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JeanneA

Residential Update

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Thanks J'sMum and Lisa, I will let you know how Glen gets on. I do still having mixed feelings but that is to be expected. I know however I have done the right thing, it's been one long battle though which shouldn't be the case. All any parent wants is to get the best help possible for our kids.

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Glen saw a dentist today at the home, he had a scale and polish but no filings so he was one lucky boy :)

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I'm feeeling quite low today. I have to admit that I am struggling in a major way. I miss Glen dreadfully I keep crying. I also feel I've abandaned him and I know that he doesn't understand emotions but keep thinking that he is thinking that.

 

You will probably think me silly but Glen was with me for 17 years it's a long time, looking after him, I feel lost.

 

He is talking there a little asking for 'home' a lot and hitting out at staff which isn't good to hear. I do hope he will progress I want him to be better/happier and I know it is early days so I must try and stay positive.

 

I am going to see Glen next Monday I'm counting the days to be honest but also a little worried as well, as to how he will react when seeing me.

 

It's not been the best of times lately my cousin who I was very close to died last Monday and it is her funeral this Friday so it is going to be a very emotional day.

 

Sorry for depressing everyone just feeling sorry for myself :crying:

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You have not abandened him, you have fighted like holy hell to get the right provision and services where he will be well cared for and have the right support, you have no way abandened him, right now he is been well cared for, looked after well and it is expected he is going to be calling out for Home, thats actually a good sign and that he does actually miss home, but if he was at home right now it doesnt mean he wouldnt nessasarily stop the lashing out, as he use to do this at home too, so in some way its good he is reacting the same as he does at home in his new provision.

 

It is also very honest of the staff that they are actually sharing with you how he really is, that he has been lashing out and saying home, so you know the staff will tell you the positives and the negatives.

 

It is absaloutly normal to feel LOST at the moment, in a way your going to be going throw the same sequence of someone who has died, you also have the feelings of someone who has died due to a close member of yours dieing so there is possibly some conflict and confusion there but there is no daught you will be greiving for Glen its a natural instincts to want our children with us.

 

However for some children whos needs are complex and high level of care needs it is just too much to ask of your yourself, as you said youve done it for 17yrs practaclly all his childhood.

 

Go with the feelings, just let go, cry, shout, scream if you need to just let it all out.

 

Youve probably kept it all in for all these years trying to be strong for Glen.

 

This is your time now, Glen is safe, well, looked after.

 

 

If the funeral is Friday and then you see Glen Monday does Glen know your visiting already on Monday, if he didnt could you go later in the week to give yourself a bit of time to grieve for your cousion.

 

With everything youve been throw and going throw your allowed a low day or even a depressed day, I had a week worth of depressed lately, but I go with it now, no good pushing yourself when your physically, mentally drained is there.

 

Is there anyone going with to the funeral? for a bit of hanky and cuddling dutyx

 

JsMumxxx

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Hi thanks so much for what you've said it does help I do appreciate you replying to me, I will PM you also. I have to go Monday as there is a meeting at the home on Tuesday so I don't have a choice but I do need to see Glen so hopefully I will be ok.

I have just heard from the social worker who did go to see Glen yesterday and she said that Glen is becoming more independant already she said there are a lot of positives. However Glen is very psychically aggressive but the staff are dealing with it they are very good and firm. Glen is having walks which he likes and rides in their mini-buses. He is also making his own lunch and encouraged to pick out and get his own breakfast. He likes his en-suite and enjoys going to have showers! So it's good to hear these things it does help!

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Hi Jeanne -

 

sorry you're having a hard time, and condolences re your cousin.

 

It is going to be difficult in the short term for everyone, and you feeling emotional is perfectly understandable.

 

Hope Glen, you and the rest of yours are feeling reassured and better about things soon.

 

L&P

 

BD

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Thanks for your kind words, it's going to be a difficult couple of weeks I think.

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Huge hugs Jeanne >:D<<'>

 

I think it's completely normal to feel as you do. But if you think about it, he's doing something that the majority of young people do when they hit 18+, which is to leave home either for uni or their first little place and job.

 

When my son with AS left home last summer I felt dreadful, even though I also felt really proud at the same time...feelings I know are shared with all parents of children without extra needs when they leave for the first time.

