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NickyB

Nasty people

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Hello everyone >:D<<'>

 

I took DS on the bus today, then to the train station to get to his swimming lesson.

 

We got on the bus and it was just us, so he sat on the back row of seats in the middle. He doesn't like it if someone sits next to him, so I had a chat with him about other people needing to get on the bus and sit down. This has been an issue before and we've used social stories to try and help him understand. The bus gradually filled up as we got nearer to the town.

Anyway, we got to the stop before the station and someone got on and sat next to him. To his credit, he didn't lash out as he used to do, but he did burst into tears. Unfortunately, when we got to the station, he refused to get off the bus :o

I tried to reason with him while the bus driver patiently waited, but he wasn't going to budge. I realised we were going to miss the train if we didn't hurry up, so I made the decision to pick him up and carry him off, kicking and screaming, whilst also struggling with my bags.

Obviously I was the centre of attention by this point with lots of people staring and tutting.

That doesn't really bother me as I realise most people have no idea what's going on and just see a badly behaved child kicking his Mum!

 

What REALLY upset me was what happened next. As I struggled down the bus, someone said 'retard' very loudly. Then a man said to DS 'you - behave'. Then someone else said 'you need to give him a good hiding'. It was as if that first comment had opened the floodgates. I got him off the bus and then turned round and suggested that a little understanding wouldn't go amiss. The bus driver was great and asked if I was OK.

 

As I say, I understand that people are going to stare and I would be a hypocrite if I said I'd never done that myself many years ago, but I was very shocked by what they said. Why do people have to be so spiteful? :tearful:

 

Thanks for letting me rant - I feel so much better for getting it off my chest >:D<<'>

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There's a lot of it about...

 

Horrible that it went so horrible - but looking on the plus side he didn't react with aggression to that seat next to him being taken :thumbs::thumbs:

 

I HATE that 'retard' thing, and anyone who heard that should have rounded on the idiot who shouted it (a kid I'd guess? probably some piece of flotsam who should have been in school) rather than joining in.

 

Stick with it. Over time your skin will get thicker and his behaviour will get better. The first time you have an incident free bus trip will make it all worthwhile. :thumbs:

 

Suggestion: MP3 player if he likes music or a little cheap gameboy if he likes games. That's the way we cracked shopping all those years ago (suggested by Pookie, originally, I think). Just give him a nudge before you get to your stop though, and have him on a promise that he can turn it back on again as soon as you're off the bus. :)

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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i struggle with too it makes me so anxious and get frustrated and restless when someone sits nexts to me on the bus and becomes crowded i struggle to remain calm i start feeling the panic race people comments can be so cruel the judgements ,misunderstanding and stereotypical doesn't help the situation just makes it worse what helps me is what baddad suggested an MP3 player plugged into my ears helps ease it abit not much but i listen to words as the talking on bus sounds like 'fuzzy ,buzzing sound which annoy the hell out of me i feel angry too i do sometimes feel tearful struggle to hold back tears so hard people don't realise how such a challenge task of getting on a bus and keeping calm can be! that's the problem with society these days poke their noses in where not wanted and needed so sad their reactions show small mindness you know the truth and no one in today's society should be called 'a retard'!

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Boy I wish I'd been on that bus with you, I would have helped with your bags and then given those people a talk that would have made some of them squirm in their seats :angry: . Sadly it's not always young people and even when it is, they have to learn it from somewhere. We have a very nasty parent at our school who has always been a trouble maker in many different ways. She started a campaign to try to get a boy with AS kicked out of our school because he has behavioural issues (she failed). I heard her shouting in the street about this child and she referred to him as a 'retard' - in front of her own son too. Sadly the only person around at the time who could correctly have had that label attached (slow to learn) was her - not only in what she was saying about another human being but in the damage she is doing her own son. Whenever he's even slightly reprimanded at school she comes charging in shouting and swearing at the teachers in front of her child and whole classes of other children. Your boy is learning to control his outbursts, shame this parent doesn't seem able to and is going to make her child into another intolerant :( .

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Thanks guys :thumbs:

 

BD thanks for that suggestion. I have tried a DS but he's not really into games. I will try the MP3 player.

