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Maurice

Lack of Emotions

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At the ripe old age of 70, I have finally realised that I suffer from Asperger's and have done so all my life. This is the first time I have written to this forum, and so I am not sure as to what response I can expect.

 

My problem is that whenever I talk to people, I feel that I am having a normal conversation like anybody else. Consequently, I do not experience or feel anything wrong in the way I speak, because it feels OK to me. My understanding arises from other peoples' observations about my conversation and their reactions to me. Others frequently comment that I become too heavy, or that I just state facts without any feeling or expression of emotion behind the conversation. My wife suffers the most, as she is driven mad by the way I go on. When I had therapy to help me, I was always told that I was too cerebral, and never displayed any emotions.

 

As I have started to discover what living with AS means, I have started to feel that this is a key trait of AS, and that all the therapy I had long before AS had ever been really understood, was really rather redundant as they were barking up the wrong tree, and it was a classic AS all along.

 

The first question that I want to ask is - is this really a normal aspect of AS or is this just me. Then if it is a normal part of AS, many others of you must have experienced this problem and so I wonder how others have dealt with this problem.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

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I suffered this for a while when I was really young but due to the services i got in the Mid 90's (and please remember chap, that the research into AS and Autism was only translated into total comprehensible english around 1990) I can now speak and most of the time emphasise the correct things with emotion etc. However sometimes i can still make mistakes and make things sound hurtful when not intended to by my tone of voice. So yeah all AS's suffer from this in some form or way but it affects different people in different ways :)

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Hi Maurice, and welcome to the forum.

 

I thought I was a bit slow to realise I had Asperger's. I was 25 :lol:

 

The problem with Asperger's is that we can often be unaware of how we are coming across to others.

 

If you've been reading about Asperger's you will probably learned about difficulties with non-verbal communication. Not only do we have trouble reading other people's, but sometimes our own can be atypical, and we can give off the wrong impression to other people. Many a time I have told a joke with (what I thought was) a joking impression on my face, only to find I have really offended someone :oops:

 

As for how to deal with it . . . Learning about body language might help you learn what kind of body language might be the "right" kind. You would have to think about doing it to start with, but after a while it would become more natural. And you could talk with your wife about some kind of signal she could use if you are talking too much. It could be a special code word or gesture she could use in front of other people without them knowing what it means.

 

My wife suffers the most, as she is driven mad by the way I go on.

I think you will find many women with perfectly neurotypical husbands complaining of being driven mad by the way they go on :lol:

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Wow, I have a 14 yr old stepson and recognise what you're discussing in him. I've often wondered about his grandfather, especially as it seems that AS may be something that can run in families but the condition hadn't been recognised when you and he were boys. I wish you all the very best.

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Hello Maurice

 

Welcome!

 

You must have had some struggles over the years. I'm sure your experiences will be of great interest to those of us who have children with AS, if only to confirm that we are actually lucky that things have improved, however hard they might seem to us at times!

 

And you could talk with your wife about some kind of signal she could use if you are talking too much. It could be a special code word or gesture she could use in front of other people without them knowing what it means.

 

If my husband is anything to go by, this may not work. When I kick him (gently) under the table to hint that he's saying something he shouldn't, he says in a loud voice "Why did you kick me?" :whistle:

 

Also with my sons, if they're in full flow they're oblivious to what I'm doing - even if I'm yawning or walking away they keep talking!!

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Maurice, i understand what you have described. My friends often mention that i am very 'cold' when describing something emotional. I don't really understand what is it to feel emotional. I understand happy, sad, angry, but thats about it! Also, i find it difficult to tell when i have offended someone(often).

A friend who read my diary once commented on the fact that i only write about what has happened, not how i feel about what has happened.

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