pookie170 Report post Posted July 14, 2010 Hey folks! We are having MAJOR issues at the moment with DS1, with regards to him not accepting responsibility for ANYTHING! In spring term, he actually struck a teacher at school (oh, the shame!!) but when we tried to get to the bottom of it, he kept skirting around what he'd done, trying to apportion blame on others' shoulders. He teased another boy who reacted with an almighty shove to DS1, but he's put up with DS1 teasing him this way for weeks, asking him to stop, telling the teachers whats going on, etc,etc. Yet we cannot get through to DS1 that it was his actions that caused the push to happen to him, IYSWIM? He just isn't/will not make this connection- and it is driving me insane! He's also terrible for digging a deeper hole for himself- as in, I'm trying to stay calm and talk him into seeing how he could have avoided these situations, but he's getting all strident and insistent and talking over me...and I could throttle him!! Part of this is teenagery nonsense (he's almost 13, would you credit it???) and hormones, although developmentally speaking, his younger brother is more developed than him socially etc.... Anyone got any advice?? Ta!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted July 14, 2010 Just stick to your guns. Probably a LOT to do with that 13 thing - it makes them act like three year olds but they want the status of 30 year olds! (he'll grow out of it by the time he hits 30 proper. Possibly. ) The 'making connections' thing is a bit of a blind alley; if he has demonstrated in the past that he can make those kinds of connections then pooberty really isn't gonna change that, other than giving him a good dose of chemicals and hormones that make him less inclined to make them, iyswim. Perfectly natch, and certainly hard (for him) to ignore the 'Kevin' impulses, but not a question of 'can't'... How's that bayyyybeee by the way? L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mygifts1306 Report post Posted July 14, 2010 I would say stick to your guns as well. How about social stories are they any good ? i know they work for some and dont work for others? Being 13 has probably got something to do with it. Sorry dont have much advice. x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted July 15, 2010 Been there, have several items of related apparel Tony Attwood uses a technique called Scales of Justice which we used with J with great success. It's a visual tool to demonstrate shared blame and responsibility, really helps to get the message across. http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=qJZmsp3...ice&f=false Scroll to page 103. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 26, 2010 most helpful, thanks karen! that seems to have helped him understand a little better, i just wish i had a magic wand at the moment- think the disruption of the baby brought with her is making things worse too! The baby is doing well, thanks badders- being really rather generous most nights and allowing us some sleep, but during the day she is the ultimate clingon! but she's gorgeous and cute...and being forgiven for everything, even though she DID poo all over my clean jeans yesterday!!!! (hugely.....i shall spare you the details!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted July 26, 2010 most helpful, thanks karen! that seems to have helped him understand a little better, i just wish i had a magic wand at the moment- think the disruption of the baby brought with her is making things worse too! The baby is doing well, thanks badders- being really rather generous most nights and allowing us some sleep, but during the day she is the ultimate clingon! but she's gorgeous and cute...and being forgiven for everything, even though she DID poo all over my clean jeans yesterday!!!! (hugely.....i shall spare you the details!) .....the idea of a third was becoming rather attractive although not possible until the last line. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites