachers. School, was not a happy place for me, I have bad memories to this day about that place.

 

For a start, my sense of humour was out of place, although I have learned to laugh when something is not funny, or I don't understand, just to stay hidden, my sense of humour gets lost on others, what I find humourous, others do not, so I keep quiet.

 

The synopsis from school was, I was highly intelligent, but I was lazy, it did'nt occur to them that there might be another reason, like memory issues which still plague to this day. Oh, I was also marked down as a day dreamer, as often I was found to be staring into space and chuckling or talking to myself, in fact my ex wife said it was like I was holding a conversation with myself.

 

I have tried to get involved in clubs, societies, everything to find where I fit in, but now just accept that I am a loner, and with that I enjoy being alone most of the time, if I need a people fix, I go and be with people, and engage in my other seemingly obsession, people watching. I have learned to depend on myself, and enjoy my own company, it was the same as when I was a child, as it is now. To note, I am not lonely, I enjoy my own company. I am free to be who I want, think what I want and do what I want.

 

But the sensitivity issue, it is odd, my personal sensitivity, well, I am not ticklish at all, anywhere, pain I receive as a question to be analysed, colds and bugs, either I don't get, or I work through them, they do not hinder me and touch, well, I have a very light touch, good for work involving accuracy, but human contact, that to me is scary, always was, still is despite being married for ten years. In fact that was the reason the marriage broke, I was too cold, and not receptive to non verbal signals, sex, that was a means to an end, nothing else, I would rather be doing something stimulating like rebuilding a motor. Pleasure you understand, is a very hard thing to attain for me. The marriage was kept together, because I was non violent and very caring of my wife and her family, but sometimes being caring is not enough, I understand that now.

 

Bid;

 

to you I might come across as patronising, maybe I am, for I am not aware of other levels of ASD, but my patronisation is based upon the level of knowledge I have, an oppinion which is open to review with the more facts I see. I once spent some time as a scout leader with extension scouts, there many disabilities, and it amazed me what was there underneath the facade everyone else sees. That is where I formulated my oppinion that despite an outward appearance and behavioural difference, there is a place for everyone in society, they all have skills and abilities which are a use to the world, the trouble is mankind chooses to see disability, not ability. Work is needed to tap into what people are , their natural strengths, for everyone has them.

 

For example, if Stephen Hawking is an example of so many others in similar appearance, worse and better, if everyone else had the technology and support he has, I wonder just what we might find, maybe it is our verbal communication skills are too advanced, or even too retarded for some minds.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Sa Skimrande

[Suze]

Its an interesting discussion as opinions are based on our own experiences, I understand completely how such a notion as ASD being a gift could be insensitive or patronising to some.As everyones perceptions and autism are different and unique to them.I think and believe at the moment that my sons ASD is having a positive effect on him.However who knows things could change.He has abilities that are quite unique and specialised, but actually who is to say these are a result of having ASD, anyway .........it has got me thinking though as initially I posted about just my son.But of course there are others who will be struggling and perhaps won,t view having an ASD as a gift at all.

[bid]

Bid;

 

to you I might come across as patronising, maybe I am, for I am not aware of other levels of ASD, but my patronisation is based upon the level of knowledge I have, an oppinion which is open to review with the more facts I see. I once spent some time as a scout leader with extension scouts, there many disabilities, and it amazed me what was there underneath the facade everyone else sees. That is where I formulated my oppinion that despite an outward appearance and behavioural difference, there is a place for everyone in society, they all have skills and abilities which are a use to the world, the trouble is mankind chooses to see disability, not ability. Work is needed to tap into what people are , their natural strengths, for everyone has them.

 

Sorry, I'm not sure if you are implying that somehow I don't view the young people I work with in this way?

 

Some of the young people I work with really do have the most severe form of autism, often associated with some of the most complex medical needs cared for outside hospital. If you have ever worked with children who are unable to tell you why they are in extreme distress, who it is impossible to comfort or help in any way, then maybe you don't see all ASD as a 'gift'.

 

Your thread is entitled Is ASD a gift? My answer is no, not for everyone on the spectrum.

