update on camping Hol

[LS2242]

HI All

Just want to say thank you for your advice re my son's determination not to go on a camping holiday with his grandparents due to him not being able to do his 'daily challenge' on the internet.

 

Well he showed me in great detail how to do the challenge. I thought I only had one to do, but no I have seven

[LS2242]

Sorry pressed wrong button before I had finsihed!

 

Well now that he is happy I can complete his challenge and I have strict instructions that he will be checking when he gets home on Wednesday. He has finally GONE camping, with much excitement. <'>

In-Laws have been given the run down on issues that may or may not arise and how to deal with them should they crop up. They have a full list of things that they can encourage but MUST NOT get into an argument with him over, if he does not wish to participate.

 

I am so so happy, I never thought I would see this day! I hope now he thouroughly enjoys himself and does not cause too much havoc in the tent or annoy the neighbours!

[call me jaded]

Sounds great! Let's hope for tolerance all around

[justine1]

Thats great Let us know how he gets on with the camping and how you get on with the challenge

[baranigirl]

woohoo!

[Kathryn]

Great news that he's actually gone. Hope he has a great time.

 

As for you - I predict you will become so addicted to the challenge yourself that you won't want to hand back to him on his return.

 

K x

Edited August 10, 2010 by Kathryn

[LS2242]

Just thought I would give you a quick update.

Camping not going to bad but could be better. I had a telephone call from the grandparents to go and see him as he was unusually quiet and they where concerned he maybe coming down with something. I arrived to find him having a lot of tics, looking exhausted and generally unhappy. I took him to the park and watched him just sitting there swinging in the swing watching all the other kids in bigger groups playing. Heart rending moment for me! I think he wanted to join in but when asked, he said no. After 5 hours I said I was going home, well he was in floods of tears, not becasue I was going but the fact that he was missing his dog (who I have to say is his best friend) Apparently he cried for 2 hours after we left and wants to come hime to be with the dog!

 

Hopefuly after a sleep he will feel much better today - I hope.

[LS2242]

To give an update!

 

Expression "Holiday from Hell" springs to mind. He did not enjoy himself at all, is adament his grandparents are mean and horrible. He never wants to see them again. Supposed to be going to their house for a birthday party at the wk/end but he is refusing point blank to go. He was ticing all the time due to the stress of change I am guessing. Had many episodes of anger outbursts, taking it out on them all but mainly his sis. He has come back a very unhappy boy with alot of aggression and negative experiences. Even though they did alot of fun things, he is saying they where not fun.

He had his grandmother in tears as she felt she was doing something wrong and was so sick of his constant aggression and his strong willed character, everything she tried to do he managed to stick an obstacle in the way. Grandparents have told me crystal clear never ever again, unless we go with them. So yeh not a great and happy experience by the sounds of it for any of them, which is a shame and I am frustrated as his episodes has spoilt all of their hols.

 

He came home so angry and aggressive and all he says is they are mean! Tried explaining why they would have been frustrated and cross with him but he doesn't see anything he did as being wrong, therefore cannot accept being told off. He came home also demanding a mobile phone - which the answer was a def. NO again. He then gave me the biggest almightly slap I have ever had. I was so shocked. I immediatley took the £20 I had given him for his hols,(that he had not spent) and he told me I was stealing and was going to ring the police! He then carried on his abuse so I confiscated his PC. Took him an hour to calm down but for the rest of the evening have been treading on egg shells.

 

Joy oh Joy

[justine1]

Sorry it all went wrong <'>

However it was worth a try IMO,if he sat at home while his sibling went on the holiday he may have been equally upset because he would have been missing out on something.

It is a learning experience for all involved so maybe things will be different the next time,ie you go on holiday together or the grandparents have the siblings and he misses out.

 

It is good that you have removed his computer,though not sure about the money,maybe you can say you are holding onto the money until he can prove himself again.This can be weeks or mths but at least he can earn the money back.Just a suggestion though obviousley you know whats best for your son

[LS2242]

New day today!

He has earnt his money back, by being good today and not being angry, although caused problems again as he assumes because it is HIS money he can spend it on what he likes such as a mobile phone. Under no circumstances is he having a mobile at his age, so in a bit of a catch 22 with this as normally I do say it is your money... the way I see it although his money if he wanted to spend his money on drugs for example I wouldn't let him so I have to control it a bit.

 

I have spoken to him today now he is much calmer and more approachable, however his opinion on the holiday has not changed. He is still adament he is not going at the weekend. So we have decided he is not going, no way will I let him spoil there party too, but his sisters can go. He may realise then that he is missing out. Feel so much for his grandparents, she is really upset still and I feel terribly guilty as if it is all my fault. I feel like the worse parent in the world at the moment. If I had done this and this then it may have been a happier experience.

Oh well cant win them all

[justine1]

New day today!

He has earnt his money back, by being good today and not being angry, although caused problems again as he assumes because it is HIS money he can spend it on what he likes such as a mobile phone. Under no circumstances is he having a mobile at his age, so in a bit of a catch 22 with this as normally I do say it is your money... the way I see it although his money if he wanted to spend his money on drugs for example I wouldn't let him so I have to control it a bit.

 

I have spoken to him today now he is much calmer and more approachable, however his opinion on the holiday has not changed. He is still adament he is not going at the weekend. So we have decided he is not going, no way will I let him spoil there party too, but his sisters can go. He may realise then that he is missing out. Feel so much for his grandparents, she is really upset still and I feel terribly guilty as if it is all my fault. I feel like the worse parent in the world at the moment. If I had done this and this then it may have been a happier experience.

Oh well cant win them all

How old is he? My eldest is 9 and he has a mobile phone.It is only because he sometimes walks to school,and indeed he will be walking every day from September,he also goes out on the estate with his mates and so I need to know where he is.But he is very responsible and doesnt use it to text or call anyone.I let him use the home phone to call his friends so I can hear the converstaion.

 

I guess it depends on how he responsible he is.You could always give him one for Xmas and let him know that way he wont spend his money on it now and has something to work towards.

[LS2242]

He is 9. However not responsible. He has used his sisters a few times and all he texts is Loser or I dont like you (that is being polite). He thinks it is ok to do this because this is how he feels but he does not grasp the people on the receiving end wont see that as being kind.

He does not go out to play as he has no friends and also he is not safe out on his own because he never adhere's to the boundaries and just does what he wants, and as he does not have a very good sense of danger, he would not be safe. We do keep trying but because of his favourite phrase "you dont control me" he just does not follow the rules no matter what we try. I think this will come with a bit more maturity.

He has now changed his mind anyway, he now wants to be a member on another website - do these fixations ever end? No more daily challenges are getting added to the list!

 

I just feel I have gone seriously wrong somewhere, my other two children adhere to the boundaries and if not they accept the consequences and can see when they have done wrong. Occassionally as all kids do they push to see how far they can go, so dont get me wrong they are not saints. I have tried charts, rewards, sanctions, talking, reasoning compromising, bribery etc.. Nothing works. He has a very strong opinion on that he is in control of himself and that he is his own person so can do what he wants, when he wants!

 

Seeing CP tomorrow so will see if he can think of anything else we can try.

 

 

 

 

[justine1]

Sorry to ask but have you been on any parenting classes? I went on one in 2008,it actually wasnt because of my two with ASD it was because of my NT son(my 9yr old).After I left my hubby he started getting out of hand and I felt I couldnt control him.I got help from Action for Children,it was meant to be a 12 week programme but the lady felt I made so much progress she left it at 6 weeks.I discovered the main problem was no confidence in my parenting.

 

It wasnt suitable for my ASD boys but it gave me alot of good tips,I thought I had tried everything but it was clear I hadnt.My son still has his moments but overall things are wayyyy better now.

