People turning up unannounced

[ScienceGeek]

Something I'm finding really hard at the moment is when people turn up at the flat unannounced. My door bell is a horrible noise and I don't like being caught out unprepared for the person at the door. Most of the time it's the postman and that's fine. My NAS support worker turned up today when I wasn't expecting them and apparently I should have been contacted about it This isnt the first time that has happened, it makes me really nervous and on edge Anyone know what I mean?

[trekster]

Yes im worried a salesperson will get abusive or a neighbour will get pushy with me.

[justine1]

Hi

I am NT and I hate this to!Sometimes I just ignore them.

My father used to be really bad like that,he would phone me at 10am to say he would be "popping in" at 10.15,it made me so angry cause he didnt care if I was doing anything.Now I live a little furthur it takes him longer to get here and I told him cause of Sams AS I need to know at least the day before.

 

There are kids that come knocking to play with my boys and after 6pm mine are not allowed out so if the ring after that I dont answer the door.

[oxgirl]

I can't cope at all with people ringing my doorbell when I'm not expecting anyone. I never answer the door unless I see through the glass that it is the postman. Once, when the window cleaners called to collect their money, I hid behind a wall sweating until I was sure they'd gone away!

 

~ Mel ~

[ScienceGeek]

I hid behind a wall sweating until I was sure they'd gone away!

 

That is pretty much my response when people turn up when I'm not expecting them

[Tally]

Yes, I don't normally answer the door at all.

 

COuld you get a new doorbell, one that makes a better sound?

[ScienceGeek]

Yes, I don't normally answer the door at all.

 

COuld you get a new doorbell, one that makes a better sound?

 

I'm not sure, but will try and find out. The bell is so bad that it has made me shutdown

[Mumble]

Could you get a new doorbell, one that makes a better sound?

Or you could take the battery out so people have to knock? Or you could do as my Mum does and have no doorbell and a double door so you can't hear people knocking!

 

[baranigirl]

DP always sends me to the door / phone if it is something unexpected

 

Deffo get a new bell xxx

[zenemu]

Something I'm finding really hard at the moment is when people turn up at the flat unannounced. Anyone know what I mean?

 

Yeah I can relate to that. I find it really irritating and it is something that happens a lot. It is something I have gotten better with as I have gotten older, and it is one of those things you just kindof grin and bear.

 

Zen

[crossouttheeyes]

my ex used to do this, it was especially annoying as she got so pissy if i didn't tell her exactly when i'd be outside her door when i went to her house. one time i even looked up to see her standing in the doorway of my room because one of my housemates let her in without checking with me first. i think she did it so she could see what i get up to when she wasn't around (which wasn't a lot, certainly nothing bad, but enough to get a ton of grief about).

 

towards the end of the relationship when it all turned nasty i started to get scared everytime the doorbell went in case it was her come to take another swing at me or something.

[Jannih]

Something I'm finding really hard at the moment is when people turn up at the flat unannounced. My door bell is a horrible noise and I don't like being caught out unprepared for the person at the door. Most of the time it's the postman and that's fine. My NAS support worker turned up today when I wasn't expecting them and apparently I should have been contacted about it This isnt the first time that has happened, it makes me really nervous and on edge Anyone know what I mean?

 

 

An NAS support worker should know better.

 

I never open the door to someone unannounced. I shout, "YES, WHO IS IT." If I don't want to to open the door after their response, I tell them I'm not interested and leave them to find their own way to the garden gate !

 

It probably sounds a bit rude, but they are just as rude, turning up unannounced !

 

Jannih

[ScienceGeek]

An NAS support worker should know better.

 

Jannih

 

You would think so?! Surprisingly out of the 2 support workers that I have (one NAS and one mental health), the NAS ones have had the most misunderstandings so far. It doesn't help that it was a new worker so don't really know them that well.

 

[ScienceGeek]

Or you could take the battery out so people have to knock? Or you could do as my Mum does and have no doorbell and a double door so you can't hear people knocking!

 

It's a doorbell/entry system into the building so I need to press the entry phone to let people in. I'll email the housing association to see if it is changeable.

[smiley1590]

or have keyhole peeper so you can look through and work out who it is?but NAS support worker should let you know in advance so you not surprised made anxious paranoid or spooked!

 

XKLX

[baddad]

Hi Science Geek - What did you do in these situations before you were diagnosed? Can you not go back to doing that?

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

[ScienceGeek]

Hi Science Geek - What did you do in these situations before you were diagnosed? Can you not go back to doing that?

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Did exactly the same thing Diagnosis made absolutely no difference.

[baddad]

Did exactly the same thing Diagnosis made absolutely no difference.

 

So why not do the same thing? If it's a strategy that's worked for all of your adult life why has it suddenly become a problem?

 

L&P

 

BD

 

OH PS: I don't like it when people turn up unexpectedly either and it makes me feel uncomfortable (esp if the house is it's usual pigsty!) - I think that's quite a common reaction. Sorry if i'm sounding negative, but I just do find it frustrating when people suddenly develop problems around things they've always previously managed. I've always wanted to believe that a 'dx' was a positive, but often it seems to be the opposite, and I can't understand that(?)

Edited May 10, 2010 by baddad

[ScienceGeek]

So why not do the same thing? If it's a strategy that's worked for all of your adult life why has it suddenly become a problem?