 

Bid

Edited August 28, 2009 by bid

[Tally]

So, there we go, I have identified two things where I excel over 'normal' people, natural abilities that I am very good at, I see problems as challenges to be overcome, and possibly failures of learning as machines that don't work, have a fault that needs to be repaired. I also cannot ignore something that does not work, I just have to fix it, it is like an addiction.

 

But how do you know that these abilities are caused by the Asperger's?

Maybe you are just clever.

Many people who excel in a certain field do not have ASD.

 

I do not see my ASD as a gift, but as a disability. I don't have any special skills. Although I have a high IQ, most of it is spent on managing day-to-day situations and I do not have the ability to study at a high level. I got 3 Cs in my A Levels, which is perfectly respectable, but certainly nothing spectacular.

 

Sometimes it is useful, for example my mum finds it helpful that I will give her an honest opinion about an outfit. But mostly, this aspect of me is unhelpful and leads to people disliking me. This is why I see it as a negative thing overall.

[sesley]

I know my 9 year old ASD son is a gift. a challenge yes,but unique intelligent high functioning person in a world that does not understand austim and is only learning about it.There is so much to learn and understand and with each new generation as more are diagnosed in the early years and more being recognised as adults,we still have some way to go.

[call me jaded]

Without diminishing his value as a human being, I cannot think of one thing that my much-loved 15 year old son can do that my youngest (a 5 year old) couldn't surpass by miles.

 

'It's a gift' is claptrap from this end of the spectrum. Well-meaning, but ultimately damaging because of the opportunity statements like this present to those setting the budgets to say it's the parents holding them back, they don't need this service.

 

Not bitter at all...

 

 

[baddad]

No.

 

 

Not a curse either

 

 

But no...

[LicklePaulie]

I agree with baddad,

 

ASD per se is neither a blessing nor a curse.

 

There may be certain areas of our lives which an ASD may allow (some of) us to succeed in but equally there are others in which an ASD may cause (some of) us to be comparatively inhibited. Not better, not worse, just different.

Edited August 29, 2009 by LicklePaulie

[LordGorse]

I had similar experiences in school: reports always said I wasn't achieving my full potential, had a lot to contribute and spent too much time staring out the window

 

I think my AS has affected what I do--I got into reading and writing because I couldn't get on with other kids in school, so I'd always sit in an empty classroom during breaks and read a book. And the obsessive side of AS ensured I kept at it, even when depressed and suicidal.

 

So, you could say that AS is responsible (in a way) for my ablility as a writer (I probably wouldn't have discovered an interest in books without it), but it also caused a great deal of misery, disappointment and difficulties. I can't work, still live with my parents at age 31 and am incapable of successful romantic relationships.

 

I would have to say no, not a "gift".

 

A challenge perhaps, and one which not everyone on the spectrum can (or is able) to rise to.

[pearl]

I'm undecided as to whether Aspergers (as opposed to classic autism) is a gift or a curse. But I found your post very positive & encouraging to read, Sa Skimrande, so thankyou

[KezT]

It is impossible to know what Ds would be like without the ASD - I tend to think he would still be just as intelligent, and just as good at the things he is good at, without all the difficulties of being unable to interact or empathise with others.

 

I do not believe that an ability to show an interest in things that you are not very excited about counteracts your ability to be just as good at things you are interested in:) Although there are obviously individuals who either have an amazing talent, possibly through their ASD, or who have found a fantastic job/lifestyle that fits their ASD perfectly, I can not see it as a blessing on the whole.

 

It needn't be a curse either - in some cases it is, but in some it is a challenge, and TBH, (nearly) everyone faces challenges in their lives - from various things they can and can't control. But if there really was a miracle "cure" out there? Absolutely guaranteed and safe, that would just remove the ASD - I expect a very large propotion of people would take it. Why give your children "challenges" unecessarily?

