Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team

My Wife Left Me

Recommended Posts

Hi my name is Dan and I have Asperger's. I have recently been left by my 2nd wife and i am struggling to come to terms with my situation. I have spent most of my life in denial of my AS because i was embarressed and i was bullied and made to feel different for it. As i said before i have just seperated from the person i was hoping to spend the rest of my life with. I can't stop thinking about her and wanting to contact her but she has made it quite clear she never wants to speak or see me again and that i will receive divorce papers in due cause. I have seen on facebook that she has gone back to her maiden name and looks really good happy and is enjoying herself. I feel heartbroken. The relationship was passionate but also abusive. She pushed all my buttons both good and bad. I just feel so empty now. I have no Job ( i have never worked scares me) i have no house and i feel like a complete failure. I have spent most of last 3 weeks since we split thinking about her and what she's doing and struggling to accept that she is in a happier place now that she has left me. Has anyone else been in a relationship that ended abruptly and they were left feeling all alone... I just want a friend to talk to and some advice on how to fill the void in my life.


Thanks In anticipation

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Dan,


Sorry, I don't have any advice to offer on the relationship situation, but just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forum. :)


K x

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Once i started reading up about aspergers and accepting why i was different i found my life was much better.

i dont think of being disabled as being a negative thing just others reactions to my disability can be negative.

ive found a way to channel my autism into helping others through volunteering.


im not pretending it has been easy in fact ive had a long uphill struggle to get where i am today (supported

living flat but 1 of 3 in my area). Knowing my limitations and preparing myself for when i have to push my

boundaries have prevented burnout.


i am also embarrassed and bullied about my AS (even now both on and offline). i prefer to choose when and how

to tell people but other members of my family have a different idea and tell people without my permission.

i do wonder how they tell others about my autism status hmmmmm.


i have been in abusive relationships before as well. i am currently trying to find a way to explain

to my current fella that "just dating" means exactly that not yet in a committed serious relationship.

i only date ND men, i feel i wouldn't have much to offer an NT man. i have never married and watched

my sister go down the aisle the other day feeling pleased she is happy in with her current hubby.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Dan, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I have watched my brother go through the same emotions this past year and they are all part of the grieving process but you must accept her wishes and look at moving on without her. I realise that this is difficult given your circumstances and the situation still being so new but time is a great healer IF you make the necessary changes.


Firstly, I strongly believe that it is important that you accept your diagnosis before you can move on with anything in your life and to be able to open the door to new opportunities. Living in denial will only hold you back and prevent you from being in touch with yourself and living your life to the full. On a positive note, I think it is great that you have joined this forum and admitted that you have been living in denial. You have already taken your first step to coming to terms with Aspergers being a part of who you are. I lived in denial when my son was first diagnosed with AS and it affected my relationships with not only other people but also with myself.


Eventually when I accepted the diagnosis, one way was by reading lots of inspirational books written by people with Aspergers, I began to feel inner peace and acceptance. Everybody benefited from this! Try your local library for books or the National Autistic Society to recommend some. If you don't want to buy them I believe the NAS have their own library.Try your local library for books or ask the NAS to recommend some. If you don't want to buy them I believe they have their own library.


The National Autistic Society can help you with finding appropriate employment with employers who are aware of the difficulties that people with Aspergers face. They can help you with filling out application forms, CV, interviews and adjusting to the working environment. I have even heard of a certain organization that will go into work with you and visit you to see how your getting on and talk to your employer for you if you are having concerns. Talk to the NAS.In fact they can help with most situations from learning more about Aspergers, to what is available in your area, to financial matters, the list is on going. If there is something they cannot help you with then they will forward you on to someone who can.


Also perhaps counselling will help, there should be charity organisations in your area that provide a listening ear for people who are going through a divorce for a small fee.

My son takes part in Autism research projects and he has made some good friends on the way, as well as some money and it has given his self esteem a boost. Volunteer work is a great way of adjusting to the work life and gaining skills and confidence. You could volunteer as little as an hour every 2 weeks.




WRONGPLANET.NET is another forum you could join which you may find useful. It is great and I have had lots of useful feedback from the members there.


Trekster has given some great advice


"Once i started reading up about aspergers and accepting why i was different i found my life was much better.

i dont think of being disabled as being a negative thing just others reactions to my disability can be negative.

ive found a way to channel my autism into helping others through volunteering"


If your interested the National Autistic Number is 08450704004. What have you got to lose Dan WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH TO GAIN.


Hope this helps.

Edited by Tugra's mum

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now