Feel stressed!

[justine1]

Hi everyone

I am really stressed I have not felt this way before and dont know what to do!I am a single mum of four boys,I dont get any help from anybody,their father visits sometimes but can vary from a couple of hours to them staying at his overnight,even when he takes them overnight I am usually left with my youngest and even my eldest.I am with my children constantly,not that I can complain I do love them dearly but feel I am losing the plot.I have just finished an OU course and have started another three OU course,two of them are level 2 which is the same as 2nd yr Uni,all my essays end up by being due the same time,more pressure.I have a uni interview,for nursing,on 19 Nov as well.I have a brother and father who are supportive but they live 15 min drive away and none of us drive,use a bus,so we see each other once or twice a month.On the weekend I had an argument with my ex and just felt I had enough I felt I could lose control,and was shouting at my poor kids,its not their fault and felt awful after this,I did sit with them and apologise but think they will never forget my behaviour,I dont want to be a bad mum!!

My three yr old (who I suspect has AS) is very clingy to his dad and since I left his dad nearly two yrs ago he keeps saying he wants to go back,he sometimes says he hates me and he never eats anything,his dad gives him food which I freeze for him(only started this recently after his weight kept plummating) he always asks for his dad and this just makes me feel worse I feel like giving up.I never go the GP and I think I maybe depressed but I dont like meds and hate telling people my problems,find it easier and helpful to this on here.Also when I do my nursing I dont want depression to be on my records it worries me that this will prevent me getting a job.I am just really worried,I dont think I will ever harm my kids but do worry about harming myself then they will have nobody.

[dana]

I am sorry I don't have any advice to offer. Instead, I am sending you a lot of these. <'> >< <'> >< <'>

 

 

Danaxx

[KAY EF]

Hi everyone

I am really stressed I have not felt this way before and dont know what to do!I am a single mum of four boys,I dont get any help from anybody,their father visits sometimes but can vary from a couple of hours to them staying at his overnight,even when he takes them overnight I am usually left with my youngest and even my eldest.I am with my children constantly,not that I can complain I do love them dearly but feel I am losing the plot.I have just finished an OU course and have started another three OU course,two of them are level 2 which is the same as 2nd yr Uni,all my essays end up by being due the same time,more pressure.I have a uni interview,for nursing,on 19 Nov as well.I have a brother and father who are supportive but they live 15 min drive away and none of us drive,use a bus,so we see each other once or twice a month.On the weekend I had an argument with my ex and just felt I had enough I felt I could lose control,and was shouting at my poor kids,its not their fault and felt awful after this,I did sit with them and apologise but think they will never forget my behaviour,I dont want to be a bad mum!!

My three yr old (who I suspect has AS) is very clingy to his dad and since I left his dad nearly two yrs ago he keeps saying he wants to go back,he sometimes says he hates me and he never eats anything,his dad gives him food which I freeze for him(only started this recently after his weight kept plummating) he always asks for his dad and this just makes me feel worse I feel like giving up.I never go the GP and I think I maybe depressed but I dont like meds and hate telling people my problems,find it easier and helpful to this on here.Also when I do my nursing I dont want depression to be on my records it worries me that this will prevent me getting a job.I am just really worried,I dont think I will ever harm my kids but do worry about harming myself then they will have nobody.

 

Hi there

 

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I am a single mum of two, a girl and a boy. My dughter has Aspergers. My ex hardly sees the kids (usually every second saturday night) and my daughter doesn't like to go there and this sometimes causes a total meltdown. I have familiy but they live too far away and to be honest I doubt they would help me anyway.

 

I just finished university last June, I got a first class honors. It was hard work and at times I felt like leaving but just keep focusing on what you want in the future. In your case I assume it is to be a nurse, mine was just to get a qualification and get a decent job in order to provide enough for us to have a nice life.

 

I found at uni I managed OK with the reports and essays, I normally got myself as prepared as possible by researching and planning before I started writing. I was never late with a single piece of coursework, just try and keep ahead, even if it looks to others like you are starting too early. You will be fine if you go to uni, just think how great you will feel once its over.

 

Your little boy sounds liker my daughter was and still is with me (I mean clingy, she has always been like this ever since the day she was born!!)She never used to eat well either when she was that age. Please dont take it personally, and he will definately not hate you. If he has got Aspergers you will have a lot of times when things get angry because they will always lash out at the ones closest to them.

 

I went to my GP the other night becasue I too am feeling at the end of my tether. Just having a chat and a grumble about the lack of support helped me and I feel at this stage I can manage without any pills. But in saying that there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of help and Im not saying never. Dont feel bad on yourself if you do go for help, you are having to deal with a great deal more than the "normal" familiy.

 

I wish I could help you more, but keep strong and take care.