[Sa Skimrande]

I believe the differences we all have, some of which are labelled as disability, are there to teach us to care for one another, and yes learn from one another. The extension scouts I helped, taught me their disability was not the total of them, they were much more than that. At first, I feared them, did'nt want to be around them, simply because they were different, and they had needs I could not comprehend, but a situation occurred, where I was put in amongst them, and had to communicate with them as part of a project where the communication was the desired result for an end action. I was scared to be with them, but soon learned they were wonderful people and from there I was hooked, their differences to me became a challenge to analyse and understand, I learned much about myself from my interaction with them and made some very good friends in the process. They were treated as equals regardless of their disability, sometimes guidance was needed, but on the whole, things ticked over nicely, and there were some autistic scouts in there too, one in particular amazed me, his grasp of mathematics and mental arithmatic so quick and fascinating, he could compute a complex number faster than inputting the information into a calculator and reading the result, he knew all the star constellations, and their distances from earth and each other, and could tell one their day of birth from the present date. Now, me, one of my biggest problems is calenders, I cannot picture dates given, and have to use a filofax to keep my thoughts in order and scratch off days to know where I am, what this kid did, was simply amazing, I admired him immensely, he being once he understands a formula for anything, he can then compute with ease, and he enjoyed doing it, it was pleasurable to him.

 

You see where I am coming from here, though a person has a disability, it by no means means they are disabled, fair enough, there is much they can't do, but they have skills, which have a use in society, it is for us, to learn what these people are capable of, and put it to good use for society, we can care for their day to day needs, they with their disabilities can probably help mankind imeasurably if we chose to look.

[bid]

While those at the high functioning end of the spectrum may feel their autism is a 'gift' (and that's their prerogative) I think it is something that a person can only claim in relation to themselves, not others. However, I am uncomfortable with the notion sometimes expressed of HFA/AS being in some way superior to NT.

 

If you look at the profound and degenerative difficulties faced by girls with Rett Syndrome (which is placed on the autistic spectrum in the DSM dx criteria) then I don't think that their type of autism could ever be perceived as a gift. Which is not to say that they as individuals are not seen as gifts by their families or are not valuable and worthwhile members of society.

 

My personal opinion, based on my professional experience, is that while all those with physical and learning difficulties are valuable and equal within society, this does not mean that their difficulties are not disabling nor that any kind of profound disability is a 'gift'. I think that view is well-meaning but naive.

 

Bid

Edited August 29, 2009 by bid

[call me jaded]

it is for us, to learn what these people are capable of, and put it to good use for society, we can care for their day to day needs, they with their disabilities can probably help mankind imeasurably if we chose to look.

 

No, thanks. All attempts to put DS on a disabled pedestal so that others can be educated will be over my dead body. It is his intense dislike of being treated as a freak show that keeps him mostly at home.

 

 

 

[Took me ages to draft this response, lol]

[baddad]

hi sa skimrande -

 

I'm not sure if i'm misunderstanding, but some of the post above comes very close to the notion of disability being a 'lesson in humility' from God (or whatever name someone might chose for their own particular variation on the deity theme). In some ideologies that's promoted as a 'good' thing - the disabled person being sent to teach us something - while in others (particularly religions where the notion of reincarnation is an accepted part of faith) it's seen as a punishment either projected on bad parents or people who have sinned in previous lives.

Personally, I think any ideas of disability as an indication of divine intervention can only be a dangerous thing, because it carries with it one or other of the value judgements (blessing or curse) previously mentioned, and by extension value judgements about the nature of the disabled person (good/evil)...

 

Another dangerous (and linked) concept is that 'special children are given to special people'...

 

Disability is, IMO, as random as (i.e.) hair colour/eye colour etc (not excluding the possible genetic influences/predispositions of course, which would equally apply to the eye/hair examples given) and evidence of nothing more than nature occassionally throwing a curve ball. Any value judgements society attaches are purely subjective and/or based on group dynamics/heirarchies arising from those subjective judgements.

 

L&P

 

BD

[bid]

I had been thinking that my ASD is no more a 'gift' than my blue eyes...it is simply as much a part of me as my eye colour, gender, height, etc. None of these are 'gifts', they are just the sum of my genetic mix.

 

I suppose you can equate people who randomly have the 'gift' of beauty with those with have an ASD savant 'gift', both pretty much a random genetic event...but that's as far as it goes, IMO.

