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How do we keep the magic of christmas with Aspergers kids

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Christmas dilemma

I am starting this thread, purely just for exchange of views about Christmas. Ds was diagnosed with Aspergers, last year just before Christmas, We started with Tony Attwood to understand a bit more about the condition. Ds had asked Santa Claus for the castle with knights, well on Christmas morning he came rushing into our room saying, Mummy Santa has been, we were very excited for him that he had been a good boy. When it came to opening the parcel, we noticed a very peculiar thing, he looked at the wrapped gifts and said “mummy, I just wanted Santa to bring me the castle” so he looked at the parcels and seized them up and got the one that he thought was the parcels and he got it, and from there on, he was not interested in opening his parcels, he just played with his castle and nothing else. After a few hours we told him about the other parcels from santa, and he reluctantly opened them.

We have learnt that Ds, gets overwhelmed by a lot of presents, so here are some ideas we are thinking for this Christmas so its not so stressful

A) Once we know what he wants we could then leave it in the living room unopened, then there wont be uncertainty as he is opening the parcel and hence less stress

B) Buy 7 things that he wants and give him a parcel on the 25th, and 6 days after, and hopefully he can truly enjoy all the parcel

C) We tell him Santa Claus is not real ( don’t want to) as he will spoil it for siblings, and then he knows we bought it

D) WE discuss the options of what Santa wants to do this time round

Thanks for reading

 

mygifts

Edited by mygifts1306

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Christmas dilemma

I am starting this thread, purely just for exchange of views about Christmas. Ds was diagnosed with Aspergers, last year just before Christmas, We started with Tony Attwood to understand a bit more about the condition. Ds had asked Santa Claus for the castle with knights, well on Christmas morning he came rushing into our room saying, Mummy Santa has been, we were very excited for him that he had been a good boy. When it came to opening the parcel, we noticed a very peculiar thing, he looked at the wrapped gifts and said “mummy, I just wanted Santa to bring me the castle” so he looked at the parcels and seized them up and got the one that he thought was the parcels and he got it, and from there on, he was not interested in opening his parcels, he just played with his castle and nothing else. After a few hours we told him about the other parcels from santa, and he reluctantly opened them.

We have learnt that Ds, gets overwhelmed by a lot of presents, so here are some ideas we are thinking for this Christmas so its not so stressful

A) Once we know what he wants we could then leave it in the living room unopened, then there wont be uncertainty as he is opening the parcel and hence less stress

B) Buy 7 things that he wants and give him a parcel on the 25th, and 6 days after, and hopefully he can truly enjoy all the parcel

C) We tell him Santa Claus is not real ( don’t want to) as he will spoil it for siblings, and then he knows we bought it

D) WE discuss the options of what Santa wants to do this time round

Thanks for reading

 

mygifts

 

Christmas has never been a magical time for my sons more of a total nightmare really. They hate surprise and they hate change. Until a couple of years ago my two always looked dreadful all day on a Christmas Day and never ate a things because they were so stressed. In fact having Christmas Dinner was part of the day they hated most because it just re-enforced the fact that Christmas Day was a BIG issue. So we changed it all to make it easier for them to handle. They both need to know well in advance what they are getting although the younger of the two can handle the odd surprise if he has to. For the last two years they have picked the menu for the day and we keep the day just for us and my Mum who they see on a daily basis anyway. I told my two at a very early age that Santa Claus was not real because neither of then liked the idea of a strange man wandering about the house in the middle of the night. But then we did not have any younger children, well I suppose we did when my youngest was born because there is a ten year age gap, and although his elder brother never said anything the youngest was much happier once he realised that Santa was made up. I also know a family who did not tell their autistic son that Santa was not real until he was 10 and he took it very badly indeed.

 

I am not sure that I would discuss the options of what 'Santa wants to do this time around' because when he finally finds out that Santa is not real he might start asking why you lied to him. Allowing him to continue believe is one thing but making Santa even more real and giving him an even bigger role to play would not be something that I would consider doing but you know your son best. My sons consider anything that I make up to be a lie. There are no in-betweens.

