messy,messy,stressy,stressy.

[Dawn22]

Hi all,

 

Have not posted for a while,but ds(10) is and has been for a while,having major problems going to and staying in bed..we have had some very late nights with him messing around and ahouting,hitting etc until 25 to one a few nights ago and 11.30 is now becoming the norm.I am dragging him out of bed in the mornings,and naturally his moods are no better as he is so shattered.

 

He has aspergers and the psychologist said that he has adhd traits at h homes as there are 4 of us in a 2 bed room flat.

 

His moods dictate the whole house..and i firmly believe that we would be able to get on top of some of his more challenging behaviours if he were not soooo tired all the time.It gets to a point where everyone is beyond stressed.The clinic where we go say because he gets his 8 hrs(regardless of when it starts) he can't have melatonin..and because he does not have a diagnosis of adhd..no meds either.

 

Am at my wits end..seriously..

 

his behaviour includes threats,bullying,manipulation,and he won't accept any punishments..i have taken a few smacks off him this morning as i have taken his phone as punisment for last nights events.

 

Can't think straight..and am working my way through the explosive child..attempted magic 123 but it is up to me to explain the technique to other family members and at over 200 pages,i don't think i have enough of a grasp at it to explain fully..especially given i am reading at stupid o clock every night due to ds.

 

 

SORRY FOR THE RANT AND POOR SPELLING PUNCTUATION ETC..just too tired to care,

 

feel a little better though!!

 

 

[skye]

Hi Dawn,

 

I really know where you are coming from. My DD does not really sleep much either. I am not trying to pry, but I was wondering if your flat was a housing association or council property? I have quite a bit of experience in dealing with them regarding these kinds of overcrowding issues and other issues. I recently fought my housing association over a few month period and was rehoused. Feel free to PM me if this is the case. If not, then sorry if I was barking up the wrong tree and good luck getting sleep sorted out! -Skye

Edited September 4, 2009 by skye

[Dawn22]

hi,no worries,it is an ex council flat..we live in an ok area..we had to make a choice,try and get somewhere bigger and lose the area and neighbours who know him and have a little understanding or stay put and get a mortgage and utilise the giant field that backs onto our flat..ideal when his OBSESSION is football..just a bad day really!

 

We can sell in 3 and half yrs,we are planning to do up loft space as a special place just for him,he needs his space.

 

Some days you think everything is fine and others,they are just so ridiculously hard...

 

thanks for reply.

[JsMum]

I would write a letter to your son's GP and request urgent support, not sure about the comment of the 8hrs sleep, once a child is exhausted and past it, cause he is going to sleep, it would be good though if the 8 hours could co inside the night, melatonin helps you get to sleep in the first place.

 

I would keep a detailed diary of his behaviour and monitor it when he goes back to school as Im sure he will get less than 8 hours once he has to be up early for school.

 

Personally I would look at a OT assessment to assess any home adaptions, it could be he requires a safe enviroement, and this could be made in the home you have now. SPACECRAFT have sensory rooms and soft play areas that are in a mobile structure, could be what he needs to keep safe.

 

Look into sensory needs, for example Weighted blankets, diet, lighting and heating, we have been researching light and tempreture lately, both have a big effect on sleeping cycles, Lightbox, air cooler, humidifiers ect....

 

Time out of the flat too, cycling, walking, as you mentioned the football feild, footy, feild games.

 

I would defo look at requesting an assessment of ADHD too, ask for a referal.

 

I would ask again about melatonin in writing and why you feel he requires this.

 

We wouldnt of made the progress we have without it.

