Kathryn Report post Posted November 13, 2009 Hi Smiley, Make an appointment with the GP. That's really good advice. Don't worry about wasting their time, that's what they're there for. Book a double appointment if you think you might take a long time and take someone with you: your mum or support worker if it makes you feel calmer. Grief is hard for anybody to cope with, and you have lost two people in the space of a year, so your feelings are perfectly understandable. You will come through this and one day it won't hurt so much. But you need some "real life" support to deal with this now, before your depression gets worse, so PLEASE make that appointment - or get someone else to do it for you. <'> K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teresa Report post Posted November 13, 2009 (edited) Hi Smiley Made me sad when i read your post, I have lost a few family member's over the past few year's, my heart goes out to you. As Kathrine as said in her post above make that appointment with the GP, get the support that you need, I can't give you any advice has grief is a personal thing, we all deal with it differently, for me there was a process that I went through, I have happy thought's when I think of loved one's now, by which I mean I don't cry or feel sad anymore, but you are still at the very early stage. Time is a great healer take care of yourself. Teresa x Edited November 13, 2009 by Teresa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 15, 2009 i going to make an doctors appointment as going to see if i lost ANY weight going to the gym and how much more weight i need to lose to reduce the bracket of 'mildly obese' to my normal size and weight for my height so need them to check by doing my BMI don't know if to mention about depression etc scared to worried etc so don't know whether to put past my support worker as feel i could 'snap' emotionally at any minute!!! XKX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted November 15, 2009 I think you really need to speak to your doctor about how you're feeling. It sounds like you really need some help at the moment. If you're going to the doctor about two issues, it might be sensible to ask for a double appointment. By all means discuss it with your support worker as well, but don't delay seeing the doctor. You can always make another appointment if your support worker thinks it's a good idea. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mum of 3 Report post Posted November 16, 2009 <'> Smiley, if you're worried about how to explain it all to your GP, how about taking a copy of this topic along to the appointment, then you coud show it to him/her if you can't find the right words. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted November 17, 2009 i going to make an doctors appointment as going to see if i lost ANY weight going to the gym and how much more weight i need to lose to reduce the bracket of 'mildly obese' to my normal size and weight for my height so need them to check by doing my BMI don't know if to mention about depression etc scared to worried etc so don't know whether to put past my support worker as feel i could 'snap' emotionally at any minute!!! XKX Your GP could also refer you to EXERCISE ON PRESCRIPTION this is where a gym will take care of all your needs as loosing/gaining weight, do your bp, bmi and give you a tailored scedule along with your very own Personal Coach and you get it for 20 sessions, over a time span of 4 months, you do have to pay a smallish(well depending on what your income is ) fee, of around 25-30 pounds all in, in some areas it is totally free but some local authorities are charging. But it is excellent support for weight difficulties excercise also can improve your feelings and emotions too so it can help for mental health problems too. I would really look into excercise on prescription I personally though feel you could do with a short period of intensive support and urgently. Your area should have a Crisis service so if you ever feel totally overwhelmed by your grief and MHP please ring them. Your GP can refer you on the day if he feels you need urgent support and he has a duty to ensure you are safe so he should access the right services for you from the min he sees you. You are going throw a heck of a lot and your really only young to cope with it all, SO PLEASE GET SUPPORT NOW. JsMumxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 17, 2009 my income is part hours at around £6ish a hour doing 2 hours a day sometimes more but not much more!!! my NAS support worker (key worker) thinks i should use there pyschologist to help me get through 'this sticky patch mess' in my life and mind she said 'i shouldn't got through this alone' i don't want adult MHT though as they didn't help me in positive benficial way!!! why urgently? and intensive care for? i SHOULD cope on my OWN without moaning complaining groaning it hard to 'snap out of it' though! can't tell anyone 'bad' thoughts i having i don't want the right services i want nothing as don't deserve anything i was bad grandaughter Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 17, 2009 can i be depressed when carry on with normal life and smile laugh etc??? im more down then up just pretend it other way round!!! my support worker siad she DON'T want to visit me in hospital she knows me thats all im going to say on that one on how im feeling didn't even say yes to SH and she knew straight i had my look on my face!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 19, 2009 i now going to gym alot been three times this week seem addicted along with other types of behaviours!