 

Bid

Edited August 29, 2009 by bid

[chris54]

hi sa skimrande -

 

I'm not sure if i'm misunderstanding, but some of the post above comes very close to the notion of disability being a 'lesson in humility' from God (or whatever name someone might chose for their own particular variation on the deity theme). In some ideologies that's promoted as a 'good' thing - the disabled person being sent to teach us something - while in others (particularly religions where the notion of reincarnation is an accepted part of faith) it's seen as a punishment either projected on bad parents or people who have sinned in previous lives.

Personally, I think any ideas of disability as an indication of divine intervention can only be a dangerous thing, because it carries with it one or other of the value judgements (blessing or curse) previously mentioned, and by extension value judgements about the nature of the disabled person (good/evil)...

 

Another dangerous (and linked) concept is that 'special children are given to special people'...

 

Disability is, IMO, as random as (i.e.) hair colour/eye colour etc (not excluding the possible genetic influences/predispositions of course, which would equally apply to the eye/hair examples given) and evidence of nothing more than nature occassionally throwing a curve ball. Any value judgements society attaches are purely subjective and/or based on group dynamics/heirarchies arising from those subjective judgements.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

I totally agree with what you say.

 

Many religions teach this sort of thing, which I find quite frightening, especially when many political leaders in this country and around the world embrace these religions.

[pearl]

It seems to be the word 'gift' that is upsetting everyone. When I read Sa Skimrande's original post, I took his use of the word 'gift' to mean the same as 'strength' or 'talent', both of which are less emotive terms. And his original post was mainly about his own strengths & talents rather than those of disabled people in general.

 

I for one am pleased for him that he is finding positives as well as negatives in his own AS.

[baddad]

It seems to be the word 'gift' that is upsetting everyone. When I read Sa Skimrande's original post, I took his use of the word 'gift' to mean the same as 'strength' or 'talent', both of which are less emotive terms. And his original post was mainly about his own strengths & talents rather than those of disabled people in general.

 

I for one am pleased for him that he is finding positives as well as negatives in his own AS.

 

Hi Pearl/all -

firstly, I totally agree with your final paragraph

I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but as far as my own posts are concerned my first was a response to the original post and my second a response to the (potentially damaging/dangerous IMO) semi-religious overtones of the second. The opinions expressed didn't/don't upset me: i just disagree with them.

I'm absolutely all for looking at the positives of autism - or any other disability for that matter - and regularly get roasted on the forum for expressing opinions that challenge the (victim/demon/saint/ etc)stereotypes! People are people - whether they happen to be autistic or not - and people come in all flavours, shapes and sizes. Any attempt to project a specific status (positive or negative) onto a minority group can only serve to disenfranchise them further because it draws a line between them and others.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Sa Skimrande]

So to all of you that see a religious angle, no, that was not the reaon for my thoughts, and if it is of importance, I am following buddhist teachings, I believe in the value of humanity. All through my life from school, up to a few years ago, I have been put down, teachers at school told my parents I will amount to nothing, I am a waster. As a child, I received my fathers embarassment at what he was told by so called teachers, so I grew up believing I was nothing but a waster, everything I become good at will fail. Even in my marriage I expected and knew that would fail, which it eventually did. I fell into deep depression for years, and attempted suicide twice. Even my college, I wanted to succeed, but allowed myself to fail, it was what I was used to. The same at college, the reports, saying I could do so much more and go far, if only I would let myself, but failure was my goal as ever it was before, so I failed. Now the college has a learning disabilities advisor, others on my course could see me self destructing, so they alerted her. She put me on an educational psychologist assessment for the very next morning, and asessment, which changed my life. Yeah, I had aspergers, no doubt of that, even the psychologist admitted he also was aspergic, but had learned to focus his talent, into helping others, and from what I heard after, he is very well respected, and is known for being able to dig to the roots of a problem. So now, I have a new view on life, I have lived with teachers comments all my life, but now I know they were wrong, for I can achieve. My doctor asked me to see a psychiatrist to confirm the psychologist report, now I fear psychiatrists, but he was ok, he confirmed what the psychologist had said, undoubtedly aspergers, and something about mild autism too, but I don't care about that, for now I have a reason for my failures of the past, and hope to now live with a wholly better outlook. The teachers of the past that condemmed me at an early age, may they rot in hell, for they were wrong, and I just wonder how many more people out there suffer because of so called teachers, professionals on child education.