 

My youngest does not mind more than one gift and he does chose to spread them out over a few days or even weeks. We give him the gifts on Christmas Day and then we leave it up to him to decide when he wants to open them. Three years ago he finally took his DS out of the box to play with it in February.

 

Cat

Edited by Cat

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Ds also only ever opens one presie at a time, and plays with it seemingly happy to ignore any other pressies. It's not about wanting a specific thing either - he has opened the most boring pressie first and seemed content to stop there before now!

 

TBH, I think the only people upset about this are me and DH, as we want to be able to see that frantic excitement we know childhood Christmas (& birthdays) ought to have :rolleyes: DS is quite happy to wander down on Xmas morning, check that santa has been, and then ignore the pressies for a few hours, open one if we insist, then ignore them again.

 

We do usually spread Xmas out a bit - santa pressies first thing (and they are only a few small things anyway), one big pressie from us once whichever gusests are coming have arrived, and visiting guest pressie after lunch. All other pressies get spread out around the next few days as we visit different parts of the family & attend various freinds parties etc. We do the same on his birthday - our pressie on the day, friends on the party day (usually 2 or 3 friends max), family pressies when we see them).

 

DS is 9 now, and has known about santa for a couple of years. It took a bit of explaining and a simple rule of "don't tell your sisters" - but he has managed not to ruin it for them. They are both still total believers :thumbs: My sister (NT - but quite a b**ch TBH) told me when I was 5 - I remember being devastated :tearful:

 

I think the only answer is that ASD children are never really going to exhibit that magical excitement that NT children show at Xmas. I think DS finds the whole thing quite stressful really, and certainly weird. I have asked, and he does like pressies, and Xmas in general, but his outward appearance is not the same as an NT child. This is just something we have learned to accept.

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Hi

I think it comes back to the fact all kids are different.Firstly you will definatley know when to tell your child if Santa does not excist,my eldest (NT) has questioned me for years over the issue sometimes I have had to think really quickly,I wanted to keep the magic alive for him but both me and my ex have always known(since he was 5) he did not believe,he is 9 now and I plan on telling him about this,he is sensitive so I know he wont tell his brothers.Secondly,Sam (AS) loves christmas he especially loves the traditions and points out the things we have missed out (routine/structure) he loves going to church and knows the story of Jesus birth" by heart",again he also likes to focus on one present and we do this at birthdays to,my relatives give me money so I tend to spend more on his one big special present then two/three for his brothers,he has had problems like last year where he was so spoilt by my dad he ended up breaking half of the toys out of frustration, also when the sales come I take him to the shops and he usually gets to chose some more presents or clothes(which he loves),he does not like crowds so I wait two weeks after christmas and if I see something online will get it that way.He wants his room done this year as I havent had the time or cash to do this since moving 8mths ago,he wants a BEN10 theme so thats what I am going to do for him and he wants some figures as well,so I think it will be easier this year.I dont go overboard with gifts for any of my kids anyway,I know lots of kids brag about how much and how expensive their christmas was,I dont want my kids to focus on material things I think its shallow and a bit "bratty" to be honest,but this is my opinion.My nephew is REALLY spoilt to the point we got no idea what to buy him anymore he has everything and he is only two,it does show because he doesnt share and when he is at the shop its "I want this" which none of mine do.Sorry rambling now!!!

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my children also find christmas a stressful time so we have changed things a little to help them to enjoy christmas. Our children do not have presents in their rooms as they use to get so distresssed by that, they wouldnt even get off their beds until we removed the gifts from their room. They each ask father christmas for 3 gifts no more no less. That way it is equal we are able to guide there requests to make sure we can always get what they ask for. My oldest son is 14 years old and no there is no father christmas, he was confussed but i explained that shristmas is a majic time of the year, and the majic needs to be in your heart, otherwise we needent bother with the tree or decorations and he loves to watch the twinkling lights. We also took the children to Lapland 2 years ago that was a great day out. My son was concerned that we had waisted our money as there is no such thing, i explained it was my money to waist and i belived in majic so i was happy to be going to lapland. I think it is important that the children learn that other children belive in father christmas even if its just the majic, they need to learn that other people get enjoyment from christmas, if they get distressed at any point i just remind them that everyone is different and can belive in what they choose. As they are getting older it gets easier, we love christmas but i agree it can be very stressful and even more so with ASD children. The most embarassing moments are when my children say thank you but we didnt ask for that present, to other family members, its the look on there faces as though they understand but you no they dont.

