Jump to content
Thames

Telling your child that they have aspergers?

Recommended Posts

My son is 7 yrs old, he is now awaiting formal diagnosis, the SALT says he appears to have Aspergers/HFA.

 

What/when and how do i tell my son ??

 

He is aware he is different from others and that he struggles with some things that others find easy.

 

I would be grateful for any advice as to how to go about telling him.

 

Thanks

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IMO they are never too young

 

I am basing that on my own adoption and the fact I always knew I was adopted long before I knew what it meant, once I knew what it meant I happily accepted it as part of my life

 

My parents just chatted generally about me being different and special, I guess you can take the same approach to your son and apply it to his AS xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We told DS as soon as a dx was likely - he was 7 too. he already knew he was dfferent and was able to understand the concept of AS. We also told him it just meant he found some things difficult that others find easy - like playing with others, and he finds some things easy that others find difficult, like maths, so it wasn't something "wrong" with him, just different.

 

It is an ongoing explanation tho, extra info as and when it seems appropriate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IMO they are never too young

 

I am basing that on my own adoption and the fact I always knew I was adopted long before I knew what it meant, once I knew what it meant I happily accepted it as part of my life

 

My parents just chatted generally about me being different and special, I guess you can take the same approach to your son and apply it to his AS xx

 

Thats exactly the same for me!! I am sure it was actually my brother that told me I was adopted because I don't remember being told about it but I suddenly changed when I was about 4 according to my cousins. My brother told me he told me, which would n't have been in a nice way but my Dad always talked about it as if it was totally normal and very factually.

 

I approached telling DS about his diagnosis in the same way, he knew he was different he knew he was struggling and getting told off all the time for what he thought was no reason so I told him before we went to all the appointments that we were trying to find out exactly what he found hard so he can get some help with it all. He was all for it because he was a pretty unhappy boy by then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone.

 

I had a bit of a chat with him today after school, just me and him without his brothers there, we just chatted about the lady he saw today [sALT] and he asked why he was having those 'stupid babyish tests' i tried to explain that some people are good at some things but find other things more difficult and those tests were to see if he was one of those people that found some things harder, he wasnt particularly impressed with that! its hard as i have to explain things in short imformative ways or else it just opens up all kinds of questions or he doesnt get it.

 

im gonna have a look at getting a book as ive seen on the net there are some that are helpful for children, hes going to be seeing other professionals over the next few months so im just going to be as open as i can and try and focus on the positives [ie stuff hes good at]

 

thanks again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am considering telling my 8 year old son about his diagnosis.

When he was diagnosed a year ago, my husband and I decided that it would not help to tell him, and the diagnosing doctor agreed. However, now we are thinking it may stop him coming up with other self-hating explanations for his differences.

I am thinking of giving him an adventure story (he loves to read) about a boy being diagnosed with Aspergers. I previewed an exerpt on Amazon, and it opens with a boy being told off by his teacher for rocking on his chair (just like my boy!). Maybe he will recognise that he is different, a bit like that storybook character, and we'll see how we go from there...

If we do go ahead with this, I'll post again to say how it goes...

Nerve-racking!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i were diagnosed at 14 but i werent told, until i found on my computer i had there were a file i found about me i opened it at age 16 and questioned my parents why they never told me whats wrong with me. so im not sure what age to be honest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i were diagnosed at 14 but i werent told, until i found on my computer i had there were a file i found about me i opened it at age 16 and questioned my parents why they never told me whats wrong with me. so im not sure what age to be honest

 

If you don't mind me asking you a personal question; did finding out the REASON for your difficulties help you at all in how you thought about yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=22945

Hi.

I thought this thread might be useful if you have not spotted it.

It was regarding books about AS for parents of an eight year old.

There are some good books tthat might be helpful.

''Can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome'' is in my opinion very good but I have posted a few ideas and others have too.

:)

Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe (just maybe) one has to make a difference here between Aspergers and HFA. DS (6, HFA) has no clue that he may be in some way different. To him, the concept itself is totally foreign.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Hi

 

Although our son had been diagnosed with AS in Reception and the school were doing lots of stuff to support him, we waited until he was in Yr2 before we told him. It wasn't until then that he really started to notice differences, plus he began to have some self esteem issues. We also felt that being that little bit older meant that he would be better able to take it on board.

 

We just gave a very simple 'age appropriate' explanation and used the things that he had noticed himself. We made sure that we stressed the positives aspects of AS and his personal qualities as an individual. We read the "Blue Bottle Mystery" story as part of that too. We also explained was happening in school & home to help with his difficulties so he knew that something was being done to help him. There were tears on both sides, and I will never forget him asking me to take it away...but it was better that he began to understand himself better and help him feel that he had some control over all of this.

 

When he was in Yr4 he took my copy of Luke Jackson's 'Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome', as he wanted to read what it was all about as experienced by another young person with AS. He has read many AS related books of mine since then (he's now 13 1/2) which have helped him better understand his AS and himself. I think the key here is to provide the information they need/want when they ask or look for it. I have all my books in one place - he just goes and helps himself!!!

 

As he has got older we have continued to discuss his difficulties (new and old) and explore/agree ways of dealing with them. We are very lucky that he is an intelligent boy with the ability/willingness to engage in this.[/u][/u] Our goal is always to support him finding a way to best manage the situation towards a positive outcome and putting him more in control of his life. An oft used expression is "When you leave home ..."! Here's hoping!!!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My son is 7 yrs old, he is now awaiting formal diagnosis, the SALT says he appears to have Aspergers/HFA.

 

What/when and how do i tell my son ??

 

He is aware he is different from others and that he struggles with some things that others find easy.

 

I would be grateful for any advice as to how to go about telling him.

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

My son has AS and we were advised to tell him when he is changing schools. He is currently in P.5 and is very intelligent although he does not think there is anything wrong with him other than the fact that he loses his temper more than others. I think I will wait another while as he could get a shock. Any advice appreciated.

Thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...