Age appropriate

[Cariad]

T has a new school and has started full time this week. I'm very happy about this but something is niggling at me..He is more higher funtioning and fully verbal and you can have very intelligent conversations with him. He also does his own programs on the PC and his reading is of his age too..

 

When T had a tutor he did experiments and made things etc but they were "age appropriate". He's settling in well but he's been coming home with "Mother's day" cards and Easter cards he has made himself, and a paper flower. I know this is lovely but I feel uncomfortable as he will be fifteen at the end of the year. Also when he made a Christmas List for Father Christmas I cringed a bit, I don't want to keep him as a small boy.

 

I was talking to his dad about this and this was the work he did at The his first special school, and when he went to Playgroup. He never did anything like this in his former High school or Primary. I know T has problems but I feel he is doing "babyish" things when he should be doing things nearer to his age.

 

For example his sisters who are 10 and 11 wouldn't do things like this, and would think it was funny. I was wondering what you thought. Do you think I'm being over sensitive?

 

[Tally]

I don't think you're being over-sensitive, it sounds as though he is being treated more like a child with severe developmental delays. I would be concerned that he may not be being stretched educationally by this school.

 

How does your son feel about these activities?

[Cariad]

I don't think you're being over-sensitive, it sounds as though he is being treated more like a child with severe developmental delays. I would be concerned that he may not be being stretched educationally by this school.

 

How does your son feel about these activities?

 

I think he thinks it's what his class "does".. He's just started this school and is feeling his feet. He has got a few certificates for "Making friends" etc.. even as I type it I think *eeek*. If I say about this in front of him he'll tell them as he eavesdrops a lot and repeats. I thought I'd ask on here and see what people thought. He is immature for his age but I don't want him stuck at a primary school age.

[Mumble]

It depends what he is doing as well as these activities. You may only have seen this outcome as this is all that has come home. Personally I think it's a real shame that (this isn't about you - society generally) it's thought of as wrong for a 10 year old to be making Mother's Day / Easter cards.

[julie1]

i have to say i was more than a little suprized this year when my son who is in year 10 gave me a card he made himself at school. thinking its been a few years from when he last made me a card, however when i opened it he had written a lovely poem and i was very proud of him. and now i told him i would love a card like this every year. they grow up so quickly and i love to hold on to whatever he offers me. but i do see your point it does seem a little unususal for children of 14/15 to be making flowers and cards but sometimes im glad my son is different.

[jaffacakes]

It's possible that they are using some of these activities to deal with other issues, getting on with others, sharing etc.

 

However I would speak to school about their syllabus for this term, just to allay your concerns.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I notice that my 8 year old can revert to cuddling teddies and watching DVDs which are aimed at much younger children, particularly when he's feeling a bit vulnerable. It could be that your son is perhaps opting to do activities ie making cards because he's new and feels a bit vulnerable. On the other hand, it depends upon the context in which the kids are being taught/making cards, for example. It could be that it's an exercise designed to consider feelings for example – ie making your mum a card will make her happy. Don't know what to make of it, but there's no harm in discussing it with the school.

 

Caroline.

[Mumble]

my 8 year old can revert to cuddling teddies

OK, a serious question because given two comments on this thread I'm now questioning myself and my understanding of 'appropriate'. What on earth is wrong with an 8 year old cuddling teddies? 8 is really young - a child - and children play with teddies, so why is 8 seen as too old?

 

[Canopus]

I find this cause for concern. Origami was a cult at my residential school but in lessons GCSE grade subject material was taught. What's the situation with other lessons? Is T learning material typical for his age group or is he going over primary school stuff again?

 

[puffin]

Is the academic work at the right level? I think that this is the most important thing

 

Sometimes craft activities are used as a form of ocupational therapy - especially if there are motor coordinations difficulties - making craft items is often a way of training fine motor skills. We were recommended by the occupational therapist that M (age 14 AS/SDHD) should do as many crafy activities as possible in order to improve her fine motor skills.

 

Sometimes if there is a wide range of ability within the class a joint craft activity may be a way for the class to work together for once on a joint project where everyone can attempt it on their own terms - especially if they usually work on different things in class

 

This was the situation in an SEN unit that M attended where there was a huge range of ability from severe learning disability to high IQ AS - usually the kids worked in 4 groups with different material according to ability - however the arts and crafts sessions was one of few times when everyone worked together and it also gave some of the other kids a chance to shine who were much better at art than academic subjects.

[Sally44]

I think if you have a word with the school it will put your mind at rest.

My daughter (age 11) who is not on the spectrum came home with a mothers day card. All the class had done one.

Your son is new in the school and they maybe seeing how he copes with stuff on a daily basis. There could have been other things being taught as part of this lesson. But all this is speculation, unless you talk with school about it.

Have you ever put together a 'passport' for your son. We did this when he started his new school. It is supposed to give information to school about what your son likes/dislikes, what they can/cannot tolerate, how they react to things, how they show they are happy/sad/upset, what they are good at/bad at. It should be between 2-4 pages. It can give them a quick insight into the child that might take then a year to learn themselves.

[Canopus]

I think if you have a word with the school it will put your mind at rest.

 

Make sure the school doesn't fob you off with fine words. Check that things are taking place in practice.

 

I was told of an instance of a teenager sent to a pupil referral unit with the promise that he would be able to take 5 GCSEs. All he ever did was make things out out of cardboard and was taught primary school level English and maths that he already knew back in primary school. An investigation revealed that nobody who had attended the pupil referral unit had taken any GCSEs there and it wasn't even registered as an exam centre! There were no plans by the LA allow the teenager to take GCSEs at a school or college so the parents felt angry and cheated as a result.

[cmuir]

OK, a serious question because given two comments on this thread I'm now questioning myself and my understanding of 'appropriate'. What on earth is wrong with an 8 year old cuddling teddies? 8 is really young - a child - and children play with teddies, so why is 8 seen as too old?

 

 

 

Nothing! I'm fully aware that 8 is young, but, kids tend to go through phases or different stages in terms of what they select to play with (ie start with Thomas the Tank then gradually move onto a Hornby train set) - my son is in a mainstream school and I also have friends with boys around the same age and so have some awareness of what most play with. NT boys of that age tend to be aware of what their peers play with (ie comment themselves and say 'I'm too old for teddies') and would rather sit and play with their PSP and the like. You've missed my point – I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, I am saying that my son's interests are age appropriate, however, I've noticed that he opts to play with items/watch DVDs, etc (which he himself has said he's too old for) when he's stressed as if it's a comforter.

 

C.

Edited March 21, 2010 by cmuir