Mandapanda Report post Posted January 10, 2011 Hi My eldest, Mj, is at College. He refuses to take notes, write down homework/coursework requirements. He admits he doesn't always pay attention. I've suggested he tapes lessons but he won't. He won't go to Student Support to be assessed for Dyslexia etc, and therefore doesn't get any specific help other than patient tutors and students keep answering the same questions. His History coursework (A2 level) is due in tomorrow, he hasn't started it and will probably be up till the early hours doing it, and then has an exam retake in the morning - yet he still doesn't see that he needs to change the way he operates. When I tried to talk to him he said 'having this argument is stopping me getting on' (I wasn't arguing!!). His Tutor says he does have an amazing memory which has obviously carried him through GCSEs. They are as frustrated as I am. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 10, 2011 It must be frustrating, but I guess you have to let him get on with it. At his age he has to make his own decisions really. Was he the same when he was at school? You say he got through his GCSEs okay, so maybe it's just the way it works for him. I'd find it really hard as well, but it might be worth just backing off and letting him get on with it. After all, it's not compulsory at his age so he must be wanting to be there, I guess what he gets out of it is up to him. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 18, 2011 UPDATE! Mj has now got 2 A-levels: History and Philosophy (both C), and 2 ASs: Sociology © and English Lang (B!). He also got Asset Japanese: 2 lots of 6 points and 2 lots of 5 points (all out of 6!), he's taking the GCSE this coming year . His stubborness and determination has got him there and I'm very proud of him Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted August 18, 2011 UPDATE! Mj has now got 2 A-levels: History and Philosophy (both C), and 2 ASs: Sociology © and English Lang (B!). He also got Asset Japanese: 2 lots of 6 points and 2 lots of 5 points (all out of 6!), he's taking the GCSE this coming year . His stubborness and determination has got him there and I'm very proud of him :clap: Stubborness is a good trait What are his plans now? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted August 18, 2011 Wow - fantastic! :thumbs: Well done to him - and to you for all the support and encouragement you've no doubt been giving! K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pancakemaker Report post Posted August 18, 2011 Well done you must be so proud of him.x <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted August 18, 2011 Thats fantastic news well done to him :thumbs: :thumbs: you must be very proud xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 20, 2011 Thanks everyone! He is going into his 3rd year at college. He'll be doing A2s in English Lang and Sociology (he hasn't got copyright on Sociology - just a grade C ), GCSE Japanese and an Extended Project (not really sure what that is ) about Computer Animation. It's lovely to see him so happy and proud of himself! We were watching the news about everyone rushing for Uni places this year due to next year's fees increase, and he said "at least I shouldn't have trouble getting in next year" - not sure it will work out like that but it's certainly putting a positive spin on things! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted August 20, 2011 His History coursework (A2 level) is due in tomorrow, he hasn't started it and will probably be up till the early hours doing it, and then has an exam retake in the morning - yet he still doesn't see that he needs to change the way he operates. When I tried to talk to him he said 'having this argument is stopping me getting on' (I wasn't arguing!!). His Tutor says he does have an amazing memory which has obviously carried him through GCSEs. They are as frustrated as I am. I study in a similar fashion - it can be really frustrating for those around looking on cuz there are far easier ways of doing it without last minute stress. Sounds like he's doing well though Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
acid74 Report post Posted August 21, 2011 Hi My eldest, Mj, is at College. He refuses to take notes, write down homework/coursework requirements. He admits he doesn't always pay attention. I've suggested he tapes lessons but he won't. His History coursework (A2 level) is due in tomorrow, he hasn't started it and will probably be up till the early hours doing it, and then has an exam retake in the morning - yet he still doesn't see that he needs to change the way he operates. This sounds very similar to what I did throughout GCSE and A-level. My notes were mediocre and I didn't look back on them much anyway. I left work to the last minute, staying up all night to finish it. His Tutor says he does have an amazing memory which has obviously carried him through GCSEs. They are as frustrated as I am. This is what I did (still do at university). I have a great memory so I "record" lessons (lectures) in my mind. It doesn't record every single detail, but it does capture about 80% of it, thus only brief revision is required, and then using my memory I remember the details just by reading through it once or twice. I winged my GCSEs quite successfully with no revision but with the power of my memory. To me it sounds like he's not enjoying what he's studying - he just wants to do what he's interested in. If he plans to go to university to study his preferred subject he'll probably do very well at it. When I was doing my A-levels I spent all my free time learning about my own interests, more or less ignoring my A-levels as I wasn't that interested in them, as a result my results were mediocre (but good enough to get to a decent university). Now I'm at university, doing what I enjoy, I'm getting top marks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 21, 2011 If he plans to go to university to study his preferred subject he'll probably do very well at it. When I was doing my A-levels I spent all my free time learning about my own interests, more or less ignoring my A-levels as I wasn't that interested in them, as a result my results were mediocre (but good enough to get to a decent university). Now I'm at university, doing what I enjoy, I'm getting top