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hiya can anybody help me my ds with asd and adhd keeps running away everytime I tell him off or no, either that or he screams high pitch and I have neighbours knocking/banging

Only now he run off my dads got him as I really cant cope for much longer , had a birthday invite at 3pm and as he was being naughty I told him had to be good or couldnt go with that he run off slamming the vestivule door which then jammed the handle and i was locked in , meanwhile he just went over 2 main rds and lots of little ones , I managed to un screw the door and my dad picked him up in the car but this is becoming a regular thing, he run off and got a train few weeks back ased 2 strangers who never met to then take him half way accross town to his dads work.

problem is my oh works and I have the 5 of them so cant leave the others to run after him

My mum suffers high blood pressure, high collestrol and is under a councilour for stress, my dads had 5 bypass operations and has a heart condition, they were meant to be going away next week and said wont go which is not fair on them and i know i cant rely on them all the time and feel bad doing so

My oh has been suffering chest pains and told me will walk out if he gets ill as had to go for an ecg yesterday and i dont know what to do or were to turn

sorry

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My front door is permanently locked with a deadlock. I've also found that a discussion about behaviours after the event gets a better response than on the spot reprimands. Did you do an EarlyBird or EarlyBird+ course?

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I cant lock the doo ras back door is locked and kitchen door has to be locked as eldest would turn the oven on and rob food , for fire saftey need one door assesable

I have nver heard of an earlybird course, i have done webster stratten, parent power plus (ss put me on but wasnt suitable) , adhd foundations course, and some others but to do with eduaction and statments

where can I find out about the early bird?

thanks Helen x

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Hi

Soemone told me that you can request an OT to come and see your home and you can get a grant to help with safety adjustments made to your home.You would most likely need to see the GP or maybe CAMHS if you still seeing them.

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I cant lock the doo ras back door is locked and kitchen door has to be locked as eldest would turn the oven on and rob food , for fire saftey need one door assesable

I have nver heard of an earlybird course, i have done webster stratten, parent power plus (ss put me on but wasnt suitable) , adhd foundations course, and some others but to do with eduaction and statments

where can I find out about the early bird?

thanks Helen x

 

National Autistic Society will be able to help you with where and when the Early Birds course is so give National Autistic Society a call, they also help with social care needs too, so do go over everything with NAS as they will be able to direct you to local provisions.

 

When he runs away what are your actions? do you ring the police, emergency duty team/social services, your son is really at risk with running away, how do you know he asked strangers to take him home? if a child asked me to take him home and I could see they where Vunrable I would call the police straight away and alert them of the situation.

 

What support do they recieve at school? statement/1-1 support, special school? mainstream?

 

You really do sound like you do need more support before something serious happens, talk to NAS. and contact a family/

 

JsMumx

 

Edited by JsMum

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You (as a carer) and your children should be assessed by Social Services. I know they've washed their hands of you previously. Maybe the NAS helpline can give you advice on how to pin them down. As you have so many children with needs they should be looking at how they can support you - or give you direct payments so you can pay for help.

You may find it helpful to get a doctors note about how your health is suffering due to stress/anxiety etc.

If your family unit breaks down (husband leaves as cannot cope and you have a breakdown or cannot cope with all of the kids) then SS are going to have to pick up the bill for looking after all your children with SEN. That will cost them alot of money. Sometimes a well worded letter can get them moving especially if it is from a solicitor or via your MP.

You should have support, and maybe access to respite, along with carers allowance and direct payments.

There are lots of schemes such as 'aiming high' which would allocate 100 hours support for each child to do clubs or activities.

What schools do they attend, and can any of those schools or any professionals that have contact with your children complete a CAF referal to social services?

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Hiya thanks methods we take when he runs off , first thing I do is ring my mum and dad as they live 3 streets away so are near and can be here quickest.

- feel bad burdoning them but have no choice all I want is him back quickest and safe.

How do I know he talked to strangers as the night in question was 9pm. His dad was working on lates in a busy train station when 2 people brought our son to him and said he was crying outside a train station othrrside of town asking ppl to take him to his dad,

He boarded the train as had no money got into town and was lost, we only have to walk to corner shops and he latches on to people we don't know.

Family health my oh has chest pains wad at hospital yesterday for ecg waiting results on

My dad suffers with his heart and has had 5 bypass operations, 2 strokes and has angina

My mum has high blood pressure, high cholestral and sees a councilours for stress and anxiety

That's only family we have oh's mum doesn't bother never has as can't cope with the boys needs.

I recently found a charity Maps who said in sept will look into a caf,

I am awaiting outcome from letters our MP wrote as I asked her to help regarding social services. We complained as they put me on a course which was not suitable for asd kids and when ee raised it they sent us a letter ceasing all contact with the family hence asking MP for help

 

In school they won't statment him as he is very bright for his age in yr7 doing yr9 work , school have him when his meds are working but they peak he becomes a different child

As he is underweight they can't increase his dose, he now on concerta 56mg , strattera sent him suicidel as tried other meds.

