Diagnosis at 41?

[SimonJC]

Hi there!

 

I have to apologise in advance, for this is going to be long-winded and a pretty raw description of myself and my "Symptoms."

 

First off, I am a 41 year old man in full-time employment (Manual) and married (Happily). I have been aware from a very young age that there were issues in my life that I couldn't control. I've always been socially isolated, although I have always wanted to try and fit in. However, I've never been able to approach people in order to make friends. If someone were to introduce me to someone else, it would make the process easier, as I could then "Bounce off" that person's confidence and develop some of my own. However, a one-on-one situation can become awkward, involving long silences as I struggle to make judgements about the person I am with in order to carry on a conversation with them. I can usually survive a large gathering as long as I am able to either hide away or blend in without being noticed. Any attempt at trying to mingle, generally get's me labelled as a "Weirdo." As I said, it's not that I don't want to socialise with people, it's that I feel physically unable to do so. It's almost like a phobia of approaching people, except it's not a fear of the people themselves, but whether or not I can interact with them, what I'm going to say, how they're going to react etc.

 

I was severely bullied at school, as a result of not fitting in with the other children. As the situation was always made worse by talking to teachers, I tended to just brush it to one side and carry on with my school-work (Which I immensely enjoyed, and would have enjoyed a whole lot more if it weren't for the bullying). This is probably why most of my teachers were never really aware that there was any issue, apart from my lack of concentration which I will talk about in the next paragraph. One teacher (Whom I can't remember the name of) suggested I should see my doctor as he/she thought I might be "Slightly autistic." (This was the mid eighties and I imagine that teachers weren't really geared up to looking for that kind of thing). As is often the case with me though, I put it off, mainly blaming myself for my problems, being as most other people already did anyway.

 

I've always had difficulty in concentrating. If I put my mind to it, I can usually accomplish the task at hand, but it is so easy for me to lose focus. I am an incessant daydreamer, I often talk to myself to visualise words and I can spend literally hours sitting by myself, thinking about any subject that pops into my head. This spills over into my employment, where I have made several mistakes and lose focus on a regular basis. Often my intelligence can get me out of tricky situations as can a white lie or two, (Something which I used to do a lot of for no apparent reason, but try and avoid these days because I don't think I'm particularly good at it). I suffer with mild headaches frequently as well as a feeling of lethargy. I spend long times staring into space. People often describe it as if I am looking through them and it tends to freak them out a little.

 

I am a perfectionist in many ways. As I write this, I have already gone back through this post several times and changed things to make them sound better. I do a small amount of computer work both at home and in my employment, which also involves going over and over again to perfect. I never saw this as compulsive, but now looking back, I am beginning to wonder.

 

Also, I'm an extremely sensitive person, I love the look and feel of different textures. I am very sensitive towards women and I crave affection.

 

Anyway, my 21 year old daughter has recently been in a psychiatric ward with mental health issues. The doctors have previously said that they suspect she has Asperger's, although they couldn't make a proper diagnosis as she has extreme learning difficulties and finds it hard to hold a conversation without shutting down. As one of the doctors described the symptoms of Asperger's to me, I started to feel as if I was relating to virtually everything he was saying. Subsequently, I have spent a lot of time researching the subject and eventually I've found myself here.

 

So basically I am debating on whether or not I should seek a diagnosis, whether or not - at 41 - it is even wise, what the consequences could be for my job, my ability to drive, operate machinery etc. and most importantly, would it help or benefit me?

 

Once again, sorry for the long-winded post. I hope someone will take the time to read it and give me an honest opinion.

 

Thanks in advance.... Simon.

 

P.S. This took me 1 3/4 hours to complete!!

[RainbowsButterflies]

Hi Simon and welcome.

 

There are a lot of adults in the same position as yourself. I was diagnosed myself only a couple of weeks ago at the age of 30, and having a reason for my difficulties has been immensely helpful.

 

With regards to your job - you are under no obligation to disclose it to your employer, although, you cannot expect them to make adjustments under the DDA if they don't know (obviously).

 

I have checked with the DVLA and if AS doesn't affect your ability to drive, you don't need to declare it.

 

If you feel it would benefit you to have a definitive diagnosis, then push for one. However, contrary to legislation, it is very difficult to obtain one on the NHS in certain parts of the country as an adult. Be prepared to fight your corner if need be. I ended up going private so I could access more support at university.

