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merlin1

Swearing,Bad words and running away

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Has any one any advice on how to deal with this? My son is now 10 and has AS. He has been swearing and saying really bad things. He has also started to run away and we have to go out and look for him. We have taken away his games consul for the language,locked his bike away,locked doors and windows [but one has no lock and he climbed out this] I have tried ignoring it and correcting him when he says it but the situation has not improved. Regarding the running away, he is getting into trouble with other boys and they are tormenting him and have hit him. I had to get the police this week as they chased him into a shop and I was called to come and get him. The police tried to tell him that it is not safe running away and that it will make more trouble for him.

We have had major school problems too. We now have to go to an adolescent mental health centr because the school staff do not believe his diagnosis [ he was diagnosed by a consultant paediatrician]. This is the school who cant cope with him. He was off school for nearly 3 months as the staff would not work with him. :crying: The head also tried to get him removed from the register but we appealed and this was withdrawn. It is a mainstream school but they dont seem to want to be bothered with difficult kids.

We are in Moray NE Scotland where services are practiacally nil. I get 2 hrs respite a week when he attends a club. I have been begging for more and overnight respite but there is nothing in Moray for these children. We are very stressed and at our wits end with this. My other son who is 11 also shows some sign of an ASD, and they often annoy each other for fun. The house is like a war Zone 24/7. Any ideas?? :tearful:

 

 

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What advice did the police give you if he is repeatedly reported as missing or in trouble?

 

your taking away his possessions and the police are already in involved its hard to know what to advise, there is a website here that looks into the more behavioural issues, such as you describe that might help.

 

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/parents

 

or NAS to search wider areas for more apropriate residential respite care.

 

Maybe a reassessment of his needs from social services to look into increasing his respite hours.

 

Also now its summer holidays any residential activity centres such as PGL they may help financing it.

 

I would continue with removing possessions and keeping him in the house but if it is getting totally unmanagable to keep him inside and safe then a full assessment from social service to look at his needs.

 

I have one 13 yr old, if he had a younger brother I wouldnt like to contenplate the circumstances, so it must be really hard to manage two one whom is already on the spectrum and your younger one showing signs too, that will be a real struggle.

 

If you really do feel your at your wits end and cant take any more you need to request emergency meeting as it maybe that a short break will help you sort out a more long term plan.

 

I do know already how hard it is with one teenager, so I do understand that you may need some support urgently.

 

from what you say in your post your son is totally unsafe when he has ran away and that would be my main concerns and that needs dealing with the most, his bad language I would ignore it as much as possible and continue to confescate his items, but if he has ran away in the mean time, then it would be that that would need urgent attention, if my lad where to run away he would be in considerable danger, both traffic and members of the public and if he repeatedly did that, we would have to assess him remaining in my care.

 

JsMumx

 

Edited by JsMum

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I thought about why he is swearing, and found this website on kids swearing, quite child friendly, but there was one reason why your lad maybe swearing and that is its another way to describe a type of feeling which then led me to think maybe look at feelings, emotions, and get him to express these without swearing or running away, maybe setting up a area for him he can escape to and have some communication aids that will help him identify what he is feeling.

 

You could request the cahms look into providing some support for emotions and feelings, maybe art therapy or councilling.

 

Anyway I know his behaviour is totally inapropriate but he is trying to communicate and his behaviour is one way of trying to communicate this, I know others here will disagree and i dont want to get into any debate here and Im not saying you should have any excuses to his behaviour but at the end of the day it may be his way of trying to tell you something he cant.

 

Anyway hope this helps I might be back with some more ideas on how to help with his swearing.

 

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopi...287&id=1538

 

added these are for generic children, cahms/NAS may be able to offer more ideas on how to help someone with a communication impairment.

 

http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/family/299705/...when-kids-swear

 

JsMumx

 

Edited by JsMum

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Has any one any advice on how to deal with this? My son is now 10 and has AS. He has been swearing and saying really bad things. He has also started to run away and we have to go out and look for him. We have taken away his games consul for the language,locked his bike away,locked doors and windows [but one has no lock and he climbed out this] I have tried ignoring it and correcting him when he says it but the situation has not improved. Regarding the running away, he is getting into trouble with other boys and they are tormenting him and have hit him. I had to get the police this week as they chased him into a shop and I was called to come and get him. The police tried to tell him that it is not safe running away and that it will make more trouble for him.

We have had major school problems too. We now have to go to an adolescent mental health centr because the school staff do not believe his diagnosis [ he was diagnosed by a consultant paediatrician]. This is the school who cant cope with him. He was off school for nearly 3 months as the staff would not work with him. :crying: The head also tried to get him removed from the register but we appealed and this was withdrawn. It is a mainstream school but they dont seem to want to be bothered with difficult kids.

We are in Moray NE Scotland where services are practiacally nil. I get 2 hrs respite a week when he attends a club. I have been begging for more and overnight respite but there is nothing in Moray for these children. We are very stressed and at our wits end with this. My other son who is 11 also shows some sign of an ASD, and they often annoy each other for fun. The house is like a war Zone 24/7. Any ideas?? :tearful:

Really feel for you,my son does the same&its awful he has dx ADHD&ODD.I take away his things such as fone/games console/internet time/tv etc etc..SEEMS to work for a while then his behaviour goes back down again&we back to square one..swearing,running out of the house then its back to the the punishments&its really draining.

he was grounded last night but came in form school at 4pm&ran straight back out&didnt come in till7pm..hes grounded AGAIN..no internet..no games..blah blah.

