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little_jem

I need your advice

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Hello all!

I was wondering if anyone could help me.

When I first started dating my partner, he advised me that he believed he had Aspergers.

Having studied this myself through teacher training, and research on top of this, it is safe to say that he probably has. He has most of not all the symptoms I have read about.

My problem, or rather his problem, is that at the age of 29, he has never been professionally diagnosed. Do you think it would be possible for him to have it diagnosed now, at such an age, and if so, would it be beneficial for him?

 

I look forward to hearing form you.

Little_Jem. :huh:

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Hi

 

I.I have mild aspergers myself, very mild but even with me my husband would say it can be a problem we have good weeks and not so good.How badly is he affected?How much does it affect your lives?What does he want to do?A diagnosis doesnot unfortunately mean you will get all the help you need and its one thing knowing you have it another having it confirmed.You then have the coming to terms with it.DO you have any children?That might be some thing else to consider.Its not an easy desision to make but best of luck, keep us informed.I know how draining aspergers can be and also how distressing.Feel free to pm me if you wish.

Edited by ceecee

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Just another thought.It might not be easy to get him diagnosed.I think it is harder to diagnose adults sometimes with it but I am sure its perfectly possible to do so, its just getting a good proffesional person with a good knowledge of aspergers.It can be quite hard to diagnose

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I guess the question to ask is what would you like to come out of the diagnosis? If it's reassurance and a sort of peace of mind that he now knows WHY he has always felt different then I would say that it's probably not worth pursuing. If it's because there is a hope that he will then have access to some kind of help then this is probably more worthwhile but you should also be aware that there is very little real help out there.

 

My husband was told at our son's assessment that he (my husband) almost certainly has AS too. He actually found this reassuring as suddenly a lot of things made sense. He hasn't gone for an official diagnosis though as in his ase there is probably not a lot that will come of it.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xx :)

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Hi little_jem,

 

Difficult decision. Have a look at the following topics, the information and links might prove useful.

 

Does a label make a difference?

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry7674

 

Have I got ASD/Aspergers?, I'm confused and seeking a diagnosis

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry3043

 

Good luck.

 

Nellie xx

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Hi Little-jem -

I think there are many parents using this forum who have suspicions about themselves...

Whether 'official' diagnosis is helpful or not depends, I think, on many factors. Some of these will be 'internal' (lots of 'why's?' and 'what ifs?') and I think that it's sometimes reassuring to resolve those sorts of issues, but I suppose if you're comfortable with whoyou are generally, then there's not a lot - on a practical level - to be gained...

External factors are far more likely to have a direct impact; work and social opportunities, relationships etc, and if the impact is significant in these areas its worth seeking a diagnosis because it could lead to accessing support networks who could offer practical help & strategies to minimise the effects...

Finally, there can be situations where an undiagnosed ASD person (i.e. parent) is caring full time for someone with a diagnosis, and I think it's always beneficial here to know one way or the other - especially if there are no other support networks in the equation. While generally there is likely to be a degree of 'shared' perspective, there's also a very real possibility that the two may 'clash' in certain areas where they 'overlap', and this can't be helpful to the dynamics of any relationship.

 

Hope that's helpful in some way

L&P

BD

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Little jem

 

Have tried unsuccesfully to pm you in reply to your pm to me but for some reason it wouldnt go through!!!Dont know what I was doing wrong!Anyway apologies for the delay in replying have been on my hols.I am afraid I cant tell you who or what to do in order to get a diagnosis as I have never had to go down that route myself.My aspergers is very mild I am sure there are people here who can help.What I do know though is how draining aspergers can be and living with someone with aspergers must be even hardr.My sympathies are with you please keep us updated.

Edited by ceecee

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Since my son was diagnosed with AS a month ago, my husband has practically self diagnosed himself. My daughter has some traits and I think my mum and brother would probably come close to the full dx.

All my life I have despaired at why my mum has seemed to me to be the most un-maternal person ever! Now it is all beginning to make sense...

I hope my husband will go for official diagnosis because it might help me understand where I fit in. I tried to explain my situation to the doctor last week but he thinks I'm imagining things. It seems full diagnosis may be the only way for me, the solitary NT, to get some proper support!

 

:huh:

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Hi everyone I have an 11 year old son with Aspergers. He was diagnosed when he was 5. My daughter who is 8 with learning difficulties is 'on the autistic spectrum'. During one appt. with the consultant with my son, the consultant noticed certain peculiarities with my husband ! He spent quite a lot of time asking him questions and was positive that he had Aspergers as well. As everyone else says it depends what good a diagnosis would do. My husband was according to his mum an unhappy and different child. he was miserable at school and miserable growing up. When I met him I found him very funny, in a nice sort of way, but he can be very removed. The biggest problem for him is dealing with problems that might not be problems for anyone else. This resulted in him having a mental breakdown in his thirties. So in hindsight if we had understood his difficulties more he wouldn't have had to go through this miserable time. On the whole he copes very well, has a job but his friends think he is 'quirky'

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Ther are autistic and AS traits right through Nemo's side of the family - the traditional eccentric oxford Don who studied one subject for the whole of his life with the mousey wife who did all the organising and life stuff was one grandfather, the other was a very peculiar american businessman who failed to disclose to his family that they did not have to live on the poverty line only when Nemo's mum was refused a bursary to get her thesis bound because her father was a multimillionaire and then there was his father could not enter a shop if there was already a customer in it and would send the children in to check.

Nemo definitely has AS - he too was more or less told this during Com's diagnosis.

 

none of them had/have diagnosis and till Nemo I don't think they needed it although his dad had a nervous breakdown so I suppose he did really need support but it was well before the AS was being diagnosed or even recognised in Britain.

 

Nemo does need support really but doesn't feel it's worth the stress, expense and effort of going through the process - knowig that he has it means we deal with things in a slightly different way and I suppose if he felt he was being held back too much by it he might change his mind

 

Z

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