Help needed

[pinkdoll69]

I'm writing this out of pure frustration with how I as a parent have been treated,along with my sons (matters such as these have a rippling effect on all concerned.)

 

My son was diagnosed as having high functioning aspergers in the summer of last year.I had been battling for a diagnosis for some time but the then family doctor said my son could speak well so did not think it necessary to look into it and the senco teacher at my sons ex secondary school was of the opinion that he did not have it and then turned tail after a diagnosis was imminent.The psychiatrist was also of the opinion that she thought he did not have it and put his behavior down to a deterioration in the relationship with my then partner and the way his father had been with him,in attempting to discipline my son. I had to push for the assessment to be done and asked my new doctor to write a letter to push for it.

 

My son has had quite a bit to deal with in his time but what I am finding frustrating is that his social workers, who are supposed to help him and his family have failed to do so and have actually made matters worse. They can not write down facts, deny what they have said,turn up at important meetings late,say that they have been stuck in traffic when they have been on the phone,been totally inappropriate with comments.Have said that help will be put in place but it has not happened for example I asked for respite was told that someone had been found and at the eleventh hour the person could not do it. Because of my sons anxieties he has asked to go into voluntary care and has been placed in care instead of being encouraged to work through his fears with his psychiatrist.As a consequence he has been placed in inappropriate care and was once threatened by the son of the carer.

 

Things went from bad to worse with him being bullied at school and being forced to return to the school as the only way to deal with the problem,by the social services. As a consequence he was spending more time away from school and I was then threatened along with my son by his social worker, that they would take me to court along with the local council. My son became anxious about this (he had already been to court as a result of being assaulted.) Things came to a head with my son on Christmas eve when he trashed two rooms at home and lashed out and threatened to hurt or kill himself. I rang for medical assistance but instead the police came round and carted him off to the police station where he admitted hitting out and trashing the place.I was worried about my son's mental state but in the mayhem it seemed to become less of a priority,even though it was on his notes that he had self harmed before.He was placed in temporary care and tried to take his life on Christmas day.

 

He was placed on a psychiatric ward and was there for two weeks after he was assessed and told that he was fit to be discharged.He was becoming more and more anxious about being on the ward and so I took him home,after informing the social services of my intentions.I was told that there would be consequences to this but my main concern was for my son and his anxieties. I was quite prepared to keep an eye on him, to the point of taking time off work to do it. In the evening of the next dayl the social worker turned up with the police and a court order saying that he had to be removed. REMOVED FOR BEING MUM AND CARING FOR MY CHILD,HOW BIZARRE.

 

I am now having to deal with matters through court and my son is a subject of a interim care order. The social services are now trying to force my son into a school for badly behaved children even though he has never been disruptive in class and the only thing that has been a problem is my son being bullied.He has been in secondary school for 3/4 of his school life and is quite capable of excelling in school if he is not distracted or bullied. Schools are well equipped to deal with my son's needs, these days.My son has now empowered himself and is writing to different bodies to knock sense into the social services,such as ofsted and has already written and received a reply from Edward Ball,the state secretary who is investigating his complaint. I have spoken to my MP about my dissatisfaction also.

 

I hope to compare stories such as mine and would like to link up with those who have had similair experiences so that I do not feel alone in my plight.

 

Anita x

Edited April 2, 2010 by pinkdoll69

[smiley1590]

i can understand personally some of this situation as i have tried to commit suicide in the past and lashed out bad and i mean that! your son sounds depressed and anxious so he expresses this through this disruptive behaviours and also challenging behaviours of self harm and trying to commit suicide he must be pretty overwhelmed and hurting alot in his head and life i was bullied at school and disruptive i which i was labelled naughty and as the source of the problem behind everything souinds like you've been through so much as a family must be hard for him to try and find ways of talking things through so this is his own way of doing this i know it is for me but i know it different for everyone a diary has helped me let stuff out i can't talk about as shut down get angry at myself as feel i'm to blame for everything being bullied etc just adds to the confusion and lowers self esteem further i had police and ambulance at my house in past and think i was in such mental state that i and my family willing to have me sectioned but due to my age at the time wasn't possible i just need breathing space head space as it suffocating everyday life so tiring such an obstacle everything feels like a effort a hurdle to overcome try and succeed and sometimes you wish you could run away igorn anything is going on! i have AS

 

why not speak to NAS and see what they suggest???

[pinkdoll69]

I shall speak to them again.I rang them before to find out whether there are any groups in the area to which I could go for support and advice.There are but you can attend by invitation only. I shall ask advice about our current situation. Did you take your anger out on your mum a lot? I know that he will come out of this on the other side and has taken to writing things down again. By empowering himself he is also taking back some control in situations that are spinning out of control and I think that is helping to eleviate his depression as he seems to be quite perky and up beat at the moment.

 

Thank you for replying to give me some insight as to what is going on and for your help with your suggestion as to who to approach.

 

Anita x

Edited April 3, 2010 by pinkdoll69

[JsMum]

Hi I can recommend Conact A Family

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/index.html

 

They will help you understand your rights as his carer and also the rights of your son, they will ensure that his needs are met and help you go throw the complaints procedure and put you intouch with legal services if needed.

 

Have you got a Solisitor?