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 19, 2009 my nan wrote these poems herself found in her personal stuff: to my children i wish i could tell you how much i really care i don't think i could have gone on if you were not all there i have alot of regrets on my life for things i've said and done but the things i do not regret are my marriage,my daughters and my sons i just know i love you all more than words could ever say and i will always love you until my dying day to my family when times were bad and i needed you for me all were there when fate decides my time is up remember how much i cared i love you in so many ways i don't know where to start just remember how i loved you all from the bottom of my heart and so when my time comes to leave you all please try not to be sad with luck i've gone to be with dad! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mum of 3 Report post Posted November 19, 2009 These poems must be very comforting to you, Smiley. Keep up with the gym...it should do you good! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 19, 2009 my mum's VERY fed up low depressed tonight !!! bless her XXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 23, 2009 just had an massive arguement row with my mum over dinner something so small can trigger this argh ..... feel so trashy low upset and feel trapped in dark spiral place bolcked in feel everythings stuffed and blocked within side of me scarying me do n't like getting anxious etc i put off NAS pyschology session until after christmas as don't want to grieve process as means 'letting go' and i can't it too soon .... HELP ME PLEASE! i'm struggling to keep myself mentally strong .... keep battling on how long will this last before i just can't take anything anymore overwhelms me and suffocates me getting very close to reaching that 'boiling point' as a family we falling apart under the stresses and strains of bad luck we seem to have always have has taken it's toll and affects not great! anger,upset tears shouting etc i thought we was strong we melting under all of this!!! XKX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted November 23, 2009 i put off NAS pyschology session until after christmas as don't want to grieve process as means 'letting go' and i can't it too soon I don't think it was a good idea to put off your session. It sounds as though you really do need the support right now. "Letting go" doesn't mean that you forget the person who's died, or that you stop missing or loving them. It means that you get rid of some of the negative feelings about that person's death so that you can remember them in a good way. That's how I interpret it anyway. Sorry to hear about your bad evening, I hope things are calmer between you and your mum tomorrow. I think it would be good to make that GP appointment if you haven't already. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted November 24, 2009 Hi Smiley Im not sure how old you are but found this site as it helps young people as well as children, but they may also be interested in supporting you as you have AS needs, also its a site where there is support for your mum too. I thought it was worth a link to send you as the young persons part is good. Anyway hope your oright? http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/mainsection...etitle=About+Us JsMumxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 24, 2009 i havnt made a GP appoint ment on point as feel like i'm time waster a faker i'm too ill or sick just feeling SORRY for myself saw my childhood friend 2dai met up with her i added her signs together sound like she not just down or low but depressed so i went down doctors with her she got a doctors appointment for tomorrow but i can't go as got to get ready to go to work!!! my mates went on about her problems which i don't mind and think she even realises i do it all time she on the mobile phone chatting to boyfriend then went to back to her putting on make up i feel like going argh ... my head spinning when song who knew came on music channel on tv words hit a nerve struck a chord could feel emotion rising but getting stuck! just feel she can be selfish and play on attention she can that does make me quite angry inside i'm hurting too she neve once asked about me or how things been so annoyed grr.... she knows how i get etc am i right to feel this way>...? i'm trapped in dragging spiral sucking me in slowly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 29, 2009 my mum is so grumpy angry touchy down lately anger is the one shown and 'thrown' at us alot of time she's very short i know it's all connected with grief loss process on losing my nan and 3 years caring routine!!! it so hard to deal and cope with myself it think because it christman time soon it makes feelings/emotions more raw and intense and hasn't been long since she been gone so still fresh ..... it hurts me to see my mum lash out i know she doesn't mean it to but can get me real low and down ad struggling myself to hide my true feelings/emotions push them inside! it's so hard adjusting as a family unit to this so up and down rocky and smooth i finding the change of fridays routine hard to bear and my work's only round corner from where she lives so makes ever so much ramped down your throat and in your face constant heartache pain hurt reminder she gone and never coming back i'll nevr see in her in person again the house up for sale but can't be sold until mum and uncle gone through months of legal probate system through the courts hand over property legal rights etc it's so hard to part from house when it goes as final .... grrrr .... don't know where i am from one day to the next ...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted November 29, 2009 i JUST want to shut the world out as i'm break inside falling apart on my own at nights just want to sleep all the time ...