marks. Thanks (and to darkshine), it's useful hearing other people's experiences. We suspect/hope this is what will happen with Mj. College hasn't really helped in many ways - they wouldn't let him do A-level English the first year as he got a D at GCSE so he had to spend the first year redoing it (and got A). He said then that at school he had too much/too many different things to do, and that's why he did better in the English GCSE at college. They didn't want him to be at college 3 years even though he had to in order to do the English A-level! Last year he wanted to do only A2s History & Philosophy, AS English Lang & Asset Japanese but they insisted he do another AS (he chose Sociology after they said he couldn't do Computer Technology because he wasn't doing Maths ). They also keep on about needing As/Bs to get into Uni which I know isn't necessarily true. Suspect they just want their league tables to look good This year he seems happier with his choices. I got it a bit wrong - his Extended Project is in Creative Writing (chosen I believe as it means there will be no right or wrong answers and almost no 'research' etc ) and the Computer Animation is an Asset subject (just for fun ). I'm thrilled he's doing the animation as it's bringing him back to his designing flair. He used to draw hundreds of car designs, then moved on to drawing floorplan designs - they were amazing. I believe he still draws but he keeps it secret now. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
acid74 Report post Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) A-levels are just a stepping stone, as GCSEs were before, and SATs before that. Assuming he intends to go to university (which I strongly suggest he does as he'll love it if he's studying what he enjoys), A-levels become long forgotten and a thing of the past. It doesn't matter how well or badly you do - once at university it doesn't matter at all. Ignore league tables. When I applied for university (just over a year ago) I went by league tables. I picked 5 universities from the top 20. They all asked for grades ABB - AAA. I succeeded in interviews easily because I was applying for a subject of my special interest (computer science). I got offers from them all. But for numerous reasons (teaching style that didn't help me much, little interest in the subjects I was doing, depression, stress etc.) I flunked my A-levels, getting well below what I needed, which was a shame because I could have easily got A's for them had conditions been adequate - if this isn't a perfect example of "special education" being required, I don't know what is. As a result I ended up in clearing. Clearing was an anxious time but by no means last chance saloon. I rang about 5 universities and got offers from 2 (they instead chose students based on UCAS points [A = 120 points, B = 100, C = 80], I had far more than was required). I ended up at a very decent university and delightfully, I prefer it far more than the places I originally applied for. Now at university, people are extremely nice (unlike at school), lecturers are very nice people (not idiots like school teachers) and as I'm studying my special interest I'm excelling, I'm planning to do a PhD when I've finished my degree. League tables are deceiving. They do NOT define the quality of a university, they define the statistics of the university. The reality is most universities are equally good when it comes to resources and teaching quality, it's other factors that determine league table positions, such as amount of research conducted, how many students complete the degree etc.. It's a vicious circle really, "high ranking" universities stay high ranking because all the best students apply there, therefore the statistics of the university are the best, whereas equally good universities lower down on the league tables are forced to more accepting of students of all qualifications, not just 3 A's. A university at position 50 can be just as good as a university at position 5. The moral of the lecture is, it doesn't matter how well or what he does at A-level, he will always have the chance to get to a good university, and when he's at university doing what he enjoys he will do better than you would ever have imagined. Just make sure he is doing EXACTLY what he wants to do (otherwise he's likely to become bored and underachieve). Something else you might not consider when applying for university, the more foreigners there the more he will fit in. Foreigners come from different cultures and are basically "from another world", as the saying goes with Asperger's, "wrong planet". I was extremely fortunate in that where I ended up has a vast number of foreign students, so my "social ineptness" that other English students would (and do) quickly notice, foreign students don't. I made lots of foreign friends as we are mutually different at socializing. Also, foreigners love it when English people are so accepting of them. Edited August 21, 2011 by acid74 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted August 21, 2011 This year he seems happier with his choices. I got it a bit wrong - his Extended Project is in Creative Writing (chosen I believe as it means there will be no right or wrong answers and almost no 'research' etc ) and the Computer Animation is an Asset subject (just for fun ). I'm thrilled he's doing the animation as it's bringing him back to his designing flair. He used to draw hundreds of car designs, then moved on to drawing floorplan designs - they were amazing. I believe he still draws but he keeps it secret now. That sounds like some interesting course choices he's done/is going to do - if that's where his interests lie then he should enjoy having a bit more freedom in a uni environment Something else you might not consider when applying for university, the more foreigners there the more he will fit in. Foreigners come from different cultures and are basically "from another world", as the saying goes with Asperger's, "wrong planet". I was extremely fortunate in that where I ended up has a vast number of foreign students, so my "social ineptness" that other English students would (and do) quickly notice, foreign students don't. I made lots of foreign friends as we are mutually different at socializing. Also, foreigners love it when English people are so accepting of them. I found this too - two of my friends (one only lasted a year) but the other lasted up until recently and they were both "foreigners" Maybe you're onto something there!