Dumped by police 30 miles from home in a strange place

[Nats mum]

Ok for all you aspy sufferers like me you should understand the stress caused to me by this one.

it is 2007 and my X who sais he wants to stay my friend suddenly decided I am ahrrassing and stalking him.. ok he is in glastonbury I am in Lincs, bit hardot stalk someone from 250 miles away but hey.

 

Anyway the police come around and CHARGE me with harrassment despite everything!. I explain to them I have aspergers.. deaf ears they do not want to know.

 

next thing i know is I am arrested again, they refuse to tell me why or what for. I am hauled 30 miles away to a court where it emerges eventually like 5 minutes before I get to see the judge, that my 5 yr old had my mobile phone and re sent all my texts stored in it, including ONE to my X... so breaching the rules not to talk to him..

 

I was found NOT GUILTY.

I was then turfed out on the street, no money, no coat, no bag, no mobile phone obviously! no idea were I was or how to get home.

On top of that I knew I had a child to collect from school at 3pm and no idea how to sort that mess out. It was in my schedule I had to be there it is in my timetable.. I had a meltdown (does anyone relate to this?)

 

This has traumatised me to this day and I am still reeling from it.

the upshot is I do not talk to people. I do not go out, I do not socialise. I have given up all my hobibies and pasttimes and inerests.

 

anyway apart from that bit....

 

My question is..

Under human rights I am sure I should have been treated with more respect. surely I am entitled to at least an apology?

 

does anyone know a good solicitr or think I am in my right to try and get an apology?

[justine1]

This is wrong!I dont know your whole situation,if your ex had a restraining order hence why your were barred from contacting him there must have been very good evidence to do this as harressment is not taken lightly.I do understand that the child sent the text etc. Here is the problem,I have had dealings with the police and unless you were at your ex's home(which you werent),then they could have just explained why you were being arrested giving you time to explain,again from the police point of view harrassment is serious,I am sure you have heard in the news how poilce dont take it seriously and women end up murderd.The one thing I can say is I think if you had commited the act which is what the police thought at the time then regardless of a disability they have a duty to arrest you to protect your ex,sorry I know that seems harsh given the outcome of your situation but thats reality.There are two things you can speak to a solicitor about:one is if you felt mistreated in any way when in police custody,after you were able to explain you have aspergers were you asked if you needed help. The second thing would be the fact that you were left to get home alone,they should have driven you back home,called someone to fetch you or called a cab(I dont know about the money side of the last one though ie who exactly would pay.)Sorry I cant recommend a solicitor.Also not sure as you mentioned2007,if that is when this happened I dont really think you will have a case.I wanted to take an employer to a tribunal as I was pregnant at the time wanted to wait till after baby came but told these things have to be done in 6 months,and most courts work the same,maybe 6-12 mths,but I do think you should speak to a lawyer,you may need proof about what you are claiming so you have to think if that will be possible.

[Tally]

There is normally a time limit on making complaints. Given this happened over two years ago, I wouldn't imagine it's possible now.

[Nats mum]

This is wrong!I dont know your whole situation,if your ex had a restraining order hence why your were barred from contacting him there must have been very good evidence to do this as harressment is not taken lightly.I do understand that the child sent the text etc. Here is the problem,I have had dealings with the police and unless you were at your ex's home(which you werent),then they could have just explained why you were being arrested giving you time to explain,again from the police point of view harrassment is serious,I am sure you have heard in the news how poilce dont take it seriously and women end up murderd.The one thing I can say is I think if you had commited the act which is what the police thought at the time then regardless of a disability they have a duty to arrest you to protect your ex,sorry I know that seems harsh given the outcome of your situation but thats reality.There are two things you can speak to a solicitor about:one is if you felt mistreated in any way when in police custody,after you were able to explain you have aspergers were you asked if you needed help. The second thing would be the fact that you were left to get home alone,they should have driven you back home,called someone to fetch you or called a cab(I dont know about the money side of the last one though ie who exactly would pay.)Sorry I cant recommend a solicitor.Also not sure as you mentioned2007,if that is when this happened I dont really think you will have a case.I wanted to take an employer to a tribunal as I was pregnant at the time wanted to wait till after baby came but told these things have to be done in 6 months,and most courts work the same,maybe 6-12 mths,but I do think you should speak to a lawyer,you may need proof about what you are claiming so you have to think if that will be possible.

 

 

hi the only harrsssing i did was send him emails. as was pointed out in court. IF HE DID NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM ME WHY DID HE NOT SIMPLY DELETE THEM?

we were trying to sort out the maintainance at the time. and in between that I got emails saying how he would still be my friend and then he was going tos rot out a birthday oresent and card for me and bring it over when he came to visit. things like that.

 

i told the police a dozen times. I am NOT a bad person. I have never harrassd anyone in my life and given it was so many hundreds of miles away and it was only emails. "rows via email" it did go both ways! i was absolutely taken aback when they said they would go ahead and charge me!..

 

well it came back as not guilty, but their treatment of me on that one occasion over the mobile phone was.. well the pits! and once again a NOT guilty verdict.