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People think im joking when I tell them my son dont even wake til 10am xmas day...he plods downstairs n you got to prompt him to open his presents n they are only ever what he asks for cos anything he didnt put on the list might as well go in the bin for the interest it gets...my poor mum last year bought him something n he just looked at it n walked off.......by time he has opened his stuff n had his dinner he then just wants to lie down in a dark room cos he has a stinking headache n gets really stressed. He told me there is no santa cos its the parents who buy the presents cos you can see everyone in the months before xmas. He loves the tree tho n decorating it n the lights etc.

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Be off with you. Everyone knows Santa exists. I know Iv seen him.

 

There are so many disbelievers, even my own son is being influenced by them, last year he didant want to go and see Santa.

 

I believe in Father Christmas, and no ones going to tell me otherwise.

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Be off with you. Everyone knows Santa exists. I know Iv seen him.

 

There are so many disbelievers, even my own son is being influenced by them, last year he didant want to go and see Santa.

 

I believe in Father Christmas, and no ones going to tell me otherwise.

 

We spend a great deal of time telling our children not to speak to or accept anything from strangers, and then we actively encourage them to believe that it is OK for a strange man to come into our homes while we are all sleeping to leave gifts for them? :wacko: It never quite added up for me and I know which message I thought was most important to get across to my two autistic kids. I know I know I am Ebenezer Scrooge in female form :rolleyes:

 

Cat

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I love christmas, we are making preparation already and me and J are discussing what we want, this year we are having a sensory christmas, so we having a real christmas tree, for the smell of pine, we are having lots of lights and twinklies, and lots of garlands, After Bonfire Night week we start to look at christmas Tree Decorations, every year J chooses a new christmas tree decoration, for him its his signal christmas is coming soon, J requires warnings of change and this for him is that warning, he is now 12, last year he wanted me to choose one too, we love the story of Jesus and we often look out for church plays if it isnt too busy, once we went to a puppet theme one, it was brilliant and J was really interested.

 

J said he wants to be HOME for christmas as sometimes weve gone to centreparks or disneyland, this year he wants it at home and he has told me how he wants it.

 

The Dining table all set out and he helps decorate it and make it all christmassy, serviettes, wine glasses, christmas music, and I make his favourate meal, sunday dinner, and then sweets/pies/finger foods.

 

We discuss his christmas list early too, infact Im saving up, as he has requested animation and film making gear, so a Lap Top computer with all its singing and dancing equiptment, he did want a BMX but he already has a Mountain bike, he wants games for his XBOX 360 and some other gadgets but like others have said he cant cope with surprises, but I still wrap them up and put them under the tree, the suspence for J is what also gets him soo excited, I do tell him somethings but not everything and then he is more eager to go to bed so he can get up in the morning, I have asked him if he would prefer I can tell him but he has also said he wants it to be a surprise as well, but understands it adds extra stress but the excitement is also very good too.

 

We also love Father Christmas, Ive told Josh that a long time ago when people didnt have much money and there was many children with no mummys and daddys and lived in childrens homes or children poorly in hospitals.

 

A kind carpenter made toys for the children as they would probably not get anything, he made wooden cars, wooden farm animals, wooden alphabets and numbers and wooden puppets and dollys, he would then get his reinders and sledge because of the snow no horse and cart could get them to the children, with the magic of snow and the reinders and sledge he was able to place them under their christmas tree or at the end of their beds, he did this for years, Father christmas then had a son and he took his place and father christmas died, but his spirit lived on, now I tell J that its Father christmas spirit that lives on, for ever and ever, over time its mums and dad that do buy them there presents but some how there is always a special present under the tree and we both smile and say together " Father Christmas!" we believe that there is a Father Christmas spirit out there somewhere!

