Exhaustion

[justine1]

Hi everyone

I know other people have written similar post so I do apologise.Dan's sleeping problems are getting worse.I am now seriousley exhausted.I have nobody to help me with the boys and have gone four days with just 14 hours sleep!!!!

 

Today I feel nauseous and have a migraine.I dont have the time to catch up on the sleep during the day because of having to go to the school twice,my studies and housework.Not to mention I have a very active 22 mth old who keeps saying "wake up" the minute I nod off.

 

I am going to his first appt at Camhs on Tues,that is if I make it till then,anyone got any other suggestions?

He goes to sleep between 7.30 and 8pm,he has no problem falling asleep but then he wakes crying 2-5 times in the night,sometimes he can settle back quickly other times he can be crying for two hours,he says his stomach hurts but he has had bloods and two pysical checks nothing is wrong!!!

[baddad]

Hi everyone

I know other people have written similar post so I do apologise.Dan's sleeping problems are getting worse.I am now seriousley exhausted.I have nobody to help me with the boys and have gone four days with just 14 hours sleep!!!!

 

Today I feel nauseous and have a migraine.I dont have the time to catch up on the sleep during the day because of having to go to the school twice,my studies and housework.Not to mention I have a very active 22 mth old who keeps saying "wake up" the minute I nod off.

 

I am going to his first appt at Camhs on Tues,that is if I make it till then,anyone got any other suggestions?

He goes to sleep between 7.30 and 8pm,he has no problem falling asleep but then he wakes crying 2-5 times in the night,sometimes he can settle back quickly other times he can be crying for two hours,he says his stomach hurts but he has had bloods and two pysical checks nothing is wrong!!!

 

Ouch! I know how bad it is just with one, but at least I could grab a half hour or so when he conked out in the day... Does the toddler sleep at all in the day? If so - grab it. It can make an enormous difference, even if it's just half an hour or so of 'cat-napping'. Not much you can do about the studies (what are you taking, BTW - and does it finish at the end of this month or are you on a module that goes through the summer, iykwim?), but I'd try to create a window of opportunity around the housework, if you can, or alternate between the two on different days. Any chance you could get littlun into a playgroup or nursery maybe twice a week? That way you could save housework for when she's there and create a daily 'catch up on sleep' window by reorganising that time. When really going through it with my son I camped out on the landing between wakings. I'd go to bed until the first 'wake up' call, but then just doze on the floor outside his room so that as soon as he got up I could bung him back in. It wasn't particularly comfy, but I'm sure I got more rest than if I'd gone back to bed every time, and it also meant he never actually got out of the room properly, which would have definitely made things harder.

Not much else I can suggest other than that, apart from the usual stuff like nighlights, soft 'new-agey' or ambient music and to grab every minute that you haven't got kids snapping for your attention, even if it means housework and stuff gets 'deferred' for a couple of days.

Oh, and take comfort in the words of Quinten Crisp, who advises that 'dust doesn't get any worse after the first four years'.

 

L&P

 

BD

[justine1]

Thanks Baddad

This is the situation: I live in a three bed house:

Room 1:Sam has his own room cause of his AS.

Room2:Josh(9 3/4)has his own room cause his the oldest and dont think its possible for him to share with any of his younger brothers(may have been possible if Sam didnt have AS)

Room3: Dan,Eli and I share a room.Up until three weeks ago I was sharing a double bed with both of them.Now Dan has his own bed.

 

I thought Dans waking was a result of being uncomfortable sharing with me and Eli but as I say three weeks on from getting his new bed he is still the same.So basically I am in the same room when he wakes but I just go over to his bed let him know I am there and tell him to go back to sleep.He never actually gets out of bed just cries and as of this week he has started making himself vomit as a result of crying too much.

 

I am studying Human Biology(2nd year Uni level through Open Uni) that I have just written my final essay but have an exam on 16 June which I doubt I will be able to achieve.

I am also studying A level Mathematics,also nearly finished 1 assignment left.

There are no nurseries here where I live,I believe there isnt much need as it is prodominentley people on benefits,those who do work take there kids to nurseries just outside of town or wait until the child is 2 1/2 most of the schools take them at their pre schools attached to main building.So this is not an option for Eli.