 

JsMumxxx

 

websites.

http://www.spacekraft.co.uk/

http://www.nas.org.uk/

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/index.html

 

 

 

Edited September 4, 2009 by JsMum

[frogslegs]

Can you try to take it in turns to rest, maybe at week-ends you sleep in the bedroom and hubby sleeps on settee and deals with the situation so that you can get a break. Also, what do you do when he is at school. Not ideal but can you go for a swim (that really works for me) and have a nap before you collect your children. Last year I had to have power naps 10/15mn otherwise by the end of the day I could not think straight anymore. It may take time to find a solution for your son and in the meantime you need to take care of yourself. <'> <'>

 

[Kathryn]

Poor you. <'>

 

Lack of sleep is so demoralising and the fog of tiredness can make minor tasks seem like major ones. I don't know what commitments you normally have during the day but hope you get a chance to grab some catch- up sleep, as Froglegs says.

 

K x

[jessie]

Hi Dawn

gosh, I do sympathise with that one. My son is much better now and at 17 has finally sussed out ways of staying awake without keeping the whole family up, although he can still go off on one and run round the house screaming to wake up everyone(luckily not too often).

 

It also must be very difficult being in a flat. Our cats came in pretty handy for getting him to bed. We got both boys kittens (onlyone got aspergers/ADHD ) and they both got to take their kitties to bed. That helped for a while but maybe not possible n a flat. I do remember spending a few hours each night persuading him to stay on bed along with lots of bribes and I guess he eventually got better at staying in bed. He never slept much as a young child , just a few hours each night. We tried lots of other different things such as recorded books(Harry Potter being a fav) and he could listen to this on headphones. DOn't be afraid to ask your gp for help or referal to a specialist. We hve also had on off help regarding our sons general behaviour.It is realy hard for you just now but it will get better. I never thought I would get an uninterrupted nights sleep and truely treasure them now.

 

 

[Dawn22]

Hi all,thanks for replies,

 

I will look into everything you suggested..as as far as some of these techniques i have been reading about..well i could pretty much drop kick them.

 

As much as i appreciate that i need to be firm,the realities of him being awake all hrs,and being so far gone he is deliberately trying to wake everyone,or stop us going to bed,i do find i have to cave in and let him sit and watch something in his room.

 

Until i find a solution that works,i am just going to have to cope with the fact i can't be as firm as i would like,i live in a block of four and i don't want 3 sets of neighbours banging on my door.

 

I first suspected he had adhd,so aspergers was a shock,but he is fine at school,apart from breaks,lunchtimes etc when he always comes a cropper.When he gets in,you can tell in a second what sort of day he has had.

 

I still feel that it is more than adhd traits,sometimes it is impossible to stop him jumping around and being childish..something that is getting more apparent as he is getting older.

 

My other half regularly sleeps on sofa anyway,as he has to be up for work and the 3 yr old gets in our bed in the middle of the night..not exactly the life we want,but for now we will all take a few peaceful relaxing nights.

 

Am looking into epsom salts,as have read they are good,and a friend of mine recomended accupuncture..though i realise that different things work for different people.

 

Tonight,my son has had a wobbly tooth,and has just come through AGAIN as it is annoying him..he thinks it is ready to come out but it isn't..have just got him settled again..keeping my fingers crossed!!

 

I am seeing his clinic again on tuesday so will beg them for sleep help,the trouble is i feel they are more on the TECHNIQUE side of things,and i shy away from arguing my case as they seem to like to focus on the positives etc..does that make sense.If they say no to me once about melatonin i know i will find it hard to broach the subject..but i will do!!!

 

I often take my kids out,infact,because the 3 yr old had an afternoon nap,we all went to the park until gone 8,it was great,3 yr old played on playgroung,10yr old played football,and me and john didnt have to sort out any social problems as there were no other kids there..joy!We managed to tire 1 of the 2 out..bet ya know which one!!!

 

Sorry for length,feeling much brighter.Thanks.

[jessie]

Glad you are feeling brighter. Here's hoping he has a settled night and that so do you. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was seven but the diagnosis for aspergers didn't come until he was 12. The ADHD traits are better now although he is still very impulsive but as a younger child they were much more obvious. We were told his ADHD behaviour was/is a result of the aspergers and his poor ability to cope in different situations with stress making everything a lot worse.

 

Right time for me to get off to bed now

night night