Please help son possibly taking cannabis

[Lufty]

Dear All

 

This has been posted on behalf of a member who has contacted me but wishes to remain anonymous and therefore not make the posting themselves :-

 

Please could you help. Our eldest son came back from his friends house (the only friend he has) and announced he had 'shish'. His friend was talking about getting pipes but i am worried as cannibis can be smoked this way through a turkish pipe. We are not completely sure if this is cannibis or not as there is some discrepancy between what has been said and what we found (we had to look) on his phone (while he was asleep). From the messages between the two we found that his friend has mentioned that his mum nearly caught him with the stuff. We are a little confused and worried about what he has got involved with. Its just the two of them and not a group. Not sure if he knows what he is doing. Any advice on how we could handle this better.

 

Some time ago our 19 year old son was also feeling depressed and wishing he was dead. I know he was angry but this latest event has made me think this is the start of a downward spiral. I am sorry about sending this to you but did not want this to be put on the forum.

 

I tried to search if any one had similar problems.I could not find anyone. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. We have the younger one and problems with him aswell so this is something i cannot manage on my own at the moment as our little one is changing schools and we have had a bad few days with him

 

Any help you can offer the member would be appreciated.

 

Many thanks

 

 

Lufty

[baddad]

Not sure what you can do to handle it, other than letting your son know your feelings etc...

Most kids of his age these days will be 'experimenting'. For most it remains just that, but I know that won't seem very reassuring. It's not very much, I know, but the reality is that recreational drug taking is pretty much a part of youth culture these days. So wherever your son goes pub wise or clubbing there will always be drugs freely available to him. There's been a few news reports/documentaries about the new trend in 'legal' highs, and TBH if the stories are true rather than scaremongering then grass is pretty innocuous by comparison:(.

Obviously I don't know anything about your son, but for most 18-19 year olds it's often the case that the more you voice your objections the more they will want to rebel, and the more you do to stop them the more determined they will be not to be stopped. Mostly I think you can only tell them once, as calmly and clearly as possible, how strongly you feel about it and hope that 'common sense' will prevail. I think an awful lot will depend on the general relationship you have with your son. If you're generally close and get on okay then that one serious talking to about it is probably your best option, but if you are frequently at loggerheads then even that will probably make things worse.

 

Sorry if that's not particularly helpful, but other than that I don't know what to suggest. Do try to take some reassurance, though, from the fact that it is a 'minor' (almost 'legalised' in the real sense rather than the 'legal by avoiding legislation' sense of the legal high stuff) drug, and that in real terms very few kids go beyond the odd spliff or e at the weekend kind of drug-taking.

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited July 27, 2010 by baddad

[bubblesboo]

Would possibly be an idea to get info about the long term issues with using it, and then show him, and his mate?? i know i would have no qualms about fronting this with cara and her mates (altho she would not use cos of what it may do to her body)

this is the best option i have sorry.

[Kazzen161]

http://www.talktofrank.com/

 

has useful child- and parent- friendly information on it.

 

I have been through this, as have several friends. I tried to stay calm, talked through the legal issues, and stressed the possible long term effects.

[JsMum]

Hi sometimes when young people feel depressed and suicidle they can gravitate to recreational drugs to help them throw there periods of dispair, sadly though it is researched Cannabis and Depression dont mix well, they can lead to further mental health needs, so I would address the issues that are making him Angry in the first place such as MIND or another mental health group and Youngminds.

 

If it is cannabis then just be open, honest discussions about the effects of Cannabiz although it is deemed the almost legalised drug it is what it can lead to, as your son is vulnrable with Depression and suicidle thoughts he may want to experiment further afield, so I would defo look at contacting Talkto frank website and youngminds together, so he understands the risks of cannabis and what it could lead to.

 

My son has experimented with friends with cigerettes and rollies and there wasnt enough evidence to proofe if there was cannabiz but there is a high probablitiy there was but it is normal teenage experimental behaviour, I was mega surprisied he even went down this experimenting because he cant deal with anyone close to him smoking!!!!

 

A lot of it was peer pressure, wanting to prove he could smoke a Joint, without been sick! he wasnt sick but he wasnt feeling quite right and he isnt interested in the smoking bit from my awareness.

 

I have since talked to J about cannabis and other drugs and just general researching on the internet together.

 

As my concerns are what cannanbis can lead on to and how it can cause mental health issues in the future of that persons future.

 

JsMumx

Edited July 27, 2010 by JsMum

[Suze]

I feel the same as J,s mum and would worry about the depressive effects of taking it.Personally I have a zero tolerance to anything like this and if my kids did anything like this even taking up smoking I,d go ballistic, they would certainly know I was,nt happy.Its a subject close to my heart and past experience may be making me seem a bit extreme in my reactions but a family member has had a problem and it ain,t pretty believe me , it is very easy to get addicted to a high and then its a downward spiral, for some.