3wks ago was the last straw,he punched my arms cos I wouldnt let him have a£1 due to his behaviour,school have finally listened,we are trying for statementing again(primary school wasnt interested)things have been put in place for him at school&the parent support adviser is on board to try get me some respite through Barnados(as i dont get ANY,)but today I lost faith as support adviser was supposed to be with me at 10am..no sign,i rang school at 2pm,she told me'sorry sat nav couldnt find you' :angry: really feel for you when u feel like your child is getting let down&your trying your absolute best :(

keep going&keep chin up,ive decided now im gonna get on peoples backs to get him what help he needs as they dont think twice about getting on my back when he has a do at school!

as for the war zone..right with ya there too,youngest brother under asessment by camhs too for his behaviour&'ways'&the fights are horrendous!

I know this post wont have been any help,but at least you know your not on your own&im here for you if you need a moan >:D<<'>

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thanks for the advice. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling with this. He hasn't been in trouble with the police - they came to warn him about running away and getting into any trouble. He has never been reported missing as we always go and find him as we usually [but not always] can find him. As I said I cannot get respite. We are in Moray in NE scotland and there are no respite for children like him. We have tried somewhere [ Aberlour child care trust] but they stated that because he was physically able and could hold a conversation he would not fit in there. Due to our location there is nowhere else. I have asked about out of area but they will not do that. I was interested to read of a child on here getting a week residential at a centre doing activities. That would be brilliant. The place that J's mum mentioned where is that? We are not getting support from school either as I said as most of the staff just think he is a very badly behaved boy and have even got the educational authority to send us somewhere to clarify his diagnosis even though he has been seen by speech and language, occupational therapy, educational psychologist and was diagnosed by a consultant paediatrician!!.

What is a statement that the english schools have for their children with these needs? We don't have this.

 

He has also got more physical and is a big sturdy boy .

 

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thanks for the advice. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling with this. He hasn't been in trouble with the police - they came to warn him about running away and getting into any trouble. He has never been reported missing as we always go and find him as we usually [but not always] can find him. As I said I cannot get respite. We are in Moray in NE scotland and there are no respite for children like him. We have tried somewhere [ Aberlour child care trust] but they stated that because he was physically able and could hold a conversation he would not fit in there. Due to our location there is nowhere else. I have asked about out of area but they will not do that. I was interested to read of a child on here getting a week residential at a centre doing activities. That would be brilliant. The place that J's mum mentioned where is that? We are not getting support from school either as I said as most of the staff just think he is a very badly behaved boy and have even got the educational authority to send us somewhere to clarify his diagnosis even though he has been seen by speech and language, occupational therapy, educational psychologist and was diagnosed by a consultant paediatrician!!.

What is a statement that the english schools have for their children with these needs? We don't have this.

 

He has also got more physical and is a big sturdy boy .

 

 

Hi, I think the activity week was the do it for real and there fully booked this year now, but you could look into for next year.

 

http://www.doit4real.co.uk/

 

The other activity weeks is PGL

http://www.pgl.co.uk/PglWeb/default but again you would have to check that they cater for High functioning ASD.

 

It sounds like the respite care centre was for more severe needs, but you can get respite care services that cater for higher functioning needs, J is able to hold a conversation and is able and is starting respite in a weeks time, it was hard fighting for it but he needed it, and we found a respite care facility that is for higher functioning children/young people.

 

NAS found me the placement J is attending, so I advise you ring them, also request some information on how to aquire respite care.

 

As for school I am sorry for getting confused with the different education system, here in england we have statements, I understand it is different in scotland, but if he has a diagnosis they should be still required by law to meet those needs and what right has the school got to question his dx when they are quite happy to give him negative lables that wont help him.

 

I am reliefed to read your son hasnt gone missing or reported missing sorry for misintirpritting your post, and that it was just a planned visit from the police to warn him about running off.

 

I would contact your local MP or councillor and discuss this with them because it does sound like you do need help.

 

JsMumx

 

 

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thanks for the advice. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling with this. He hasn't been in trouble with the police - they came to warn him about running away and getting into any trouble. He has never been reported missing as we always go and find him as we usually [but not always] can find him. As I said I cannot get respite. We are in Moray in NE scotland and there are no respite for children like him. We have tried somewhere [ Aberlour child care trust] but they stated that because he was physically able and could hold a conversation he would not fit in there. Due to our location there is nowhere else. I have asked about out of area but they will not do that. I was interested to read of a child on here getting a week residential at a centre doing activities. That would be brilliant. The place that J's mum mentioned where is that? We are not getting support from school either as I said as most of the staff just think he is a very badly behaved boy and have even got the educational authority to send us somewhere to clarify his diagnosis even though he has been seen by speech and language, occupational therapy, educational psychologist and was diagnosed by a consultant paediatrician!!.

What is a statement that the english schools have for their children with these needs? We don't have this.

 

He has also got more physical and is a big sturdy boy .

 

 

I know the system is different in Scotland. But in England if a child is not having their needs met (under the Statement) at their current school and the local authority does not have any other suitable educational place, then the parents can ask for a place at an ASD specific independent school. Obviously LEAs don't want to have to pay for this, so it does usually involve having to go to an educational tribunal and getting private reports and even a solicitor. But you might secure a place in an ASD specific residential school that will also teach him the life skills he needs. And often the main argument for an ASD specific independent school is that the LEA cannot provide what the child needs. And 'education' is not just academic learning. Previous cases have rules that it is about preparing a child for life in the adult world and does involve things like life skills and social skills etc.

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