 

He does nap but this is when I study,this is my day:

6.30am wake up,prepare kids breakfast.Kids get up 6.50am and get ready for school.

8.25am leave for school(starts 8.45am)

9.10am get home play with Eli 1hour

10.15am Eli sleeps.I study.

11.30am I fetch Dan and Sam from school(Dan finishes 11.45)

12.20pm arrive home have lunch and do reading with Sam.Do some writing/drawing and I study again.I then have to vaccuum.

3.00pm leave to fetch Josh from school

3.45pm arrive home.Everyone has a snack.

4.00pm Do homework with Josh DAn and San watch telly.

5.00pm Clean house.Start dinner.

6.00pm Eat dinner,clean kitchen.

7.00pm relax,Josh reads as well.

7.45pm get everyone off to bed.

8.15pm check there are no cups lying around,straighten house.Watch telly.Put on washing.

10pm sleep

11pm Dan wakes and this happens two -five times

 

Then the day starts all over again!!!!

 

 

[Mumble]

Thanks Baddad

This is the situation: I live in a three bed house:

Room 1:Sam has his own room cause of his AS.

Room2:Josh(9 3/4)has his own room cause his the oldest and dont think its possible for him to share with any of his younger brothers(may have been possible if Sam didnt have AS)

Room3: Dan,Eli and I share a room.Up until three weeks ago I was sharing a double bed with both of them.Now Dan has his own bed.

If this is possible, you've probably considered it, but would it be possible to use / divide your living room to use it / part of it as a bedroom for yourself? When my parents temporarily lived apart we were in a two-bed flat - as in your case, my brother had to have his own room, so my Mum had a folding bed in half of the living room. Not ideal, but it did give everyone their own space.

 

The other thing - could you get a baby-sitter to come to your house to mind the children whilst you get some sleep - it might just give you the temporary energy needed to find a longer-term solution. I know it sounds weird, but it's something my Mum did (ok, maybe it is weird!! ) because my father refused to look after his own children.

 

[baddad]

Blimey - no quick fixes there then!

I would, though, in your situation, be looking at the arrangements for Josh & Sam, 'cos in the usual run of things that's where generally you'd be looking for a shared room scenario. It's take some getting used to either way, but I think in real terms they would have to accept that '3 into 1 don't go'. Let's face it, unless you change houses fairly quickly that's going to have to be on the agenda sometime anyway. As a short term solution I think mumble's idea of a fold out bed/whatever in the front room is a good one, but at some point one of the older boys is gonna have to make some adjustments. What about alternating nights or rotating them? I can appreciate your thinking with oldest son/autistic and them needing their personal space, but so do you, and so does Dan - especially if you're ever going to get him into a routine - and so at some point will Eli.

Hope you can find a solution

 

L&P

 

BD

 

PS: Human Biology, eh? that's not a euphamism for something else entirely, is it?

Maths - If you'd studied rabbit Biology you could have combined the two courses!

 

[baranigirl]

hey hun I am all for sod the housework too

 

DD3 is constantly waking in the night and always has done, so I know how annoying that is, she shares with her 22 month old brother (who she also constantly wakes) as she did share with her 11 yr old sister and that didn't work and she can't really share with her 16 yr old sister as that would be very unfair spesh as she is in the middle of her GCSE's

 

We have decided today to divide up DD3 and DS room so they have a 'room' each, shouldn't cost a lot as we will need 2 door frames a light fitting and the stud partitioning is it possible you can do this?

 

Have you spoken to your GP / HV etc about you sharing with 2 of your children and the reasons why? Surely you should be on the list for a more suiable property (I am assuming you rent)

 

Wish I had a magic solution, but I don't and I have been on my own with my oldest 2 kids and know how hard it is as a single mum

 

big hugs <'>

Edited May 14, 2010 by baranigirl

[justine1]

Blimey - no quick fixes there then!

I would, though, in your situation, be looking at the arrangements for Josh & Sam, 'cos in the usual run of things that's where generally you'd be looking for a shared room scenario. It's take some getting used to either way, but I think in real terms they would have to accept that '3 into 1 don't go'. Let's face it, unless you change houses fairly quickly that's going to have to be on the agenda sometime anyway. As a short term solution I think mumble's idea of a fold out bed/whatever in the front room is a good one, but at some point one of the older boys is gonna have to make some adjustments. What about alternating nights or rotating them? I can appreciate your thinking with oldest son/autistic and them needing their personal space, but so do you, and so does Dan - especially if you're ever going to get him into a routine - and so at some point will Eli.

