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got the tshirt

really down at moment

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Hi all,

I have been reaing the forum for sometime but decided yesterday to join, I have introduced my girls in "meet and greet" I don't know why but I am feeling really fed up at the moment. We that is OH and I decided to try to get help for our Dd3 earlier this year, she has lots of difficulties with routine, rules, anxiety, sharing, smells, to name but a few. She took ages to settle at school and vomitted regularly at first. The school have been brilliant luckily and are going through the assessment procedure with us. The biggest problem is that everytime we have an appointment it is soooo traumatic for her. She hates going to new places and not knowing the people who are there. The last time we had an appointment she was really angry with me for ages afterwards. I hate talking about her in front of her, she is really bright and picks up on everything even when you don't think she is listening. The consultant pead that we saw in the summer has visited her at school and has said she definately shows signs of aspergers and that she is going to be more difficult to manage than a NT child. [very helpful].

I don't want to go on but I have already been down this raod before with Dd1 who is 21 and was nearly diagnosed ADHD at 8 but then the powers the be decided that her problems were caused by my parenting style, how about that for supporting you. We have faced endless challenges with Dd1 including school refusal, bullying, anger issues, dropping out of school and now she is living alone with her one year old daughter and just about coping most of the time. In between these 2 girls I have an NT daughter who is a perfectly ordinary stroppy teen, hence the reason we decided to go through assessment for the youngest. I just keep wondering if I am doing the right thing. At the moment I can't face being told it's my fault again, but I can't face going through all the challenges again without some help.

Sorry didn't mean post to be soooo long.

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You have been treated unfairly and have a right to be upset about this. i feel you are trying to do the best for your kids.

"Multicoloured mayhem" is written by a parent of kids with autism, aspergers, adhd, sensory issues and dyspraxia.

Jacqui Jackson is the author and her book is fun.

 

Autism act coming soon, possibly april 2010 at the latest dec 2010.

 

Alexis

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That's so unfair... You can't control having children that are, in the eyes of the ignorant, 'troublesome'. The people that decided that the problems you mentioned were down to you should hang their heads in shame (if they haven't already). I can only hope that they learned from this, and that any help you need from them in the future is immeasurably better.

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thanx trekster I have got multicoloured mayhem, in fact i have just lent it to someone I know whose son has just had a dx of asd. I have read Freaks, geeks and aspegers too and loads of other stuff. I am really glad people are replying cos my confidence is taking a bit of a battering at the moment.

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Hi firstly and a warm welcome >:D<<'>

 

You have backing from a consultant peadatrition who has felt she shows signs of aspergers syndrome I dont think this CP is blaming anyone here, the school are also supporting your daughter too, you are certainly not doing anything wrong and reading your post no one is pointing the finger at the big P.

 

If it does turn out she has AS it maybe that you have more questions about your eldest than your youngest and I am wondering if this is what your down about because there is little you can do for your eldest but you can with your youngest due to the consultant suspecting AS early on.

 

No one did that for your eldest except suspect ADHD and then blame you, so I think your youngest is opening old wounds for you, it may make you feel like the past is been repeated again but at the moment that is not the case and your third daughter has the support, you are going to need a lot of help to get throw the past issues with your first daughter so that you can deal with and cope with the process of your third daughters assessments and possible dx of AS because if she does get a dx it maybe hard for you to except because it will raise deep feelings you maybe have buried about your eldest daughter.

 

For further support on AS I would recommend NAS and Contact A Family.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

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Hi firstly and a warm welcome >:D<<'>

 

You have backing from a consultant peadatrition who has felt she shows signs of aspergers syndrome I dont think this CP is blaming anyone here, the school are also supporting your daughter too, you are certainly not doing anything wrong and reading your post no one is pointing the finger at the big P.

 

If it does turn out she has AS it maybe that you have more questions about your eldest than your youngest and I am wondering if this is what your down about because there is little you can do for your eldest but you can with your youngest due to the consultant suspecting AS early on.

 

No one did that for your eldest except suspect ADHD and then blame you, so I think your youngest is opening old wounds for you, it may make you feel like the past is been repeated again but at the moment that is not the case and your third daughter has the support, you are going to need a lot of help to get throw the past issues with your first daughter so that you can deal with and cope with the process of your third daughters assessments and possible dx of AS because if she does get a dx it maybe hard for you to except because it will raise deep feelings you maybe have buried about your eldest daughter.