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Because just hiding isn't a good strategy and I get told off by my support and docked hours for that week.

[baddad]

Because just hiding isn't a good strategy and I get told off by my support and docked hours for that week.

 

But you didn't hide - you got nervous and on edge. Surely you can't get docked hours for being nervous and on edge?

[ScienceGeek]

So why not do the same thing? If it's a strategy that's worked for all of your adult life why has it suddenly become a problem?

 

L&P

 

BD

 

OH PS: I don't like it when people turn up unexpectedly either and it makes me feel uncomfortable (esp if the house is it's usual pigsty!) - I think that's quite a common reaction. Sorry if i'm sounding negative, but I just do find it frustrating when people suddenly develop problems around things they've always previously managed. I've always wanted to believe that a 'dx' was a positive, but often it seems to be the opposite, and I can't understand that(?)

 

I think that my original post wasn't well worded and gave the impression that this was a sudden change in behaviour. It wasn't, my response to stressful situations such as this has improved but it still isn't ideal. Up until a few years ago my reaction would be to run away, but I managed to get into the habit of hiding instead which isn't always helpful. I did however manage to deal with it that one time better by answering the door and telling them to go away, but I still got docked hours as they turned up and I sent them away (despite the fact that I had no idea they were coming).

 

I have talked to my support worker though and he apologised for turning up unannounced and said that there had been a mix up with communication. We had a really good session and he is going to knock on the window instead of ringing the doorbell, just need to tell my other support worker to do the same

[KarenT]

Maybe you could give yourself a script to say whenever there's a knock at the door. Something like "I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk, goodbye". If it's a salesperson they'll still want to push you to give a time when it is convenient but you just repeat "No thank you" once and close the door. It's polite and keeps your privacy.

 

I used to know a woman who also hated unexpected callers so whenever there was a knock at the door she'd put on her coat before answering. If it was someone she wanted to see she'd claim she'd just got home, if it was someone she didn't want to see she could say she was just on her way out. It worked very well for her but of course you still have to think on your feet a bit.

 

I think it takes time and practice. As you rightly recognise there's no point in hiding away from it as it doesn't solve the problem. Perhaps the script might be a starting at least.

 

Karen

x

[trekster]

Pleased you've solved the problem mate!

[fieldmouse]

What I do is because my life is all about timelines, if people call at an unarranged time, don't expect me to answer! Make an appointment the same as everyone else. Same with telephones, would you answer a number that was with-held? If someone can't say who they are then probably they are not worth talking to anyway.

[ScienceGeek]

What I do is because my life is all about timelines, if people call at an unarranged time, don't expect me to answer! Make an appointment the same as everyone else. Same with telephones, would you answer a number that was with-held? If someone can't say who they are then probably they are not worth talking to anyway.

 

I get really nervous about witheld numbers but a lot of important places use them (hospital, university etc) so I unfortunately have to answer them otherwise I miss out on appointments.

[Enid]

I always leave withheld numbers, screen them, they will leave a message if important. I hate people turning up unannounced, they could at least text first.

[trekster]

I get really nervous about witheld numbers but a lot of important places use them (hospital, university etc) so I unfortunately have to answer them otherwise I miss out on appointments.

 

i have the same problem, if you register with the telephone preference service then less sales/marketing type calls should arrive at your number within one month. i listen for the name of the person and company then report them, the company gets a 1k fine and shouldnt bother me again.

[caz2007]

hi i also find this very diffuicte to cope with i like to now when people are coming to vistit me at my flat. if they tell me before hand make me feel at easy!

[trekster]

hi i also find this very diffuicte to cope with i like to now when people are coming to vistit me at my flat. if they tell me before hand make me feel at easy!

 

Im the same, with exception to delivery drivers, postmen and the paper boy.

[Aeolienne]

My NAS support worker turned up today when I wasn't expecting them and apparently I should have been contacted about it

Slightly O/T, but what do you have to do to get an NAS support worker? Are they only available in certain cities?

[RainbowsButterflies]

Slightly O/T, but what do you have to do to get an NAS support worker? Are they only available in certain cities?

Here, you need SS funding to pay for one. Although the NAS are hopeless at returning calls so I'm dealing with Autism Initiatives instead - just waiting for confirmation that my personal budget has been agreed.

 

Can you please look at the dates on threads before you post replies - you keep dragging up really old threads. This one has been dormant for 18 months. SG hasn't been online since September!

[AspieMe]

I'm not too bad with visitors at the door, we have an initiative where cold callers aren't allowed in the area, they still try it on though (under the guise of charity, etc.) so most callers are either delivering something or friends and family who I actually want to see.

 

What I really panic about though is the phone. Seeing as most calls are usually for my partner I don't even pick it up if she's in the house and I don't recognise the number. I've always felt this way, but just have to grit my teeth and answer it, at least knowing its part of AS helps me to come to terms with my behaviour.

 

What I really can't do is write cards. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to fill out a birthday card, my partner thinks I'm weird and if she really wants me to fill out a card she has to dictate it to me (which bizarrely I am happy to do). Christmas used to be hell for me until I saw someone else use the tactic of giving money to a charity instead and just emailing everyone and telling them thats why they weren't getting a card this year. Its what I've started doing and in my mind far better as I'd much rather a deserving cause get my £10-£15 rather than the supermarket.