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martin

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

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After being to see my new councilor a few weeks ago I was surprised to hear that he thought I may have AS and told me to have a look online and in my local library for info on AS in Adults. After reading up on it I realised that the checklist of symptoms fitted mostly how I feel and how I am most of the time, the classic symptoms (his words not mine) such as not being able to hold eye contact didn't really come into play until I told him that because of the job I do, I had trained myself to continue to hold eye contact as long as comfortable. At hearing this he smiled and told me that I may very well have AS, as I exhibit quite a few of the other symptoms.

 

After hearing this I went through my usual responses from shock that I could have had this since I was a child and no one would have known, to relief at knowing what may be wrong with me (I've felt like I wasn't the same as everyone else since I was little) to now with my next counciling session coming up, almost mind numbing terror at the fact that I may very well have AS and don't know how to cope with the news.

 

Has anyone else had this kind of experience? I now know that if it is true I'm not alone and there are thousands of people like myself up and down the country, but it's not stopping it preying on my mind that I am going to have to deal with this pretty much on my own and that it may well interfere with my family life as now I'm trying to second guess pretty much everything I say or do in case I'm upsetting my wife or my kids and don't realise it. This is driving me insane and I find the only place I can pretty much be myself is at work, as I'm surrounded by people who love doing what I do as much as myself even though it seems that the only thing I ever talk about is work and how I can improve doing what I do.

 

As I now see I've started to ramble so I will leave it at that and let normal programming resume :)

Edited by martin

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I'm not sure if this is comforting but if you do have Aspergers Syndrome I wouldn't worry to much about it, because it wont change a thing. All there really doing is giving out a name so you understand what you do different. What I found was it never really changed anything, because I haven't changed as a person. If you got Aspergers you've always had it, so even if you don't get diagnosed you're still going to deal with the same situations. (I know your aware of this from what you said)

 

I view it similar as using a highlighter in books. The text in the book is always the same, but if you highlight a certain part of the text in the book, you'll pay much more attention to the part highlighted, while doing that you might gain a better understanding of what's highlighted. I'm not sure if I the analogy clear, but basically all I'm saying is, if it turns out you do have Aspergers Syndrome it might highlight a few things you never realised and hopefully help you deal better with situations. But also although you are worried and second guessing stuff, it might be good to note that your family have only known you for who you are also, they wont view you any different either because you're still acting within your personality and it's not like you have changed to them either. I'm not sure if that's helpful, but hopefully it is.

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Cheers for the keepee upee :). I can see what you are saying and you are right in saying that my family have only known me for the person I have always been and also that putting a name to something doesn't change the thing. I still can't help but worry though as I'm not sure whats what anymore, am I the way I am because of my upbringing or is it simply a case of I was hardwired slightly differently to everyone else.

 

This isn't something I've ever had experience with and don't know much about. I find my research gets cut short due to not being able to concentrate on anything for long peiods, even at work where it's a serious matter, if I lose concentration for even a few moments I can seriously scar someone for life and damage the reputation of the shop for a long time afterwards and tend to kind of switch off and just play games on my Xbox, just because it's nice to be able to switch my brain off and let my reactions take over.

 

A few people I know have had experience of AS and keep trying to keep my moods up but it seems to be getting harder and harder to keep my mood swings to a minimum, I've had problems controling my moods for years and didn't know why, also I've started to notice a few differences in the way people are treating me and to be honest it's driving me nuts, friends have treated me the same way for years but now because I may have AS, there is a few treating me like I'll break or something. I don't know if this is normal behaviour or not and can't seem to bring myself to just ask them why as I've always tried to avoid confrontation if I can.

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i think if you do get a dx it will eventually bring u some relief in away.............u will know that there is a reason for the way you are. and i am sure your family will just be the same with u, your friends and collegues may treat u differently though as maybe they are unsure about what AS is, and maybe nor sure how to react to you.

 

 

hope everything goes well for you whatever happens

 

and hope my reply makes sense

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Cheers for the keepee upee :). I can see what you are saying and you are right in saying that my family have only known me for the person I have always been and also that putting a name to something doesn't change the thing. I still can't help but worry though as I'm not sure whats what anymore, am I the way I am because of my upbringing or is it simply a case of I was hardwired slightly differently to everyone else.

 

This isn't something I've ever had experience with and don't know much about. I find my research gets cut short due to not being able to concentrate on anything for long peiods, even at work where it's a serious matter, if I lose concentration for even a few moments I can seriously scar someone for life and damage the reputation of the shop for a long time afterwards and tend to kind of switch off and just play games on my Xbox, just because it's nice to be able to switch my brain off and let my reactions take over.

 

A few people I know have had experience of AS and keep trying to keep my moods up but it seems to be getting harder and harder to keep my mood swings to a minimum, I've had problems controling my moods for years and didn't know why, also I've started to notice a few differences in the way people are treating me and to be honest it's driving me nuts, friends have treated me the same way for years but now because I may have AS, there is a few treating me like I'll break or something. I don't know if this is normal behaviour or not and can't seem to bring myself to just ask them why as I've always tried to avoid confrontation if I can.

 

I can understand the concentration problem, I myself had to have a one on one person with me in college, though it wasn't that my concentration was bad, I'd just say my concentration was on something else at the time which I was fixated on which I found difficult to snap out of, so that person I had basically tapped my shoulder when he noticed I did that to bring me around to concentrating on what I'm meant to. I'm not sure, but maybe you might benefit from something similar because I found it really helpful.

 

I'd also like to point out that the same way you don't understand how to deal with the news you might have Aspergers, your friends and family will have the same problem. All of you will be confused and starting to look at the highlighted areas I've mentioned, and over studying it. I'm sure there not doing that to offend you but most likely thinking maybe they could do something differently which is basically the same you are thinking. I mean it's pretty easy at these certain situations to just think the situation will only affect yourself and that's understandable, I've done similar but I think it'll also help if you understand that isn't the case. I'm actually happy you said that because now I can put the shoe on the other foot, if they are second guessing how they're meant to treat you and you dislike it, imagine how they might possibly feel that you are also doing the same.

 

Other than that, I'm sorry I can't stop you from worrying about your concentration because I'm also am looking into ways on improving mine, and I haven't found a magic answer yet, for example I want to learn how to drive but I'm worried that if I go into my own little world for a second that I could seriously injure myself or others. But I'm sure that there are ways to improve on it and that's all we as people can hope to do, to try and improve on things we feel we need improving. I hope that helps.

Edited by I'm Aspergers Not Stupid

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