I just feel hitting a brick wall with everything we got told to apply for his school and should get transport last sept and we never got that so I have to do school runs which is 2 bus rides away , I take youngest to nursery 1pm get bus collect him and be back for 3pm to get others

Sorry for going on I'll give the autistic helpline a ring as never even knew there was one

Thanks again x

 

 

 

You (as a carer) and your children should be assessed by Social Services. I know they've washed their hands of you previously. Maybe the NAS helpline can give you advice on how to pin them down. As you have so many children with needs they should be looking at how they can support you - or give you direct payments so you can pay for help.

You may find it helpful to get a doctors note about how your health is suffering due to stress/anxiety etc.

If your family unit breaks down (husband leaves as cannot cope and you have a breakdown or cannot cope with all of the kids) then SS are going to have to pick up the bill for looking after all your children with SEN. That will cost them alot of money. Sometimes a well worded letter can get them moving especially if it is from a solicitor or via your MP.

You should have support, and maybe access to respite, along with carers allowance and direct payments.

There are lots of schemes such as 'aiming high' which would allocate 100 hours support for each child to do clubs or activities.

What schools do they attend, and can any of those schools or any professionals that have contact with your children complete a CAF referal to social services?

 

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I cant lock the doo ras back door is locked and kitchen door has to be locked as eldest would turn the oven on and rob food , for fire saftey need one door assesable

I have nver heard of an earlybird course, i have done webster stratten, parent power plus (ss put me on but wasnt suitable) , adhd foundations course, and some others but to do with eduaction and statments

where can I find out about the early bird?

thanks Helen x

 

Sometimes we have to balance the risks. At the moment it is more likely that he will run away, than that there will be a fire, so lock the door. You may be able to adapt the door (eg: put a catch up at the top of the door, that you can reach but he can't or a chain that will slow him down enough for you to catch him). Put a bell/chimes on/in front of the door, so you know as soon as he is trying to open it. At the same time, make him a hidey hole indoors (with books/music, etc) and teach him to go there to chill out when he is upset. Teach the other children to leave him alone if he is in there. Reward him for using it.

 

You could also: give him a cheap mobile phone (so he can call you if he runs off), give him a watch (and tell him he has to be back in 10 minutes and reward him if he is), teach him how to choose who to ask for help (eg: policeman, person in a shop, a mother), give him a card with your tel number on it (so someone can call you), enlist the help of friends and neighbours to let you know if they see him wandering, set out a boundary of where he is allowed to go and where he must not go past, teach him how to cross the roads and where are good places to cross. These things need to be practised when he is in a good mood, so they become habits he can still do when he is cross/angry. If he is going to run away, do your best to make sure he can keep himself safe.

 

My son went through a phase of running away, and it was horrible.

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As well as the practical ideas from Kazzen, is your son currently being seen by any professionals at all in school eg. EP or SALT?

 

SEN does not only include academic needs. The Code of Practice clearly itemises the SEN difficulties that would trigger School Action, School Action Plus and a Statement. They include SEN relating to academic, language and social communication, emotional, behavioural and sensory issues.

 

And the legal interpretation of 'education' is teaching and preparing a child for independent adult life. So 'life skills' do fall under education and so do 'social skills' and 'emotional regulation' etc.

 

Even a gifted child can need a social skills group, support from a TA or mentor during breaktimes/dinnertimes, 1:1 time with a SALT to explicitly teach concepts such as stranger danger, how to keep safe and make choices, how to regulate emotional responses etc. Alot of it will involve the very practical things that Kazzen has already suggested. But with a professional they have an understanding of what the child does/doesn't understand and can break it down into chunks for them to learn and apply. As parents we do our best, and often do get it right, but the right amount of professional input can make all the difference.

 

 

So, have you tried finding out who the Head of SALT is in your area and sending them a letter of what your son is doing eg. running away (and the language and social communication difficulties, emotional regulation or understanding difficulties and/or behavioural issues). These areas are the responsibility of the SALT. The fact that they are not happening in school is not relevent - although school may argue 'we have no problems in school'. The fact is he does not have those skills and those skills need to be taught for him to be independent.

 

I don't think it would be an easy fight but you have nothing to lose - as it seems currently you receive no help or input at all. And it is those parents that are persistent and methodical and just keep asking and presenting evidence of need of support that do finally get it.

 

Keep a diary and when you have a free minute, draft a letter to the Head of SALT and ask for a SALT experienced in ASD to assess your son in all aspects of speech and language and social interaction, emotional recognition and regulation and give details from your diary of what your children are doing (as they may need to assess all of them).

 

You can also request an assessment towards a Statement yourself. And you can submit any correspondence with the SALT or EP and any of their assessments, letters or reports, along with details from your diary etc as evidence that he needs support and input from certain professionals to teach him certain skills.

 

If the LEA refuse to assess or do assess and then refuse a Statement you can go to appeal (and there you can seek for transport to be provided as well).