 

The concerns you have regaurding your son and having to be placed in a school for badly behaved children is this school able to meet the needs of children with Autism, if it doesnt meet his needs then they cant send him there.

 

Did the police know he has Aspergers Syndrome and did he have access to a GP. also was he sectioned on the Psychiatrict hospital and again did the hosiptal meet the needs of those with Autism.

 

Were is your son now? is the placement meeting his SEN needs? is he still with the carer whos son threatened your son?

 

Are they assessing your sons Educational needs in reguards his Aspergers Syndrome?

 

Sorry for the questions but it may help us here to help you further.

 

There is also National Autistic Society who can support you further and other educational helplines.

 

My son can become aggresive and disruptive in the past he was nearly removed to a secure placement, so it maybe that they are not worried about that you will harm him but SS are concerned he may harm you or others, my son is in a specialist school because he wouldnt attend a school and his needs couldnt be met in a special school or EBD school, my son couldnt cope in a mainstream setting, it could be that your son does need a very spersific placement, if he is socially vunrable he will need a safe and secure setting, that takes into account of his AS.

 

If you can put in an official complaint of your social services department.

 

I would look into an assessment of his mental health also an assessment of Special Educational Needs.

 

How old is your son?

 

There is this organisation too for his depression and for support

 

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-people

 

There may be also advacey agencies too that help children with SEN needs be heard and met, again Youngminds may give you further advice.

 

There is more info on care oders and right of children in care.

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Adopti...nInCare/DG_347o

 

JsMumxx

 

Edited April 4, 2010 by JsMum

[baddad]

Hi pinkdoll -

Have you considered that your son's problems might not all be down to autism? the background you've detailed for him is one that has been abusive, that on asking to be taken into care the care offered was 'inappropriate' and that he was again threatened with phsyical abuse in that environment. You also highlight a history of depression and anxiety, self harm and violence and aggression. You also state that he was out of school for an extended period and that you and he were threatened with legal action for not keeping to agreements negotiated by social services and the local education authority, and that you removed him from a psychiatric unit despite clear warnings that there would be repurcussions if you did so.

In all fairness - and no judgement whatsoever because, of course, i don't know you or you son from Adam and Eve - it doesn't sound as though he was removed from your care purely as a result of you 'being a mum and caring for your child'. In actual fact, it sounds like the situation - both medically and in terms of care and support - is very, very complex.

You seem to have very definite ideas about what your son needs in terms of support, but that largely the support you feel he needs is not the support that medical advisors and other professionals feel he needs. It seems that he is now asking for what you believe he needs and feel that this is because he's enabled himself, but in fact most of the crises seem to have occurred while in your care, and his current improved condition seems (unless i've misunderstood your post) to have developed while living in alternative care arrangements.

I think you have to stop and consider that there's probably more going on than just autism and some in-school bullying here, even if that doesn't sit well with you. I think the advice you've been given so far is good, but i also think you need to consider the way you approach things, because at the moment it sounds like you are at loggerheads with the system, when in fact the system may well have some perspectives, suggestions and strategies that can help, even if as a parent you don't think they can. Personally (and again please don't take this as any sort of 'judgement' because i wouldn't possibly know - you may be absolutely right in what you think and everyone else wrong) i don't think parents automatically know what is best for the kids just because they are parents. Certainly your own post - with regard to his father - acknowledges and confirms that.

Hope in any event that you can find some way of working in partnership with all those other parties involved and that by so doing your son's future prospects improve. Sorry if that doesn't sound like the unconditional support you seem to be seeking, but neither should it be taken as unsupportive or as 'taking sides'. I just think that sometimes the perspectives of people outside of the situation can be valuable too, because as parents we are sometimes too close and too emotionally invested in a situation to see the bigger picture.

 

Hope that helps

 

L&P

 

BD

[NobbyNobbs]

in oder for an interim care order to be granted there has to be considerably more going on than the information given here, was he under a care in the home plan prior to being taken into care that was not met after you signed a contract/agreement, this is the most common route these days and i would think so judging by your comments about agreements with SS.

 

it is also somewhat risky for yourself to be posting here during court proceedings - are they going for a full care order? if so social services will be evidence gathering. under an interim care order you still have some parental rights and need to talk to your solicitor about any concerns/issues you have. you can then have these issues raised at his LAC reviews where all professionals (including your sons court appointed guardian) will hear your concerns and discuss/address them as they see fit.

 

frustrating as it is your sons social workers have a large number of children/cases and you will learn they are almost always on the phone to someone about something. if they delayed the start of your meeting it was because another case had to be dealt with (children in care are considered 'safe' and priority is given to those still at risk at home )its not deliberate rudeness, its just the way the system is at the moment, with social workers having double the case-load they should.

 

you dont say how old your son is, but if he is under 16 then he has very limited say in what the courts rule (his court appointed guardian will talk to him about his wishes and speak for him in court and at certain meetings, and he will have forms to fill in for each LAC to say how he feels, and is meant to be present for certain meetings). if you are encouraging your son to reject his current placement that will count against you very badly (not supporting your childs mental health by creating conflict) and you may lose contact rights completely.

all in all i really do suggest you speak to your solicitor and follow his instructions or you may well make things worse for yourself.

Edited April 5, 2010 by NobbyNobbs