 

You see, now I don't know whether this is an ASD trait or not, but I respect people in authority, including teachers, and believe those people should do their job as described and honourably. The law and the judicail system I once believed in, I upheld it as the right thing, but when my world came crashing down, the police followed by the crown court and all their minnions failed me. My belief in the system had failed and I could see nothing else but chaos. Chaos being change, I had great difficulty with and didn't know how to live beyond my disbelief in the the society I was brought up to worship.

 

After a lifetime of negativity and self disbelief, I now foster belief and positivety, and that goes for anyone I come across or consider.

Edited August 30, 2009 by Sa Skimrande

[call me jaded]

What you are doing, sa skimrande, is projecting your own negative experience onto all of us and telling us we should find more positives. Not necessary. Some of us don't need to write the word disabled out of our lives.

 

I am glad you are finding more positives in your own life. Long may it continue.

 

[Zakkala]

I am following buddhist teachings

 

may they rot in hell

 

Erm, forgive me for butting in here, but I have had a great interest in buddhism for many years (Tibetan Buddhism, that is) and I'm not sure that the teachings involve hoping people rot in hell.....

 

As for ASD being a 'gift' - for me (not, as yet, formally diagnosed) I don't believe it's a gift or a curse or anything in particular. I have arthritis, I have asthma, I may have Aspergers. None of these define me or what I do - each of them undoubtedly influences how I approach life, but individually or collectively they don't make my life better or worse than someone else's, they just join with all my other individual characteristics to make me uniquely me.

 

To be honest, I'm not sure I could define 'my' ASD enough to determine whether it was a 'gift' or not, even if I was inclined to do so - how can I possibly know which of my traits, habits or tendancies are 'because' of an ASD and not just part of 'me'?

[bid]

Hi Sa,

 

I too am very glad that you have had a positive experience of your AS dx. I also believed I was abnormal, dysfunctional and inadequate for 40 odd years until I got my dx.

 

I also share with you a profound belief in the value and worth of all humanity. However, I don't share your view of disability...but that doesn't mean I value people with disabilities any less than you. What it does mean is that I can't see any 'gift' for some of the young people I care for: tube feeding, limited mobility, blind, non-verbal, severe epilepsy, double incontinence. Anyone who lives within all these profound difficulties at once deserves more respect than seeing these difficulties in anything less than an honest way. And having a realistic view of disability doesn't mean that you don't constantly look for and encourage achievements and positives.

 

As I said in a previous post, your question in this thread was 'Is ASD a gift?' And while I'm very glad for you that you find your autism to be a gift, my opinion is that autism isn't a gift (or a strength or talent) for everyone on the spectrum.

 

Bid

Edited August 30, 2009 by bid

[chris54]

To be honest, I'm not sure I could define 'my' ASD enough to determine whether it was a 'gift' or not, even if I was inclined to do so - how can I possibly know which of my traits, habits or tendancies are 'because' of an ASD and not just part of 'me'?

 

How can any of us know how life would have been if not touched by ASD.

 

We are who we are.

 

It may help to have something to "Blame" for life's failings but ASD is part of who you are.

The best you can do is have some understanding of why, and move forward with hope.

 

From my prospective, life would have been sweeter if not touched by ASD, so NO it is not a gift.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son is nearly 8 and has AS. He has significant behavioural issues (I should add that he's being assessed for a comorbid condition) which undoubtedly makes life very difficult for him and for myself and my husband. We love him dearly and are fully aware that he's has some unique characteristics directly associated with having AS (of course, everyone is unique) and of course some that aren't. In honesty, I can see how difficult R finds life, for example, friendships/school, etc. R suffers from extreme anxiety and as a result can be extremely challenging and he therefore requires 1-2-1 full-time support (self harms, runs away, etc). It makes me incredibly sad seeing how confused and anxious he can get and the results that that has. There's been some very tough times (and a whole lot more lies ahead). I don't see AS as a gift, quite the opposite. We've come to accept that that's how life is for us and we certainly try to make the best of it. There have been some positive things that have come out of my son having AS. For one thing, when he achieves something, it means so much, since we appreciate how much harder he's had to work to make that achievement. I've made two good through this forum. For me, life is about acceptance and it's about dealing with the hand that's been dealt so to speak. Sure R is challenging, but that makes him all the more precious to me.