[justine1]

I feel the same as J,s mum and would worry about the depressive effects of taking it.Personally I have a zero tolerance to anything like this and if my kids did anything like this even taking up smoking I,d go ballistic, they would certainly know I was,nt happy.Its a subject close to my heart and past experience may be making me seem a bit extreme in my reactions but a family member has had a problem and it ain,t pretty believe me , it is very easy to get addicted to a high and then its a downward spiral, for some.

I am the same Suze,had a really tough time with a family member he started smking at a young age then moved to "other things" 5 years on from that he was even dealing.He has mental health problems now,though we cannot say the exact cause,but he still takes drugs along side his presciption meds.He has been given so many chances,if it were my child as hard as it may be I dont think I could be so forgiving.

 

So I think the sooner its dealth with the better.I do think many people dont understand the impact it can have in the long term and generally teenagers think they are "immortal""untouchable",I guess we have all been there.As long as you try and show you are there and are concerned it maybe just what he needs to change things now.

[baddad]

I think the 'hard line' approach is completely sensible, but it does depend emphatically on the relationship that already exists between the parent & child. As I said in my earlier post, a zero tolerance reaction from mum and dad may actually be the incentive for some kids to take things further. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of 'tough love' where other kinds won't work, but tough love means talking the talk and walking the walk, and like every other 'discipline' there are lots of parents who believe emphatically the do both but actually only do the former. In those situations, with something as potentially dangerous as drugs, the historical precedents of threat without consequence or inconsistent consequences can equate to too little too late.

Suze, Justine - from other things you've posted about your relationships with your kids etc I think 'hard line' would probably work, and I'm fairly confident it would with Ben (at just shy of thirteen he is emphatic without any pushing from me that drug taking is for idiots!). But I know plenty of other kids where the parent/child relationship would predict a very different outcome to a hardline approach, and i also know that drugs are so endemic in our 'yoof' culture, that for many kids the balance between parent pressure and peer pressure and a general 'oh what's the harm/what mum don't know mum won't worry about' is less clear cut.

Don't know which scenario applies for the OP, but certainly one where i think the dynamics of the relationship are equal to the dynamics of the response.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Karen A]

Hi All.

Our elder son is 14.We live in an Inner London borough in an ex-council house.

Drug pickups occur most evenings and have done for most of the time we have lived here.

We spoke at length with the police and our local MP when our elder son was the victim of an attempted mugging last year.

The police know who the dealers are,however they have a very good network in place and it is almost imposible for the police to find enough druggs to enable arrest.

The police turn up and the individuals move on...people even know where they move to.

I remember my mum coming to visit when she was alive and asking ''are those people local businessmen'' to which I replied ''yes and they are very successful''.

 

We explained to the boys from when they were very little not to go in the flower beds across the close because we knew there would be used syringes there.

For us the reality is that both our boys will already have been offered cannabis and probably much stronger stuff.

We just hope that they have learned enough to know that it is not something to get into.That is not to do with consequences from us but because they know it will harm them and care enough about themselves to not want to damage themselves.

I hope that if they ever they do try it that they would be able to talk to us about it.

I also hope that whilst not condoning what they had done we would support them.

I have never tried drugs.This more due to good fortune than anything else.

My parents took a very firm line on lots of things.

I once tried smoking for a while.When they found out the response was such that I learned just not to tell them about anything difficult in my life.

I moved out just after my eighteenth birthday and went through lots of difficult times without them ever being able to help me.

Karen.

Edited July 29, 2010 by Karen A

[justine1]

I think the 'hard line' approach is completely sensible, but it does depend emphatically on the relationship that already exists between the parent & child. As I said in my earlier post, a zero tolerance reaction from mum and dad may actually be the incentive for some kids to take things further. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of 'tough love' where other kinds won't work, but tough love means talking the talk and walking the walk, and like every other 'discipline' there are lots of parents who believe emphatically the do both but actually only do the former. In those situations, with something as potentially dangerous as drugs, the historical precedents of threat without consequence or inconsistent consequences can equate to too little too late.

Suze, Justine - from other things you've posted about your relationships with your kids etc I think 'hard line' would probably work, and I'm fairly confident it would with Ben (at just shy of thirteen he is emphatic without any pushing from me that drug taking is for idiots!). But I know plenty of other kids where the parent/child relationship would predict a very different outcome to a hardline approach, and i also know that drugs are so endemic in our 'yoof' culture, that for many kids the balance between parent pressure and peer pressure and a general 'oh what's the harm/what mum don't know mum won't worry about' is less clear cut.

Don't know which scenario applies for the OP, but certainly one where i think the dynamics of the relationship are equal to the dynamics of the response.

 

L&P

 

BD

I think that is very true I think its a hard one because you have to get the balance right.Letting them know you are there no matter what but at the time making it clear that as a parent you are not happy with what they are doing.The last think you want is to "scare them off"especially not knowing their frame of mind.

 

I say I may have the hard line approach but TBH only time will tell and with four boys any one of them can end up going down the wrong path.