 

For further support on AS I would recommend NAS and Contact A Family.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

Good post, I agree.

 

Hi 'got the tshirt'

 

Be kind to yourself, we all have these ups and downs, and I'm sure we've all felt like we're belng blamed for everything. It isn't fair, but they still do it.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hello,

Have you seen the 'autism exemplar' posted in the education forum. You could print that off and show it at appropriate moments to professionals involved.

You know it isn't down to your 'parenting style'. So just don't accept it. If there are any courses that you think could be helpful, then fair enough. It makes me so angry. We have not made our children autistic.

There are lots of organisations that can help such as the National Autistic Society, IPSEA, ACE, BIBIC. They all offer helplines and educational helplines. BIBIC can do assessments, which you might find helpful.

 

My son used to get very upset at leaving the house. We sent to a seminar by Olga Bogdashina (she has written a number of books about ASDs, language and communication problems, triad of impairments, sensory issues). At the seminar she suggested the child is able to wear a hat or hoodie, sunglasses (or Irlen lenses if appropriate), be given headphones to cover ears, or if the child is older and can listen to music that they have an ipod. She also said something small that they can hold often helps. Younger children might prefer a large cuddly toy. My son has a cuddly shark. It goes to many places with him. Now he is 8 he still likes to take it to the cinema with him or to new places he is uncertain of. Maybe you could find something for your daugther to have to hold. She must choose it. Something that makes her feel safe. Something that represents strength eg. a small lion, bear, elephant, shark etc. I found these things really helped.

 

If you feel uncomfortable talking about your daughter infront of her, say so. Tell them that she listens and understands that something is wrong and that it is worrying her. Most professionals use this time as an opportunity to observe the child whilst talking to you.

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hi everyone and thanx for the replies.

 

JSmum I think you might be right about old wounds, I think if we get close to a dx for Dd3 I will be able to talk to Dd1 about her difficulties more. We do talk about Dd3 sometimes because Dd1 says she's a "nightmare" but its hard to find the right time to tell her what I think.

 

Sally44 I will try getting Dd3 to take someting special with her to the next appointment. When she was little she used to take a video of "come outside" everywhere with her. The trouble with that was when you got to where you are going and they hadn't got a video player, all hell broke loose so I weaned her off it and haven't ever let her get into the habbit of taking the same thing out with us. Maybe I need to take a deep breath and go for it.

 

I have read some really good posts on the forum and I know there are loads of you all going through similar or even worse than me, I was having a bad day yesterrday but feel a bit better today having got some of it off my chest.

Thanx again everyone B)

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i take my playmobil characters with me when i go out. They are only 3 inches tall and they represent people in my life. Also they always smile which helps when im feeling down. Stroking lexxie (my nickname) playperson instantly relaxes me as i remember my gran stroking my hair when im distressed.

 

Alexis

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Thanx trekster Dd3 loves playmobil it is her favourite toy, in fact its the only toy she plays with. We will try taking some when we go for the speech and lang assessment. It might clam her down abit.

Don't know why I didn't think of it before.

Now I know why I joined the forum.

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:thumbs: Hi Gotthetshirt, welcome to the forum!

 

I told the SALT person that she'd better get some Playmobil in if she wanted my DS to talk to her about anything, otherwise conversation was likely to be a little one-sided! :lol:

 

She got some playground toys in that G hadn't seen before, but unfortunately, there was a roundabout, that you could spin, and spin, and spin, and spin...and it went round, and round, and round, and round, and round....... :lol::lol::lol:

 

Not much conversation in the end, after all! ;)

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ha ha mum of 3, we have that roundabout. My Dd1 and Dd2 are both really jealous cos since Dd1 moved out the spare room has become the playmobil room and has been completly taken over by Dd3 and the little people.

Although I have managed to keep 2 corners, 1 for the camping gear and 1 for the clothes airer. How sad am I.

The only problem with the playmobil is that it has recently become off limits to anyone else. Paed says I need to try to invite more children to play. She's having a laugh. B)

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Yes my son's into playmobil as well. I think they are brilliant toys. He used to be into lego and construction stuff only. Now he's moving more over to playmobil. The house is being taken over. We've got pirate ships, knights, soldiers, coluseum - and this christmas he's getting the pyramid!!

Plus i'm having to bid on ebay for some starwars storm troopers.

My son always takes something with him in his pocket. Infact at his old school they were always complaining about the bits he took in. At his new school he's allowed to take a couple of pieces in to help with social interaction and play with the other kids.