 

Good luck!

[bid]

Hi Simon,

 

I was diagnosed when I was 41, coming up for 4 years ago. My eldest son had been diagnosed with AS, ADHD and Dyspraxia when he was little. It was first suggested that I might benefit from an assessment by my youngest's paediatrician.

 

It was a pretty tortuous process...I was 'lost' in the system for a while, before being seen initially by my local mental health team, which was not a good experience I'm afraid. However, their report did say that I presented with some traits of ASD. Fortunately I have a great GP who used this to refer me onto a specialist adult diagnostic centre. The diagnostic process involved written assessments by myself and my mother for an intial screen, then a long assessment at the clinic with my mother and my husband. One thing to consider is that part of the adult diagnostic criteria is that your difficulties have to have a signficant negative impact on your life.

 

I am extremely glad that I did follow through and get a formal assessment and diagnosis. I do believe that you go through a process of very mixed emotions during and afterwards, some of them very painful, as you reassess your life, the choices and mistakes you have made. But now I can say I have reached a very peaceful place, where I am largely content with who I am, although I do still have difficult times of course.

 

My diagnosis hasn't affected my work in any negative way, and I have been promoted...although I am fortunate to work at a residential special school, so all my collaegues have a good understanding of autism and none of them are what you might call 'mainstream' individuals anyway so they are very accepting of difference. The only negatives have been from my in-laws who when challenged by my husband over putting one of our children at risk came out with a load of horrible stuff about me and autism which did really upset me and shake my confidence, but my husband went ballistic and doesn't speak to his sisters anymore!!

 

I think the NAS has information about how to approach your GP, so that might be a good place to start.

 

Bid

[dm2010]

I see many common factors here with my own experience, but some surprising differences too.

 

My own experience of school was much the same - often people say it's the best time of life. No it's not - more like the worst. Same with social situations too.

 

But in one are I am the opposite - in the workplace. Everyone tells me I have the highest boredom threshold of anyone they know, so focus isn't a problem, more like a strength - especially when doing a job that is tedious and technically skilled at the same time. But this is not an innate ability - I made a decision 20 years ago to not daydream or lose focus. Might seem a strange thing to do, but it has kept me a job at least because I'm useful - take on jobs others do not want. Getting a new job is much more difficult of course as I have to prove I'm 4 times better than the next person because socially I don't fit in.

 

Still, perhaps that is no bad thing. Marie Curie was both an Aspie and a woman - 120 years ago a very difficult combination. Krakow university famously rejected her in 1894. They did install a statue of her later on though - but only after she got Nobel prizes for both Physics and Chemistry.

Edited February 22, 2011 by dm2010

[SimonJC]

Yes I, like you am usually the one that takes on the tasks that others won't, but it's the focus thing that gets in the way. As hard as I try, I still end up lapsing into my subconscious. Then I'll miss something important. Most of the time I've been able to prevent mistakes by using meticulous systems in my mind. That's ok until something happens unexpectedly, in which case my systems go to pot and I get caught out. Luckily nothing too serious has happened yet, but it does scare me that I'll end up causing a major issue one day if I'm not careful.

 

I still haven't made up my mind on the diagnosis thing yet. I think maybe a bit more reading will have to be done before I will even attempt it.

[DameBeverage]

Hi,

I got a diagnosis at 43ish. Mine was needed, due to real difficulties with being labelled with everything, but the 'kitchen sink syndrome'. I felt it my duty also to inform my family of the diagnosis, as other members of my family do have symptoms too.

 

Unfortunately a diagnosis hasn't helped me gain my needs, as social services dropped my case quite a few years ago now and I don't think I would ever go back now, unless forced. I went private for a diagnosis. But it has been helpful to try and gain some help in some situations, but still very difficult because of my own communication difficulties. I am on here too to see if I can gain some understanding of how I might be coming across and if I need to adapt, so I would be more able to communicate my needs better and become part of society again.

 

I do feel I am on a new journey though, as I was stunned to get a diagnosis and it makes you look back at your whole life trying to view what others might have seen as different and how I was able to manage and why I am not managing now. I more look on it as a culture, due to high amounts of traits in my family though. It has only become a disability due to not now able to manage stress levels and length of time aways from being active in society.