 

Big hug xx

[justine1]

Hi there

 

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I am a single mum of two, a girl and a boy. My dughter has Aspergers. My ex hardly sees the kids (usually every second saturday night) and my daughter doesn't like to go there and this sometimes causes a total meltdown. I have familiy but they live too far away and to be honest I doubt they would help me anyway.

 

I just finished university last June, I got a first class honors. It was hard work and at times I felt like leaving but just keep focusing on what you want in the future. In your case I assume it is to be a nurse, mine was just to get a qualification and get a decent job in order to provide enough for us to have a nice life.

 

I found at uni I managed OK with the reports and essays, I normally got myself as prepared as possible by researching and planning before I started writing. I was never late with a single piece of coursework, just try and keep ahead, even if it looks to others like you are starting too early. You will be fine if you go to uni, just think how great you will feel once its over.

 

Your little boy sounds liker my daughter was and still is with me (I mean clingy, she has always been like this ever since the day she was born!!)She never used to eat well either when she was that age. Please dont take it personally, and he will definately not hate you. If he has got Aspergers you will have a lot of times when things get angry because they will always lash out at the ones closest to them.

 

I went to my GP the other night becasue I too am feeling at the end of my tether. Just having a chat and a grumble about the lack of support helped me and I feel at this stage I can manage without any pills. But in saying that there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of help and Im not saying never. Dont feel bad on yourself if you do go for help, you are having to deal with a great deal more than the "normal" familiy.

 

I wish I could help you more, but keep strong and take care.

 

Big hug xx

 

Thank you so much for this I really feel better now,I know its not the same as talking but it really helps to get evrything out.I just find it hard to make friends,I have a friends from where I used to work but I dont feel I can trust her with my problems always worry she will gossip!Congratulations to you on getting through Uni and achieving your goals,I think its great!I think I will go to the GP just need the courage,I will take my three year old to talk about his weight and then maybe get to talk about myself.I know my three year old doesnt mean what he says,he often does say he loves me,I just think the not eating thing causes so much stress.My six year old who Has Aspergers also had problems eating but for some reason he was never as skinny as my 3 yr old,I think also my 3yr old (Dan) was a fat baby then when he reached 9mths he just dropped the weight and had issues with food he only ate with his dad,whereas Sam (6-AS) was clingy with me and so I was able to persuade him to eat even if it was not what we ate.I just see my Sam and Dan and think how on earth do people cope having more than one child with AS???I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when I talk to them.They aresuper sweet at times though!Thank you so much for your kind words!

[JsMum]

 

 

Hi, there is a number of helplines I use when in times of difficult times.

 

Contact A Family helpline

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/index.html

 

National Autistic Society have a Parentline.

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=2164

 

And this one mainly for your stress/dispair

 

http://www.sane.org.uk/SANEline

 

I hope that you get some support very soon.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

 

 

 

[Kathryn]

Justine you're amazing for doing all that. I'm amazed you can even get out of bed in the morning. I went back to uni when my daughter was 5 and even that was hard work and I didn't have half the challenges you have so - respect:

 

I read your other thread about your ex - you're obviously under a lot of stress and I hope you can find courage to talk to the GP. Maybe when you see your father and brother you can arrange to have a bit of time for yourself if you're not doing that already, even if it's just to go out for a cappucino and wander round the shops.

 

Sending you these <'> <'>

 

K x

[justine1]

Thank you Kathryn and Dana for these <'> and the kind words.I do feel better.I had my eldest 9 yrs ago and I have only been out to socialise twice since then,and both times was no longer than an hour.It makes me angry when I hear women complain when they "only" go out all night once a month because they are really previliaged!!!!! I think it was easier when I worked because even though I would work hard it was still a little break from the kids and gave me a chance to talk to adults! I wish my brother and father could help out but my father suffers from chest problems and my brother has his own child and he has a disability on top of that they both work,my father has helped out recently when I went to write an exam and he will help when I go for my uni interview,but dont think if I say I want to go to the shops that he will help out.Anyway my father is going abroad for four months so things will be even tougher,because at least when he visits I do let off some steam telling him all my problems and he does play with the boys so I can just relax for a minute.But I know all these problems are temporary next year things will get easier I am positive about that.Thank you all so very much.

[jb1964]

I never go the GP and I think I maybe depressed but I dont like meds and hate telling people my problems,find it easier and helpful to this on here.Also when I do my nursing I dont want depression to be on my records it worries me that this will prevent me getting a job.I am just really worried,I dont think I will ever harm my kids but do worry about harming myself then they will have nobody.

 

Hi Justine,

 

Thinking of you - hope you see your GP - just print off your post and take it along if you find it difficult to talk at first. I do know what you mean though - I'm extremely thankful that I have my hubby at my side and I find it difficult to cope sometimes - I can't imagine how you cope on your own.

 

Please take care, chin up,

Jb x