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 22, 2011 Something else you might not consider when applying for university, the more foreigners there the more he will fit in. Foreigners come from different cultures and are basically "from another world", as the saying goes with Asperger's, "wrong planet". I was extremely fortunate in that where I ended up has a vast number of foreign students, so my "social ineptness" that other English students would (and do) quickly notice, foreign students don't. I made lots of foreign friends as we are mutually different at socializing. Also, foreigners love it when English people are so accepting of them. Hi acid74 This is very interesting, and I can understand what you are saying. You obviously have good insight, thank you for telling me about this. I work in the NHS and enjoy meeting people from different countries/cultures. I had been thinking he'd be better in a smaller Uni like Chichester, but maybe he would be better in a city Uni? You just think of the number of people - we didn't go to Uni so have no idea what they are like or how the social dynamics work in them. I did research last year on Uni courses so I am aware that many Unis take them on points rather than grades, so I have been able to reassure him on this point. It is a bit scary hearing the news and so many students not getting into Uni with As and A*s, but I wonder if it's because they all want to do the same courses and, as you say, go to only the best Unis? I guess our best approach is to purely look for a course that he's interested in and not worry about where it is or how 'highly rated' it is (or not). acid74 and darkshine: You two are doing brilliantly by the sound of it, and both aware of your difficulties and finding your own ways to overcome them (though I can understand how frustrating this may have been for your parents at times). Well done! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) acid74 and darkshine: You two are doing brilliantly by the sound of it, and both aware of your difficulties and finding your own ways to overcome them (though I can understand how frustrating this may have been for your parents at times). Well done! I'm aware now but for years I was like your son and didn't see why it was important (not until the pressure of failing came up/or the pressure of running out of time). It took a lot of explanations for me to realise I make it harder for myself and although I haven't changed all that much, I am glad that I realise where I go wrong cuz every year I do it very very slightly better so I hope I get there one day Edited August 22, 2011 by darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted August 22, 2011 Something else you might not consider when applying for university, the more foreigners there the more he will fit in. Foreigners come from different cultures and are basically "from another world", as the saying goes with Asperger's, "wrong planet". I was extremely fortunate in that where I ended up has a vast number of foreign students, so my "social ineptness" that other English students would (and do) quickly notice, foreign students don't. I made lots of foreign friends as we are mutually different at socializing. Also, foreigners love it when English people are so accepting of them. I wish this were the case at my uni. We have a huge number of overseas students - the other PhD students in my department are fine as there are only a few of us and all from everywhere so we all get along fine, but across the rest of the uni especially in halls, the overseas students tend to clump by country of origin, only speak their language and do not integrate, so you get the Korean group, the Chinese group, the Italians, etc. etc. They really don't seem to want to integrate and will even ignore you if you try and speak to them. It's a shame for them and for the cohesion of the uni. But then the uni doesn't help - they hold welcome evernts for overseas students which home students are not allowed to attend, forcing segregation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
acid74 Report post Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) acid74 and darkshine: You two are doing brilliantly by the sound of it, and both aware of your difficulties and finding your own ways to overcome them (though I can understand how frustrating this may have been for your parents at times). Well done! Actually they were very uninvolved with my education. They went about as far as "How well are you doing? O rly? Do better or you won't get to university.". I can't vouch that all foreign people are sociable, the stereotypes do have a degree of truth (especially with the Chinese, but I'll not go into that, don't want to offend anyone!). I've found that Romanians are particularly nice, as are most European people. Edited August 22, 2011 by acid74 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 23, 2011 Actually they were very uninvolved with my education. They went about as far as "How well are you doing? O rly? Do better or you won't get to university.". Either you'd already proved you were stubborn and wouldn't do what they suggested , or they wanted to encourage you to be independent in your learning ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