 

Not sure if this helps or not, but just thought I'd share my experience with you.

[dm2010]

Yes I, like you am usually the one that takes on the tasks that others won't, but it's the focus thing that gets in the way. As hard as I try, I still end up lapsing into my subconscious. Then I'll miss something important. Most of the time I've been able to prevent mistakes by using meticulous systems in my mind. That's ok until something happens unexpectedly, in which case my systems go to pot and I get caught out. Luckily nothing too serious has happened yet, but it does scare me that I'll end up causing a major issue one day if I'm not careful.

 

I still haven't made up my mind on the diagnosis thing yet. I think maybe a bit more reading will have to be done before I will even attempt it.

 

 

The trick which I understood only in the last 10 years is to make fewer mistakes than anyone else, and not try and eliminate them completely.

 

That way it is no longer necessary to check everything all the time. You prioritise, reserving repeat inspections for only the most critical items.

 

As long as you're doing significantly better than average, job done.

[SimonJC]

Easier said than done in my job unfortunately. One small mistake can cause hours of downtime... Something the bosses aren't too happy about.

 

Just out of curiosity, does anyone know what the north east is like for AS diagnosis?

[trekster]

Welcome to ASD forum

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis.aspx is the NAS section about diagnosis.

Couldn't find anything specific for older adults like yourself on the NAS website.

[blue71]

hi simonjc

 

I'm from the Scottish borders not too far from you, i am currently going for a diagnosis ( at nearly 40 ) so can identify with the age thing x Ive just been for my initial appointment with a psychologist it took about 6 months to get it and it lasted about 45 minutes, the psychologist said that Ive now to got to Edinburgh as thats the closest place to me that can further assess me.

 

hope this helps in some small way x

[billycraig]

Hi Simonjc,

 

I'm 35 and went for diagnosis last month (private). I've struggled through various jobs and always wondered why things ended so badly for me. After a period of unemployment I ended up at University and struggled again at times. After a while I saw a pattern that I was fine studying alone (independent modules) but horrible in normal lectures. I originally wanted the diagnosis to help me at Uni but its taken a while.

 

The letter arrived from the assessment clinic today (they did diagnose me there but I didn't consider it official until I got a letter) on the same day as I officially finished my degree. So I suppose you could say it was a fruitless exercise, however I think it will help my plan for the future in ways I can be a success rather than risk failure. I've already swapped my intended Master study to an online course.

 

Its personal and only you can decide if it will help, but I personally feel it helps me understand what I am and how I can best make some progress. As others have said, what was once disabling for me is now just a difference that I can be aware of and make appropriate choices.

 

Good luck

[SimonJC]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

I finally took the plunge and went to see my GP on Thursday. Luckily he was very understanding, as I was shaking like a leaf and couldn't really explain myself very well. He said he would put in a referral for an initial assessment. I guess I just wait now.

 

@Trekster. I've read all the AS related stuff on the NAS site and yes, it's not particularly geared towards the adult sufferer IMO. It did however, point me in the right direction about how to approach a GP. Even if I did make a total mess of explaining it when the time came.

Edited March 11, 2011 by SimonJC

[boopado]

Hi Simonjc,

 

I'm 35 and went for diagnosis last month (private). I've struggled through various jobs and always wondered why things ended so badly for me. After a period of unemployment I ended up at University and struggled again at times. After a while I saw a pattern that I was fine studying alone (independent modules) but horrible in normal lectures. I originally wanted the diagnosis to help me at Uni but its taken a while.

 

The letter arrived from the assessment clinic today (they did diagnose me there but I didn't consider it official until I got a letter) on the same day as I officially finished my degree. So I suppose you could say it was a fruitless exercise, however I think it will help my plan for the future in ways I can be a success rather than risk failure. I've already swapped my intended Master study to an online course.

 

Its personal and only you can decide if it will help, but I personally feel it helps me understand what I am and how I can best make some progress. As others have said, what was once disabling for me is now just a difference that I can be aware of and make appropriate choices.

 

Good luck

I like your post, its really postivie! Like you I think that the diagnoose allows you to move on and deal with understanding why thinks are different for yourself and to put in place ways of 'fitting in with society'. Reading is always a great resource when the NHS or NAS don't have the resources that you require.