is the senco being too hard?

[jlogan1]

hi just wondered if any one could offer any advise,my dd of 13 hasnt been to school since june 2008,we are awaiting an assessment for aspergers,i have done the ADI-R with paediatrician who said she is above the cut off level and are awaiting app for dd to do a ADOS module 4,meantime the school have only had contact twice since last summer once on the last day of term in october to send some work home( i had been asking for 8 weeks before i got any) and a few weeks ago they sent some more home ,dd feels let down by school and is very rigid in her thinking that they have not done enough to support her,now the school have phoned this morning to say a home education teacher is turning up tommorow morning at 9.30,we have not met this teacher before and the senco has said my dd should be ready and expected to do some work and have tables and chairs ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well dd is saying doesnt want to see lady,( she has severe social problems ,she doesnt go out and never sees anyone new as she cant cope with strangers,)but thats not the point,surely the school are being a bit heavy handed expecting her to just accept soemone that she has never met before and to do school work,without any relationship building in advance.

i am all for the school sorting themselves out but just seems very harsh way round.i want her to have education but after all this time surely there should be some softly softly approach,would just like to hear anyones views,because just dont know how tommorow will go ,the last time they sent someone round ,nearly a year ago myy dd run away and afraid the stress will get too much and the same thing will happen

sorry to go on any support appreciated <'>

[jaffacakes]

I think they are being too hard on you, it sounds like the usual expectation that you should gratefully accept any crumbs as given.

 

As a complete novice to this I'd suggest asking that you speak to this home education teacher before any meeting, even if this means cancelling the Appt for tomorrow. You need to explain how your daughter may react and find out how the teacher intends to handle the situation. This should give you a clear idea of how much information this HE teacher actually has, is s/he expecting someone with a broken leg or do they actually know your daughters details

 

Also possibly better arrange to meet in a more suitably acceptable location if you have one (coffee shop?)? or ensure that this HE teacher does not walk through the door like a Bull in a China shop and put your daughter off seeing her ever again.

 

Good luck

 

Lynn

[Kathryn]

I agree that the approach should be "softly softly" after such a long time. On the other hand, somebody is actually trying to do something, however inadequate, and that's something to be thankful for, for the moment, and at least try to go along with, maybe. At the very least, even if you try and it doesn't work, you will have one more witness to the difficulties your daughter is having, which may help as you continue to beat on doors asking for support.

 

I agree with jaffacakes' suggestion to try and make contact with the tutor yourself beforehand so you can suss her out and see how much of the situation she understands, and how flexible she is willing to be. There may be a long way to go before your daughter will be prepared to sit and do formal work so a gradual introduction may be wiser. Can the tutor try something creative - engage your daughter through her interests (Twilight?) even if the first meeting just involves sitting and watching a DVD with her or drawing pictures with her or making things? Could you all go for a brief walk together - does she have a dog she can bring? Can she make contact via email with your daughter and build up a relationship that way first? All wild suggestions maybe, as I don't know your daughter, but these are things which various people (including a LA home tutor) tried when my daughter was afraid of people, not leaving the house and difficult to engage.

 

K x

 

 

[Karen A]

Hi.

I do not have a lot of personal experience of this situation.

However I think the home tutor is probably coming from the LA rather than school.

The SENCO may be passing on a message word for word due to lack of experience of the service.

If you give the home tutor the benefit of the doubt it may turn out that they are very supportive.It would be sad to miss the oppurtunity to find out just becuse the SENCO could have communicated the message a bit more sensitively.

Karen

 

[Annea]

Hiya,

I agree with Kathryn that it must be softly softly, but it would be a shame to put a halt on what at last is progress.

My daughter like yours is very anxious, her tutor took things very carefully, and funnily enough did bring her dog and asked if we could go for a walk!

 

Looking at the dates, your tutor will already have been in, how did things go?

 

If things didn't go to plan, try to speak with the tutor on your own, see if you can create some sort of action plan that would be acceptable to your daughter. Also if your daughter can't cope with a stranger in her home, there is no reason what a suitable alternative place can't be arranged. For example, my daughters home tutor saw some children at the local library. This is good as it does let the child get away if necessary. A few times when we had the tutor here, when my daughter couldn't cope she had no where to go, and ended up running off away from home which is her safe place.

 

I think I am corrrect in saying that all aspects of home ed should be risk assessed, we had a huge form we had to fill in, to make sure things were safe and suitable, but this works both ways, and the tutor shouldn't be causing excess stress to your daughter in her attampts to educate her.

 

Let us know how she got on.

 

x

 

 

[jlogan1]

thankyou for all your replies,unfortunatley,or rather fortunatley it snowed so she couldnt get here but i have now spoken with the ed pshycologist it works out they havent got anyone available from the home tuition dept so should would be a teacher from the school,dare not let my daughter find out,but have also been told that this was planned to be done after a multi agency meeting on 9th march so the school are jumping the gun,phoned senco to ask if could speak to teacher and was given the 3rd degree as to why i wanted to talk to her was told she has access to all my dd records so knows what the situation is but ed psh has agreed that i should be able to talk to teacher first to update her especialy as we havent got a clue who she is ,even ed psy doesnt know her!!!!!!

BUT dd has said she still wont see her , i have suggested she give her a chance of 5 mins and after that dd can get up and walk out of room without giving any explanation if she so wishes but that we really need to give teacher benifit of doubt as she could be realy nice.but although this has now been put on hold til i have seen teacher and have had multi agency meeting on 9th dd is adamant she wont see anyone and will run away if need be

BUT also the multi agency meeting( i wrote to ed authority on friday to get assessment done because school are doing nothing)the senco has given me a list of who is invited and can you believe there are 2 people coming one a doctor who we have never even heard of let alone met so how on earth can they comment,there are also other people who have only met my dd once a couple of years ago so am finding it very frustrating that these people are going to get a say in the matter when they do not even know what is happening!!

but am determind to stand my ground although feel that will be very intimidating me against abot 8 or 9 other people ,but am fed up with not getting anywhere,they just dont seem to understand dd wont see anyone and wont go out,i am asking for distance learing and to me at the present time i think thats is the only way it will work.right finnished the rant and all out of the sysyem for now.

thanks again for replies at least its not just me who thinks they are being too hard,

regards julia