[Cariad]

It's not a gift at all, everyday is a struggle. His sisters suffer, my son has no school, he has been treated so badly through his 13 years.. walk in my shoes and you will see it's no gift.

[Mum of 3]

Sa, it may be that you are gifted and have AS, and I think it's fantastic that you're feeling so positive about your diagnosis, but if the AS in itself were a gift, would you have had such a hard time at school?

Certainly, for me, looking at my beautiful boy suffering daily with things that other children take for granted, and hearing others' experiences, which warn me that the worst may still be to come, I cannot say that he has been handed a 'gift'. We have all (our family, I mean) been handed a challenge and a whole heap of difficulties!

Like many others, I can't separate G's (possible!) ASD from his personality, and things might be very different had he not been born with my love of the drama, my father's temper, or his father's ocd, etc...but we'll never know, and we all live with the hand we were dealt.

Considering we're all here (on the forum) because of AS and, I suspect, most of us were drawn here because of the difficulties we faced (or still face) as a result, I can hardly see that it can be classed a 'gift'.

 

[Sa Skimrande]

Sa, it may be that you are gifted and have AS, and I think it's fantastic that you're feeling so positive about your diagnosis, but if the AS in itself were a gift, would you have had such a hard time at school?

Certainly, for me, looking at my beautiful boy suffering daily with things that other children take for granted, and hearing others' experiences, which warn me that the worst may still be to come, I cannot say that he has been handed a 'gift'. We have all (our family, I mean) been handed a challenge and a whole heap of difficulties!

Like many others, I can't separate G's (possible!) ASD from his personality, and things might be very different had he not been born with my love of the drama, my father's temper, or his father's ocd, etc...but we'll never know, and we all live with the hand we were dealt.

Considering we're all here (on the forum) because of AS and, I suspect, most of us were drawn here because of the difficulties we faced (or still face) as a result, I can hardly see that it can be classed a 'gift'.

 

 

Following what replies I have had on this forum, I have given up seeing a diagnosis of aspergers as a gift for everyone else, but it is for me, now, at my age, jobless and with no will to get a job through too many misunderstandings in my past. I now see, my future maybe better, but it is for me to find that future and so I am again struggling in education, but now with understanding I will get through, and hold a degree in my chosen path, I will have in effect retrained myself to do what I am naturally good at, which is not what the market expects, but what I want to do. You see, I in the past generally do what I am told, follow what was expected, though I never understood why, I deferred to others, believing they knew better, and there messed up too many times.

 

But one thing from past experience, whilst all my peers were commiting petty crime as is done by many teen agers, I was told not to do such things, and as a result, I did not follow my peers. Yes, I became much more of a loner, I did not understand the wiles and attractions of my age group, but I knew what was right, and what was wrong, I did not give my parents the heart ache of a child going astray. The result, my peers grew to dislike their parents, their father especially so, many left home early to mess up and continue in that vein. Me, I as a late teen was as a child, my parents knew best, I grew up with love and respect for those that sired me, a respect and love that exists to this day. It was always with me, I respected elders and found much interest in the older age groups, and liked to hear of their lives and relate it to the then, now.

 

School, I remember was a disaster for me, I remember it well, but it was no use for me, bullied all the way through, and failing every exam at the end, I can quite honestly say, beyond the three r's school was no use to me. My education came later, by following paths that at the time interested me. I ask myself now, what it would have been like, if I were normal, as far as normal is described, who knows, I might be something better, or by that, something worse, so I take it, what I am, I am, what difficulties in life were presented to me, I have myself thought and worked around to get where I am now. True, there are still things that scare me, relationships and relationships with women, and the beyond, it is unsure territory for me, maybe it is residual effects from my four years past abusive marriage, or I am yet again in the quandry of the women thing, and how to move forward, but this time with lessons learned that relationships can also tear the heart in two, it is something I am very shy of, and console myself, with perhaps it would be better to stay alone in future. To note, one can be perfectly happy living alone.

