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I'm interested to hear from AS women and those who know AS women.

 

I recognised myself a lot in the book 'pretending to be normal'. I'm fairly certain that i'm AS, but not absolutely sure - i think there may be some other factors in there for me eg attention deficit.

 

But, reading about aspergers has made me make some sense of some of my traits. eg embarassingly poor sense of direction (i could get lost in a phone box), poor face recognition (prosopagnosia), problems understanding 'polite' language ie people not saying what they mean. But also i grew up thinking that i didn't want to be female - eg i've never been into fashion/make up etc and feel like a bloke in my attitude to it. But lately i've been thinking that may be i can identify with being an aspie female if it's common for us to be a little less girly?

 

I've noticed that out of my friends/colleagues etc i notice men who seem like they have aspergers traits, but i never think to myself that a female friend/colleague could be AS. Are we less noticeable? (and is it bad to be aspergers-spotting? I can't help it)

 

I have just added my avatar which i modelled out of plasticine (yes i have got better things to be doing, but i don't seem to be doing them). I'm not sure if the picture is good enough to even make it out? It was supposed to be at least reminiscent of me, which i think it is a bit, (or at least how i feel) - but it definatley looks like a bloke doesn't it?

 

Any thoughts/experiences welcome.

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I know it's been mentioned in the thread about adult diagnosis but the book by Rudy Simone is a really good place to start for reading on the subject. It had me in tears several times just because she might as well have been writing about me, 100%. I've written about that book and few others on my blog http://www.aspergirl.co.uk/

 

It does seem that Aspergers in women does go undiagnosed a lot, and it happens a lot more in adulthood rather than childhood, when the woman is able to look back and see it in themselves.

 

Saying that, my parents took me to see people about my behaviour as a child and it was said then that I probably had Aspergers so I obviously showed some of the traits even as a young girl. I didn't get diagnosed then as my dad decided it was all a load of hogwash (thanks dad!)

 

I was always called a tom-boy as a child and I've never been into make up, dresses and all the other things seen as girly. I've always just worn what is comfortable. I hate the feeling of make up on my face, products in my hair and all the frilly odd fashions that are out there. I never had a best friend like all the other girls seemed to have.

 

I spent most of my childhood with my head in a book so I think I just got thought of as a bit of a nerd (which I'm happy to admit I am) and left to it. I had a lot of behavioural problems (well, more so, I reacted badly to my environment) but more so at home than school so teachers may have not really thought much of it, to them I was just one of those 'could do better, has so much potential' kids. I was moved up a year as I found school boringly easy which meant that I was even more out of place by being a different age to everyone else. I never had friends and I was never able to do school work in lessons as I couldn't concentrate with all the noise and lights and smells (I swear I have the senses of a cat when it comes to smell!) I got really bullied but half the time the teachers seemed in on it as everyone thought I was odd and enjoyed telling me so. Looking back, there were so many signs but I guess if you don't know about something like Aspergers then you won't see the signs?

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Just to say, I completely agree about Rudy's book being the best place to start.

 

I have read "pretending to be normal" too, but didn't relate nearly as much. Especially since, she actually seemed to have quite a reasonable social life for the most part and have a close support network, people who understood her quirks etc... Yes, I did have a couple of close friends, (and lots of others who were not close) as a small child. But as soon as I reached 11, it all changed. I left the school I'd been in since I was 3, everything was new, I knew no one and I was quite surprised to realise that I was "weird" - I didn't fit in and I was bullied.

 

From there I went on to three more secondary schools, trying to escape the bullying and the isolation. In each school, I did find a couple of friends. They were always outcasts themselves. But I didn't get the hang of forming close friendships. I was very socially confused, I found it hard to keep track of what people were saying in a conversation - would get easily distracted, (still do). I couldn't call people, I hated using the phone, which made maintaining friendships a problem, (still have that). I found it hard to make decisions, even simple ones, (still do). I could get very aggressive in an argument, (I now cry instead, it was a conscious choice to change my behaviour). I didn't like just "hanging out" with a friend or doing girly things like shopping - I wanted to meet for a reason and for a certain amount of time only....I liked to know the plan, I couldn't just meet someone for the sake of it. Also, even now, meeting up with a friend once a week or something is enough for me. If I have too many social things together, I totally freak out, I break down, it bothers me for days and afterwards I'm exhausted for days.