 

i KNOW it was 2 years ago. I had a breakdown. I am jus trying to get my life together. I want to move on, but cannot without putting this and my x to rest that doesnt mean I am gonna kill him ok!) and get some ending to the whole thing, and some guidance frm people such as your good selves so i do not end up doing this again.

[Kathryn]

Hi Mats mum,

 

Really horrible situation for you. <'> I'm not sure what you can do as I have no knowledge of the systems involved. Who would you like an apology from? Even if yoy did have a case, you're definitely out of time for a disability discrimination claim, unfortunately.

 

I've just looked up the website of the police complaints commission: apparently there is no time limit for making a complaint, although if it's more than 12 months with no good reason for the delay they may refuse to consider it. I don't know about the procedure if your complaint is about the way you were treated at the hearing.

 

I understand why it's still so upsetting, but after two years there may be little chance of the kind of satisfaction you're looking for and even if it is resolved, the stress of pursuing it mot be worth the outcome. It may be time to take a deep breath and try and move on and maybe seek some kind of therapeutic help for the effects you are suffering now. Just my opinion - feel free to ignore it.

 

K x

[Sally44]

I think firstly it might be better to know what your rights are as a person classed as having a 'disability' and how that impacts on you in unfamiliar circumstances or environments.

If someone is vulnerable, there surely are procedures to ensure they have an advocate with them.

I would suggest contacting the NAS to talk about that ie. in the past situation how would you have been able to contact someone who is your 'advocate' for them to assist and support you in the claims made against you (which the police arrested you for), and to help you afterwards ie. to get home, get your child picked up etc.

Many of your difficulties in that situation are typical of your diagnosis.

After speaking with the NAS for their ideas and input. I would contact someone to do with Disability Discrimination as 'reasonable adjustments' include for 'future' events as well as things happening now. So, it might be that you have a plan whereby if something like this happens, you - and everyone involved - knows what the plan is.

 

If anyone has something similar ie. a 'plan' it would be useful if they could post who helped them put it together and who they can contact as part of that plan.

 

Once you have a better understanding of that. I think you can complain. Regardless of the time limit, it would be interesting and useful for you to get a response on this and for the police to tell you who you have a right to contact in such circumstances.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

The whole experience must have been awful for you. You've obviously been in some incredibly stressful situations. The problems sound two-fold:

Firstly, you were in a situation whereby you must have been extremely anxious and stressed out eventually culminating in a meltdown. Given those difficult circumstances, it can be incredibly difficult for anyone to think clearly, communicate effectively and make yourself understood and heard. Secondly, it sounds like the police and others failed to take your disorder (AS) into account and ensure your needs were met. From your point of view and of the police, you should have had appropriate representation. One thing that can be incredibly useful are the cards that are available from NAS. They mean that you don't have to stress yourself out by explaining anything, but rather, simply show them the card. I wonder if the NAS helpline would be worth a shot. Alternatively, do you have a social worker (disability team)? I know that we often hear negative things about social workers, but there are some good uns out there! A section 23 social work assessment is designed to assess your needs as an individual and those of your family. The social worker who carries out the assessment should be able to give suggestions on the type of support which is available and suitable ie care worker, etc. I think first and foremost you need to get someone to support you before you consider making a complaint (a process which can be very lengthy and stressful).

 

I think you've been incredibly brave sharing your experience with others. Hopefully, you'll get some good advice.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[smiley1590]

no-one should be made go through that whatsoever that was cruel and mean they didn't even let you tell you side of things put in straight i can so understand why you had a meltdown i think i would have done too in that situation i think you did well considering the cirmstances you were made to put in! it's disgusting and appauling you must be very shaken up still! takes along while to get things out your system it sounds like your socially withdrawning from the world? and stop enjoying and having fun with your hobbies? could you be depressed maybe??? or anxious??? i think it unfair they left you without anything i'd be so annoyed and angry hurt bet you can't stop questioning it happened bet it taken over and ruled your life? i think you courageous for getting through it one piece as such!!! could you not get your Ex done for slander your name and repatiton at all is this possible i speak to NAS ,council and try push this matter as far as you can as it serious complaint that needs to be seen to not just igorned and swept under the carpet which is proably will eventually happen! you must have been so scared and afraid confused frustrated puzzled lost betrayed all of them things and more so many emotions!!! maybe you need to speak to counsellor about it s you can let some them thoughts,feelings /emotions out finally!!! ??? you're strong inside and you've won NOT your ex he hasn't beat you down! you fighting back stronger! good on you you deserve some help with this and to be heard!

 

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

 

good luck though

take care

[Nats mum]

I think firstly it might be better to know what your rights are as a person classed as having a 'disability' and how that impacts on you in unfamiliar circumstances or environments.

If someone is vulnerable, there surely are procedures to ensure they have an advocate with them.

I would suggest contacting the NAS to talk about that ie. in the past situation how would you have been able to contact someone who is your 'advocate' for them to assist and support you in the claims made against you (which the police arrested you for), and to help you afterwards ie. to get home, get your child picked up etc.

