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chris54

Do they work with you or against you, School that is.

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Now I suppose it could be that parent mostly only post on this site when they have a problem, so it may give a wrong impression of the relationship that parents have with their child school but how is it for you?

 

Myself I can say that in my opinion my sons school has always done their best for him and work with me and not against me. Am I alone in feeling like this?

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Against.

 

Children love the school - fantastic.

 

Parents not happy with schools communication and addressing of problems, they have the a kind of attitude that that goes like this - If a parent asks for info/advise/assessment I will not do it untill they nag and nag about it and I will then not bother to apporoach the parent for follow ups and results but will fob them off and blame others. For example I will wait untill their child gets a zero in the year 5 sats and then leave it till the end of year parents evening to let them know they have been struggling all year (my freinds child) and can't do any of the work despite the fact that the parent asked for assessments back in year 2 and the child hasn't progressed at all in 3 years! A lot of parents have told me they are very unhappy because of treatment like this.

 

Its communication that is the majour problem -if your face fits you are ok but for the rest of us.......................

 

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i tried for two years at three different schools to get my son a school psch or assesment they just kept saying its problems at home and when he sttles he will be fine in the end I took it upon myself to go to the GP for advice even now I am waiting a second assesment the school dont bother following up with the center or any other help,it is rare in my experience that schools help I think in their defence they have so many pupils with so many needs and concerns,but its frustrating nontheless.

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Now I suppose it could be that parent mostly only post on this site when they have a problem, so it may give a wrong impression of the relationship that parents have with their child school but how is it for you?

 

Myself I can say that in my opinion my sons school has always done their best for him and work with me and not against me. Am I alone in feeling like this?

 

Hi Chris

 

I'm very glad to say that I feel the same as you - DSs school are brilliant and work really well with us. Sadly I do feel this is the exceptioon rather than the rule. Went to see the OT recently and she couldn't believe the level of support he gets - especially as he doesn't have a statement (yet!). Now, if only we could get the LEA to be as helpful we may get somewhere :o

 

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I think you're right Chris: parents do tend to post about problems so we hear less about good practices. I didn't feel either of my daughter's schools were working against me - they just weren't grasping the whole picture and didn't know what to do about her. Having said that, there were always individual teachers who were doing their utmost to support my daughter.

 

K x

 

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I can't give you a parents point of view but I can give you a point of view from a person who has it. I feel school wise I believe some wanted to make an effort but didn't understand how to and then others in school had no interest what so ever. I would zone out thinking about something I like and they was happy to leave me do so because they really couldn't care less.

 

college though (I'm not sure whether this is going off subject) I received a brilliant amount of help, my tutor actually took an interest in Aspergers Syndrome (what I have), read up about it in his own spare time in an attempt to find out what support I needed and then put them in place. He basically realised I'd pretty much go into my own world of thought and I found it difficult to snap out of it, so he organized that I'd have one on one support where if I'd zone out he'd bring me back around to concentrate on what work I was supposed to do. Something so simple like that helped me do well that year and I got a little award thing what was for the "most improved student" which I'm pleased about.

 

I feel it all depends if the person who can help is willing to do the little things that make a big difference, school wise I'd say it was poor other than a few people who wanted to make an effort, and when I went college it was brilliant because the person seriously took it upon himself to try and get me the help I needed.

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First school J attended his class teacher were FANTASTIC and really nice to both of us, the HT also tried at first to support us but then he left and we got in a new HT who was doing the nodding yes to what J needed but all he really got was 30 mins a week support, which looking back dont know how, I guess the blame lies with me because I just didnt know SEN world then and I suppose I was just nieve thinking the school where helping when in fact they were lying to the authorities and preventing extra support that J desprately needed, It got to a stage where we nearly did a planned school move but then we moved, I had massive high hopes for the second school and the HT put in place quality SEN and J did well for a term until he moved to year 4 where all his support was withdrawn, when I complained the school where not meeting his SEN the Shix hit the fan with the HT and SENCO and it got ugleeee I can tell you, I removed him from that school, who funny enough have outstanding for meeting SEN provisions, just after we left, How, I do not know!?

 

Anyway we started a new school third primary school in year 4 and things were put in place straight away, social club, emotional litracey, 1-1 ta for litreracy and other support, the HT was fantastic and we communicated really well, it was sooo scarey at first because the previous HT had caused me to be really wary and I yes I was paranoid, but I ensured I worked in a proffessional manner and to be honest the school did there best for J, the HT and TA attended all the MAMs and though at the time I didnt think they were supporting me but behind the scenes they were, they supported me with letter to get support at home and for year 5 I think that was the best year, however he didnt progress and his social skills where widening as his peers started to mature, and have complex conversations, there was disruption with external issues and J was unable to cope with the changes, he never really attended year 6 but I do feel the school especially his TA and HT worked really hard with us and we worked hard with them and it did become very clear that the support wasnt the issue but the enviroment and his peers where, he needed a speicalist school, a smaller enviroement that catered for his special needs, that became another issues because it was difficult to get the right special school to ensure he got support but could also prove his true potential which was hard due to his average intelligence.