Hope you can find a solution

 

L&P

 

BD

 

PS: Human Biology, eh? that's not a euphamism for something else entirely, is it?

Maths - If you'd studied rabbit Biology you could have combined the two courses!

 

Thanks Mumble and Baddad <'>

My long term solution was for me to use a fold out bed in the sitting room and Dan and Eli will share.Tried Josh and Sam sharing,in fact they shared recently for three weeks while I decorated Sam's room,it was a nightmare!!!Sam is really messy Josh is super neat,you cant believe what a difference it made to poor Josh's room I normally see a cleaming room but when Sam was there I couldnt see the floor!!It was worse because he was not only throwing his things around but also Josh's and then refused to pick Josh's things up cause it wasnt his

 

I have a decent size house so cant really complain but it is hard with four boys who are soooo very different.Getting a babysitter is far to expensive(£10 per hour) and I feel dreadfully uncomfortable having some stranger in my home.Totally get what you saying mumble my ex is hardly taking any responsibilty for his kids.However I suggested he applies for council accomadation as he wants Dan to live with him as of Sept,he is privatley renting a 1 bed flat,and on the grounds that he has to care for his kids every alternate weekend.I have been telling him this for over a year but only now he has agreed.I am hoping this will be a good soltion for everyone

 

Baddad,my final essay was on exactly that part of human biology you referring too

[justine1]

hey hun I am all for sod the housework too

 

DD3 is constantly waking in the night and always has done, so I know how annoying that is, she shares with her 22 month old brother (who she also constantly wakes) as she did share with her 11 yr old sister and that didn't work and she can't really share with her 16 yr old sister as that would be very unfair spesh as she is in the middle of her GCSE's

 

We have decided today to divide up DD3 and DS room so they have a 'room' each, shouldn't cost a lot as we will need 2 door frames a light fitting and the stud partitioning is it possible you can do this?

 

Have you spoken to your GP / HV etc about you sharing with 2 of your children and the reasons why? Surely you should be on the list for a more suiable property (I am assuming you rent)

 

Wish I had a magic solution, but I don't and I have been on my own with my oldest 2 kids and know how hard it is as a single mum

 

big hugs <'>

Thank you <'> You have really lifted my spirits <'>

I have applied to another council for a four bed,only been on the list since November,but I am not considered a priority.I wish to move closer to my ex and my family and the Uni(which are all in the same district)there is also a great deal more in the way of specialist schools for Sam.

I am hoping to explain to the paed on my next visit,why I want to move,why I need a bigger house and mostly about the schools there.

 

If I do stay I will consider a partition.My eldest is in the largest room at the moment cause the previous tenants made it pink incl the carpet so he really didnt want to be there.but his room really is huge definatley a possibility

[baranigirl]

Just a thought, do you have a dining room? We are in a 3 bed semi (all double bedrooms luckily), but we have converted the dining room into a downstairs bedroom for DD2 and she loves it cos it means she can sneak food from the kitchen when I am not looking haha

[justine1]

Just a thought, do you have a dining room? We are in a 3 bed semi (all double bedrooms luckily), but we have converted the dining room into a downstairs bedroom for DD2 and she loves it cos it means she can sneak food from the kitchen when I am not looking haha

No,wish I did!We have a large kitchen so we eat there.This means our sitting room is quite spacious.I actually slept on the sofa for nearly 1 year,Eli in a cot and Dan slept on a matress I couldnt afford beds.I am sure we will figure something out.I love this house cause its new its easy to keep tidy which is essential with four boys. The rooms are all different sizes,Sama is single,but has enough space for his new mid sleeper bed chest of drawers and toy shelves.Then the room I share with the little two has my double bed and Dans new bed wardrobe and chest of drawers its an average size double.Then Joshs room is a huge double!!!

The thing I love the most is the park when I am sooooo exhausted like today I can just let them go out and they play there for hours all the local kids are there and they take good care of each other,the negative is Sam gives all the ice lollies away!!!

