Problems at school........again

[hazma]

Hello

I have a 14 year old with aspergers and adhd.He is statemented for 18 hours support per week.His main area of issues revolve around social interaction and relations with peers. Sad After a very long long struggle we finally recieved his diagnosis and a statement. Up untill that point he had little support despite us trying various schools and basically falling through every hole in every net in the education system.Things were so bad in one particular school just before we got his statement that PP actually advised us to take the school to tribunal for disability discrimination.We were so fraught emotionally with all the battles that we did not have the strenghth to take it on.

 

Anyway to try to cut a long story short he has now been in his current mainsteam for just over a year and has done very well.He still has quite a lot of issues with bullying and relationships with his peers.His statement says that he must recieve social skills support either on a 1-1 basis or part of a group.This was not started last year when he began school and was only put in place when we saw that things were deteriorating and asked basically why he wasnt recieving it. This was in feb last year and it took untill june for it to be put in place.At his statement review my main concern was that these should be in place when he began year 10 in september.They werent.

 

Now we have had a phonecall stating there have been incidents regarding my child and several other students where my child has been hit and the boys in question have stated that my son wound them up by making innapropriate comments.These were not witnessed but my son admitted to making innapropriate comments because they were basically doing the same to him.He says this to me However when his teacher questions him why he just says Idont know.

 

These boys have been seen to make comments to my son and my son is told just ignore it and get on with his work, My son was accused of being involved in a fight with one of these boys when he was nowhere near the vicinity.Thankfully it was sorted out and the school said sorry there was a mix up we thought it was your son because he has had problems with this boy.This same boy cornered my son the next day and asked him to fight.This boy had three friends with him and my son was alone,as he often is he said no.The boy then slapped him while the others laughed.I reported it and recieved a letter stating whilst we will continue to work to ensure your sons safety we must ensure he does not antagonize students.Im perfectly in agreement with this but no where does it mention about them antagonizing him. His home school book states that he is no problem in lessons and copes well with distractions and works hard.The problem Im finding is my son is repeatedly told to just ignore things and unfortunately cant do this all the time. I need to respond to this letter but am struggling to put my point across.I should be an expert at writing letters by now but still suffer writing block when it comes to communcating with schools.

 

His social skills 1-1 have now been put back in an hour per week.

[JsMum]

I think this is very unfair treatment that your son is been reprimanded and letters sent home reguarding his inapropriate comments when it is your son on the recieving end and even assualted he is told to ignore the boys and doesnt see any consequences happening to the other boys, its almost like the Teachers are ignoring the behaviour of the other boys and when your son then gets upset and tells a Teacher he isnt given any support and the other boys are not raprihended.

 

It is very evident your son requires more support to appropriately interact, that may actually need more spersific specialised training from a proffessional who has experience in AS/ADHD children.

 

I would express that you are aware your son has said inapropriate comments but he requires more support to help him develop more positive social interaction.

 

I would request what actions and consequences are in place for the other boys who are targeting your boy and intimidating him and then goading him into a fight with a group of four boys for extra protection, they are targeting him when he is alone and that is bullying.

 

One of the boys did also assualt your son, for me I would want instant action and consequences of the other boys so that your son can be given a clear message that bullying is not tollerated.

 

It sounds like your son is been bullied and maybe the inapropriate comments are because he doesnt have the social skills yet to cope with the bullying in a more acceptable way, and at the end of the day when he does tell a teacher he is rejected because the teacher doesnt do anything, so he is at a loss really, what else can he do but get angry and say inapropriate comments to those who are tormenting him.

 

I would also have a word with your local community police team, they work in schools now and some even have a assigned police officer, if you make the police officer aware that your son is been bullied and he is retaliating sometimes and that they may need to be involved to help deal with this issue.

 

There is also Anti Bullying helplines and National Autistic Society have a helpline who may be able to help your son look at his own actions when your son is feeling angry towards those who are infact bullying him too.

 

JsMumx

Edited October 12, 2010 by JsMum

[Kathryn]

Try both of these links from ACE: Tackling Bullying and Making a Complaint. You may have done some of the steps already but they have useful model letters which might help you frame what you want to say - just take what's useful.

 

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/Resources/ACE/Migrated%20Resources/Documents/tackling-bullying.pdf

 

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-education-for-parents/advice-booklets-and-briefings/making-a-complaint

 

I think it's a good idea to set out in writing all the incidents where there has been provocation, then the school can see the pattern (hopefully)and that should speak for itself.

 

Hope that helps

 

K x