Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
joybed

lack of personal hygiene in a 14 year old boy

Recommended Posts

Hi Marcus is 14 and has ASD he is in mainstream school but very socially unaware and has no interest in any kind of social interaction. He has a severe lack of personal hygiene, he has a bath every night which we have to prompt or he wouldn,t do it, he has never been good on washing his hands after toileting, he still constantly has his hands down his pants. Even though he has bath every night I am not convinced he is washing correctly and he will not let me into the bathroom. Immediately after the bath he still smells of stale sweat and the morning after it knocks you over, his hair is also very greasy, I avoid his room at all cost as it smells like a barn. I ensure he changes his clothes frequently and bedding is change weekly but the smell knocks you over when you open the washing basket. Both myself, DH and my parents have tried to tactfully and very directly tell him that he smells but it doesn,t bother him. We have supplied deodorant of every type imaginable but he needs constant prompting to use it. Nobody wants to get close to him (maybe thats why he does it). He also never brushes his teeth. My mum has even mentioned it to her GP he said it was an age thing. I am sure part of it is age but the other boys his age are all well turned out and smell OK. Any ideas before we all resort to a nose peg. I know this topic has been done before but it really is a problem for the whole family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

is it sensory thing with water brushing his teeth he good be sensitive to tactile stuff ??? or maybe MH prob such depression with also being in puberty and being a teen i also have dyspraxia /A.S and have to be reminded by my mum to have a bath at times can seem like constant moaning nagging critism in 'our eyes' i now make more effort without being prompted!!! i have excessive sweating condition so i have keep on top of my personal hygiene even more than usual which annoying frustrating at times!

 

XKLX

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i used to have issues with personal hygiene and it more because i needed to be taught about these things and why needed to clean and stuff. i were at that age when i had a social worker come to school teaching me how to wash hair and stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teenage boys are not famed for their personal hygiene, but it's not normally this bad. Being a teenager is certainly not going to help matters though!

 

It's possible he's never been washing properly, but you never noticed the smell before.

 

If social pressure is not a motivator for Marcus, maybe you need to construct rewards through things he does feel strongly about.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It might also be worth going through the whole process with him from start to finish to ensure that he does understand and know what to do. Do you know for a fact that he can wash himself ie. you've already seen him watch his body, his hair, cut his nails etc. If you don't, then he may well just be sitting in the bath water for a while before getting out again.

I remember being in a group discussion with a mother whose son was at university. She had just found out that he was not changing his bedding [he was resident in the halls of residence]. He had apparently changed his sheets for the first couple of weeks, and then ran out of clean sheets and so decided to keep the existing ones on - indefinately!!

She was surprised that as he was 'at university' she thought he would have worked out that he had to wash the dirty ones. But he simply did not where to begin to do this. So she had to take him to the laundrette and show him how to do it all. Once he knew what to do, he carried out the task with no problems.

Not every example is as extreme as this, but I have found things that I thought my son would 'automatically know' and he didn't. It just taught me never to assume anything unless you have actually seen your child do it independently in more than one setting.

 

I have an older sister with special needs, and she never did any of the personal hygiene stuff. It used to drive my mum insane, mainly because she felt she would be badly judged as a mother when her daughter was dirty, scruffy and smelly. Eventually we just had to write down a weekly timetable with 'having baths' and 'washing hair' on the agenda. And she would then do it on those occasions, but would never 'think' to do it on another day. I remember her visiting once and her hair was so greasy and smelly that I asked her 'why' she had not washed it. Her reply was "I do that on Tuesdays". Arrggghhhh!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Joy,

 

I haven't been on the forum for AGES. It's nice to see you're still here :rolleyes: .

 

I am having similar problems with Kai at the moment. He's 12 now and has started getting pretty smelly. He point blank refuses to wash or shower and i have to nag and nag him to brush his teeth. If i manage to persuade him to shower, he just stands under the water for a few seconds and doesn't use any soap or shampoo. Up until he was about 10 he used to let me bath him, so he knows what to do.

 

I think for him, he just doesn't care if he is clean or not, or if he smells. He doesn't see the point in "wasting time" washing. He has no interest in what anyone thinks of him.

 

He's at residential school, so the staff are constantly battling with him to shower, but they have more success than i do as they can impose tougher sanctions.

 

At the moment, the only way i can get him to shower is to bribe him, which is not something I am proud of. If i threaten sanctions, he kicks off, which is not something i want when i am on my own with a 1 and a 3 year old :unsure: .

 

Sorry i don't have any solutions, but it's definately good to know we are not alone.

 

Loulou xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Joy,

 

I am quite similer to your 14 year old boy. I lack personal hygiene mainly becuase I am lazy my mum has to propt me too :P. What might help that helped me is a chart with symbols.

My teacher made it for me.Basicly I have my chart. with symbols saying for example. "Soap On Sponge" Brush Your Teeth" Deorote on" ect. and there a picture of the action above it.

 

There is velcro on the back of the symbols and on the bord. Each time you complete that activity just take it of the borad and put it in the bag/bucket. ect

 

Here are picture of my chart.

 

http://i52.tinypic.com/3531nbr.jpg

 

Hope This Helps.

Regards,

Sam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

 

We went through this with Mj. It was awful. He would look very hurt if we said he smelt, but still wouldn't do anything about it. His brother was seriously depressed at the time and was absolutely horrible to Mj (although we're struggling to get Aw to shower now :blink: ). Aw wouldn't go on the school bus because kids would say to him 'your brother smells' - they gave up saying it to Mj as he didn't take any notice.

 

After being at college for a year, he has a good group of friends and has become a bit more self aware. He eventually said to us that us keeping on made him not want to shower etc, (it made him feel totally negative about the whole situation) so we agreed that if he had a shower at that time we promised not to say anything in future. It's been a few months now. He has a shower once a week although he does forget occasionally. My husband has once in that time said, I think you should have a shower, and he took it OK and did have a shower that evening. He also now gives me some T-shirts to wash sometimes, especially if I ask. I have to practically force him to give me his trousers to wash though! I'm still not convinced he's using soap and shampoo, but at least he gets wet! He will also aske for his bedding to be washed very occasionally.

 

Maybe you could talk to him and set out a 'realistic' schedule for his personal care - CoolColombo's chart idea is great. It may not work initially, but it could take the stress out of the situation for Marcus and you. The 'normal' approach is not working so it can be useful to take a step back and approach things in a very different way. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My son does not like to shower either. Thankfully we have not hit the teens yet as I expect it will get worse.

Once a week I manage to get him in the bath or shower. And that takes alot of motivating ie. encouraging him to build a bionicle or lego model to go in with him.

Once we get him in, we then can't get him out!

My husband and I joke that it would be easier to go to the local swimming baths once a week for his 'bath'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My stepson who is now 26 has the same problem and can be as bad as the OP.

 

We find that with any task, he has to be persuaded of the need or benefit to do something before he does it. When he had a girlfriend, he showered and washed every day. Now he is on his own, he has reverted to smelling awful. We think it is peer pressure or influence which motivates my stepson, not what his parents say.

 

Interesting that Social Services and the counsellor tell us we must not put up with this aspect of his behaviour as it will make assimilation into society more difficult for him. I get him to hoover his room weekly, stand over him until the washing is put in the machine and crockery brought downstairs. At the moment the threat of withdrawing power to run his computers (in the plural) motivates him.

 

M

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I've always had problems with this sort of thing, but not neccesarily for the reasons everyone has been describing. A lot of my trouble comes from a mixture of my resistance to change, and playing to the character people expect me to be. For example, when my parents asked me I was always very resistant to the idea of using deoderant, but secretly had one hidden in my draw and tried to put it on whenever I thought no-one would notice. Equally I hated the idea of shaving, and initially refused to do it more than once a fortnight. The trouble was I was then still stuck in this cycle several years later, despite the fact I really hated having stubble all the time and it made me really selfconcious, but just couldn't tell my parents I wanted to change. In the end this one only resloved itself when my brother suggested I might prefer an electric razor which I could ger into the routine of using in my room every morning, and I jumped at the chance, whilst still pretending I was reluctant. The list could go on, (e.g. I was delighted when my parents put a shower in last month, so I now get to wash my hair more than once a week); I'm not sure if this is just something I twisted myself in to, but it might be something to bear in mind with others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thankyou for all the advice. We don,t have a problem getting him into the bath he goes in every night, it is part of his routine and he is happy with this but i don,t think he is washing properly and I think it is a hormonal thing. His hair is much greasier just lately and really needs washing every night this is not part of his routine yet and is taking soem sinking in but we are getting there. Initially he was just dunking his head under the water and though that would do, then there was the question of which bottle of various concoctions to use, he would get used to using something and one of the other kids would empty the entire botlle in the bath so than he would be confused and again not know what to do. I have remedied this by preparing the area before he goes in there, showing what to use where. I recently found out he was using shampoo as a body wash for example. I have been dropping questions about his bathing into general conversations so it doesn,t look like I am nagging him and by a process of elimination and trial and error I am teaching him how to wash. He will not let me in the bathroom at all, he has gone from parading around naked in front of a window for all to see, to not wanting anybody to see any flesh at all, he is very embarassed when Piers walks into his room naked but strangley happily comes into the bathroom when I am naked and can,t understamd why I ask him to leave. I suppose like everything else it is slow progress and you need to keep on chipping away. He will happily use spray deodorants but can,t cope with roll ons however he forgets and often I am too busy in the morning getting tham all out the door and forget to remind him, also he tends to use too much and nearly kills everyone. He lsitens to his little sister and she is a perfume addict so maybe she can teach him. I am dreading it when he starts needing to shave how do you teach that, i have already decided an electric one is the only thing i would dare let him use.

Marcus is very resistant to a visual timetable of any description he says they are for babies and he is too old for such things, if i write a list or symbols of any decription he throws a wobbly unfortunately these would really benefit him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It relly helps to hear that others have similar issues. J is 14 and has a shower every day but just stands there in the rain for ages! We've tried a kitchen timer to set a sensible amount of time but he will get out covered in shampoo when time is up so that didn't work. Periodically I go in the bathroom and re-teach him a washing sequence but it only lasts so long before he forgets it all again. Last time I did this I discovered that the loud banging sound I'd been asking him about was that he had been jumping out of the bath, whilst soaking wet, onto a tiled floor. He insisted that this wasn't a problem because he hadn't fallen (yet!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As the situation is so bad, and Marcus refuses to use visual prompts I would be very blunt. I would tell him that he is smelly and dirty. I would produce a simple written list (can understand he might think the widget piccies are too 'babyish') and then I would say that if he doesn't make a concerted effort you are going to withdraw something like his computer time, or whatever he really, really wants to be doing.

 

I would be very straightforward about it, removing any emotion from it so not saying things like 'How many times have we told you...', etc, etc. Just use basic statements. 'You are smelly and dirty. This is not acceptable. This is what you need to do, and if you don't this is the consequence.' He will no doubt 'go off on one', but you have to stay calm, and keep repeating what you expect him to do and not back down...and carry through with the consequences!

 

I think if it has got to this stage, you have to balance being tough against the very real prospect of a smelly full-grown adult, and we all know the negatives surrounding smelly, scruffy people. This was what I kept remembering when we had similar problems with my son when he was about the same age.

 

Good luck!

 

Bid :)

Edited by bid

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had similar problems with my 17-year-old. The thing with him is that he gets very stuck in routines and the way he does things and finds it very hard to adjust to a new way of doing things. So, for years and years, he didn't need deodorant and he carried out his washing routine with no problems. Suddenly, as he became older, a need for deodorant became apparent but it takes him a long, long time to be able to reinvent his routine to include something new, so he was continually forgetting to include deodorant because it was something he wasn't used to doing. If I smelt a niff and asked him if he had remembered to use it, he would become very indignant and say, 'what, are you saying, I smell or something?!', and would become very upset. Like your lad, he finds lists and charts 'patronizing', which I can understand at his age. As I say, with anything new for our lad, it takes a long time of continually asking him to include something new into his routine before he finally 'gets it' and the new routine becomes established, so it could just take some time for your lad to get used to using new products and for it to become routine. I point out to my lad that it's not personal, that anybody, especially any young lad, who does not use deodorant will have body odour, it's just a fact of life. I also point out that it's better coming from me rather than other people noticing a smell and it finally seems to have sunk in as I'm not noticing his BO anymore. Phew. :whistle:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It could well be a sensory issue. I shower rather than bathe and the water has to be luke warm. If the water is hotter or cooler, or if I have a bath I find the whole thing incredibly painful to the point where I literally can't breathe. Similarly when washing my hands, I use anti-bacterial soap because I cannot run the water too warm or my hands hurt for ten minutes afterwards, so it takes a while to get the temperature just right.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Joybed and LOULOU!! also only been on a couple of times in last two years, so hi, and Loulou hope things are calmer.... Joybed my 15 yr old is exactly the same, and I know just what you mean about the hands its gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he goes and lays in a bath everynight but dosnt wash, it sends me mad, but as we have has a calm 18th months, dont want to rock the boat, we are having a rough time again which is prob why I am back on the boards, he goes to "resi" one night a week, this week I had to go and get him at 8pm cos they coulnt cope, defeats the whole object really!!! anyway, I am going to try those toilet wipes and also leave some handwipes or gel out for him to use, see if that works, its a game isnt it :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

being bathed by mum is not the same as bathing/showering yourself.

someone on the spectrum will need to be shown how to wash themself - it is not the same as having someone wash you!

 

 

I can understand what you're saying, but I do take exception to it - I'm spectrum and I never needed to be shown how to wash myself. I probably don't do it as often as I should, but that's because my parents have such a rubbish shower (fixed head, stays hot for precisely 2 minutes and I'm OCD about cleanliness. If it doesn't do the Arctic thing, the it dies, and comes back in scalding 5 seconds bursts!). When I'm in places on my own, I shower every single day - sometimes twice a day.

 

But I agree that some who are LF may have to be taught.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

J is 14 and we have personal care issues too. A lot of the time it is because he can't be bothered (probably typical teenager) but we teach him simple routines and when we think he has mastered them he seems to completely forget again. He also has a daily to-do list which is supposed to help him remember things like which days to wash his hair but he still "forgets" I have to periodically go into the bathroom and talk him through his routine to re-learn it. I also try to calmly check with him before he goes into the bathroom that he can remember the things he needs to do - it doesn't alsways work but keeping stuff in the front of his mind seems to help a little. I shoud add that my sister's NT son was much worse for a while but has thankfully grown out of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...