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Ric

Communication Tipps

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Hi. I have recently had a letter from the Derbyshire NHS confirming my referral to a Clinical Psychologist in February. In the same letter it goes on to tell that even if ASD is confirmed, there is no support for adults with aspergers in Derbyshire or the NHS. One of the biggest problems I have is communication. I am 'scarred'? to use the phone, do not acknowledge friends, people, neighbours in the street or garden in fact I will not even go out unless there is no-one in the street. I find it very difficult sometimes to even communicate by e-mail and even posting on this forum now. I wondered if anyone had any advice or pointers regarding any information on this please.

 

Many thnx Ric :^)

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It sounds like you have considerable social anxiety, which is not unusual for people with AS when you consider that we can get it wrong and have it go badly so many times.

 

One thing I have learned is that it is important to create a good first impression, as people make judgements about others fairly quickly. I find that if you can start off with a good first impression, people will be forgiving if you make mistakes later on. You have to find ways that work for you, but also bear in mind that it might feel a bit strange while you get used to it. I try to smile and say hello at least, as that makes you seem like an approachable person who wants to make friends. I found this really helped in my last job, where at first I wouldn't talk to anyone and some people got completely the wrong impression about me and thought I was a bit snooty and felt myself superior to them, which wasn't the case at all!

 

Finding ways to start a conversation made me feel more confident about trying it in the future, so although you probably have to push yourself really hard at first, you should find it gets easier and feels more natural once you start to have positive encounters.

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Hi Tally. I think it is because I don't want to enter into a conversation that I ignore people. I don't want to encourage any interaction by saying hello or looking at them and yes this has led people to think I'm snooty and superior. It isn't because I don't like people Its the same feeling as being hugged even by a family member, I always just want to push away. In fact I am very envious of those that can have a normal conversation. I remember seeing my doctor when I left school at 15 and started work with this problem and he prescribed the usual tranquilisers etc that just made me worse, so he advised me to use a 'tot' of whiskey instead and this and lager ammounts I used for the next 38 years with some degree of success. I quite alcohol completlely a couple of years a go in a health drive, got fit and that is when the underlying problems surfaced, since, I have hardly been out, can communicate only with my pc and find that the probable cause for all these yeasr has been aspergers and discalculia. There is apparently a switched-on aspergers group in Buxton that I could visit the problem is, going thru the door in the first place.

 

Many Thanks

 

and my thanks also to Lain for the info.

 

Ric

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Hi again. I would just like to add that even though I used alcohol with some success, most of the time it was failure, unable to keep a job, driving offence, near break up of family just to mention a few. I am not condoning the use of alcohol and it dosen't mix well with aspergers at all. I assure you!

 

Thanks Ric :^)

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