 

We are really looking forward to christmas and though it is a change and its overwhelming Js getting more prepared every year, we keep it as calm as possible on the day, for me its a nice day as its just me and J, and that helps J in that he has undevided attention and im there to help him put in new batteries or set up computers and then I cook dinner, we eat, then rest, and watch his new DVDs, we go for a walk for fresh air, and then snuggle up together with the coal fire, and watch more TV.

 

We have had many great christmases though exhausting and tiring, for me its more the emotional release that is a bit overwelming for me!

 

JsMumxxxx

 

Edited by JsMum

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Another thing J keeps doing lately is saying how many months, weeks and days it is until christmas day,

 

You can go on the internet and there is some great christmas countdown.

 

J loves theses.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

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We spend a great deal of time telling our children not to speak to or accept anything from strangers, and then we actively encourage them to believe that it is OK for a strange man to come into our homes while we are all sleeping to leave gifts for them? :wacko: It never quite added up for me and I know which message I thought was most important to get across to my two autistic kids. I know I know I am Ebenezer Scrooge in female form :rolleyes:

 

Cat

 

I am Ebenezer Scrooge, Just because I believe in Father Christmas doesn't mean I believe in this idea that we should go on a spending binge. And of course I have a problem in that I don't believe in the reason for Christmas in the first place. But we will have lots of pressies and all the rest of it. Not for me you understand, it for the children.

 

Talking about strange men. At work there were complaints about a strange man lurking about the building at night. :ph34r: The resident were told they would just have to get use to me being there. :P

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Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just had sunday roast. Thank you very much all of you for taking the time to explain how you deal with christmas. Thanks a lot, and i will be looking up sites and discussing with Ds as to the way forward. We are catholic and we go to church every week and we do the same on christmas day. I like the relaxed approach. Will continue the thread once we decide on what to do, and also let you know how we got on.

 

kind regards

mygifts

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The official NORAD santa tracker is fantastic web site for the children to watch christmas eve.

 

This is one of our Christmas traditions-spending Christmas Eve with the Santa tracker showing him travelling the World. It's a really good way of getting them to bed-once Santa starts to deliver in Spain, it's time to climb into bed!

 

We also find that DS wakes up late on Christmas morning, and then only plays with the first toy he opens. None of our boys eat alot on Christmas day, and, to be honest, since it's just us (no reatives til Boxing Day), I think I'll down play the food this year-I hate spending all the time in the kitchen and missing all the toys!

 

I've already decided to enjoy the run up to Christmas this year, and not feel that 'last minute panic' that I usually feel. We've no money anyway, so I've been looking in Charity shops, second-hand markets, etc. I got a great wooden build your own T-Rex kit for G for £1.99 last week (and Saved the Children whilst I was at it!). I've made most of my adults' presents for the last couple of years, so this year I'll be getting the boys to help me with that.

 

I'e also decided to make a plan so that we'll do the cards one week, bake the cakes another, etc, so the children are involved in the preparation and it doesn't all just 'decend' on them!

 

J's mum, I love your Father Christmas story...it bridges the gap between the myth of FC and the reality that 'he' doesn't exist. I'm concerned that G will be very upset when he finds out we've 'lied' to him, so this is a nice way to explain it. I want to come and spend Christmas in your house, as it sounds so calm and enjoyable.

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we watch miracle on 34th street (the version with Mara Wilson) just before christmas. that really messes with their heads if they're doubting because they just can't work out if he's really father christmas of it it was all coincidence. we'll watch it again this year even though K is too young to understand. i worked very hard when i was little to pretend i believed in father christmas for a very long time as i was worried if i let on i didn't believe we wouldn't get stockings anymore because there would be no need. sometimes i'm too practical for my own good.