Many of your difficulties in that situation are typical of your diagnosis.

After speaking with the NAS for their ideas and input. I would contact someone to do with Disability Discrimination as 'reasonable adjustments' include for 'future' events as well as things happening now. So, it might be that you have a plan whereby if something like this happens, you - and everyone involved - knows what the plan is.

 

If anyone has something similar ie. a 'plan' it would be useful if they could post who helped them put it together and who they can contact as part of that plan.

 

Once you have a better understanding of that. I think you can complain. Regardless of the time limit, it would be interesting and useful for you to get a response on this and for the police to tell you who you have a right to contact in such circumstances.

Thank you so much, you have clarified in writing far better than me what i am tryng to achieve.

I was sure I should have been able to have a mediator with me or someone to try and help translate what was going on.

 

I KNOW it was 2 years ago. As I have said I have been very deeply traumatised. I am only just coming out and speaking on internet (this forum to be exact) since 6th Nov when I spoke to a specialist and got my Autism diagnosis officially updated from the original 1967 diagnosis where aspergers and ASD was unheard of. So i am "downgraded" from Mildly autistic to "Aspergers"

 

it is through that update I now feel able to go forward and get my life back on track.

 

In answer to peoples questions what do I hope to achieve?

it is simply an apology from the police. and an assurity it will not happen again to me or any other sufferer. The law as it stands says they can take you toa court hosue or police station and after that its up to US despite our condition to get home. they do not have to take us back to our homes even if found not guilty, and not charged.

 

the police need to have recognition of aspergers, ASD etc and, as you said.. but i couldnt word it right , some form of plan being put into place in future by police so that this dreadful thing never happens again.

 

it should never have happened in the first place.

 

I just want to make sure that things like this cannot happen in the future.

 

yes I cannot turn back the clock. the damage is done, but now I feel I HAVE to do somethig to stop this happening again. SO.. I need a solicitor

 

there must be so many of us who because of the communication problems, when faced with a problem we meltdown and as such without our cards, or a plan of action, or the simple fact the police and other authorities NEED to recognise us and have a plan themselves and do not. We end up arrested, charged.. much later in teh cold light of daya nd once we are calm again things are too late. a very simple plan could help us all and save us from far worse things, court cases etc. All it takes is a plan, some form of communication adn a simle bit of common sense from the police and other authorities.

 

We are NOT criminals.

We are NOT stalkers or harrassers.

I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, steal.

I sit at home, try to relax and meditate A LOT.

I am not a danger to anyone.

 

all i did was have a partner who i lived with me for 8 years until the money ran out and who repeatedly said he wanted to be my freind and so I kept in touch via email. then when it suited him he or his girlfriend started this hate campaign and set me up as a harrasser/stalker.

 

OK I was found NOT guilty.. but as I said the damage is done.

 

I am now too terrified to meet people or socialise for fear it will all happen again. If I see the police in town, or anywhere even if out driving I run and hide, or avoid them (sounds silly doesnt it) Because I am fearful they may see me and think I am doing something wrong, all because I do not know how to communicate, or give out the wrong signals.

 

so it is easier for me to not go out.

 

and this has all come about from that one event in 2007.

[Sally44]

I think that firstly you need to find out what you can do 'now' to ensure you know what to do in the future.

So find out what your rights are. Get your plan and know how to contact an advocate (doesn't have to be legal, but it needs to be known and arranged). Make sure you always have that information with you so you can make the phone call.

 

Try not to spend too much time on what has passed. Write a complaint and ask them what their procedures are for people with a diagnosis of autism/aspergers etc and explain what your personal difficulties were in that situation. Don't the police have any staff available who would deal with vulnerable people to make sure they are looked after?

 

I myself did have an issue with something that went totally wrong for my son, and I pursued it right to the extent that I had a meeting with the head of our local Council. But to be honest, although they apologised, I did not get the feeling that anything was going to change. Infact I'm sure they saw me as causing them more hassle.

 

So definately make a proper formal complaint. Afterall you also had a child about the leave school, with no-one to collect them, no money, no idea how to get home - and it has had a profound effect on you that has lasted years. So they do need to explain themselves. You could also send a copy to your MP. But having done that you need to move on.

 

Make sure you know what to do in another situation. For example you could be in your car in the middle of the countryside and it broke down. What would your plan be. I've found myself in that situation. I have breakdown cover, but I did not have the companies telephone number with me! I did not have a mobile phone with me! I was totally unprepared for that situation.

 

I think it is very important for adults on the spectrum to have a social network and support system in place. Because if something happens in life and you have to make decisions and gather information quickly, it can be very difficult for someone on the spectrum.

 

Someone else on this forum has posted about their situation in that they may have to leave their college course due to ill health. If they do that they will lose their student housing and will have no way of supporting themselves financially. Finding yourself in a situation where you are ill, you may become homeless, you have no money and will need to claim for benefits (which ones, where and when!!!). So much red tape, talking to people, where to go for advice etc to sort out in such a short time!

 

Hope you get some answers to your complaint and put together a plan whereby you know who you can contact to get help or advice when you need it.