acid74 Report post Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Either you'd already proved you were stubborn and wouldn't do what they suggested , or they wanted to encourage you to be independent in your learning ? No, my dad didn't care about what was going on at school other than what grades I got so he could boast about "how well his son was doing" and by extension the prestigious university I would go to (drunken sociopath prick). The only time he would actively do anything was upon learning that, quote, "he isn't doing as well as he could be", which immediately prompted the drunken ###### to aggressively "encourage" me to work harder, which if anything did the opposite as I just didn't give a ###### about anything anymore. Going to university was extremely liberating. My mum was a bit mad (don't know specifically what was wrong) so couldn't effectively get involved. With respect to big or small universities, I think a campus university would be best as you would be in an all-student environment and students are mostly very nice people*, whereas in a non-campus environment, mingling with the general public who are seldom nice or cheery, could provoke anxiety etc.. I don't think a big or a small university would make much difference, when you're considering groups larger than a few dozen people then a place of 5000 will be just as (potentially) stressful as a place of 20,000. But students are generally pleasant people and are for the most part decent and accepting, so they shouldn't provoke anxiety... well maybe on first entering university, but shortly after you realize that all students are nice to each other. One time I was outside with one of my main friends (I have 3 main friends who i do almost all socializing with, all foreign) and there were some other students that we never met (and have never met since) outside having a barbecue, they invited us to join them. Good times. *the general student being someone who goes to university to study what interests them and to enjoy themselves, but unfortunately there is a small minority of students who just go to university as more of obligation and are no different to someone of the general public (boozing, uncouth, no real interest in getting a degree etc.). Generally, the lower down the league tables the less wholesome the student become, students at the bottom ranking universities are not much different than the average person on the street (not always though!). Surprisingly, people at the highest ranking universities are not always the nicest either - elitist, sanctimonious, pompous... the list of adjectives could go on. Very hypocritical of them to preach about being liberal and accepting of everyone, yet are obnoxious to anyone who doesn't conform to what they want people to be like, when I encounter said students they often lose interest in me when they realize I'm not the social type - they only really care about having "perfect friends" who they can do all of their inane socializing with, they sometimes become hostile when I (as Aspies do) say something potentially rude - being clever does not make them nice. I'd say somewhere in the upper-middle ranking universities would be the most casual and relaxing sort of student, and as I said above, the teaching quality of the university is often just as good as the higher ranking ones. Edited August 23, 2011 by acid74 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 23, 2011 No, my dad didn't care about what was going on at school other than what grades I got so he could boast about "how well his son was doing" and by extension the prestigious university I would go to (drunken sociopath prick). The only time he would actively do anything was upon learning that, quote, "he isn't doing as well as he could be", which immediately prompted the drunken ###### to aggressively "encourage" me to work harder, which if anything did the opposite as I just didn't give a ###### about anything anymore. Going to university was extremely liberating. My mum was a bit mad (don't know specifically what was wrong) so couldn't effectively get involved. It is very hard being parents. Absolutely nothing can prepare you for it. Everybody expects you to be calm, responsible, sensible adults and do the right things all the time, but don't actually tell you what those things are! And we all bring our hangups and difficulties from our relationships with our own parents to the parenting table. Of course there are some rubbish parents around, and some really really awful ones. My parents weren't interested in me, they were too wrapped up with their own problems and I was the youngest of 4 and they'd kind of lost interest by then. You just get to a certain age and have to think "whatever has happened in the past, and whoever is to blame, I am the one who can make my future better". I'm glad going to Uni was a good thing for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RainbowsButterflies Report post Posted August 23, 2011 Surprisingly, people at the highest ranking universities are not always the nicest either - elitist, sanctimonious, pompous... the list of adjectives could go on. Very hypocritical of them to preach about being liberal and accepting of everyone, yet are obnoxious to anyone who doesn't conform to what they want people to be like, when I encounter said students they often lose interest in me when they realize I'm not the social type - they only really care about having "perfect friends" who they can do all of their inane socializing with, they sometimes become hostile when I (as Aspies do) say something potentially rude - being clever does not make them nice. I'd say somewhere in the upper-middle ranking universities would be the most casual and relaxing sort of student, and as I said above, the teaching quality of the university is often just as good as the higher ranking ones. Some, maybe - but I can't say that was my experience of the majority... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
acid74 Report post Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) Some, maybe - but I can't say that was my experience of the majority... I never said that they were all like that, or even the majority were, I meant exactly what I said - people at the top universities are not always nice people. Some are, some aren't, but you shouldn't assume that just because they're clever enough to get there that they're going to be nice people, which is what people often assume. From my experience, although they often are nice, there is a notable amount who are pompous elitists. Edited August 23, 2011 by acid74 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Hi guys Update: Mj has finished college now, getting 2 GCSEs at A grade in English and Japanese (extra to what he achieved at school), and 4 A-levels at C grade in History, Philosophy, Sociology and English Language. He's pleased and we are very proud. He's off to Uni in just a few weeks time. Gulp! Edited August 23, 2012 by Mandapanda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted August 23, 2012 Well done to all of you. University - doesn't time fly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted August 23, 2012 That's great news Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
