Anyone gone to a NAS socila group?

[Bloodheart]

I thought it would be a good idea to look for groups of local people with autism or asperger's to see how I compare before going through diagnosis, maybe to have people to talk to about our differences, and generally try to make friends and get out the house to improve my dwindling social skills.

 

So, I found there is a group (via NAS) and contacted them, they attached an application form to their email reply to me, but that was back in October and I've been sort of putting off filling out and sending out the form. In part this is because I hate filling out personal information at the best of times but the form for this is a little full-on asking for things like references (??) and a photo, but also because I don't know what to expect.

 

I'm aware this is going to sound HUGELY offensive, but I don't know how else to put this; I'm assuming it'll consist of other aspies and HF autistic people, but what if I'm wrong about being an aspie, or if they're not as 'normal' as me?

 

I can pass for NT (ish), I worry that aspies or people with HF autism in the group may be a little closer to the other end of the spectrum. Stupid thing is I dated a HF autistic, I had a severely autistic step-sister, I taught autistic college students. I know it sounds terrible, but it's like with any other social situation, I don't want to be the odd one out or have nothing in common with other people there, what if I can't talk to them or have a meltdown?

 

It would be a million times easier if I could talk to one of the other members first, I don't like the idea of having to fill out some form and have things all secret until I get there to a specific room with specific people.

[Chris P]

I think I know what you mean. I have been formally diagnosed, and the group is being run by a local association, but I did (still do?) have some of your reservations.

 

I too can pass for NT quite a lot of the time, and I have a job which gives me more social contact than I can really cope with (I'm a Vicar!). Those running the group have been extremely understanding about my need to kind of 'hang out on the edge of things' - I think I'm there to learn things, but I'm finding it fascinating to be sitting for the first time in a room full of people I know have Asperger's / HF autism like me.

 

I wasn't asked to jump through the paperwork hoops that have been put before you, but I guess it might be because some of our fellow Aspies may be quite vulnerable, and the leaders might want to know more about a new member so that the group is always a 'safe place' for everybody.

[charlotte]

i think what you are saying is far from silly and i totally know what you mean. i went to a group some years ago and for me having worked with special needs children it was more like a day at work than and enjoyable occasion. since then i have not really tried another group but know others have not had the same experience. but what i have found good is the groups i have helped set up at both my undergrad and postgrad university and organisation called autscape which has a yearly residential conference and online forum running throughout the year.

[trekster]

Bloodheart, I can understand your frustration in not knowing what they could be like. To me that clearly

indicates the strong possibility that you are on the spectrum "change and uncertainty is confusing and frightening".

 

The NAS social groups normally have a facilitator who oversees the groups. I attend a few groups in Bristol and will

tell you a bit about them below;

 

1, Cafe group, this meets one afternoon a month in a cafe in Bristol we sit and chat and i normally introduce myself when

a new member arrives. I remember what it was like to be a new member wondering "what if they dont like me?"

 

2, Pub group, This meets one evening per month. I work at the Bristol and Bath NAS pub groups as Social Secretary,

January will be my 10th year working at the Bristol pub group and September will be my 2nd year working at the Bath one.

I ask new members about their interests and if they wish help them find other members who have similar interests.

 

3, Cinema group, this happens at the end of the month one afternoon and the facilitator helps us choose a film.

 

For some reason the NAS website isn't working very well about local social groups in your area.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/en-gb/our-services/residential-community-and-social-support/social-support/social-groups.aspx

 

If you are having problems filling in the form, then you could try contacting the NAS again and asking for the facilitator.

Your reference must be someone who knows you and can vouch for you. It is done so that the facilitator can judge what type

of social groups (if there are a few) would be suitable for you.

[Tally]

The form sounds a little over the top, but perhaps the photo is so that they can introduce you to other members of the group and warn them that you are coming. This might be reassuring to people who find a new person unsettling. I'm sure they will discuss with you what personal information you want them to reveal to the group.

 

I can understand your worries about what the other people will be like. I had no experience of autism at all when I first met with other autistic adults and I was worried about what they would be like and whether I would be like them. Like you I was undiagnosed at the time and trying to find out whether I really had AS after all.

 

I've always thought I "pass" very well for NT. I work, live independently, and at that time was married. For these reasons I thought I was pretty high functioning and wondered whether the others would be like me. I found that many of the other autistic adults I met were not able to work, live independently or hold down relationships, yet seem to have better social skills and more active social lives than me.

 

More recently I attended a social group for people with general learning disabilities. Most of the people there had developmental delays, some very severe, and lived with parents or in residential care. Only a very few had voluntary jobs, but none were in paid employment. But again, they all seemed to socialise more easily and have active social lives.

 

In the end I realised that I seem to have a slightly different set of difficulties to many autistic or learning disabled people. I have IQ but I have a lot of social difficulties. I haven't come across anyone who is exactly like me, but what I have found are people who have one or two things in common with me that gives us something to relate with.

 

I think if I were you, I would try out the group and hope for the best. If you hate it then you have wasted a few hours of your time and you don't have to go back. Hopefully there will be people running the group who will try to help set you up with someone you might get on with and facilitate conversation.

[Jannih]

Hi Bloodheart,

 

I tend to agree with Chris and Tally, that organisers need to know about new people coming into the group, for such reasons as,the vulnerability of the members. Also they need to prepare the others for a newcomer, coming into their circle.

 

Those with ASD are as diverse and different as any NT person. You cannot compare yourself with others. What you do need is an assessment by professional medics.

 

I sort of know you feel, being a person who lives independently and works. I have often wondered whether I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Why didn't I just get on and try and merge in with everyone else instead of trying to get a diagnosis which provokes a lot of scepticism in others. My answer to that was, that in order to go forward and alleviate my difficulties, I had to get a diagnosis.

[Bloodheart]

Chris P, you're a vicar.

 

I wonder if it's just me who has noticed many members of the aspie/autistic community are Christian, I noticed a lot in the NAS newsletter. Just an observation, kinda interesting.

[Chris P]

Hmm, I'd started to notice the same thing myself, Bloodheart, though I can't offer any logical explanation off the top of my head why so many AS people are Christians.

 

Asperger clergy are fairly rare I think, because the job is supposed to require quite a high degree of social skill and empathy with people. I can do these things, but they are tiring, and don't come naturally.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Chris P

[Bloodheart]

Chris P, I could imagine...empathy is tough :S

 

Although, religion was one of my 'special interests' for several years, if I hadn't taken ill in college I'd have some sort of religious-type job, maybe there's something if not about Christianity than about religion in general that interests us lot