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Minime72

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1st time posting. I'm 37 and was diagnosed about 1997 by a clinical psychologist. As far as I know its an official diagnosis though its never been mentionned since by any professional I've seen. I've not been very accepting of the diagnosis until I had no option but to reveal. I told my partner as we are at breaking point and he said I was this and that which left me no choice but to tell him.

 

I don't have any personal friends, I have a lot of close online friends through my hobby which allows me to indulge my finicky attention to detail :)

 

Next step is I've never received any support for aspergers and I'm a bit fed up of it destroying my relationships, I've got 2 toddlers and I don't want them to not have a family unit because of me. Where do I go?

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Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

I was diagnosed with AS about 3 years ago. Since then I have seen other doctors and mental health people, some of them weren't told I even had AS. Sometimes all the information is not passed on, even when it might be very relevant.

 

It's really difficult to find support because there is so little available. Your best source of support might be informal support through social groups and meeting other people with AS. Do you know if there are any social groups near you? The National Autistic Society website could be a good place to start looking.

 

Relationship counselling might be a good idea, since you are clearly having a lot of difficulties in your relationship. There are some counsellors who have good experience with Asperger's, but really you need someone who can help you and your partner relate to each other better. If the worst happens and your relationship is not salvageable, I do think it's perfectly possible for you and your partner to parent your children apart.

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Hi all i can say to you is you must keep going! I know how you feel so i can relate, but learn to accept who you are, i must admit i could never come to terms with my diagnosis and i didn't want to believe it but now i accept it and try to push on, that's something you must do too.

 

I suggest maybe trying some relaxation techniques like meditation or something to try and relax if your stressed at the moment, it helps me no bounds even though it takes a while to get going with it because i have so many thoughts going on at the same time, but after i feel refreshed. Light exercise is also good like jogging and makes me feel worlds better, i only do like a mile or two a day too at the most and feel great afterwards. These are just 2 of the things i do when things get on top of me anyway. Be strong for your family and don't give up, if your feeling low try to change your way of thinking like telling yourself you feel good in your mind and eventually you'll start feeling better. I'm no expert on trying to give advice at all, just thought i'd try to share a few things, Ben

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Bless you Ben! I wish I had the energy to jog and quiet space to meditate but with a 2 year old, a 3 year old and. 17 year old that's nigh on impossible lol! I used to meditate years ago as I hear voices until once when I was in a really deep place and my hairdryer blew up next to me, kinda freaked me out somewhat!

A friend of a friend (someone online I've met numerous times) runs a local aspergers group, I did look up one but they do drama classes (I don't think so!) Or go to the pub/for a meal (again cough splutter!)

 

I've read a lot of the posts here and can relate to most, phone phobia, god it drives me mad, takes me about 3 days to get the courage only after having convos in my head about various scenarios.

 

One thing I want to ask, my social skills are learnt and I usually mimic the partner so if I'm with someone loud and outgoing I become that, with someone quiet I become withdrawn, is that part of the AS? I'm assuming so, kinda makes me feel I have no identity or true self :/

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Hi again, yeh i can see where your coming from about tryna get that quiet space for you to meditate again, and yeh i get alot of random mixed up thoughts pretty often, don't know if you can class them as voices but it's pretty much the same thing really. Wow having a hairdryer blow up in a meditation would have freaked me out too, but you know you only have to meditate in small bursts too like 10 or 15 mins and that works well enough for me, so try to do small amounts if you don't have much quiet time

 

I've never made contact in real life with anyone who has aspergers, even though now i'd love to meet people similair, almost desperately so now, to know there are others who actually feel like me and can base friendship on a mutual understanding. Yeh i know what you mean about the loud and quiet thing, me personally deep down i'm a bubbly person with a big personality but i find that's hidden most of the time, it comes out very rarely but i can smile and enjoy things, just don't seem to happen often enough. And the identity thing is exactly how i feel, i feel like i wasted years of my life not knowing at all who i was, but now i feel i know myself more then i ever did before, i still have identity issues though and think i always will, but all i know is i'm a deasent human being and that's enough for me

 

 

:)

Edited by Goldenben

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where are you from?

 

if you feel you could read around these subjects there are many books available, it may help to go for some by people on the spectrum. a good range can be found on the jessica kingsly publishing website which has a special section on autism, here you can find the names and then go to a search engine such as book butler to find better prices. i found books and meeting others was the best thing for me.

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Thanks for that, will try some books and I'm going gp to see if there's anything local that doesn't involve drama classes lol!

 

Another ? I just took a thing called an AQ test online and it says my score is 49 but doesn't say what that means or a scale or anything? It just said about over 32 but I guess a lot of people could get over 32 who are shy or whatever?

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Bless you Ben! I wish I had the energy to jog and quiet space to meditate but with a 2 year old, a 3 year old and. 17 year old that's nigh on impossible lol! I used to meditate years ago as I hear voices until once when I was in a really deep place and my hairdryer blew up next to me, kinda freaked me out somewhat!

A friend of a friend (someone online I've met numerous times) runs a local aspergers group, I did look up one but they do drama classes (I don't think so!) Or go to the pub/for a meal (again cough splutter!)

 

I've read a lot of the posts here and can relate to most, phone phobia, god it drives me mad, takes me about 3 days to get the courage only after having convos in my head about various scenarios.

 

One thing I want to ask, my social skills are learnt and I usually mimic the partner so if I'm with someone loud and outgoing I become that, with someone quiet I become withdrawn, is that part of the AS? I'm assuming so, kinda makes me feel I have no identity or true self :/

 

 

I don't know if it's part of AS but it's something I've always done too and not just with partners but with anyone I'm talking to(I have AS as well). It can get a bit wacky if I'm in the company of more than one person as I grab bits and pieces from each persons character. On the identity front, I know where you're coming from. Looking in a mirror it's like I don't really know the person behind the face looking back at me.

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