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Sigh... any help please?

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I am reluctant lsiting symptoms as I am aware that in isolation they mean not a lot, but can anyone offer me opinions...

 

I have a 16 yr old A/S daughter whose main symptoms surrond high anxiety.

I have 12 yr old daughter who has ASD who has some learnign difficutlies and is very different than my eldest daughter.

 

Now (missing my middle daughter who seems fine) my youngest son is beginning toc ause me problems.

 

He has soiled his pants forever... never really been totally clean... he goes to the loo about once every 3-4 days and only after he is badly pooing himself and being forced to go. He constantly holds it in and pretends he doesnt need to go.. his tummy is alwyas huge! He has had a clear out a number of years ago which was horrendous.. I believe his problem is definitely psychological. When he goes, I literally have to chop it up to get it to flush (sorry tmi) but thats how it is... on top of this he has always been quite eccentric... "an old head on young shoulders" is what he was called and at 3 its quite endearing but at 8 it means he doesnt really have any friends. Also the last few months his temper has become awful! He will shout at me tell me to get lost, and say "whatever" all the time.. but when I shout at him... he jsut totally closes down.. his eyes fiull up and he totally retreats and sobs...as for lessons he still transposes all his letters.. as a lefty I was told this is very normal but comapred to his peers his writing is still completely illegible if he does free writing... However if he copies.. his hand writing is actually very lovely!

 

On top of this he talks ALL thw time.. from the moment he gets up, to the moment he goes to bed... apart from when he breaks out into his operatic songs... I take another little girl to school with him and I often hear her calling him weird.

 

Of course at school he is coping and aparently has a big peer group of friends (amazingly enough no party invites come his way!) and apparently he is average in his school work... But I am beginning to worry... is this just learnt behaviour or odd behaviour because of home stress with the others? Or do could he also have some sort of ASD? It's like 3 out of 4? Surely not????

 

Any advice?

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I have a friend who has four out of four children on the spectrum. I have two and although my eldest son does not have a diagnosis I think that he probably should have. Your son sounds quite similar to my middle son who has a diagnosis of AS and who did not receive that diagnosis until he was 13. He did not have the same issues as your son with his bowels but I run a support group where I live and I do know families who have children with the same problem as your son. Some bowel issues are psychological and some of the can be sensory, including not knowing that they need to poo or liking the feeling of a full bowel (sorry to much information)

 

My son would talk 'at me' none stop but I knew that we rarely had a conversation. We had question and answer sessions and talked about things that interested him but we never did chit chat. School loved my son and swore that he had friends and was popular - it was all rubbish. My son hated being shouted at and was often prone to crying even when you would have expected that he should have been past that stage. I would say go with your gut feeling on this one.

 

Cat

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It's difficult as I am in the middle of a big fight to sort out Youngest daughter and now this. I just think if he is on the spectrum i know that my other two got much worse as they got older before they received help. It would be nice to get him some help before he is damaged too much by the system.. IYKWIM

 

As for numbers of children, I have an incurable auto immune disease and know so many people that have my condition and also autistic children .. their seems to be a lonkl somewhere so maybe I shouldn't be surprised if he does turn out to have an ASD.

 

Just need to find somewhere to get him assessed. i don't want to go to the same specialist who diagnosed my other team as her team are so sloppy and take such a long time to get reports out.. (18 weeks for my daughters following her assessment)

 

Anyone know of a good specialist in the S.E wales area?

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Hi

 

I think it becomes very difficult to know what is copied or even "usual" behaviour and what is ASD,when you have already got kids with a dx. I know when I got told Sam has AS I did question whether my other three may have ASD too. It turned out that Dan also has ASD/HFA. I know my eldest and youngest do not but when my eldest is doing silly things or the fact that he is gifted I do sometimes have my doubts as to wether he is NT or not.

 

I do however look at every aspect of how they are on a day to day basis and its clear there is a huge difference in my two with ASD and my two NT boys.Both my ASD boys do rocking movements and make unique noises throughout the day.Most of their speech is copied(from the telly or games),I would say Sam is slightly worse with this than Dan as Dan doesnt say much anyway.Dan has sensitivity to most fabrics and foods and Sam has sensitivity to sound and is afraid of being left alone or being in the dark. Its alot of little things that make up their ASD but its clear when comparing them to a group of children their age that there is a problem.

 

If you can try step back and think of things that maybe just his personality or the fact he is a boy.It could be his age or the fact that your focus is on getting help for your daughter so he may feel left out.Write down the things that concern you the most.

 

As I say my eldest son is gifted he could read and write before school age.He needs constant stimualtion/to learn new things otherwise he gets bored and very challenging.He can be very argumentative because he thinks he is always right.He also is very neat and gets annoyed ,to the point whereby he gets angry,when his brothers take/mess his things.Recently he has started crying when I tell him off for something and says I dont love him and he can be heard bashing things about in his room or slaming doors. This all started about a year ago and it coincides with the time I stated focusing on Sams education,applying for a stat assessment etc.I also believe the fact he is almost 10 may mean he is starting to experiencing some changes,children do seem to be reaching puberty earlier nowdays.

 

If you do feel he needs to be assessed then go and see the GP.I know you say it takes them a long time to give you the report but you could get the GP to write to them and say it is a matter of urgency, due to what you have experienced with your daughters, to get the help for your son ASAP.Where I am they say its 6-7 weeks to issue a report,with both my boys I had to call after the 6 weeks and put pressure on them,it meant I had to call twice a week but they eventually sent it to me.

Edited by justine1

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My son now 16 had horrendous bowel problems and issues.....his stomach would be that bloated it looked like he had a football inside him.....he would hold on to his poo and scream then place down if i made him sit on the toilet.....he suffered from anal leakage and constipation for years every day his pants were soiled......i was always at the drs.......he had movicol.......what a mess and then we were prescribed a suposatry that would cause his bowel to contract and would guarantee he went to the loo within half an hour it being inserted...at the time he was a round 8 it worked and was far less messy than movicol and you could make sure he went to the loo every day..........its only these past couple of years that his bowels seem to be normal although like youre son he produces such large stools that the loo is blocked and we also have to chop it up and force it round the toilet bend.........but at least our son goes now everyday and his stomach is no longer bloated and no more marked underpants........

 

My son can also talk all day long at me on and on he goes talking about nothing at times....when he was younger he would talk at me and demand an answer but it had to be the right answer the response he wanted if i gave the wrong response hed go crazy untill i hit upon the right repsonce very very wareing..hes not like that now....sometimes when like today hes going on and on i just now say please stop talking or try to stop talking sometimes this works sometimes it doesnt............ive learnt to let him ramble on and just nod and smile in the right places.........

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As you have other children on the spectrum you will already know that no two children are the same even with the same or similar diagnosis.

 

Also if you have a child on the spectrum there is an increased risk that other siblings will also be on the spectrum.

 

I would seek an assessment because the behaviours and toileting difficulties are typical of being on the spectrum. That is the only way to be sure.

 

If I were you I would phone up the person who diagnosed your other two children and talk to them about having your son assessed. As the SEN process always takes years, it is worth starting the ball rolling now.

 

Talking alot does not mean he has friends. As you say, he has no party invites. And talking alot does not mean you have no speech/language or social communication issues. Usually the opposite.

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