 

I very much relate to the equal feeling of being male and female. It wouldn't matter to me what sex my partner is. I do like to dress up sometimes, but it's more the feeling of becoming someone else. I can't wear heels for more than a couple of hours or something, I take spare flats. Clothes are an issue - fabric etc.

 

I'm not yet diagnosed but all my life, I've been called things like: "over-sensitive," "dramatic, " "drama queen" "quirky" "crazy" "self-absorbed," etc...

 

 

From a young teen - I developed drug and alcohol addictions for about 10 years. Then I got pregnant and I stopped everything. It changed my life. But suddenly all my problems became more obvious because there was nothing to cover them up anymore. The drugs helped me feel like I didn't have a social problem - but I had to be high to engage with people!

 

I could go on forever! But I must eat now! lol :)

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Just wanted to add to the last post - other problems I have which I presume are AS related are OCD type rituals and behaviour, I've had these from a young toddler. Huge levels of anxiety, which I've had since childhood. The "slow to comprehend" problem: when someone asks me a question, sometimes it takes me a while to process, this is more true if I am concentrating on anything else at all, then someone will normally have to call my name several times to get my attention. Normally, I just hear sort of muffled background noise but it doesn't register that someone is trying to talk to me.

 

I do find it hard when I'm having an argument and someone doesn't agree with my point of you. I believe I'm right 99% of the time. If someone accuses me of lying and I know I haven't, this makes me incredibly angry - being accused of something I haven't done just makes me flip my lid more than anything else.

 

I've suffered from bouts of depression since childhood and it's still a struggle. I struggle with motivation. Every day stuff is a real trial. I find it really hard to pull myself out of the house, I have to do it, but if it wasn't for my husband or my children, I'm sure I would stay in most days by myself and be happy in my own little world.

 

Obsessions!!! There's another one. Well, they come and go but I get totally consumed by them and when I'm in the grasp of an obsession, I think of little else. They come and go and they're always on fairly normal things. If I don't have an obsession, I get really low, I need it to sort my mind out!

 

Thoughts.... my thoughts are often all over the place, my head feels packed with them and they go off in all different directions. I think an obsession just brings them in line more, brings order to the chaos!

 

There are lots of other little things as well that I recently wondered could be part of AS - but I might start a post on it.

 

Lots more to say really, but it felt good to get a bit out.

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Thanks Beth and Fluffyblueberry. Good to hear your experiences, i can relate to a lot of them. I'll definately get a copy of the Rudy Simone book, and Beth - your aspie girl website looks great.

 

I agree that Lianne holliday Willey does seem to manage incredibly well in 'pretending to be normal'. It sounds like she has a really good support system. This seems the case with other AS people that i've read about who are doing well eg Daniel Dammet. Shame we can't get a supportive partner on the NHS.

 

I suffer from deppression and anxiety too which i think started at quite a young age. I just hid away being sad, rather than having temper outbursts - don't know if this is AS behavoir or not?

 

With socialising i was always willing, but just did not have the opportunities. I wasn't really bullied, but was certainly not sought out as company. I had no understanding of the the kind of stuff teenage girls like - fashion, music etc so nothing to talk about. Instead i was concerned with issues like world hunger and the environment, but these weren't popular topics for kids in the eighties. I played the comedian a little bit which helped and as an adult have learned how to 'perform' which is useful in public speaking, teaching etc.

 

I feel i'm rambling - probably because i'm not really sure on the specifics of what i need to know. Would love to hear from more women though.

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I've ordered the Prentending to be Normal book so I'll let you know if I feel the same about it as you have.

