Jump to content
AMs

AS and 'sense of self'

Recommended Posts

I remember being told that people with AS may differ from people without with respect to their understanding of their sense of self. Does anyone feel this applies to them, that they can relate to this? I'm not entirely sure I understand it myself, though in a sense I feel it could apply to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahh, this is an interesting one!

 

I have a dx of AS. I think my perception of self is probably different, although obviously it's almost impossible to say because we can't know how others perceive themselves :wacko:

 

On a purely functional level, I also have prosopagnosia, which extends to myself, so I don't 'know' what I look like...it's always fascinating to look at photos of myself because it's always a sort of surprise...so that's what I look like! I also found out when I got my coloured specs that when I look in a full-length mirror, in reality I don't look like an isoceseles triangle, with a teeny head on top of a body that sort of expands down!! :lol:

 

On a more philosophical level, as a child I can remember very vividly having sudden very acute feelings of being a seperate sentient being, almost as though I was observing myself from a distance. In the other extreme, I do find it dificult to remember my interaction with the rest of the world...I tend to forget that I'm not invisible, both literally and with regard to what I do.

 

Hmmm...not sure if any of that makes sense or is helpful! It will be interesting to see what other people with AS say about this :hypno:

 

Bid :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

does deffo makes sense to me i feel have no identity sometimes like been taken away it missing i don't who i am where i belong and causesnow you so much friction inside my head and doesn't do anything for my self esteem i tried to explain to my pyschologist but she said don't try and work it out just be me but seem to be central to everything without it so lost confused the importance of self identity is MASSIVE! never realise how much until A.S came along crashes the lot! you feel like havn't got a clue about yourself! other people know you better than you makes feel so low depressed though not easy to find work though work on as such deep thing to improve on and no way go about it! i try explain people in words what i mean by this just DON'T GET IT! that annoys me but feel like how do they not know! is it because they havn't got A.S having MH probs just makes this whole thing worse! i always felt i havn't had idea of 'real me' 'who i am' even as a child i can remember! don't know what put down to this self identity all i can think of is A.S it feeds off!

 

XKLX

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My only problem with Sense of self has been due to trying to fit in an Atypical world, which robbs me of the time I could focus on being 'me' and developing 'me'. People have told me how thoughtful I am, so am liked for this part of me and perhaps used for this part of me, but I know people dislike me for my honesty, especially the ones that are doing something wrong or are not prepared to consider others due to their own self preservation tactics. Personally I don't think it is so much me not having a sense of self, it is more some in society in my area seems to be preventing me from being me, because of their own needs for sense of self.

 

I plan to campaign in my area to actually be able to be 'me' and for others to accept me for me, so I can develop my full potential within society. I am personally fed up of having to tip toe and withdraw from society to make others feel better about their own false sense of self. I am proud of being me. I am glad I am thoughtful and glad I am honest. there. I've said it! Glad to get that off my chest :devil:

Now, what shall I have for my dinner? saying 'me' 12 times has made me hungry. :clap:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry I have just realised that I put Atypical instead of neurotypical, which makes an aweful lot of difference in the meaning. :oops:

 

 

Don't know how to edit a post, can't see the prompt to do this so I have just put this until I get to know my way around this forum. sorry if I cause confusion ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry I have just realised that I put Atypical instead of neurotypical, which makes an aweful lot of difference in the meaning. :oops:

 

 

Don't know how to edit a post, can't see the prompt to do this so I have just put this until I get to know my way around this forum. sorry if I cause confusion ;)

 

When you have posted a message you can see it onscreen and at the bottom of your post there is an 'edit' option. Press that, make the changes and then press the 'save changes' option.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This made me think of a conversation I had with my stepson long before he was diagnosed with AS and seems to make so much sense looking back. He said that he felt that he was a normal person and that everyone around, even close family members, were robots. I've thought about it many times and looking back, he probably had a better understanding than some of the professionals we had been dealing with for years.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...He said that he felt that he was a normal person and that everyone around, even close family members, were robots. I've thought about it many times and looking back, he probably had a better understanding than some of the professionals we had been dealing with for years.

 

HaHa I wish I could get away with saying this to a 'professional', well, I've tried, as you can imagine it didn't get me any closer to achieving what I knew I needed.

 

ASDs are still new territory as research goes. I must say I am grateful for the research done up to date, but would love them to be more open, with a lot more active listening.

 

 

 

Sally,

I have seen that when I post it does immediately display the edit, but the day after it is not there anymore. It takes me so much effort to post something that I need to read it the next day when I am less drained to check how it reads. Is this usual that you only can change it within the first day of entering? If so I think people will have to get used to me posting another post to correct anything. :oops:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It has taken me a long time to gain a real sense of who I am. I was always trying so hard to be me - by copying everyone else. I copied other peoples behaviour because I seemed unable to develop any of my own. I was unable to like or dislike anything for any particular reason (unless I was scared of it).

 

I thought it made sense to always do something in order to gain a sense of self. How wrong I was. I got lost for a long time. In the end, it was in the "nothing" where I eventually found myself.

 

temet nosce

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think most Aspies have a sense of physical disassociation - it is quite a common symptom, especially combined with fatigue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the age of about 15ish I have copied people I know who seem to me to be very socially able. This has worked more or less, but there have been times where I haven't understood why I haven't got the same response as they would do!

 

Bid :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I must say I have done copying behaviour in my time, which has been an important part of understanding my environments and allowing myself to be in an environment long enough to do the learning. I am now happy to say that this only happens in new events or environments that I still do not know what is appropriate within a situation, but depending on the situation I can still get it so wrong, but this is usually when there is no real clear boundaries or there are boundaries but no one seems to be following them and no one teaches me. This is more done to try and gain understanding of the situation rather than actually being someone else. It is almost normal to do it while I am learning about how I fit myself into something I still do not know enough about. But in my everyday environments I do have a sense of self, and also to an extent that I don't want to change myself to be any different; but as in life all human beings do have to make some allowances for others to get on with our neighbours etc., so I try to do that.

 

We all have our own culture, religions and also differing hobbies, lifestyle needs, morals/beliefs. These are all part of our identity and what gives sense of self. I have learnt to understand what environments affect me and so I deal with them accordingly (sometimes the hard way). It has been a very challenging journey that I have had to learn this along the way, but as a mature adult now, I suppose this is what has helped me gain the sense of self, if that makes sense ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At 7 or 8, my DD told me that she 'didn't fit in'. I was alarmed by this comment at the time ( pre dx), and I asked her if she meant at home or at school or......and she said ' I don't fit in anywhere. Still brings a lump to my throat! Now at 15, she describes it as ' not understanding herself', of 'not belonging'( especially with regard to her place within the family), And even once asked me if she was adopted, as she sees no resemblance to us or her siblings!! Our family mantra has become 'don't take it personally', as she doesn't mean to hurt our feelings. but it is hard to hear sometimes, and even harder to reassure her that she is very much ours, and very much belongs!...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the age of about 15ish I have copied people I know who seem to me to be very socially able. This has worked more or less, but there have been times where I haven't understood why I haven't got the same response as they would do!

 

Bid

 

That reminds me, of how I would crave my younger brother's social skills. He is witty and charming and self-depreciating. When I tried to copy his manner in telling jokes, it would not come across well at all. Rather than jovially "taking the ######" in a bit of banter, I end up being terribly offensive instead. I find it funny, and the person ends up wanting to kill me. To this day, my wife begs me to not do jokes in the outside world.

 

I don't think copying behaviours has ever really helped me in the long run. Instead, trying to understand why I feel like I need to copy behaviours, has been the approach which has brought greater understanding of the world around me. It is in understanding the world, that I am learning how to accept it, and by the same token, accept myself. That said, I still think I need to work on being more polite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...