 

we've always had a full blown christmas. one year we moved house on december 22nd and had 15 people round on christmas day! now everyones older we cycle between a big family christmas and a quieter one. when i was little we weren't allowed to open our presents until after christmas dinner. me and my sister timed it one year and the adults were at the table for 4 hours!! pure torture when you're 6 years old, but it was still a great day because there was so much excitement. i always coped fine with the surprise/waiting, mostly i think because there was no choice. i knew if i threw a tantrum then i wouldn't get anything at all and was regularly informed if i so much as went looking for my presents before christmas they would go to charity and i would have nothing as my parents had a strict policy on us knowing nothing about what we were going to get. i hate opening presents in front of people because often its something i dont know what i'll do with (i'm a hard person to buy for) and found it hard to be very excited about things. one year i got 4 calendars!! but again, the family rule was everyone watched while each person opened their present, then the next person got one, so i had to open them nicely or i wouldn't get another one. tough, but it worked.

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There must be some people here who don't celebrate Christmas either because of religious reasons or because they think it's silly. Christmas is just an ordinary day for me and I personally want to see the celebration die a slow death. A Christian friend doesn't celebrate Christmas because he considers it to be a silly pagan celebration with no evidence in the Bible or otherwise that Jesus wanted his birthday (that was probably in September) celebrated at all. He follows a very traditional version of Christianity that rejects the Trinity and later European innovations. His kids found it hard going when they didn't get presents or enjoy a Christmas dinner when they were younger although they seem to have come to terms with it now.

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canapus I am a christian and I believe in the miracle of Jesus's birth, though I do think Jesus was a toddler rather than a baby when the the three wise men visited with gifts, which is why some pictures show you jesus much older in some pictures, or christmas cards, The presants resemble gift from the kings and gift as in baby jesus sent from god.

I certainly believe and I share the stories of christmas with J my son, as he sure is my gift, he was born on Mothers Day.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

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Hi J's Mum you are so lucky the your child is very interested in Christmas. My son never has shown interest in any occasions, i.e. birthdays etc., mind you thats typical autism I guees. In fact I have always had to keep things very low keyed here every year, the less fuss the better. I have to admit I am so relieved when its all over and things return to normal, sad but true.

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Hi J's Mum you are so lucky the your child is very interested in Christmas. My son never has shown interest in any occasions, i.e. birthdays etc., mind you thats typical autism I guees. In fact I have always had to keep things very low keyed here every year, the less fuss the better. I have to admit I am so relieved when its all over and things return to normal, sad but true.

 

 

J is High functioning Autistic with additional problems, Im not saying christmas doesnt effect him because as for sensory it does, he cant access a lot of seasonal festivities such as seeing a panto at a theatre or go throw busy places but we make christams what it is, family and a time to be together, I am also a single parent who struggles very much with the dx J does have already, and there have been times where he is very frustated, At the same time he does understand christmas to what it is traditionally set out to cellebrate, and he does enjoy it, though there is also times he becomes overwhelmed but over the years Ive collected Ideas from NAS, Contact a family, Autistic spectrum Disorder Books that specify christmas challenges, I personally dont want to rush a process just because J finds it difficult at times, including me who at times become quite emotional for personal reasons and for what it does bring Josh too, its also a time I do reflect on what we have gone throw and this year alone has been a massive step forward with progress and happiness, something I thank god everyday.

 

JsMumxxx

 

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though I do think Jesus was a toddler rather than a baby when the the three wise men visited with gifts

 

A question I have never found an intelligent answer to is if Jesus really was given bars of gold then what on earth happened to them? Gold was an exceptional product for anybody to own 2000 or so years ago in the Middle East.

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Jesus is commonly depicted as recieving gold bars in paintings of the Adoration, but this is not necessarily the case. The gold could have been something like a ring, or, more probably a coin, since it's the significance of the gift that's important. :)

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The gold could have been something like a ring, or, more probably a coin, since it's the significance of the gift that's important. :)

 

I personally find the nativity story too good to be true. Historical accounts of all sorts of insignificant people and minor events exist from approximately 2000 years ago in the Middle East and I'm intrigued at the absence of any records of the nativity apart from the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, which contain various discrepancies with each other. It's also interesting that 'the other' religion that includes Jesus makes no mention of the nativity in its historical account of the individual. Jesus could have been given his gold at a later age although even a pound coin size piece of gold was certainly a very luxurious thing to own back then.

