don't know what to call it!!

[got the tshirt]

My Dd3 is 7 and very literal, she is fasinated / obsessed with peoples race, I don't have a problem with this but I am worried that she is going to upset someone at school. She likes to catagories everything, including peoples race the trouble is she then refers to the person by their race, so if a boy wears a turban he is an indian boy who must therefore come from india. We have tried many times recently to explain that the children from different races who are at her school were more than likely born in this country and therefore are british and Indian/chinese etc. At the moment I think she is only exploring this at home but I don't know if I should go in to school and warn them that race could quite easily come up in conversation. My other children didn't really take much notice of race at this age, I don't knnow if this is a normal part of development or something that I should be worried about. She struggle to understand about hurting peoples feelings and I have been trying to teach her lately that some thoughts about people need to stay inside her head. Don't know if anyone has experienced anything similar and sorry for the long post. I have been mulling this over for a couple of weeks now.

[Tally]

I think this probably is something you should talk to the school about before it becomes an issue. If she said something that looked like racism, it would be good for the school to understand that her interest in people's race stems from curiosity rather than prejudice.

[justine1]

My son (6) is mixed race and he used to do the same thing from age four.He thinks he is white and its a big issue in our home as my eldest and four year old accept their identity but he doesnt.The paed who dx'd him said identity confusion is comman(sp?)He would also think every black person was from Nigeria cause thats where his father is from I agree with Tally maybe you should talk to the school just in case.

 

Also try not to point out peoples race in front of her,you may not do it,but I know people who say these things in front of two/three year olds thinking they wont understand or remember but trust me they do!!!

[got the tshirt]

Thankyou for your replies, I think I will go in to school, I do try not to talk about peoples race, or any kind of difference with Dd3 the trouble is that if she asks a question and I don't answer it she will ask again and again and again[ you get the picture] until I answer her. It's really difficult, I try to give fairly bland, general explanations but if she is not satisfied she will just go on and on.

[sesley]

There are not many black people in the Highlands and my son of 8 at the time in Lidls ,said mum that man has a brown face hasn't he? in a loud voice. the bloke did look annoyed at me, but his observation was a innocent one,he has also noted some asian people having different coloured skin and asks about it,i just say he comes from where ever like Bangledesh etc and he accepts, he does say what every one knows, its more to do with him making sense of life and the world around him. I have never taught my sons racial predudice they have all grown up with a positive attitude towards other humans. I think you can only answer their questions in the way they understand,maybe you could ask the school to talk about where people come from and about their culture its only curiosity that needs to be addressed. Be truthful find a map of the world and point out in the world the people originally came from. if yours likes maps and globes like mine does she will fastinated.

[trekster]

I think this probably is something you should talk to the school about before it becomes an issue. If she said something that looked like racism, it would be good for the school to understand that her interest in people's race stems from curiosity rather than prejudice.

 

Agreed, i described people as asians and silly indian man today to a friend. i was using a descriptive term rather than a racist one, he was being silly getting a night coach and talking loudly on his mobile!

[Kathryn]

It might be worth mentioning it to the teacher - teaching about diversity is part of the curriculum and the school might have ways of doing it which would help your daughter. Possibly as adults we are hypersensitive to any hint of giving offence and interpret innocent questions as "racism" when it may be better to answer the questions in a straightforward factual way. How would one respond if she asked why one girl had straight blond hair as opposed to curly ginger hair? Presumably without the same level of concern - it would be interpreted as an innocent question.

 

I agree she needs to learn that some observations, spoken aloud, can cause offence and need to be kept to oneself - and which ones those are. How and when you begin to teach that, I have no idea!

 

K x

Edited May 10, 2010 by Kathryn

[Mumble]

Agreed, i described people as Asians and silly Indian man today to a friend. i was using a descriptive term rather than a racist one, he was being silly getting a night coach and talking loudly on his mobile!

I'm not sure I agree that this was purely descriptive and at the risk of sounding psychoanalytical or anything else it may reveal a deeper belief. This man was, according to you, being silly (sounds more like inconsiderateness to me but that's another point...), so it would have sufficed to refer to him as a silly man. The fact that he was Indian should not have come into it. If it had been a white man enacting the same inconsiderate behaviours, would you have described him to your friend as a 'silly white man' or just a 'silly man'?

 

Back to the OP, I think it's actually very healthy to have such an ongoing discussion where this becomes just another difference between humans that can be talked about freely rather than being seen as something that shouldn't be talked about which may lead to prejudices. It's probably worth saying something to the teacher just so you've covered your back but then letting the teacher decide if and how she deals with it.

 

I've always found race, or rather others' reactions to it, fascinating. I'm assuming it must be built on a fear of the unknown, but I find it really difficult to understand racism and racist attitudes. I can't understand why someone would choose to think differently about another person because of their race. I live in a very multi-cultural area, in fact I'm in the minority being white, and I really like hearing all the different languages being spoken and having the local shops sell such a range of, for instance, food stuffs, to cater for such a diverse population. To me it makes life a bit more interesting and I now find it really weird when I go to were my Mum lives which is pretty much all white and the racist attitudes you hear are horrendous.