How to reduce anxiety in the mornings with k who is like two different children.

[sawjd]

Hello everyone,

 

I am trying to email our autism outreach worker and i want to send an email which mentions a paragraph from Tony Attwoods book, (Aspergers Syndrome, a guide for parents and professionals).

 

 

This paragraph relates to there being two different characters which describes K. I quote, ' The child may be very conscious of the neccesity to follow the codes of conduct in the classroom and try to be inconspicuous and behave like the other children. The pressure to conform and retain self control can lead to enormous emotional tension which, like a compressed spring, is released when the child reaches home. Here the child is a different character, almost Jekyll and Hyde.'

 

 

We have found Ks anxiety levels extreme in the mornings when he knows what is expected of him and this behaviour is getting worse. I did mention this at Ks IEP but the autism officer has never heard of this problem (there being two characters before ,yet K does have issues in the playground, wants wet playtime to avoid social contact cause no one wants to play with him), yet i questioned the outreach worker when we first met about how much experience did he have, he said he had been working with autistic children for ten years.

 

I am concerned that mentioning this to the outreach worker may come across as insulting ( he may think i am telling him his job, i don't expect him to know everything about autism but did think that Tony attwood and his books were common knowledge in the areas of autism and given his length of time in this area should have come across this) . Just want to know what people think. Can anyone tell me how long did they put up with their child behaving like this before they gave up getting to school or was there a way around reducing the anxiety?. Please can anyone help, OH does not have the strength. I just can't do this anymore. I have a job interview coming up and this is going to be wrecked if K plays up tomorrow. I know its only voluntary work but i want to do this and everytime i try to get on, stuff like this happens. Its been going on since easter and its just got worse. Any advice at all.

 

Best wishes

 

sarni

[justine1]

Hi

Personally I wouldnt quote that from the book,you can mention that you feel your son is a different person at home than he is at school,but quoting to me is not a good idea.

Also I dont think everyone would agree with Tony Attwood even if they have read all his books.I havent read any of them and I dont intend to but then again I dont get the time to do so anyway.

 

It is your decision though.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I've often described my son as 'Jekyll & Hyde'. It sounds like kiddo is very anxious about going to school, although once there he's perhaps fine. This is something that's very well documented and frankly I'm very very surprised that the autism outreach worked with 10 years experience has never heard of this. I would point this out and if necessary get a specialist's report which says as much. I've found that school/education professionals are very black and white - because there are issues at home, yet everything seems fine in school, they aren't interested. CAMHS advised that my school was suffering from extreme anxiety relating to school. I was therefore able to say 'look, I'm not blaming you for anything, but this is how things are and you must factor this in'. My son does well to conform, fit in and hold it together in school - he wants to be normal, but when he's home, things are very different. It's exhausting for a child on the spectrum who tries to fit in, so come the end of the day... My son is 8.5 and I have to say that his morning routine has only calmed down within the past 10 months. I found that introducing a visual timetable as well as a colour-coded sand-timer which let him know how long he had to, for example, get his pants on, socks on, etc. It did take a long time, but I do feel that with maturity and help with routine that things have become easier for him.

 

Really hope things improve for you too and best of luck with the interview.

 

Caroline.

[got the tshirt]

I had a discussion with Dd3's headteacher about this very subject not long ago, I tried to explain obviously not very well how different Dd3 is at home and how she has very tight control over herself at school and seems to explode when she comes out, I mistakenly said "its like having two different children " and she immediatly said that this sounded more like a mental health issue to her. I have no idea how to make people understand what you are trying to tell them!!

[justine1]

I had a discussion with Dd3's headteacher about this very subject not long ago, I tried to explain obviously not very well how different Dd3 is at home and how she has very tight control over herself at school and seems to explode when she comes out, I mistakenly said "its like having two different children " and she immediatly said that this sounded more like a mental health issue to her. I have no idea how to make people understand what you are trying to tell them!!

Same thing happened to me Sam (AS) is good at home but not so good at school I have found it hard to digest what they have told me about his behaviour at school as its just not him. However Dan(4-going for assesment) is the opposite a nightmare at home and a little angel at school.

 

I met with Dans teacher for the first time on Friday and she said he is generally quiet I was lucky in that while I was talking to her she could see how he really is,he was making loads of noise,kept pushing his baby brother,nearly kicked her glass of water over,was lying on the floor and then tried setting the fire alarm off.This all happened in about 15min and in fact the discussion we had could have lasted just 5min if I didnt have to keep telling him off.She did say he talks alot when he is drawing(which other kids dont do) also he appears to keep looking at what the other kids are doing like he doesnt know what he is doing even if its something he has been doing for the past four months and of course she acknowledge there is a difinate problem with food as they have tried every trick in the book and nothing has worked!

 

At home he doesnt hit me in aggression he does it as though he is playing but to me that is still unacceptable and he is the only one of my four boys that does it. An example would be when I am washing dishes he will come up behind and start punching my bottom, he thinks its a game,but I quickly remove him and sit him on the step,where he will then cry hysterically and try to vomit.He doesnt even sleep,he wakes up so many times in the night I often dont even bother to go to bed myself

 

I really feel for everyone else that is going through the same.I thought Sam had problems but its nothing compared to Dan's.