 

Try and be gentle with yourself, but also remember you have given him a future by letting him go...already the SW is saying he is using his independent living skills, that's wonderful to hear :D

 

Take as much time for yourself as you can, and I expect Mr Jeanne will be feeling like this too, even if he doesn't talk about it.

 

Bid >:D<<'>

Edited by bid

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Thanks for your lovely comments. I am nervous as to how Glen will react when seeing me next week whether he will be aggressive towards me for putting him there as he has been quite aggressive towards staff although they are dealing with the situation really well.

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You've been looking after Glen 24/7 all his life. Now he's not there it will leave a huge hole. Bet you don't know what to do with the time.

Your decision was for Glen's best interests and that of the family.

It is better that these things are sorted now whilst you are young and fit enough to have control over what happens to Glen. It would be so much worse if it happened because you became ill or died.

These are the hardest days. Nothing anyone says will really help, other than knowing there are people out there thinking of you and wishing you well.

You've had a rough number of months and now a death in the family. Look after yourself.

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Sorry to hear about your cousin Jeanne. It can't be easy coping with all of this at once. Good to hear that Glen is making some progress - hope it eases the pain a little.

 

>:D<<'>

 

K x

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Hi ladies thanks for your comments. It will take time to adjust I guess but I am still struggling at the moment. It is good to hear that Glen is already becoming more independant than when he was at home! Just hope he is ok when he sees me on Monday.

I am dreading Friday, it will be so sad to say a final goodbye to my cousin we were so close growing up.

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Hi heard from the home manager this morning and Glen is having a really bad day. He keeps hitting out at staff, particularly male staff. He is refusing to do anything won't even change his dirty clothes insisted on keeping on his dirty top this morning. Has rubbed his had so much that he's made it very sore and they are now getting some cream to put on it. Glen keeps asking for home and Mum. It seems that Glen is going out of his way to do all he can so that he can get home. Oh god all this has just made me feel so distressed.

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Hi heard from the home manager this morning and Glen is having a really bad day. He keeps hitting out at staff, particularly male staff. He is refusing to do anything won't even change his dirty clothes insisted on keeping on his dirty top this morning. Has rubbed his had so much that he's made it very sore and they are now getting some cream to put on it. Glen keeps asking for home and Mum. It seems that Glen is going out of his way to do all he can so that he can get home. Oh god all this has just made me feel so distressed.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Really hard to hear for you...but, it's early days, and it may well be that Glen is being encouraged out of his comfort zone, being expected to do things and perhaps moderate his behaviour, that he's been able to avoid before because it's just been you and his dad with no back up.

 

Although it's hugely upsetting for you at the moment, I think it's a matter of gritting your teeth and giving the staff enough time to establish healthy boundaries and expectations for Glen which in the long-term will bring more benefits and positives for him, giving him a better quality of life.

 

Bid >:D<<'>

Edited by bid

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Thanks Bid your comments have helped me so much. I've been in such a bad way today since I heard the news about Glen this morning. You are definitely right in what you have said it will take time and staff have to establish health boundaries for Glen's good in the long term, I just hope they can though because if things do get worse and they feel they can't help Glen there what will happen then, where will he go? We couldn't manage him at home not with how aggressive he is. That's what's worrying me.

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Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time.

Do they have a parents support group or something similar? It would be great if you had someone who had been through a similar experience to talk this through with. Its very difficult to get a proper picture of what is actually going on over the phone. I know its difficult but you are already very stressed and distressed, perhaps your care manager could "field" the calls. They must have armfuls of assessments/information/medical notes etc to refer to without having to worry you.

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Hi I'm not sure if they have a support group, but when hubby and I went to look around, she showed us some letters from former youngsters parents who had nothing but praise for this placement, they'd seen such an amazing change in their child which is great to hear, gives you hope!

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Hi Jeanne, i hope you're alright. Glen would probably be hitting out wherever he was, there or at home, so it would seem that he is definately in the right place with experienced staff etc. Bid is so right about having to grit your teeth and giving the staff enough time. Maybe it is time to try and distance yourself if you can, for your own sanity, i know how draining worry can be. Big love to you girl X

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Hi thanks for all the comments. I attended my counsin's funeral today, it was a very emotional day. It was nice when I got home to get a phone call from the home manager to say Glen was having a much better day. The staff had taken him and the other youngsters to a safari park, he was really enjoying it she said said a contrast to yesterday. :)

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Hi I've been to see Glen today. He wasn't aggressive but didn't look that happy but never does to be honest. They do seem to be doing quite a lot there encouraging him etc so he's in a good place but I felt so sad when I had to leave, I'm home now and miss him very much.