 

It is alot of hard work with so many children. But try to take the slow methodical approach and just keep going.

 

Is his current school a special school, or does it have any expertise or experience with ASDs? Is your son on any stage of the SEN process eg. School Action?

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Hiya quick update , I rung a lady who works for a voluntary centre here, we got chatting while i was on a tac course and she tol me to ring her, so bit the bullet and she has requseted we get a key worker who can organise a CAF , I got told to ring ss in meantime and ask for help i it gets to much , im just at the stage were feel so fed up and cant be botherd as got so much going on and could burst into tears or walk out but im not going to been there done that and i have to hold on till 2nd Aug when we will get told if a key worker has been allocated , I dont want to ring ss incase puts key worker in jepordy so bit of vicious circle

Im just praying and crossing my fingers this happens or dont know what will happen , its tearing the family apart as everybody is so stressed, has health problems and im left to do it on my own which is fair enough they are my children but its so hard at times

thanks

x

 

just read above post sorry heads all over we are waiting SALT (speech and language for 3 of the boys) one got referred last March, another in Nov and one more recently

they dont get support in school from outside help as school have said they can cope and have support they need and they are all doing really well in school cause its strict routine, its when get home it goes up the wall as they all want my attention , meds have worn off, and the routine goes out the window as I cant have one due to everybodies needs varying

thanks again x

Edited by dmtam

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I totally sympathise with you as my son also runs away. We have to go look for him regularly. My doors are locked and thekeys taken out. My windows have locks, but he is so clever that he has started to pick the window locks and climb out! I have tried to warn him of the dangers and the consequences of his actions but he just keeps doing it. It is also driving us mad. My OH also cannot deal with the stress and it all adds to the pressure. We have a social worker for him ,but he evan ran from them and we had to look for him. It is very hard, but try to keep going and get all the help you can. In scotland it all starts at our GP but Enhland seems to have more places for help.

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does DH have any underlying MH probs such depression anxiety could these be heightened or triggered more lately? X as i feel like running away alot the time alot of frustration anger all adds up and can become dangerous when not in good frame and state of mind could get run over etc as i know when i'm like that i just don't care i'm wreckless and impulsive to point of suicidalness which isn't great! i had community support officer bring me home once after finding me on bench after running away after having heated arguement with parents at home it quite embarassing felt ashamed but my only way of coping and pack my bags and ran away to my nans before too i try and run away from my probs and me and my life i get worried scared and all builds up into something much deeper and more i feel alone invisible .... just want to escape from everything ....

 

XKLX

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Do you mind telling me how old you are smiley? My son is newly 10 and is a constant worry. He goes out and gets himself into trouble with other kids and does bad things like throwing sticks,stones. He has been diagnosed with aspergers but school staff have questioned that and want him re assessed as they think he is wicked. I have put in a bit in for advice under this ADOS test. Do you get angry and aggressive at your parents? He has been very physical and we cant seem to stop him in these rages. I am very bruised. :(

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im 20 years old i used to be very angry and aggressive at my parents being physically restrained to the floor by parents police being called ad held a knife to my mum's throat threatened to kill her i get so lost and confused easy so mixed up in my own world in emotions and thoughts i felt so bad guilty i saw how i destroying people i loved and cared about then treated them so wicked evil it was like i different person coming out in the rages /outbursts they last hours and take ages to calm down come out of fully take me next day or week i feel so 'zoned out' just lost it over nothing i ended up harming myself by self harming my arms or taking OD of tabs then having to go up A & E hosp early hours of morning and being checked over by pysch crisis team

 

my personal advice is to keep record of anger outbursts/rages and see if there is any common types of major triggers which may set him off at you both keep dates time as proof and evidence? does he understand his behaviour why he acts out in such a waY? maybe he needs help and support with clinical pyschologist to explore different options to outlet his anger in more constructive way like relaxation breathing techniques or having cool down area to give him that space and time he needs to work out clearly what he done ...??? does he get any outside support services? CAMHS? has meds been thought about?

 

does he self harm? sometimes anger physical sign but mentally it where it going wrong behind the scenes in the background like depression anxiety that built up and needs vent and explode and people closest to him at that time .... frustrations probably leak out aswell in the mixture in this situation has social anxiety been explored into as this could be struggle with why he acting up at the peers hurting them has ADHD ODD behavioural disorders connected to AS been looked into?

 

confusing when battling fighting with yourself and your life all time so tiring for you both and him my parents felt helpless and useless and like it never going to stop and end

 

my parents were worn down frustrated at a loss ... confused upset at breaking point ... i was hurting and wanted others to feel what i felt inside of my head cause i couldn't explain in words reached so far then snap bang ... i been 'gone' i act like right craze nutter loon i just flip ... i think my anger was covering depression at the time i was try to igorn fight it off ... but didn't work had to face it in the end! i felt such bad daughter ... felt i never get out of it how made deep hole!

 

XKLX

 

good luck X

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