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I personally find the nativity story too good to be true. Historical accounts of all sorts of insignificant people and minor events exist from approximately 2000 years ago in the Middle East and I'm intrigued at the absence of any records of the nativity apart from the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, which contain various discrepancies with each other. It's also interesting that 'the other' religion that includes Jesus makes no mention of the nativity in its historical account of the individual. Jesus could have been given his gold at a later age although even a pound coin size piece of gold was certainly a very luxurious thing to own back then.

 

Just two things really,firstly the three wise men travelled from far to bethlehem in fact it is believed from Africa hence the reason why they had gold,frankencense and mehr,all natural resourses from africa,secondly I think one should not be debating about the "fabrications" of the bible on a forum for ASD,it is a little insesitive to us believers and has nought to do with ASD.Dont get me wrong I am all for freedom of speech but this should either be posted as off topic or on a separate forum.Just my thoughts.

 

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I don't think there is any doubt that a person named Jesus existed, that he was born in Bethlehem on census day and that as his parent were the pore relatives, they got the lest attractive accommodation, The stable. Which in them days, in that part of the world was the ground floor of the house.

 

No one can deny that he went on, as a adult to criticise the established Jewish hierarchy, and that after his death, some of his followers went on to form a breakaway Jewish sect that become the catholic church.

 

The rest, well its all a mater of faith, how much you believe of what was later written, it made a good story for its time and is seen by many as fact.

 

If we are honest what we celebrate today as Christmas has very little to do with Jesus other then as a picture on a christmas card.

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I personally find the nativity story too good to be true. Historical accounts of all sorts of insignificant people and minor events exist from approximately 2000 years ago in the Middle East and I'm intrigued at the absence of any records of the nativity apart from the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, which contain various discrepancies with each other. It's also interesting that 'the other' religion that includes Jesus makes no mention of the nativity in its historical account of the individual. Jesus could have been given his gold at a later age although even a pound coin size piece of gold was certainly a very luxurious thing to own back then.

 

Canopus, this discussion is relevant neither to the question asked in this post, nor to autism in general. It is also becoming offensive. Please take it elsewhere.

Edited by Tally

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Canopus, this discussion is relevant neither to the question asked in this post, nor to autism in general. It is also becoming offensive. Please take it elsewhere.

I agree that some of the posts have no relevance to the the original post, but I can not find anything offensive in any of the post.

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Canopus, this discussion is relevant neither to the question asked in this post, nor to autism in general. It is also becoming offensive. Please take it elsewhere.

 

Softly, softly. As this is coming from a moderator then I sincerely hope that there are no members of this forum who follow 'the other' religion that includes Jesus.

 

My decorative lights will be turned on this evening and turned off in the morning of March 1st next year.

 

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It is offensive to suggest that another person's faith is fabricated. It's also slightly rude to keep referring to someone's faith as "'the other' religion."

 

I'm not sure why you think all mention of Christmas needs to be kept off the forum to save offending Muslims. I just don't think people are that sensitive. Anyone who wants advice on how to help their children through any kind of religious festival is entitled to ask for advice on this forum without being told their religion is fabricated.

 

It would be an awful shame for the people seeking advice if this thread had to be closed.

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Anyone who wants advice on how to help their children through any kind of religious festival is entitled to ask for advice on this forum without being told their religion is fabricated.

 

Careful please. Now just exactly who has implied that a religion is fabricated?

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Hi all/canopus -

Canopus, despite the 'careful please' wording etc I don't think anyone is going to be convinced that you are trying to be 'cautious' about offending people and/or that Tally has some sort of agenda... As a long standing member here I have seen you post all sorts of offensive, borderline racist material and while modding was responsible for removing much of that content. Perhaps the mods are slightly oversensitive where you are concerned - but given the manner in which you have 'nudged' seemingly innocent topics into offensive waters in the past I don't blame them. So. yes, careful please, canopus...

 

Now, back to the original topic:

Yes, Christmas can be a difficult time, but i think it's also a very important one that our children need to learn to negotiate if other family members want to celebrate the holiday. That doesn't rule out making compromises or making adjustments, but - to paraphrase Ros Blackburn on these types of issue - if we, the child's families, don't support/encourage/nudge them towards these life skills (and coping with change/surprise/family gatherings are life skills) then who else is going to?

Sometimes, what seems to happen is that families decide to write off Christmas because the autistic child can't 'cope' with some of the implications, but often that is at the expense of siblings, extended family etc., and that's simply unreasonable.

 

In the wider context (i.e. not just Christmas) a whole family may exclude itself from extended family events (weddings, birthday parties etc) because the one autistic child won't like it. Every time that happens the child loses a 'learning' opportunity (even if the lesson is nothing more than, 'some things you don't like you just have to lump') and the whole family become further marginalised and isolated.

 

As with all other things, it's a question of 'balance' - balancing the needs of the autistic person with the needs of other family members and wider society. Sometimes that means saying no to what other people want, but sometimes it means saying no to the autistic person. Sometimes too it's a question of looking not at what the autistic person wants but what the autistic person needs (and while some adult autistics might argue that we have no right to make such decisions on our children's behalf the simple fact is that to some extent all parents have to do that for all children - it's not an 'autism' thing it's universal, because kids do not have the emotional maturity and understanding to make such decisions for themselves).

 

BTW - none of the above (with the exception of the opening paragraph) is intended as 'response' to anyone elses posts in the thread, be it the OP or otherwise. It's just my observations and my opinions.

FWIW my own son in the past had problems with 'change' etc, but I always felt it was important to teach him to cope with any changes rather than try to make an unrealistic, unchanging world. Sometimes this meant going out of my way to avoid routines (varying meal times, menus etc) deliberately, including some of my own! These days (and for many years now) he absolutely loves Christmas and planning for Christmas, and my Christmas 'guilt' is that I can't give him a bigger extended family to enjoy it with.

 

Oh - Xmas tip: If he has a bigger prezzie he knows he wants I buy it, but if not I just buy smaller stuff (books/dvd's/games etc) for the day and give him money. I have to say I don't enjoy it as much, but for him it's a no brainer - he'd rather have money when he wants something than a thing he maybe doesn't want taht much on Xmas morning. A few years ago when he couldn't make up his mind between a PS3 and a Wii I gave him the money on Xmas morning and he didn't make a decision until November the following year!

 

:D

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Because of the inevitable changes in routine, Christmas is a time which particularly affects people with ASD and their families, whatever personal beliefs they hold, and it's an issue that people often need support to deal with, so to reiterate what Tally said, please can we try and keep this thread on topic from now on?

 

K x

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I don't have much trouble with my son around Christmas. Maybe that's because we are in our routine and it works.

 

Prior to Christmas I let both my children come shopping with me and choose their presents, which I either buy at the time if I am sure they do like them, or 'think about it' if I feel there was something about the toy that he liked at that moment but will not really be suitable for a christmas present'. (for example he wants a coded safe to put his money in to stop the burglars getting it - not sure he'll get that), so they know exactly what they are getting. I have explained to them that they are wrapped up and sent to Santa for him to keep them safe and bring them to us on Christmas eve.

 

Although my son does take some things literally, he is aware of things like teasing, stories, lies and being tricked etc. So I think when the time comes I will be able to explain that Santa is not real. I might be wrong, but i'll have to deal with that when it comes.

 

And staying indoors playing with toys, watching TV and eating is what he does best. :whistle:

 

We were in town the last weekend and there was a continental market, that I wanted to look around, and he refused because of the 'smells'. There were alot of food stalls along gift ones, and that kind of stuff he cannot deal with. Other than things like that we get through it better than most.

 

I'll try to watch Santa delivering his presents around the world. That should be interesting.

