Advice needed on child who does runners

[manicmum]

Has anyone got any good advice on how i could stop my son from doing runners?? He is 6 and has got no road saftey awareness at all at the weekend he ran straight across a road without stopping to look!!!

 

I have to hold his hand constantly when we are out as he just goes and once he starts running its like he is in a zone and just runs and runs and runs whilst laughin in a funny kind of hysterical way???

 

Have wondered whether a social story might help but not sure hoew to write one or what to include!!

 

Why would he just run off and not stop when i call, does he realize he is doing or is he fully aware and is doing it on purposed because he is laughing, i am very confused because if you ask him about the dangers of going off he can tell you word perfect but this doesnt seem to stop him from running out into the road all he replys to that is "yeah i saw the car"

 

Has anyone else experienced this problem or can offer any advice??

 

Thanks

[smiley1590]

from my personal opnion i'm 20 years old and i still don't realise road dangers and how be safe as such i have nearly got run over before as don't check see if car becoming get confused over car direction trying work out what they doing or get distracted by something else along the road which catches my eye ... if my parents are with me they still guide me tell me when safe to cross the road feel so embarrassed as feel should got it by now but i also have dyspraxia and feel this come into play here too maybe don't know! but lack all understanding knowledge of road dangers he laughs probably he has no fear no anxieties and just simply doesn't get it realise how serious getting it wrong at road side can be like getting run over and injured as we don't see obvious signs need them right in our faces up close to get it . maybe put your hand up as visual guide as stop sign make give him warning to follow through or have picture card with hand saying STOP big bold red letters stand out with hand up! or trying hold your hand or get reign to help him learn skills he needs pick vital cues on road safety hard task/challenge to grasp ....

 

 

good luck with your road safety mission!!!

 

XKLX

[justine1]

Hi

I agree with what smiley has said. My son (7) also runs however because we walk everywhere,I dont drive at all,he has learnt the dangers and although he still runs ahead when he reaches side roads he will wait. He still hasnt got to grips with driveways and the fact cars will reverse without looking.He has had a few "close shaves" with driveways.

 

It is all about practice really,personally I never used social stories and dont think it woul have helped if I did as road safety is best learnt by pracise (IMO) So I would take him out as much as possible, before leaving tell him you wont hold his hand so long as he waits by the roads etc I always tell my son if I cant see him or he cant see me then he knows he is going to fast/far. It takes time but he will get there.

[joybed]

My 6 year old is exactly the same although he is improving. When he was 5 I was really concerned he would be run over as he had no awareness at all and would just run into the road etc. He also doesn,t like to hold hands says it hurts him and refuses to walk with a wrist strap on, he is aware enough to know he is a bit old for that. He also got lost frequently. We have had to be fairly graphic with him. I did the early bird plus course and they said don,t beat around the bush tell it how it is, explain he will die if a car runs him over and draw this happening. So it might seem gruesome but I drew a drawing (simple stick men I can,t draw) of Piers being hit by a car, laid in the road with blood coming from his head, an ambulance in the background and me and his sister crying. It seemed to work and he now walks nicely occasionally he forgets and runs off and he is difficult to catch but it is less frequent. This morning we had to walk to school on the road as there is still loads of snow here and Piers explained to me that we shouldnt really be doing this and if a car ran over him it would squish his heart and he would be dead. Some people may think this too much for a child his age but beating about the bush doesn,t work either.

Another problem we had was him taking of his seatbelt in the car, the NAS suggested we wait until he did this and then in a controlled environment (no traffic, reduced speed etc) I slam the brakes on), this also worked as he slipped onto the floor and was really shocked, he now happily wears his seatbelt. You know your child and whether he can take this approach. I also think this improves with age and routine Piers runs more in environments he is unfamiliar with such as on holiday which is precisely when we need him not to do a runner. The route to school now holds no surprises for him so he walks well until he is distracted by someone or something. Hope this helps.

[Sally44]

I can't add much as my child was a 'hider' rather than a 'runner'.

 

At an NAS seminar they suggested that if you have a child that is a runner that you should use basic one word commands because their language processing (in all children with an ASD), can mean they miss parts of sentences and that can give a totally different meaning to the command.

 

Eg. "XXXX will you please stop running". Could be heard as "xxxx running".

So when they do run shout "STOP", not Stop running as only the 'running' might be heard.

 

Also use this risk factor and vulnerability when applying for DLA. This is a safety factor. It may mean that you really need to drive from A-B as the risk of him running is too high. There might even be a case of applying for a car to be provided if the need is so great. I know a family whose child does run, and who also has continence issues. They have a car provided because otherwise they would be housebound without it because the risk factor, and equipment/clothes they need to take with them makes public transport or walking impossible.

 

Always have ID on him with your name/address and mobile phone number, incase you lose him.

 

Also talk to professionals involved (SALT), about how to teach about danger.

 

If he does need to run around and let off steam, then find out if there is anywhere (soft play) or a support group that hires out a venue for the children etc, so that he can run around in a safe environment.

 

You may need to use a buggy to strap him into or a lead on his hand. Neither is great, but if safety is involved you don't have much choice. Phone the NAS for advice as well.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Sally44

[baddad]

It is a difficult area, but I think, as others have said, you just need to keep 'practicing' as much as you can, offering clear instructions and reinforcement. I'm not sure, as someone else said, that 'social stories' will help because they actually make a simple command more complex by wrapping it in a 'concept', and for the most part it is conceptual - rather than concrete - thinking that autistic children struggle with. Rewards for 'good' and sanctions for 'bad' roadsense are much easier to understand, and far easier to deliver.

Personally, I think using leads, outsized buggies etc can make things much, much worse. Firstly, you can create dependency and reliance rather than teaching the 'skill' you want them to learn, and secondly they very graphically marginalise a child as 'different'. While the latter is something that will have to happen sometimes, it's not something to invite without good reason. I've also seen kids quite literally 'controlling' parents by running - effectively holding mum and dad on invisible leads with the threat of running. I've seen parents enable this even further by giving their kids radio controlled 'tracker units', with absolutely no consideration for the very basic logic that a child with enough understanding to use a tracker unit effectively is more than capable of understanding that he/she shouldn't run off in the first place! (Please understand, I'm not suggesting that a tracker or mobile phone is a bad idea per se - but how it is used can make it a bad idea. Children may, inadvertantly, get separated from parents, and in that instance a contact device is a good thing. Equipping a child who knowingly runs and uses running to control others with additional tools to do so can only be a bad thing.)

One other thing I'd point out - if your child doesn't like holding hands that's probably the most effective santion you have at your disposal. Once they get used to the idea that you are not going to let go, however much they struggle, they'll start to see good road sense as a method of self-empowerment, as the thing that will get you to let them go.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

[westie]

My son did not like me to hold his hand, what worked was to get him to take hold of my finger (therefore he is in control of the pressure). I tried to hold his hand then if/ when he protested I just gave him the option to hold my finger instead and that way he had a choice to make and he would generally hold my finger and walk with me. Another thing which a school teacher/ earlybird tutor had used with a child (with as ASD) who would not hold his parents hand was to use a card that he held as a signal that he should be holding hands (not sure what it was of, if indeed there was a picture on it) and the staff in school would get him to hold hands with them while he was holding the card, and after a while they got him to use the card and hold his parents hand too. This worked for them, so maybe worth a try. (or maybe they could hold some other toy or object to indicate that they should be holding hands when they are given/ are holding it?)

[baddad]

Expanding on what westie has said, maybe a rubber quoit or something like that could help if you needed to overcome a dislike of hand holding rather than a dislike of 'control', with the adult holding one side of the quoit and the child holding the other? The major difference when compared to a 'lead' on the wrist is that the child is actively involved and there's an expectation placed upon him/her, rather than what is effectively restraint with no expectations. definitely sounds worth a go!

 

L&P

 

BD

[av16]

I would agree with both Westie and Baddad, my DS was a runner and I insisted that he held my finger or I would hold his wrist - which he didn't like. He's now 13 and is ok when he's calm but if we're out and he's upset I will still grab his wrist because he still runs. This now very rare compared to constant when he was younger. I tried the explaining about being injured/killed etc and how upset we would all be but it seemed to have little effect at the time. I think it was a gradual process and seeing things on television- those horrible public safety films made him realise what it was all about.

Good luck with this because it can be so stressful <'>

[westie]

Expanding on what westie has said, maybe a rubber quoit or something like that could help if you needed to overcome a dislike of hand holding rather than a dislike of 'control', with the adult holding one side of the quoit and the child holding the other? The major difference when compared to a 'lead' on the wrist is that the child is actively involved and there's an expectation placed upon him/her, rather than what is effectively restraint with no expectations. definitely sounds worth a go!

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Hi, what is a quoit?

 

If the child is a runner because they just like running then I use the distraction technique, try and get them involved in what you may be doing: helping you by pushing buggy, carrying a bag or something. Also keep talking to them to try and keep their interest, and praise them a lot whenever they are walking with you/ next to you and holding your hand. Sometimes stickers or some other motivator may also help reinforce the message (I prefer the praise its cheaper but I recognise some children do not always respond to it), but it does take time to sink in, you have to be patient and persistent and there may still be occasional slips (for my youngewr son its if another child we are walking with runs off that he will also try and do the same). The combination of doing this and getting him to hold my finger, or just praising him for standing near me has improved things a lot and its a lot less stressful walking to school etc.

 

I have to say though there have been times when all have failed and I have just had to hold his hand whether he likes it or not.

Edited December 9, 2010 by westie

[baddad]

Hi, what is a quoit?

 

 

A small rubber (or wood, or metal) ring - like you'd use to play 'quoits'! Think 'horseshoes' or 'hoopla', and it's a ring about six - sevn inches round, just big enough to accommodate two hands gripping it but without the hands having to touch!

 

L&P

 

BD

[westie]

A small rubber (or wood, or metal) ring - like you'd use to play 'quoits'! Think 'horseshoes' or 'hoopla', and it's a ring about six - sevn inches round, just big enough to accommodate two hands gripping it but without the hands having to touch!

 

L&P

 

BD

 

thanks for explaining, haven't heard of it before.

[Sally44]

I too found that trying to hold my son's hand just made him squirm and wriggle. But he would hold my little finger, and still does if there are busy roads because he cannot always see that traffic is moving. His perception can be strange sometimes and he has thought that moving cars were parked and parked cars were going to hit him etc. But he is fine with holding my finger.

 

Just remembered another thing that was said at an NAS group. That was "if all else fails and your child is a runner, make sure you load them with a heavy ruck sack to slow them down." By that they mean heavy enough that running any distance will leave them out of breath and give you a better chance of catching hold of them.