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Thanx trekster Dd3 loves playmobil it is her favourite toy, in fact its the only toy she plays with. We will try taking some when we go for the speech and lang assessment. It might clam her down abit.

Don't know why I didn't think of it before.

Now I know why I joined the forum.

 

Anytime, playmobil seems to be popular for autistics. i know a parent of an aspie, me and a few other autistics who like playmobil.

If she talks through the playmobils or another object during the assessment that's an indication of exposure anxiety. Something i only

recently discovered at a conference myself.

 

My playmobil are waving to your daughter. :thumbs:

 

Happy to help in any way i can. Being here helps me understand parents needs as well as explain autistic needs. It works so well together

due to this.

 

Alexis

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:thumbs: Hi Gotthetshirt, welcome to the forum!

 

I told the SALT person that she'd better get some Playmobil in if she wanted my DS to talk to her about anything, otherwise conversation was likely to be a little one-sided! :lol:

 

She got some playground toys in that G hadn't seen before, but unfortunately, there was a roundabout, that you could spin, and spin, and spin, and spin...and it went round, and round, and round, and round, and round....... :lol::lol::lol:

 

Not much conversation in the end, after all! ;)

 

Im guessing the SALT didn't attempt to talk about what DS was doing on the roundabout? There are all sorts of indirect ways of assessing people.

 

Alexis

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ha ha mum of 3, we have that roundabout. My Dd1 and Dd2 are both really jealous cos since Dd1 moved out the spare room has become the playmobil room and has been completly taken over by Dd3 and the little people.

Although I have managed to keep 2 corners, 1 for the camping gear and 1 for the clothes airer. How sad am I.

The only problem with the playmobil is that it has recently become off limits to anyone else. Paed says I need to try to invite more children to play. She's having a laugh. B)

 

Pre diagnosis age 12 i divided the playmobil up between me my brother and sister. At the time DB was only 2 so got hairless adults. Sister was about 7 at the time. Both of them wanted me to play the dividing up game again the next time! These are NTs as well.

 

So having some playmobil assigned to each child could be an idea.

 

Alexis (who loves talking playmobileeeeeeeeeeeee) thats a happy squeak btw.

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Yes my son's into playmobil as well. I think they are brilliant toys. He used to be into lego and construction stuff only. Now he's moving more over to playmobil. The house is being taken over. We've got pirate ships, knights, soldiers, coluseum - and this christmas he's getting the pyramid!!

Plus i'm having to bid on ebay for some starwars storm troopers.

My son always takes something with him in his pocket. Infact at his old school they were always complaining about the bits he took in. At his new school he's allowed to take a couple of pieces in to help with social interaction and play with the other kids.

 

Im pleased the school permits this, a confusing unfamiliar environment can be felt safer by having something familiar and predictable owned by the autistic.

 

Alexis

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thanx trekster, we could try assigning playmobil to different children, one of the problems is that Dd3 is soooo prescriptive in her play and really gets upset when people don't play her way. I think that other children get so fed up with trying to follow all her rules that they just give up and wander off. Or as is often the case Dd3 ends up in meltdown.

We find the summer easier because Dd3 is better outside where she can vent on the trampoline if things are not going her way.

I know I should do more on the sharing front but at the moment I am opting for a quiet life at home because she is generally done with sharing by the time she gets home from school. B)

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thanx trekster, we could try assigning playmobil to different children, one of the problems is that Dd3 is soooo prescriptive in her play and really gets upset when people don't play her way. I think that other children get so fed up with trying to follow all her rules that they just give up and wander off. Or as is often the case Dd3 ends up in meltdown.

We find the summer easier because Dd3 is better outside where she can vent on the trampoline if things are not going her way.

I know I should do more on the sharing front but at the moment I am opting for a quiet life at home because she is generally done with sharing by the time she gets home from school. B)

 

That makes sense, remember that its not all about getting ones way, she just doesnt understand how anyone elses way works.

Do you think she would participate in playmobil play at an NAS out of school club? Or isnt there one in your area?

 

Alexis

 

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That makes sense, remember that its not all about getting ones way, she just doesnt understand how anyone elses way works.

Do you think she would participate in playmobil play at an NAS out of school club? Or isnt there one in your area?

 

Alexis

 

 

I don't really know much about the Nas as we are only just beginning our dx journey. Maybe I will look in to it when I get chance. B)

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