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Whilst reading BD's post, I remembered that most christmases we do have all the family round. Sometimes this does cause DS problems because it all gets to be too much. Last year he did try to order us to turn off the TV so that he could concentrate on something he was playing with, or sometimes he demands quiet - which is quite ironic because he is the one who is always making noises or talking to himself. At those times he goes up to his room to calm down for a bit. I/most family members do understand that he finds it hard sometimes. But he has to learn what he has to do to feel better, rather than try to control us into a situation that suits him. Like most things in life, sometimes the balance goes in his favour, and at other times it doesn't.

 

So maybe it isn't as rosey as I originally made out - but its near as dammit.

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. (for example he wants a coded safe to put his money in to stop the burglars getting it - not sure he'll get that)

 

Santa Brought J one last chirstmas, real safes are actualyl quite reasonably priced too, so do look into them, J loves his safe and you can get some pretty high tech safes now, even finger print scanned opening devise ones though these tend to be expensive. Js is a number though as an emergancy he can access it throw a key that he gave to me for safe keeping, incase he forgot the sectret code?

 

J loved the spykid gadgets too, though over the years as he has grown older and techno gadget become cheaper he enjoys the real gadgets, many from maplin, so do check out burglar gadgets, one gadget a few pounds was an alarm that sounded if the door opened. J had to have a special code to put in to stop the alarm triggering if he needed to open a door, and so he felt great knowing how it operated, he also takes things apart to see how things works and some how he can put them together again and make them work, so this year we are looking at kits that make things such as electronics and motherboards.

 

Just letting you that the real safes are much better than the cheaper aimed at kids styles and last a lot longer too.

 

JsMumxxx

 

 

 

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Whilst reading BD's post, I remembered that most christmases we do have all the family round. Sometimes this does cause DS problems because it all gets to be too much. Last year he did try to order us to turn off the TV so that he could concentrate on something he was playing with, or sometimes he demands quiet - which is quite ironic because he is the one who is always making noises or talking to himself. At those times he goes up to his room to calm down for a bit. I/most family members do understand that he finds it hard sometimes. But he has to learn what he has to do to feel better, rather than try to control us into a situation that suits him. Like most things in life, sometimes the balance goes in his favour, and at other times it doesn't.

 

So maybe it isn't as rosey as I originally made out - but its near as dammit.

 

Absolutely! I don't think anyone (autistic or not) who hates the whole Christmas thing should be 'forced' to join in, but the answer to that is for them to learn how to opt out rather than expecting everyone else to. I sort of have the opposite problem where he gets sooooo excited and hyper that I have to 'suggest' some time out so he can calm down a bit. It just allows him to take the edge off, and with all the stuff he has in his room it's not like he's going to get bored (funny thing is - ninety nine times out of a hundred if i suggest a TO he choses to read rather than switch on the console/tv/puter, so I guess he knows he needs it too?) or anything...

Mind you, thinking back to family xmases when I was a kid by the time it got to the queen's speech and we'd been up since four (occassionally hoovering up 'leftover' alcohol when no one was looking ;)) my nearest in age brother and I would be running around the room like fully-fledged lunatics, so I guess it's all a matter of perspective! :D

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Its interesting to see all the attention this thread has had. Like most people who responded, I celebrate christmas for those reasons. This was in no way intended to make those who dont celebrate christmas feel left out. Its just something I wish to investigate as I have noticed that all parents in here are respectable and clearly care about thier children, Its like I have found a family. So thank you very much for all your responses to this post and will keep it going until after christmas, I am trying to do something about this, so that the family is still happy and Ds stress levels are not too high. We are starting the discussions on what he would like to eat. So i told him we will write it all down. At present I quite like the idea of taking him to choose what he wants, then wrap it and tell him we will give it to santa to look after it, however, if i was to use this he will surely ask me "how i will get it to santa". normally Ds writes his list of what he wants then we take it from there, and we keep everything low key, He asked me last year " how does santa get in the chimney, does he teleport", i quickly said, " its all magic". I also liked the idea of santa carving the wooden toys, i like most of them. thank you very much.

 

kind regards

 

Mygifts

 

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