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Beth_

Using phones

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I hate phones, I just can't use them. I only ever speak to my mum on the phone and that's just to stop her worrying so she doesn't come and visit which would be even worse.

 

My car broke down today, I've had to phone garages and I'm shaking and near to tears. I just want to hide and for it all to go away. I have to write myself a script otherwise I can't remember what to say. I have trouble reading what I've written though because I'm so shakey. I don't understand what the people are saying because I don't seem to hear all the words, even though the reception/phone line is fine.

 

The garage said they would phone me back so I'm sat here rocking, waiting for the call. I never normally answer my phone to anyone and I'm worried I won't be able to do it.

 

Everyone keeps saying I just need more practice but I think that's rubbish. I'm 28, if practice was going to make it better wouldn't it have helped by now? It just gets worse. :tearful:

I'm really struggling not to have a total meltdown

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you could have social anxiety disorder as i struggle face same kind of difficulties with the worry fear of making people understand what you mean as words get mixed,jumbled , which makes person at end of phone lost anc confused you feel embarrassed .... and try to get words in order to make sense i get upset angry annyoed with myself once anxiety gets hold that it communication and language is affected we know what we mean in our head and we think others understand get it too which can sometimes not be true!!! i before have had to put my parents on phone as couldn't explain myself properly and get in right work up state ... i now write questions down i want to ask so i don't forget or get toungue tied whioh takes strain,pressure of remembering if do get anxious and writing down some information you need to know at other end i found this reduces the anxiety build up around making a phone call!!! high challenge to do and when phone rings panic rises in me and shake sweat ... dread answering too and ringing both same feeling no seperation between the two

 

i defiantely look into S.A.D as common in A.S like other MH probs!!!? research as see other symptoms are you too!!??

 

XKLX

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Is there any chance of dealing with the garage by email ?

 

My husband doesn't cope well with phones, and he has found most places will answer questions by email these days.

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I would prefer to do it online but most of these places don't have websites or email addresses.

 

Even hours after the calls I am still feeling sick and shakey about it all. :wallbash:

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If you are still trying to sort the car out, you could try a main dealer (so ring a Ford dealer, if you drive a Ford).

 

The big names do seem to have websites/email contacts and even if you don't send you car there to be fixed, you can ask the questions you want and get answers this way.

 

If you tell me which make of car you have, and where in the country you live, I will try to find a dealer for you.

 

It is horrible not being able to use the phone. My husband copes by getting me to ring people for him !

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Thank you, that's kind of you.

 

There is garage a minutes walk from my house and although they don't do clutches they were able to recommend and contact a garage that does so my car is being picked up tomorrow morning. I had to make a phone call which I blundered my way thruogh but it must have gone ok as everything is arranged now. It took me several hours to unwind from it though. I just had to hide under my duvet and try and slow my head down.

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I feel your pain.

 

I can't use a phone at all - big problem right now being unemployed, can't apply for work and the job centre harrass me as they don't understand if I'm not deaf why I can't use a phone (but then their attitude would be that if I was deaf I'd have no right to work either)...hell can't even apply for job seekers or employment support allowence without help as they INSIST you apply via phone :angry: ANYWAY...

 

Rubbish - that's my opinion.

I get told I'm just shy or that I lack confidence - far from it, I am very confident and I have managed to work through so much so I doubt there is anything I can't do if I put my mind to it, but I can't cure my own asperger's and this is an aspie thing. I get sick of people telling me to 'get over it' or talking to me like a child saying I should practice more to gain my confidence on the phone, for me I CAN'T use a phone - in part it may be social anxiety, lack of preporation, but it is also being unable to know how to hold a conversation over the phone.

 

I don't think saying 'you just need to practice' is very constructive, I think if you do have to phone someone you stay calm with relaxation techniques and plan your conversation the best you can - I avoid calling anyone as much as possible, but most companies refuse to help via email/are too useless to read an email that says "I can't use a phone" so sometimes have to use a phone...but practice REALLY doesn't help. OH, and I should mention I worked in call centres for 4 years - not the same thing at all for me, but it does show practice doesn't help.

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A lot of people with Asperger's seem to have this problem.

