tangle2312 Report post Posted April 1, 2011 Hi folks, My ds 13, was dx AS a year ago, he dosen't want to accept his diagnoses, which is fine its his choice, yet this really dosen't help whan it comes to helping him out or putting things into place at school for him, for instance he used to go to a social skills group, but no longer wanted to attend as his words "its for retards" nice eh-teenagers! He has real issues with organisation, from remembering pens, forgetting h/w, following instructions, I have tried to get him to keep schedules lists etc but he says hes fine, he dosen't wash in the shower just sits in the corner. I tried visual help it got ripped down, i wondered if anyone has any ideas on discreetly helping him where it dosent make him feel inadequate. Getting him ready for school is a nightmare, everyday is like groundhog day and seems to be getting worse he won't get out of bed, no matter what, has no sense of urgency there always appears to be something wrong, we have had 2 weeks of school refusal, culminating in major meltdowns, i had to call the attendance officer, he also punched my car seat behind my head all the way to school, tried to get out a moving car, though says school is fine and its all me, my hair is wrong, my home is ######, im making him like this. I try not to ever mention AS, but do try to scaffold him as much i can, yet feel i get attacked, just realised how negative this all sound,just a tiring week, this week, hence looking for advice. i wonder perhaps if there is something going on at school he would never tell me anyway, we have just spent the year fighting to get him moved to another class this is coming up, so maybe apprehension on forthcoming change, i wonder if maybe i am to much and should just leave him to it, if this is what he wants. i just know deep down if he could find the acceptance, i could help him, he could help himself making his life less stressful which would surley be a bonus- On a great note he is staying at a friends the night for the first time in years...I can't believe it though i will be worrying all night if hes doing ok, i should be relishing the peace!! wow, hardly took a breath there, well i'd be so grateful for any ideas, thanks for reading....tangle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted April 1, 2011 what helped me to accept my diagnosis is reading books by peeps themselves with A.S ( a curious incident of red dog in night time - mark haddon) freeks greeks aspergers syndrome - luke jackson etc does take a while to get your head around adjust get used what it means etc sounds like he scared and feels alone isolated angry frustrated and depressed which isn't uncommon when denial of any diagnosis no matter what it is like grieving coming to terms with loss ... may take him a while settle down .... i try find him a local AS social group to mix with others like him he probably feels ashamed embarrassed to which affecting his self esteem and taking it out lashing out on you i was just same as your son struggled for ages ... so lost and confused .... i also suggest AS parent groups in your area get ideas/tips share advice etc and maybe get in touch with N.A.S or CAMHS? is he depressed? don't know where to turn what to do! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tangle2312 Report post Posted April 2, 2011 thank you smiley, Yes freaks, geeks was the first book we read, i have left books leaflets etc, and we have watched lots of progs and movies, he will often compare himself to someone in a prog, so i guess this is a little sign and occasionally will ask what something means whilst saying he still dosent have AS, im not going to push it, i don't want to drive him away with pushy mum syndrome!!! We have been through camhs and recently called the guy who was working with him before- he said that they coulden't help him as there is no help with a dx of AS, what alot of ######. At the minute there is nooooo way he will go to an AS group, but time will tell, i just hope he adjusts before his teen years really kick in!! j did appear to have a good time with friends, yet when i picked him up (sat) he had his school trousers and shoes on, with jeans in his bag! this will not help him in the mean world of teens! Thanks for the advice, i will get back in touch with nas and look for support in my area.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BethK Report post Posted April 3, 2011 Taking his age into considering and the spiteful things kids can say, he most likely doesn't want to accept it because of that simple fact. Is he, low, medium or high on the scale? Could you ask for help from social services? Speak to a behavioural nurse or ask if there is a way to introduce him to someone else on the scale, who is classed at the same level as him? Might be worth a try, if he can meet someone around the same age as him or a slightly older teen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mygifts1306 Report post Posted April 5, 2011 Dear Tange 13 is a tricky age as children are trying to assert themselves, and trying to be cool so they can be likes, first kiss and all that. but for a child with Aspergers Syndrome its a very different world again and hormones are running wild too. I dont have first hand experience as my son i s only 8. I think accepting that he has AS is a good thing that you should try to get across to him, also tell him that its okay to have this condition, his brains is wired differently from most of his peers, just try to explain to him as sensitively as you can, also what i would do is look for traits in you that are austistic and expand on this. Just hang in there, and hopefully you get some help. kind regards Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
