omg help

[rach04]

First off sorry i haven't been around since ds1 has been a secondary sn school life had been sum what bliss after all that fighting.

 

Right, Im at the end of my tether with him and i dont know where to turn. A few months ago his pastrol support teacher rang me and informed me that they were close to going to social services because j had got upset in class and told them that my dh had got drunk and smashed all the windows!! Which resulted in me having to go to the school and explaining that dh hadnt drank in 6 weeks and although yes he is a recovering alcoholic but this had never happened. Ok managed to persuade the school after many of MY tears and frustrations came out.

Yesterday i get a phone call from the same teacher who said J had said the police had came to my house the night before and arrested his uncle for sexual abuse!!! He has one uncle my brother and he has prehaps visited me here twice in 9 years and he has NEVER stayed the night!! anyway j said that he was worried because his uncle shared his bed!!! Now it works out the he had a play thing at school about bullying in the home and this was one of the subjects. So I sat down with him and asked him what he thought sexual abuse was and he didnt know!! So i told him the best (if any) and worst case of sexual abuse and asked him why he had lied. He said he got upset with a lad at school and when the lsa asked him about why he was upset it "just came out" wtf. Now hes been banned from going football and computer but i cant work out what he gets out of it. He has a dx of dyspraxia,dyslexia and asd but through all my research of these i have never seen compulsive lying as part of these. Hes 13 now and although he has lied before but never this bad. MY mum said psychologist but he wouldnt understand why he was there and i dont think he would gain anything out of it.

Please help thanks in advance

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son is 8 and comes out with some corkers that's complete and utter fiction (he told his teacher that I hit him regularly, then told me a teacher pushed him, etc). I asked for support from a specialist dept within Edinburgh LEA, specifically asking for social stories. Have to say it's really helped. Not saying it's worked miracles but I think it's definitely helped. The last thing that anyone should do is blatantly call the child a liar (I feared that had happened with my son - by his teacher). but rather help them work out the difference between fact and fiction and set boundaries for when it's appropriate to tell fact and then fiction. You could google Carol Gray Social Stories. Because it's visual and not verbal (kids of the spectrum take longer to process verbal info and are much more responsive to visual stuff) it may well help.

 

Regards

 

Caroline.

[Kazzen161]

My son used to make up stories, loosely based on something he had heard or seen. He told his teacher that he had gone into the woods and found a car on fire and put it out by himself. This was total fiction, based on something he had seen on TV. School and I had to agree that we could never believe what he said, unless we checked with each other first. Sometimes it was that he misinterpreted something that had happened, sometimes I think he said it to make his life sound more exciting.

 

Unfortunately because of the sort of things your child is saying the school have to take it seriously. You need to try and explain to your son the problems saying things that are not true can cause (the "cry wolf" story) - that if something bad did happen to him, the school will not believe it.

[rach04]

thanks both <'>

 

I have told him what would have happened to his uncle, me and dad, us as a family if this had been taken seriously ie prison and us being separated. I also told him that if anything he learnt at this performance should happen to him then certainly go to the school but not to make up stories. School are now ringing me with progress reports and im to tell them if he says anything about school like last week he had an injection, Id had no letter about this and i was fuming turns out the girls had had the cervical cancer jab sunday he told his nan and grandad he was going drayton manor and they had a 2 hr chat about it etc monday night nan rings me and wants to ask him how he got on guess what he never or was ever going it was another class. When he was in his last week of primary he told school i was in LOndon that day being photographed for the sun for page 3 im a size 16 with boobs down to my knees his Lsa found it really amusing lol. They are just a few but im worried about what could come next

[Sally44]

It might be helpful if the speech and language therapist did an assessment of his language 'comprehension'. He may well be able to talk and give information to other people, but if he does not understand what he is saying he may be using it as a way of interacting. So he is in a position where he wants to talk to someone, or he is asked a question and has to give a reply - if he cannot get his thoughts together to give an answer relevant to the question, or talk on a topic he knows he can share with someone - he might instead just come out with 'anything' he can dig out of his memory, which maybe something he has heard, read or seen on TV. Because using that language fills the 'gap' of communication that he cannot do spontaneously himself. So my guess is that a SALT assessment might shed more light on this.

Apart from that, you and school need to keep in close contact about what he is saying in both environments. In this case it is unfortunate that you do have a recovering alcoholic in the house, and that is therefore a subject he can use.

I doubt it is malicious, as you have already said he does not know what 'sexual abuse' is etc.

[harmony]

Hi

My daughter, with diagnosis of AS, dyspraxia and ADHD. Lies constantly, all day everyday! she is now 14, but this has been going on for years. I remember when she was small she told all my friends my husband and I were getting a divorce (100% not true)

She lies about taking money from my purse, about having removed things from our room ( when I find items belonging to me under her bed)

She makes up stories all the time, so I do understand where you are coming from.

I don't think our children understand that lying can and will eventually get them into real trouble. It is almost like my daughter doesn't care if i acuse her of lying or not.

If you find an answer do let me know, as I too am at a loss.

Thoughts are with you

Harmony

[justine1]

Hi my son is six with AS he doesnt lie alot infact he mostly is very honest,however if someone has upset him for example told him off and he gets angry he will lie against that person he has done this to numerous teachers in the past and it started when he was three he usually says that they have hit him for his bad behaviour,when he first said it given he was 3 I was hrrified and believed him the preschool he went to were so upset over it,I didnt take him for a week while we tried to resolve it,in the end he came clean.Like I say it does happen every so often and its hard because if someone did hurt him I wouldnt believe him!

[got the tshirt]

I can really relate to this, my Dd1 has been telling lies for a long time and it has been very damaging to our relationship. She doesn't live at home any more she is 21. I have never been able to help her with this and it has caused soooo much trouble. She lies all the time and I am certain she believes most of what she says. She doesn't have a dx but I think she probably has AS.

 

I wish I could tell you how to help your son but I have no idea how to stop children from lying. I would suggest some professional dvice before your relationship with your son is damaged. Good luck.

[rach04]

Thanks everyone <'>

 

I have spoken to the school this morning and we have agreed a professional wont help as he doesnt seem to recognize what he has done. So we are keeping in constant contact with anything that is said by him at home and school. I guess i just panicked lol.

 

thankyou all again xx