 

I had to do a presentation at university today and it's something I struggle with so much. At school I failed all the modules that involved a presentation as I just couldn't even try, I felt sick thinking about it. I'm ok sat round the table in a small tutor group but as soon as I stand up infront of everyone with a powerpoint presentation I crumble. I even wrote myself a script today and once I was up there I lost the ability to read it. I wasn't coping well anyway as the lights seemed to be resonating with the big screen which made the whole room flicker with light. I think that shut down my brain.

 

 

I think it's easy to focus on all the bad stuff and I know that it's something I do a lot. I've got bad depression and have had for as long as I can remember. I really wish someone had noticed as a child as it's really scarred me. I don't want to let that ruin my life and I think it's important to look at the good things too.

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I suffer from deppression and anxiety too which i think started at quite a young age. I just hid away being sad, rather than having temper outbursts - don't know if this is AS behavoir or not?

I played the comedian a little bit which helped and as an adult have learned how to 'perform' which is useful in public speaking, teaching etc.

 

Yes, depression and anxiety often go together with AS, unforunately. They have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I also relate to playing the comedian - I tend to do this quite often. However, my husband is always the comedian in a group and he's much more confident at it than I am...so, often when we're socialising together it's one less thing I can fall back on! But he is very easy to hide behind because he's so confident socially. I suppose I've learnt a lot from him - but I haven't got better at being social, I've just got better at pretending for longer. I can probably appear quite confident socially for short bursts, but then I usually have to escape for a while and have a break.

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I had to do a presentation at university today and it's something I struggle with so much.

I think it's easy to focus on all the bad stuff and I know that it's something I do a lot. I've got bad depression and have had for as long as I can remember. I really wish someone had noticed as a child as it's really scarred me. I don't want to let that ruin my life and I think it's important to look at the good things too.

 

Beth I relate to that - I couldn't do presentations either. I hated to read out loud. I also couldn't really stand tutorial groups. but at least they were quite small. I really wish I'd known about this sooner too because I think I would have made many different decisions and I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. I agree that we shouldn't just look at the negative though, that's important.

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I had to do a presentation at university today and it's something I struggle with so much. At school I failed all the modules that involved a presentation as I just couldn't even try, I felt sick thinking about it. I'm ok sat round the table in a small tutor group but as soon as I stand up infront of everyone with a powerpoint presentation I crumble. I even wrote myself a script today and once I was up there I lost the ability to read it. I wasn't coping well anyway as the lights seemed to be resonating with the big screen which made the whole room flicker with light. I think that shut down my brain.

 

Ah, that's really hard. Hope you're not being too harsh or yourself. I should feel lucky then that it is a skill i have. You can write well though, so that's a positive you can focus on.

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Yes, depression and anxiety often go together with AS, unforunately. They have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I also relate to playing the comedian - I tend to do this quite often. However, my husband is always the comedian in a group and he's much more confident at it than I am...so, often when we're socialising together it's one less thing I can fall back on! But he is very easy to hide behind because he's so confident socially. I suppose I've learnt a lot from him - but I haven't got better at being social, I've just got better at pretending for longer. I can probably appear quite confident socially for short bursts, but then I usually have to escape for a while and have a break.

 

I had very similar experiences with my ex. He's loved by everybody and loves to entertain, so i was always seen as the boring one. This got me down quite a lot - i was jealous! It was only at home alone that things were more equal. I've learnt better social skills since we split up. I'm not advocating that solution..... but do you think it builds your social skills more if you socialise without your husband?

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I had very similar experiences with my ex. He's loved by everybody and loves to entertain, so i was always seen as the boring one. This got me down quite a lot - i was jealous! It was only at home alone that things were more equal. I've learnt better social skills since we split up. I'm not advocating that solution..... but do you think it builds your social skills more if you socialise without your husband?

 

I definitely do, yes! He knows how I feel, so I actually say to him now: "no, I need to do this alone!" and he totally understands. I just have to throw myself in the deep end at times, otherwise it'd be too easy to hide.

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