Aspergers and marriage

[Tes]

Thank you all for getting in touch, its much appreciated. I have two children in their early twenties and a boy aged 19 and a girl at 14. There is no doubt that it's been extremely difficult at times but I have been muddling through without knowing what was wrong. It's only because my daughter happened upon Aspergers that I realised what was going on.

 

My experience of autism was limited to Rain Man, which I thought was a great film but left me believing that autism = savant. End of story. And I knew nothing of Aspergers. We're getting there now, well I am. I'm working my way round to telling my husband and son what I'm thinking. My daughter, who discovered it, is walking in light. She now knows why she does things the way she does. Which is great.

 

In saying all this, despite those moments of absolute despair for one reason or another, I spent yesterday in tears, I am actually surrounded by these amazing people and consider myself so lucky to know them. The general talk is never boring, there is always some topic of interest to be split into hairs. My elder daughter has an ability to study most things to the nth degree and as a result I have been introduced to all sorts of music, film, books, obscure facts (Do you know how far the sun travels north each day during spring and summer and at what speed?) etc. And my husband is very similar. He buys me the most fabulously interesting books that I would never have thought of. He has developed me as a person that probably would never have happened if I'd married the man who makes small talk with flair ... he definitely doesn't do small talk, sometimes he doesn't even put the paper down to say hello to visitors! As a group of children they are very forthright in their opinions, which in the right circumstances is very noble, but not when your informing your boss it doesn't matter who he is, he can't shout at you like that. (My son ... promptly sacked) And God forbid I should be dying for a bit of chocolate and the bar I want isn't in the shop... I don't get an alternative (Hubby!) These are a drop in the ocean of amusing moments. But I'm actually exhausted keeping the plates twirling and it's one of the main reasons I found this site. How do people cope being married to someone with Aspergers? You would think after twenty six years I would have the answer. But I don't. I'm just refusing to give up ... at the moment. A little appreciation and support, I would love support, would be so nice. And in saying all this I know they all love me ... why do I feel so lonely? Does anyone else feel like this?

 

Tes

[Jota]

I'm just unable to form any meaningful relationships, they just do nothing for me so because of that I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation, as I've always felt. I lived in hope for many years that this would somehow change in the future but it never did and I've now resigned myself and accepted it wont for me.

[trekster]

Tez your feelings are valid and many carers of those on the spectrum feel this way.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/search-results/pg=1.aspx to find carers groups associated with the NAS in your area.

For your Asperger adult kids (or even the whole family in some cases) social groups where they can be themselves

(within reason) might be of benefit to you. Your husband and daughter could go to the social groups and give you both

a break.

 

i happen to volunteer at Bristol and Bath Social groups. PM me if you are interested in these. If you live elsewhere

try http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/search-results/pg=1.aspx to find a social group closer to home.

 

Good luck, im not married to anyone but i am on the spectrum at the Aspergers end (most of the time).

Our family had quite a negative experience of Aspergers with my parents. Me and mum are slowly rebuilding

our lives after what happened. i wish you look with trying to find help for your family.