I think it is worth a try

Edited August 12, 2010 by justine1

[LS2242]

Yes CP advised one. Spent 10 weeeks filling in paperwork and then was told to do a star chart! Really not helpful. I honestly dont know what else to try. Had a letter off grandparents today to give CP tomorrow regarding the camping experience. I was a bit nosey and read it. They have mentioend they think he is depressed and that in future they think he may self harm and as his grandad worked in a SLD school for many years, he knows what to look out for. This really upset me to think they think this from his behaviour and manerisms whilst away. But maybe I am too close I cant see it! Who knows!

 

I just don't know where ihave gone wrong or how to put it right. He only cares about himself so am always up against it. I portray him as this little m onster but when things are going ok he is absolutley lovely, affectionate and cuddly. Just the times when he decides to flip.

[lindy2017]

Hi, My 11 year old son has got stressed out every time his dad mentions going camping.....he had a few meltdowns over it....so hes very glad for the rain ... i have now told hubby not to mention it.....lindy

[lindy2017]

To give an update!

 

Expression "Holiday from Hell" springs to mind. He did not enjoy himself at all, is adament his grandparents are mean and horrible. He never wants to see them again. Supposed to be going to their house for a birthday party at the wk/end but he is refusing point blank to go. He was ticing all the time due to the stress of change I am guessing. Had many episodes of anger outbursts, taking it out on them all but mainly his sis. He has come back a very unhappy boy with alot of aggression and negative experiences. Even though they did alot of fun things, he is saying they where not fun.

He had his grandmother in tears as she felt she was doing something wrong and was so sick of his constant aggression and his strong willed character, everything she tried to do he managed to stick an obstacle in the way. Grandparents have told me crystal clear never ever again, unless we go with them. So yeh not a great and happy experience by the sounds of it for any of them, which is a shame and I am frustrated as his episodes has spoilt all of their hols.

 

He came home so angry and aggressive and all he says is they are mean! Tried explaining why they would have been frustrated and cross with him but he doesn't see anything he did as being wrong, therefore cannot accept being told off. He came home also demanding a mobile phone - which the answer was a def. NO again. He then gave me the biggest almightly slap I have ever had. I was so shocked. I immediatley took the £20 I had given him for his hols,(that he had not spent) and he told me I was stealing and was going to ring the police! He then carried on his abuse so I confiscated his PC. Took him an hour to calm down but for the rest of the evening have been treading on egg shells.

 

Joy oh Joy

Hi, I can totally understand your sons episodes as my son has them as well......not dx yet....he blames me for everything like giving birth to him and why did i marry daddy i should divorce him......your the worst mum ever i want another mum......i am gradually finding out what triggers them but still learning....it can be like walking on egg shells......went camping with mu SIL and ehr 2 sons and my son had a meltdown which meant plans of going to club etc were halted due to no seats being available etc., he took to his bed in caravan and after alot of crying and wanting to tell my SIL....she was fat and he didnt like ehr etc., he fell asleep ........thank god my nerves were shattered ... i have MS so not good......lindy

[LS2242]

Hi, I can totally understand your sons episodes as my son has them as well......not dx yet....he blames me for everything like giving birth to him and why did i marry daddy i should divorce him......your the worst mum ever i want another mum......i am gradually finding out what triggers them but still learning....it can be like walking on egg shells......went camping with mu SIL and ehr 2 sons and my son had a meltdown which meant plans of going to club etc were halted due to no seats being available etc., he took to his bed in caravan and after alot of crying and wanting to tell my SIL....she was fat and he didnt like ehr etc., he fell asleep ........thank god my nerves were shattered ... i have MS so not good......lindy

I always get blamed for everything. When ever anything does not go to plan - blame mum! Like you I am starting to get a good feel for what does and doesn't trigger outbursts. However what can trigger it one day, may not trigger it the next unless it is down to his obsessions or something he really cant do. On the whole it is all still a learning curve and I am finding new things which I didnt realise where an issue the more I chat to people and the more I learn about ASD in general. Information is a good thing, can only help.

I definatley would try the whole camping experience again I think, but next time I would go along (needed the break this first time round.) I know what makes him tick and know how to coaxe him round (to some situations) so I am sure if I was there he would have a better experience all round.

We learn from past experiences - but doesn't mean we give up trying :-)