Just a bit of advice

[JonnyN]

I have recently moved to a new area away from my ex partner, who I still feel very strongly for. We didn't end on the best of terms, but i've figured that i'm on a new route now. I am 25 and I am an Aspie, diagnosed when I was 15. I know there are some subjects on here about 'aspies' in the work related environment. I find my job a get out clause from all the overwhelming things that I am faced with day to day. I work as a dental technician and I have recently opened my own dental laboratory. At such a young age, my work is being noticed countrywide particularly my eye for detail and my dexterous ability.

 

As you have read, it seems I have made a pretty good go of things and for all of it I am very proud of myself, however.....

 

I feel like I have changed, I dont really know how to put it! I've never been the best at social interaction, trying to read body language is like trying to read hebrew or alien dialect. I've been oblivious to so many things and learnt the hard way, that I have no trust or faith in people at all. The sad thing is, I know i'm a very decent good willing person, but overcoming this seems like a mighty struggle. I know we as Aspies see the world differently, i'm learning this every day through experiences.

 

My frustration lies in the fact that I just cant let the real me out because i'm worried that I am not going to be accepted, my worry also lies in the fact that if I do let the real me out, whats to say I dont get let down again. I want to get close to people and I dont want to feel angry inside ( please note that my anger is inside, i'm to shy to be angry in peoples faces ) Anyones advice on ways to get through this would be greatly appreciated.

 

I hope everyone is well

 

Jonathan

[daniels-mum]

Hi Jonathan, Im not really the best person to offer advice and I am sure that someone else will be able to help more than me but I just wanted to say that you have so much to be proud of yourself for, what you have achieved is brilliant. I suspect that many of your worries are shared by alot of people, both with an ASD and without.

Its good that you are able to keep a lid on your feelings and you must do this very well to get to where you are at now, but obviously the feelings of frustration have to come out somewhere.

My DS has is coming towards the end of some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and I think we have both found it helpful, he has learnt breathing techniques which seem to be really effective, and it is simply breathing in for 7 secs and then out for 11 secs, he calls it his seven eleven. I did wonder what we would get out of the CBT when we started but I am really glad we have done it now.

I am not saying this is what you need, just dont think that things are hopeless as I am sure you are on the right track by realising what is worrying you to start with. Are you under a psychologist or any other professional, can you talk to them, you may even feel better by doing that.

And dont beat yourself up, you are doing fab by the sound of things.

[Tally]

Hi Jonathan,

 

I think many people find the breakdown of a relationship difficult, and the fact that you still have strong feelings for your ex suggests that you are still not recovered from that yet. When you find that you have made the wrong decision about who to trust, it can leave you feeling very insecure and unable to trust easily again. I think what you're experiencing at the moment is probably nothing to do with your Asperger's, and more to do with your relationship breakdown. It's something that will probably improve on its own, but you might need some input from a counsellor to guide you in the right direction if nothing seems to be changing.

[JonnyN]

Thank you both for the good advice. I think you both touched on two very important key factors and I can openly say that I am struggling inside to deal with my break up. I have experienced this situation before and I feel better equipped to deal with the loss. I think my thought proccess is of a negative nature about everything at the moment, so I have decided that maybe i'm just not ready to face interacting with people at the moment so I have decided to focus my attention on doing the things that make me feel good, maybe I'll meet like minded people along the way. It is unfortunate that after my diagnosis of AS, It was never really talked about until my ex partner found out. It is only recently that I have started reading and studying more about this fascinating condition. I just worry that I am an alien to society because I dont do or act the same as the norm.

 

Jonathan