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Stella63

My Eldest Son Has Got a Job!!!

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Hi,

 

Just had to share this with you all.

 

For those who remember all the problems we have had with AJ over the last few years, he left school last summer with virtually no GCSE's and a couple of literacy and numeracy qualifications taken via the Youth Justice Service. Since leaving school he has refused to go to college - 'that's like school' - and has been dossing about doing nothing apart from gardening for us (for money, of course!!)

 

Anyway, he has done a lot of maturing over the last year, got his first girlfriend a couple of months ago and has lost most of his anger and aggression, even with his brother!! He has been pursuing jobs through Connexions and showed real feelings of sadness when he was too late for a gardening job application. So, decided to mailshot his CV to some local gardeners and he received a letter at the weekend from a gardener just thinking about taking on a trainee. They chatted on the phone and met this evening and subject to references, he has got himself a part time job starting beginning of June!!!

 

I am so thrilled for him!!! It is a horrible time for anyone to be looking for a job, but with his track record it needed someone who could see beyond the paper qualifications and see the positive qualities of a young man who has made some bad choices so far in life.

 

Go AJ!!! :thumbs::thumbs:

 

 

Stella xx

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Wow, Stella, that's fantastic and so encouraging to hear that it's possible for a young person to overcome a bad phase in his life. :thumbs: Hope the gardening job goes well. :)

 

K x

 

 

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You must be over the moon :D So pleased for both of you :thumbs: I hope it all goes well for him and sure its going to give him more confidence in himself :thumbs:

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Well done both of you! :thumbs: I think that was a very good idea to pay him for taking care of your own garden. That way he got an inspiration and encouragement to try to find a real job for himself. :notworthy:

Thank you for sharing this news with us. It gives me hope for my son too.

 

Danaxxx

Edited by dana

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Thanks everyone!!

 

He got his official offer of employment in writing today and immediately phoned his dad, chuffed to bits :thumbs:

 

Inspite of everything AJ has put us through in his 17 years I never quite gave up hope cos I knew there was a lovely AJ hidden deep inside him and it is finally showing itself - he starts on 7th June and can't wait!!!

 

Onwards and upwards :notworthy:

 

Stella xx

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That's brilliant! Amazing what girlfriends can do, isn't it? My daughter introduced her friend to Tom and they have been dating for almost a year. He has got so much more mature and confident and is learning to drive (and saving up for something special- but shhh it's a secret lol!)

Shona xx

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Hi,

 

AJ starts his job on Monday and he is so excited and impatient to get started :bounce: - emotions and qualities we haven't seen before!!

 

And he had even more good news last weekend. Another gardener we sent his cv to phoned up asking whether he would be interested in occasional gardening work (cash in hand) as she works in some really big gardens in Surrey and sometimes need some young muscle to do the heavy work!! Well, AJ said yes and spent most of Friday moving 100 bags of compost and spreading them on part of this huge garden - he loved it -I wasn't so keen on him stinking out my car when I picked him up!!! :sick:

 

So, he now has his new job Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and apparently loads of work with this other lady for the rest of the week!!! Result!!!

 

Interestingly, a work colleague, last year, had mailshot 200 letters for her son ( car mechanics I think) and recieved 5 replies and one job offer. We sent 15 letters, received 4 replies and 2 jobs - in this current job market, for a young lad with virtually no qualifications and a criminal record, that's not bad!!! :thumbs:

 

I just hope he now proves that he can do the job and sticks at it!!

 

Stella xx

 

 

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Very, very best for Monday and the future :thumbs::thumbs: I'm sure Capability Brown started at ground level in compost corner too, and he became a leg end in his own lunch hour!

Old gardening joke -

Do you put manure on your rhubarb?

Yes

Oh. We usually have custard. :D

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Lovely news. so pleased to hear after the trials he put you through, my eldest, 21, also just started work, took him longer then yours to sort himself out, but he did it in the end!!!

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Sorry, missed this post first time round, but that's excellent news. :thumbs::clap:

 

Gardening/horticulture/landscaping has many benefits as well as the normal ones that come with a job - fresh air, exercise and it's a pretty therapeutic environment. My brother, who is severely autistic, goes to a supported gardening group and appears to really benefit from it. I love gardening too, though my windowsill has now run out of room as I've filled it with window boxes! :lol:

 

Would he be interested in doing some horticultural courses? - I looked into these and there are some really good ones.

 

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Hi

 

Well, day one over and I have never seen him look so bright eyed and really pleased with himself. His boss has told him AJ's work is up to his own standards so thats all good and he can't wait for tomorrow!!!

 

Thanks Enid, we certainly have been through our fair share of trials with our boys and I'm so pleased that your eldest is now working. What is he doing?

 

Mumble, the answer is yes, and we have a fabulous agricultural college not far from us with a huge range of courses. He would not consider going to college before but as soon as he got this job, knowing it was part time, he immediately was looking at day release courses and apprenticeships, which they do. I think for the moment though he will just concentrate on his job and see which areas he particularly likes.

 

I confess I felt a bit like it was his first day at school today - so used to him being here all day!!!

 

Thanks again, all, for your thoughts and comments - you guys understand how big a deal it is!!

 

Stella xx

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Stella, it was his first offical day as well!!! he is working at a dog resuce centre, am sooo proud, been doing voluntary there, I was also on edge all day, have breathed out now!!!

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Hi

 

Well, AJ being AJ managed to last just 3 weeks in his job - for whatever reason he missed 2 days and failed his trial- that self destruct button was pressed yet again :wallbash:

 

Unfortunately I think the cannabis issue is the problem and the day after he lost his job he stole OJ's camcorder (his birthday present a couple of months ago) - sold it for a pittance and things at home have regressed back severely.

 

I am so disappointed and disgusted with him and really don't know what to do. If we throw him out he will be on the streets and would almost certainly spiral further down but he is almost 18 and needs to sort himself out.

 

Knew it was too good to be true :crying:

 

Stella xx

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How disappointing for you both, you have my sympathies.

These ASD teenagers do seem to have a "self destruct" button. My son is now 19, and we have yet to manage a school or college year without some kind of blow up resulting in suspension or worse.

We are rapidly running out of educational options and he may soon be looking for his first job. I am dreading him starting work because I know I will spend all day, every day, waiting for "the call". But I also can't stand the thought of him hanging around the house dong nothing!

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Hi Stella -

 

Really sorry to hear it's all gone t!ts up :(. Not really very comforting right now, but hopefully reassuring a bit later: It was a huge 'expect' in some ways if you think of all the major jumps that were occuring at the same time - girlfirends, behaviour, social understanding etc, especially as school experiences had done so little to prepare him for the routines of working life. Bringing all of those things together, 5 days a week with no preparation and no 'safety net there's bound to be some problems first time (and probably, sadly, second and third times) around.

 

I must have missed the 'cannabis thing' somewehere (maybe a different thread? :unsure: ), but I'd be careful not to let that sidetrack you... More likely it was just 'too much too quickly' and if things have deteriorated since it's probably more to do with anger and frustration - stealing his brother's stuff more a 'kick the cat' sort of thing than a 'get some money to buy blow' sort of thing.

 

Looking to the future, I'd try and see if maybe this can provide the impetus to get him into some work related training - as gently as possible suggesting that maybe that 'work skills' course at college wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all. It may be that he can handle - even enjoy - the physical side of work, but the other stuff (time management, taking direction, team-work etc) is equally - if not more - important, and he's missed out on loads of that stuff at school too. If the college is still an absolute no-no, perhaps you can get him some voluntary work experience doing the same stuff - there are lots of projects going on these days for community gardens/allotments etc, and they'd be a lot more relaxed about occassional lateness in favour of general reliability and willingness. Perhaps, if you can stretch to it and it's needed, you could offer to pay him for doing work on your garden to 'keep his hand in'? Just make sure it's work related, and he's paid on results and he absolutely doesn't get advances, otherwise you'll just be painting yourself into a corner where handouts for minimal effort are another unreasonable expectation you have to contend with.

 

Another factor - the girlfriend. Is that still going okay or did that break down too? If so, that could of hit him hard even if he was outwardly being quite blase about it. Even if going well 'extra curricular' activities could have had something to do with the lateness/no shows, especially for someone so young and for whom it's the 'first time'.

 

Hope that's helpful, and that things fare better next time round or with some of the alternatives suggested.

 

L&P

 

BD :D

 

Quick PS: Noticed looking back there was also the casual work with the other person... has that petered out too, or would a phonecall there maybe provide a few hours per week and some pocket money?

Edited by baddad

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Hi

 

Thanks Baddad - that is excellent advice. He still has the girlfriend and she is aware of the theft (unfortunately I had to implicate her and a couple of her friends as they had been in the house - I knew it was AJ but he wouldn't admit it until I threatened police, school, parents etc and the girlfriend was petrified about being a suspect).

 

He may still have the occasional work but we think she is on holiday - AJ has left several messages as he appears to be quite keen still.

 

Baddad its as though you know AJ, your observations are so astute and you have allowed me to look at the whole thing less emotionally and more rationally - thaank you!!!

 

Enid - :(

 

Stella xx

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