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Hi I've been to see Glen today. He wasn't aggressive but didn't look that happy but never does to be honest. They do seem to be doing quite a lot there encouraging him etc so he's in a good place but I felt so sad when I had to leave, I'm home now and miss him very much.

 

Hi Jeanne -

 

Glad you had a good(ish) and reassuring(ish) visit. I think one of the things he'll need to adjust to is that they can encourage him there, whereas for you at home if he didn't want to try something you were sort of powerless to even nudge him in the right direction. That will be difficult for him to accommodate in the short term, and seeing him struggle will naturally be distressing for you, but the long term benefits will be huge for him and you.

 

very best

 

L&P

 

BD

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Thanks for your comments It makes a lot of sense. :)

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Hope you can find some peace of mind soon, JeanneA. It must be very difficult for you at the moment, but try and hold on to the fact that it will get easier for all of you. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Thanks I really do hope so, I'm just not relaxed at all just thinking about Glen all the time.

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Hi Glen had a nice day out at Birmingham yesterday, he enjoyed a milkshake in a cafe. He is settling in much better now, I'm so pleased :)

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I'm so pleased to hear that, Jeanne. I hope that you will be able to relax a bit more now and feel better about everything. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Hi Mel thanks I am feeling a little better yes, it will take time though.

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This is a new routine for Glen and yourself (and husband). It will take everyone time to start to feel it as "normal" rather than "different".

I know you aren't seeing alot of Glen at the moment, but I presume that isn't written in stone.

When he has settled in, i'm sure you could try extended visits, or he came home for a while. I suppose it all depends on his tolerance level to change.

What I am trying to say, is that whatever is happening now, is not necessarily how it is always going to be. And if both you and Glen want more time together, then I am sure it will happen.

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Hi Sally yes you are definitely right, once Glen is settled in properly as it will take a while for him then I will be seeing more of him. The aim is to travel up every 2 weeks to spend a day over the weekend with him and also for him to come home for a weekend say once a month initially to see how he copes. I just don't want to do too much too soon due to Glen's tolerance levels.

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Glen is getting on really well now, he hasn't hit anyone at the home for 8 days which is fantastic and for his reward he is coming home this afternoon and staying overnight, :) going back tomorrow afternoon. It will be great to see him. If all goes well then Glen will start to come home one weekend once a month so it's good news all round :)

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Glen is getting on really well now, he hasn't hit anyone at the home for 8 days which is fantastic and for his reward he is coming home this afternoon and staying overnight, :) going back tomorrow afternoon. It will be great to see him. If all goes well then Glen will start to come home one weekend once a month so it's good news all round :)

 

That's just the best news Jeanne!!

 

So, so pleased for you all, and huge well dones for sticking to things when it's felt really hard >:D<<'>

 

Bidx :)

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I'm so very pleased to hear this good news, Jeanne. :thumbs: I hope you're starting to feel that it was all worth it now and that the future looks a lot brighter for you all. Hope you have a nice weekend together. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Hi Mel Glen goes back about 6pm tonight, it was only for one night as his reward for not hitting staff for 7 days. It hasn't been that easy Glen doesn't seem that settled and has hit head. Guess it's a bit strange for him to be home again. I'm not sure it was such a good idea now, too soon perhaps?

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It's bound to be confusing for him, coming home. Did he understand how long it would be for and that he would be going back again afterwards? When he gets into a pattern of coming home on a regular basis, then I'm sure it will get easier, but it's bound of have been unsettling for him and for you this first time. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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I think Mel's absolutely right Jeanne >:D<<'>

 

It's still very early days with a new routine for Glen to get used to.

 

Bid >:D<<'>

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I heard from the home manager this morning that Glen had a lovely lay-in and has enjoyed 2 bowls of pasta for lunch so thing he's setted back in quite well don't you? He gets spoilt there :)

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Yep it's good to hear Glen's settled back in there ok :)

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