[mygifts1306]

Hi Justine, I feel for you i know how hard it can be with little ones. At this point I really dont have any solution. Does Dan have a bath before bedtime, maybe try putting lave

nder oils in the bath it is suppossed to held calm and soothe. If I remember correctly I think you said he was under weight because he is not a great eater, How is he now, Is he any better, If he is crying it does sound like he is in a lot of pain. Is he ok for you to rub his tummy in a clockwise motion, this is meant to help if he has stomach cramps.

I hope things will get better for you.

 

kind regards

J

 

[smiley1590]

i have AS and have sleeping problem/disorder /insomia not sure exactly which one i have difficulty going to sleep that's why on here to early hours while parents sleeping next door soundly i think connected with AS /depression /anxiety not being able to completely 'switch off' my brain drives me mad annoys the hell out of me i over think things like replay millon times at nights and is frustrated as mentally /physically tired exhaused but just can't drift off contently the only thing like mygifts mentioned that i have found a slight thing that works not much but i have lavender cream i rub into my skin and soothes and calms me down in all sense of word! lol and i do drift off quicker and more soundly than without but i never feel refreshed from sleeping always feel tired after sleep like want to go back to sleep after woken up even more so now for some reason can't work that one out either! my mum said i never slept well even when i was baby used to scream when had been fed nappy changed the works so sounds like i have this problem /disorder early on how do i know what sleep problem this is how can i find out which one it is?

 

i been on anti-depressant mirtazapine and that just made feel zombified when woke up and like been 'hit on head with hammer' goggy like woke up from an op in hosp hate that feeling grr couldn't stand it so came off in the end! might try anti-anxiety meds see how we go there?! can't take the tiredness didn't realise the knock on affect it has on daily function and mood during the day didn't realise how important the balance of sleep is now that really struggling myself!

 

XKX

[Tally]

Is there any possibility of partitioning Josh's bedroom and moving Dan and Eli in there? Even if you could only do it with a curtain, it would still give Josh some privacy.

[justine1]

Is there any possibility of partitioning Josh's bedroom and moving Dan and Eli in there? Even if you could only do it with a curtain, it would still give Josh some privacy.

Three of them sharing?????Thats doesnt work!!!We lived in a two bed when I was with my hubby and Josh,Dan and Sam shared it was horrible,really overcrowded and Sam and Dan both had poor sleeping habits at that time so Josh was constantly tired.Not to mention the mess and fighting!!!!

 

I think if I do the partition I will get the proper partitions well the cheapest I can find.Then move Sam and Dan in the partitioned room and Josh can have the single room where Sam is at the moment.This is if we dont move though(but this is very unlikely.)I can share with Eli but cant set his own bed up cause of lack of space when Dan moves to the other room then Eli can have his own bed,government says I can share with him until he is five so then when that time comes I will move up the register.

 

Just have to grin and bare it for now.Thank you everyone <'>

[Lynden]

Justine going back to Mumbles idea of getting a sitter in - have you thought about contacting SW for a carer or direct payments? Would you not be entitled because of Sams AS? It would make a big difference if you had another pair of hands for a couple of hours. Also what about a HomeStart volunteer coming in to help out?

 

Logan is a horrendous sleeper too but I do get some time during the day when both kids are at school. I cant' sleep during the day (which frustrates me!), but I do get downtime where I can rest.

 

Lynne

[darky]

I really feel for you Justine. <'> I just needed to give you one of these <'> I find things always seem much easier with a good nights sleep. I am lucky in that me and hubby just have this routine, where I go to bed early, and he goes to bed late, I wake early, he wakes later. It's ok if you can do it. I'm sorry it's not like that for you. <'>

[baranigirl]

Never thought to suggest HomeStart, they are a fantastic organisation and if you can get help for 2 hours a week it makes such a difference, you cannot leave them with the children, but it could mean you have time to dedicate to something else whict the HS person entertains either all of the children or one or two of them.

 

I had one last year for 8 months originally requested because of my PND and eventually she started when I broke my arm (as they had no trained volunteers the year before) and she just stayed until she got a new placement. DD3 adored her and they would spend 2 hours doing puzzles and drawings whilst I either played with DS or sorted stuff around the house