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dany925

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hi i have aspergers and 3 kidsd i'm finding it harder and harder to cope with the noise when thay playing and the babby crying is more than i can cope with , how do you live with it?. is there eney think that hellps?

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Hi I have aspergers and 3 kids I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with the noise when they're playing and the baby crying is more than I can cope with , how do you live with it?. Is there any thing that helps?

Sorry to be really blunt, but if children are that difficult to you, why did you chose to have them, and three at that? :unsure:

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Unfortunatley they dont come with volume control :whistle: Do you have a partner or relative who can take them for some of the day so you not getting so stressed? Babies cry as a form of communication,usually meaning they need something,food,warmth and stimulation so maybe look at whether you are providing these needs if you not maybe get some parenting classes to help you.

 

You can also teach them about indoor voices and outdoor voices,and use sanctions and rewards to enforce this.

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Just a thought, but how old are the children, especially the baby? Is there a chance it's not about AS but about postnatal depression? I'm NT and only have one child yet I found the first couple of years really tough, especially when she was crying. I felt I wasn't coping well at all although I gave the impression when around others that I was. Definitely try to get a break now and again by having a friend watch the kids or a relative or something and have some proper resting time to yourself then. I agree with everything Justine has said too. It's also worth finding some time when you're not stressed to think things through and decide what is it that you are finding most difficult. Is it the noise or feeling you are without support or something else? Then you can start doing practical things to help ease the strain you feel under. I found going to toddler groups really helpful as although it was noisier, the noises didn't bother me as much out of the house and it was great to hear other mums discussing the same issues I was having. It's important to know you're not alone in finding young kids hard work and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. For me once my daughter started sleeping through the night (age 3), my capacity for dealing with the daytime stresses grew massively. Good luck :) .

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What helped me? Having one at a time and 8 years apart. :D It does get better - they do grow up eventually.

 

I note that you're male so I'm assuming you're not the primary carer?

 

K x

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I have 4 boys and I childmind so there is a fair bit of noise in the house, tho I dont have asd. My youngest screamed for 4 solid months so I know how hard it can be!

 

I find if its getting too much then we need go out, its much easier to cope in a wide open space where the noise doesnt seem to get inside your head so much. Tv is great if they are old enough and you are ok with it, I limit tv and if they are all getting a bit het up we choose something to watch rather than it being on all day, that way they are more likely to actually sit and watch it. I have a stash of activites they like that are fairly quiet, stuff like porcelain paints, board games etc which they all sit at the table to do, again its a case of if its not always there they are more likely to want it when you need it. Bath time is good, let them take some toys in and they are usually a bit quieter. Very large cardboard boxes are always useful, mine can spend the whole day in one of those. For activity and arty crafty ideas get some book from the library and let them choose stuff, there are usually loads in our library.

 

I also think it does them no harm to understand that sometimes we have to be quiet. If a little one is asleep or if one of us feels the need for some quiet then its perfectly reasonable to explain that they are being quite loud and it would be nice if they would try to keep it down a bit, they are learning about caring for others which is a useful skill. Obviously thats not really possible with the baby but if you have a partner you can talk to and take it in shifts, having a break makes all the difference. Even if one of you takes the baby out and the other has the others at home doing something it can help. If the crying is really getting to you and you cant hand the baby over put him/her somewhere safe like in a cot and leave the room, as long as they are safe its ok to take a bit of time to calm down.

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i do like the kids , just wist im wife wood hellp me a bit or try to under stand,on day were the kids have tea be for i get in it's a lot eseyer, i can sit down and fine out wot thay been up to, the rest of the time when i get in its chaos with them shouting ,

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The children are your responsibility too, surely?

 

Maybe your wife finds it stressful too at the end of the day - especially if she's been at work all day herself or looking after the children doing the school run and doing housework - maybe all of those. Maybe she'd like a chance to sit down away from the chaos - have you asked her how she feels about the situation?

 

Why not offer to help with the tea? Or with holding the baby? Play a board game with the older ones? Or if you really need to be away from the children, how about you shut yourself in the kitchen, turn on some nice music and you cook the tea while she puts her feet up, and watches TV with the children.

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i do like the kids , just wist im wife wood hellp me a bit or try to under stand,on day were the kids have tea be for i get in it's a lot eseyer, i can sit down and fine out wot thay been up to, the rest of the time when i get in its chaos with them shouting ,

Have you been reading the Good Housewife Guide (1955)? You do know that that's generally considered outdated now, right? :unsure::ph34r:

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yep, up to larst yaer i did 90% all the cooking and cleening , and washing my wifs idear of cleening is chucking stuf in sink and leveing it , i hate mess and yously clean it up , i dont no how pepol can leve stuf like it, my be i'm a bit ocd! but i like the house to be tidy , she only started cocking becous of her water wotchers, thing witch is good i think .

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