 

The school J Resi Special School he is in now work really well, communicating weekly, newletters, regular phone contact and it is a tight ship and any concerns can be shared using various communications, email, phone ect.....

 

So I think there is some schools that work well, and Iv defo experienced schools that Lie, block and do all they can with there high powers to stop a child getting the right support, Ive also experienced the lengths Local Authorities go to also prevent the support needed, it is a very personal experience and total pot luck I think, who gets the right help and who you can trust.

 

Thankfully I am now having my trust restored that some school do want to there best for the child and for the last year the LEA have been very helpful, to the point there helping us ensure there is support at home when he comes home weekends and holidays that Im in shock!

 

I feel that it also has a lot to do with what you know, if I knew then in reception to what I know now, I promise you J wouldnt of started reception without a statement, but back then I guess I was a walk over!

 

When you know your child's rights and the World of SEN I guess you dont pull no punches and you learn to fight, and all the way, you learn to be strong and with the right support like this forum, who refer you to ipsea, nas, ace, ect then you know you have the knowledge to get it as you also get to know your child's needs.

 

It should go by NEED but sadly it is getting to the point that depends on where you live, what school your child goes to and how helpful, trustworthy your school is and how the LEA also support the school and you.

 

Ive experienced the good, the bad and the ugly!

 

JsMumxxxx

 

Edited by JsMum

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His last school worked totally against me all the time but the current school is fantastic and cant help enough and in turn I cant praise them enough.

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Good communication is vital with the school, the last 3 years have been good for DS. Just starting GCSE's this year so watching very closely for any difficulties with his chosen subjects and the new teachers. His mood is good and I'm much more relaxed as he gets older, he is very much included in all aspects of his education now and it makes the pressure less intense on me. All the pushing of the system in the early days has been beneficial to how the teaching staff treat him and how he feels about himself. :thumbs:

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My boys' new school is most definitely working with me. We have just moved to a new city and I explained to the teachers that my eldest has been on the waiting list for an assessment for about five years. Within a week I had a meeting with the headmaster, my son's teacher and the SENCO so that they could learn as much about Osc's habits and previous school routines as possible. They were shocked at how long it had taken for me to get nowhere in our last town and within three weeks had a behavioural specialist in to observe (fortunately, in this instance, my son decided to display every aspect of his disruptive behaviour).

 

I have regular meetings and updates and the other day I was asked to talk to the head over a particularly bad incident which should have seen my son suspended and a note on his permanent record but the head master didn't think that was fair, given the probable ASD diagnosis, and didn't think that my son should be tarnished with something like that on his record before he's even had the chance to get any help. There were punishments but all off record.

 

At the previous school the special ed. set up wasn't very effective and neither worked for or against us but his teacher was excellent and constantly came up with new ways to help Osc take part in activities that he would otherwise have found stressful (he was the class timer and score keeper for example).

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sorry short of time and not read thro allthe posts.But wanted to say that my sons high school have been brill, the best , and after a very bumpy primary experience have totally turned my boy around,its not perfect and thats not possible any how but its as good as I could have hoped for.

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In our case we have experienced good and bad. Thankfully things are good at the moment. I have to admit that, in our case I think that there was a communication barrier at first. Obviously I was desperate to get help for my children, and I would have clambered over any man, woman or beast to get it. Looking back, I feel that there were problems which were caused by my desperation and use of communication which was often abrupt and unsympathetic. I wouldn't say I was hostile, but kept on and on and on complaining all the time when things weren't done or I felt I wasn't being listened to. My desperation I think, made me miss the things they may have been doing right. It made me feel very them and us. I don't think it was all unjustified, but as I have become more educated on SEN issues, I am much more polite. I am much calmer in my attitude towards the people working with my children, and I have found that praise for them when things are going well has helped. I sit back and look at situations now instead of jumping on the defensive, and I pick the arguments carefully. My children are happy and that's the main thing, and actually this year the school staff have bent over backwards to help. Of course it does make a big difference who teaches them and who supports them. We had one TA once that I just clashed with, as she wouldn't listen to anything I had to say then would be scratching her head as to why she was having problems. She thought going on the most courses made her an expert in my daughter and didn't need to listen at all. Ho hum!

 

Things had to change for me though as it was affecting my children, especially my daughter. She may be ASD but she is not silly. She began mimicking me in a sense by stamping her feet and refusing to do anything and telling the staff she would tell me and I would sort them out. I was horrifed when the school told me that! Regardless of whether I disagreed with the school, she did pick up on it and it did affect her. I can admit that now! Working with the school and having a good relationship with them, even if I don't agree with them has been beneficial to my children. At the end of the day, I can be wrong, the school can be wrong, but I have found that now we have a good school and good relationship most of the time, they are much more willing to listen and compromise.

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