 

I didn't actually see the person who said 'retard' but it sounded like a young voice (if that makes any sense :blink: )

 

Sadly, the other two comments came from middle-aged people, which doesn't bode well for the attitude of any kids they have :(

 

I have moved on from feeling shocked and upset and now I just feel angry :angry:

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That is awful,sorry you had to go through that >:D<<'>

I know you feel.I think you can visably see the decline in this society,6 years ago when I had Sam I would catch the bus nearly everday I had a toddler(my eldest who was 3) and Sam who was 3mths a large buggy and often bags as well.People would always help back then,even young men/teenagers,it always made me feel good about society.I remember when Sam was about 2 there was an elderly man who Sam was talking to so when we got off the bus the man gave him 50p for sweets,I thought how nice is that.

 

Now people just stare when I am struggling,my son who is four often falls asleep in the bus and if the babies sleeping to I have to take one off at a time,people get so frusrated shaking there heads rolling their eyes.

 

As for the rude comments,two years ago I was in a well known supermarket and Sam was running about (he was 4) I was preganant at the time and was trying to get things done quickly.Then a man said to Sam " you stupid little git." I said excuse me what did you call him? He said "well he pulled his tongue at me and you are not bothered" I didnt even see him doing it I replied I said he is four I know loads of 4 year olds who do that,he is a child you dont need to be so rude.He then called me a very horrible name and I said something back and walked off,but I was shaking as I didnt know what he would do.Till this day I havent had such abuse from anyone,but I know how angry I felt it took a long time to put it aside in my mind.

 

Just be strong and dont worry about silly people,not worth your energy >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hello Nicky B,

 

Sorry you had to go through that today. It can play on your mind for the rest of the day when things happen like that. I have had people speak to me and my son to. Unfortunately i always think of something smart to say when the moments gone. There was a book called 'Facing the crowd' how to handle peoples nasty comments and those who are well meaning but not understanding. I have tried to get hold of it but unfortunatly its out of print. I am still looking about for something similar. I always try now and turn comments around.

 

I know you can't always have the time to say something when dealing with physical situations. If i had been there, i would have offered help at least.

 

Its the sort of day that makes you want to cry. Hope you both have a better day tomorrow.

 

best wishes

 

sarni

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Hello Nicky B,

 

Sorry you had to go through that today. It can play on your mind for the rest of the day when things happen like that. I have had people speak to me and my son to. Unfortunately i always think of something smart to say when the moments gone. There was a book called 'Facing the crowd' how to handle peoples nasty comments and those who are well meaning but not understanding. I have tried to get hold of it but unfortunatly its out of print. I am still looking about for something similar. I always try now and turn comments around.

 

I know you can't always have the time to say something when dealing with physical situations. If i had been there, i would have offered help at least.

 

Its the sort of day that makes you want to cry. Hope you both have a better day tomorrow.

 

best wishes

 

sarni

Thank you >:D<<'>

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How horrible. :tearful: I hope you feel a bit better now. >:D<<'> I agree, MP3 player has been a godsend here or something to fiddle with, even my phone or anything else I might have on me, because it's a special treat and spontanious, my girl gets distracted by what she is playing with or listening to, it helps to divert her focus away from things that might make things tricky so she doesn't focus on it. She also likes quizzes and challenges, so for example, on the bus I might say, how many red cars can you see? She loves playing eye spy as well even though it's always random with her :lol: I also find the game "it" works wonders :lol:

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oh society has alot to answer for......some people are just so horrible.

 

last summer I was turning into the road I live on.Its a very busy" A" road.On the corner was an elderley gentleman in a mobilaty scooter.It had fallen off the kerb and he was stuck at a very dangerous angle and completely unable to right himself.Because I was turning at the junction I could observe him and all the traffic was just driving around him and not doing anything to help.So I pulled up and jumped out of the car.The thing weighed a ton and was very difficult to shift, people honked their horns and drove really close to us.No one else offered to help us .It completely disgusted me, the gentleman was so grateful and virtually crying it was awful :tearful: ...one t*sser even honked his horn at us and shouted :tearful:

 

 

 

Nicky there are some scum bags out there, take no notice , be true to yourself and your son, and don,t let them bring you down, they are ignorant!!!!!

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