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) i havnt made a GP appoint ment on point as feel like i'm time waster a faker i'm too ill or sick just feeling SORRY for myself saw my childhood friend 2dai met up with her i added her signs together sound like she not just down or low but depressed so i went down doctors with her she got a doctors appointment for tomorrow but i can't go as got to get ready to go to work!!! my mates went on about her problems which i don't mind and think she even realises i do it all time she on the mobile phone chatting to boyfriend then went to back to her putting on make up i feel like going argh ... my head spinning when song who knew came on music channel on tv words hit a nerve struck a chord could feel emotion rising but getting stuck! just feel she can be selfish and play on attention she can that does make me quite angry inside i'm hurting too she neve once asked about me or how things been so annoyed grr.... she knows how i get etc am i right to feel this way>...? i'm trapped in dragging spiral sucking me in slowly I know in depression it is very difficult to think of others, we are too in dispair to think how others are feeling, its not nessasrily a selfish act but one that actually is keeping her alive as all she can think of is herself right now, so your mum and your friend are just not in tune with your needs at the moment, very possibly that they are not in tune with their own needs too, it is good that you are a friend to your mate though and helping her get a gp appointment too, with all your going throw too, I dont think your mum and your friend are been intentionally selfish though, and they obvosuly see you as a trust worthy person for them to open up to you, so see it as a bond that maybe they dont share with others. Im sure the GP has appointments that are convienent to you or are you avioding really going to the gp in the first place, its amazing what other things we find to do when were avioding something and it is very important you go, from what you have shared here it is not wasting his time and there is nothing false about what dispair your going throw, You somehow dont feel you deserve the appointment, which you do. Get a GP appointment made and go. JsMumxxx <'> Edited December 1, 2009 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted December 5, 2009 found out 'secretly' tonight my mum's on citalopram is this medication ONLY an anti depresant ti help with just depression or anxiety aswell? HATE to think of my 'struggling' this 'fight' alone i feel guilty and BLAME ME she says she CAN'T grieve as she has my 4 year old neice to look after when they pick her up from school and me and my twin brother around she said she can't break down been she been so busy funeral paperwork etc i can see her just breaking literally down and being REALLY ILL! i couldn't BEAR IT! been to see grave today and feels like my grandad in there but she STILL ISN'T my NAS support worker thinks it because her name hasn't been engraved yet on the headstone only my grandad's on there my nan's house now on estate agent website in the shop window and got board outside there how am i going to deal with when going to work seeing someone else inside my nan's house? how does this work? please tell me!!! fridays are the WORST as last time i saw her 'alive' this had been a part of our family life for 3 years now gone left major hole gaping one with missing space nothing to fill will make it 'right better' everything seems so 'out of place' so 'wrong' find hard to work on fridays knowing her house only like 2 mins away and i should been there in morning watchin TV speaking to her now all gone nothing there ...... break in routine - autism unsettled anxious break in my heart and soul doesn't feel like christmas can't work out why everyone 'happy' when we falling apart we seem OK we NOT! i left no grandparents where this leave me to grieve process work it out in my head and heart is this enough ..... does REALLY prove how much i loved them and cared about them both???!!! feel SO DAMN SELFISH for wanting them here but then not suffering in any pain how does this work out right.... please let me know!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted December 8, 2009 christmas is going to be difficult time for everyone everyone so happy makes me grrr annoyed angry ..... don't feel like christmas whatsoever !!! XkirstX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted January 5, 2010 ma mum and uncle have got probate appointment tomorrow my mum's been quite angry , tearful all part of grieving i know but so hard deal with personally as i'm struggling to handle things in my own head and life feel like i'm so alone at nights my MH prob made worse depression keep crying ..... self harm increased my nan understood AS losing two nans going through xmas and new year was hard going tough our first one she handbag sits under my mums table in living room my auntie has my other nan's ...... my mum tend shout scream over nothing really finding hard to 'bite my tongue' and not saying anything back i know she hurting ..... the pain lies so deep within us all in different ways and times of the day etc my mum can't watch certain tv programmes my nan used to watch she can't go into her handbag as has her jewellery they took off her up the hospital people keep saying times a healer it will get better to make me feel better .... but just feel angry bitter i listen to words of songs that i can personally relate to in this situation right now i went up my nan's and grandad's grave on sunday with my support worker my aunt and uncles and mum put up xmas pressies stuff up there flowers etc looks pretty wreefs little ornaments looks nice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites