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Nixie

I think I may have Aspergers

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Hello

 

I'm female, 20, 21 in June. I'm beginning to wonder if I have Aspergers. I've always thought that Im different but the older I get the harder it is to live in a world I feel so different from. Ive writen down a list of the main things I think are a bit "odd" about me I stopped because it was already long enough and I dont want to bore people - appologies for the length!

 

*I've always been different from everyone. I dont just think it - I am. I never fit in however hard I try.

 

*I dont like social events unless I know the people and even then I get anxious about them. I normally make sure I know 1 person very well e.g. my boyfriend, or a particular friend I know is going and just stick to them like glue. I dont talk in social gatherings.

 

*Im not very good at talking to people unless I have something specific to say to them. I'll go through the How are you? Im good thanks. Good week? etc. but when I run out of things I can think to ask Im stuck Im not good at small talk. I dont really understand it - whats the point in saying something thats not important? But if Im meeting someone new and I ask questions about them I think people take it the wrong way and think Im being nosy.

 

*I zone out a lot. I just go into my own little world. I try to stay in the real world but I dont really like it a lot of the time. Life is so unpredictable and scary and I would rather be in my world and think about things I want to. I zone out in conversations and when I come back in I have no idea what they are talking about or if someone says my name or asks me a question. When I was a child I was always called a daydreamer and everyone says Im on my own planet.

 

*I shut down. When things get too much or I have to think about something or decide about something important and I cant do it I just shut down and dont want to talk although I force myself to talk enough so I dont get asked loads of questions. If people ask me things it feels as if my head is full of mist and I cant see the answer and trying to get it is like wading through treacle.

 

*I dont know how to cope with anger or frustration other than Self Harm or getting angry at things. (I Self Harmed for about 6yrs but am now 1yr free from SH). Im not good at telling people how I feel. When I "have" to talk to people about how I feel or if people ask me about things that I dont want to talk about I wont look them in the face, I look at my hands, the floor, their clothes, anywhere other than their face.

 

*Sometimes when people are talking it sounds like they are not speaking english and I didnt understand a word they said. I cant lip read.

 

*When I think about trying to do something I really cannot do even if other people want me to it makes my head hurt.

 

*I repeat things in my head like small sentances e.g. "You'll be fine just relax" or I will count as I walk. Sometimes I get one line of a song or an advert in my head and even though I know the rest of the song/advert just that one line goes through my head on repeat. Or I will get "Wash wash wash wash" over and over instead of "washing machines live longer than calgon" or just 1 bar of music on repeat. I do repetetive things too with my hands or my eyes.

 

*I have certain things which I do which I will never get bored of and people think its weird. E.g. I love Harry Potter I dont know how many times I have read the series but I could read it over and over again even when I have new books which I havent read yet. I love music and photography and walking. I dont really like trying new things.

 

*My head is on overdrive all the time. Its like there are several people in there, theres always at least 2 but they are all me, and there is conversation going on all the time even when Im trying to listen to other people which means I lose track of what they are saying. The only time it shuts up is if I am reading a really good book, like Harry Potter, or if I am repeating something in my head, or if I am listening to music I like.

 

*People say Im mature compared to most people my age, Ive always prefered being with people that are older. But equally I have a lot of "childish" traits, my boyfriend tells me I am just like a child.

 

*I am very fussy about things and I get frustrated if they arnt right. Im also fussy with food and I have foods which I like to eat that I know are "safe".

 

*I can just pace up and down or sit on the floor and trace things with my finger for hours, but I know this is weird so I only do it if people arnt watching.

 

*When I was a child I hardly talked, my parents used to talk for me because I wouldnt. I had 1 best friend then I moved and I found another but they were the boss, I just copied them and did what they told me to, believed anything they said. I like people that are in charge because they sort of look after me.

 

*I often dont get sarcasm or jokes. Like the other day I seriously thought my boyfriend found me unattractive in a top I was wearing until I was about to change it for a different one when he explained he was being sarcastic and he thought I was attractive whatever top I wore. Often I dont know when people are telling the truth or are being sarcastic even though I use sarcasm. Sometimes I think people are joking and I laugh and it turns out they wernt and I just laughed at something serious, other times I think people are being serious and I get worried but they are actually joking.

 

*I don't move my mouth properly when I talk so my words often come out indistinct, people accuse me of mumbling and I talk very quietly.

 

*I have a high IQ but I find achedemic work quite challenging.

 

*I hate people watching me. If people are watching me I do things wrong and if I have to talk my words sometimes come out all jumbled and tumble over each other.

 

Do people think I might have Aspergers or does none of this sound as if it is?

 

Thanks if you read it.

Nixie.

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Nixie your symptoms do sound like Aspergers.

 

The understanding others feelings and intentions part I can identify with. Also I have severe anger issues and history of self harm.

Feeling different is definitely part of aspergers. Also the misunderstandings with people and the fact that you need a familiar

person when you go to social gatherings sounds asperger.

 

I had 2 shut-downs on Thursday and 1 yesterday. i also zone out and daydream and i kept doing this on thursday. i had to say

to my friend who was talking to me "sorry cant take in what you are saying". i hadn't recognised that the severe pain was partially

due to my shut down. i tend to text when i shut down or go under my weighted blanket.

 

Has the saying "you know what i mean" been used frequently in conversation towards you?

 

Avoiding eye contact sounds familiar as well. i have to do this when 'worried or under pressure' and im constantly ruminating

at the moment about things.

 

Problems getting things started can be an asperger trait as well. i am also quite repetitive and have playmobil figures that

say the same things over and over again. it is part of social anxiety sometimes when i talk through my playmobils.

 

reluctance to try new things can bean asperger trait. As the national autistic society would say "variety is not the spice of life".

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism.aspx is about autism for you to find out more about autism and Aspergers.

 

Good luck with finding some answers.

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Gosh Nixie, I thought I was reading about myself !

 

I also thought I had Aspergers and went for a diagnosis. I don't want to confuse you any more but I was recently diagnosed at the Maudsley Hospital with ADHD (the inattentive form of it).They acknowledged I had autistic traits but felt I could not be diagnosed as I maintained good eye contact. What would happen with me would be that my eye contact would just wander off. eg. at work I will be interviewing a customer, next thing is that the customer will look over his shoulder, because he thinks I have seen something more interesting going on ! The Psychiatrist felt that this was an attention deficit.

 

Certain things you say may point to this :

 

<<I zone out a lot. I just go into my own little world. I try to stay in the real world but I dont really like it a lot of the time. Life is so unpredictable and scary and I would rather be in my world and think about things I want to. I zone out in conversations and when I come back in I have no idea what they are talking about or if someone says my name or asks me a question. When I was a child I was always called a daydreamer and everyone says Im on my own planet>>

 

<<If people ask me things it feels as if my head is full of mist and I cant see the answer and trying to get it is like wading through treacle.>>

 

<<My head is on overdrive all the time. Its like there are several people in there, theres always at least 2 but they are all me, and there is conversation going on all the time even when Im trying to listen to other people which means I lose track of what they are saying. The only time it shuts up is if I am reading a really good book, like Harry Potter, or if I am repeating something in my head, or if I am listening to music I like.>>

 

<<I can just pace up and down or sit on the floor and trace things with my finger for hours >>

 

Needless to say I think that Autism does overlap with the other stuff eg. OCD, ADHD and so it might take a formal assessment to see where you are at.

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Thanks Trekster and Jannih for your replies.

 

Trekster - Thanks for the link. People do say "You know what I mean" to me in conversations. I often don't, but I say yes anyway.

 

Jannih - You haven't confused me - I have also wondered if I have inattentive ADHD before. The eye contact bit is one thing that makes me think I dont have Aspergers because generally I have good eye contact its only when I have to talk about how I feel that Im not. The bit where I said

 

<< If people ask me things it feels as if my head is full of mist and I cant see the answer and trying to get it is like wading through treacle.>>

 

that could be an ADHD thing?

 

Nixie

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<< If people ask me things it feels as if my head is full of mist and I cant see the answer and trying to get it is like wading through treacle.>>

 

that could be an ADHD thing?

 

Nixie

 

 

There is something called "brain fog" which is definitely linked with ADHD. This is a layman's term.The medical word for it is, cognitive dysfunction.

 

I've pasted a link for wikipaedia on Inattentive ADHD. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADHD_predominantly_inattentive

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