 

Anxiety is normally about a fear that it will go wrong. If you had a mild anxiety about it then doing it and having it go well could gradually improve your confidence. Practice has helped me with my anxiety about phone calls, but my anxiety was never as bad as this.

 

When the anxiety is very severe and you continue to suffer even after making the call, that will have a psychological effect and put you off doing it again. Even if the call went OK there are all these negative things about it that you will associate with phone calls. Even if you're not thinking it consciously, a part of your brain is saying, "phone calls make me feel terrible." That's probably why practice isn't working for you.

 

The answer is probably a combination of therapy and practical help with working out what to say. Maybe even medication to control the anxiety in the short term so it doesn't have such a negative effect as well. Practice is probably a little further down the line. Quite how you would access this kind of treatment, I do not know. If you're being seen by the mental health team they might have access to an occupational therapist or support worker who can offer this kind of support.

 

The difficulty with hearing what is being said could be a sensory processing issue. I can hear people much better face to face when I can see their mouths moving, even though I cannot lip read. This is one of the problems I have using the phone, but I am now confident enough to say I'm a bit deaf and ask them to say it again a bit slower.

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I agree with the point that practice can help. I'm still terrible with phones, and almost invariably get my parents to make calls for me, but I am starting to gradally get a bit better. My freind has been encouraging me to call her when we are arranging things, (it being a mobile helps because I know it is her who will answer), and gradually I am starting to get a bit less worried as I get more used to doing it. I'm still a long way from being able to call my bank, or arrange a cricket team, but I'm beggining to see that I might get there one day.

 

It might be only a little achievement, but I actually managed to call the Record Office yesterday to pre-order a document. I was stilted and awquard, but I had worked out what I wanted to say, the lady at the other end understood me, and my document was there waiting for me when I arrived (getting round my usual problem of getting given the wrong one because they can't read my terrible handwriting...).

 

I didn't know about the sensory perception thing, I stuggle with that a bit on the phone as well. Missing/mishearing bits of a conversation doesn't make it much easier. I also get the same thing when I am in the back of a car and talking to someone in the front.

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I am not Aspergic or ASD, but I am also terrified of using the phone, and get my husband to make calls for me wherever possible. I think it is a far more common problem than people realise.

For me, the problem is that you can't see the other person, so you don't get any clues from facial expressions or body language. This confuses me and unsettles me.

Thank God for email is all I can say!

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I don't like using the phone, but I find it preferable to face-to-face conversation. It's usually the case my mum needs to leave 2 or 3 answer phone messages before I eventually get back to her. I guess in your kind of situation I too almost write a script but recall it from memory, I find it more difficult when the conversation deviates from that script as I like the responses to be ones I can predict.

 

Regards main dealer garages and e-mails I find they tend to take a while to reply to e-mails, or they never reply at all. Even if the question is a simple one like asking the price of a part.

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I despise using the phone to call anyone or receive calls. Family and friends included. I would much rather text or email rather than have to work out a conversation which is often stilted on my end.

I haven't really worked out this problem yet, and without a diagnosis, my parents just say i am lazy.

Whenever it rings, no matter who it is, i feel very sick with dread about having to pick it up. Often i will deliberately miss calls so i can text back instead.

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I feel your pain.

 

I can't use a phone at all - big problem right now being unemployed, can't apply for work and the job centre harrass me as they don't understand if I'm not deaf why I can't use a phone (but then their attitude would be that if I was deaf I'd have no right to work either)...hell can't even apply for job seekers or employment support allowence without help as they INSIST you apply via phone :angry: ANYWAY...

 

 

you can apply online

 

or go to the CAB and they'l do it for you

 

or go in to the job centre and say "I can't use phones" - if they ask why, just say it is due to your disability. it's none of their business to know more

 

as for the OP and inability to use phones is a perfectly foreseable disability (regardless of why) and therefore any service provider must make reasonable adjustments to provide their service in an equal way to people with such a disaility - feel free to quote the DDA in you emailif they are being slow to respond...

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hi i have social phobic disorder i dont like phones

 

some times when i used to cry and nearly have panic attacks cos of it

 

i dont think many people like using phones tho

Edited by Lisas Mum

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