Edited September 3, 2009 by Sa Skimrande

[Mum of 3]

Sa, I'm so glad that you're feeling so positive and that you really seem to be sorting out lots of issues at the moment...Going with your heart regarding your education nd career is bound to make you happier than trying to do what others think is 'best'. As for your love life, I would say relax and give it time...as you learn more and more about yourself, you will develop more confidence in yourself, and then one day, I'm sure, everything will fall into place and the right person will come along. Meanwhile, it sounds as if you've got plenty to keep you happy in your life! Good for you

[Sa Skimrande]

Sa, I'm so glad that you're feeling so positive and that you really seem to be sorting out lots of issues at the moment...Going with your heart regarding your education nd career is bound to make you happier than trying to do what others think is 'best'. As for your love life, I would say relax and give it time...as you learn more and more about yourself, you will develop more confidence in yourself, and then one day, I'm sure, everything will fall into place and the right person will come along. Meanwhile, it sounds as if you've got plenty to keep you happy in your life! Good for you

 

Perhaps I think too much, but love is a concept I cannot understand, but I think I would have to agree with Tony Attwood's findings as to regards other forms of relationship dynamics within the autistic spectrum affected people ( Henault 2006 ) and in his fourth autobiographical instalment ; Everyday Heaven ( Williams 2004 ). Since the asd confirmation, acceptance has been oh so easy, and comfortable, I no longer have to be what I am told to be, I can be myself.

 

[Tally]

But one thing from past experience, whilst all my peers were commiting petty crime as is done by many teen agers, I was told not to do such things, and as a result, I did not follow my peers. Yes, I became much more of a loner, I did not understand the wiles and attractions of my age group, but I knew what was right, and what was wrong, I did not give my parents the heart ache of a child going astray. The result, my peers grew to dislike their parents, their father especially so, many left home early to mess up and continue in that vein. Me, I as a late teen was as a child, my parents knew best, I grew up with love and respect for those that sired me, a respect and love that exists to this day. It was always with me, I respected elders and found much interest in the older age groups, and liked to hear of their lives and relate it to the then, now.

This is more of a personality issue than a result of Asperger's. Some people with AS are so desperate to fit in and have friends that they will copy other people regardless of whether what they are doing is sanctioned by their parents or not. Some people who don't have Asperger's have a good relationship with their parents.

 

I think you are wrong in assuming that people with Asperger's are good people and NTs are bad.

[bid]

This is more of a personality issue than a result of Asperger's. Some people with AS are so desperate to fit in and have friends that they will copy other people regardless of whether what they are doing is sanctioned by their parents or not. Some people who don't have Asperger's have a good relationship with their parents.

 

I agreee with Tally. My AS son is 20, and definitely does his 'own thing', with a very unique style of hair, clothes and music. He still has a good relationship with us, although he has his own very individual views and opinions.

 

It's good to hear the positives you have gained from your dx

 

Bid

Edited September 3, 2009 by bid

[hev]

i do not consider stevens aspergers to be a gift at all,i have found his condition extremely hard to deal with over the years,goes without saying i love him but the aspergers he has in my opinion is not a gift

[alexmum2]

Gift or curse depends how you look at it; it is a spectrum! for me with our ds, it was a learning curve that I will always be greatful for, but will always worry for!

My ds has ;hearing smell sound, and sight so profound that he can hardly discribe; hence spectrum, what he lacks in social skills seems to me are made up for (not his choice) in this way. What some of our children lack in some skills they are burdened withn others.

[Special_talent123]

i like to think autism/aspergers is a gift, it is a way that helps me to cope with my diagnosis, and im now writing my autobiography of my life with autism called ' a day in the life of an autistic girl' and its mostly positive of how i achieved through my life.