dom Report post Posted May 10, 2011 hello to everyone. I'm new here and its been a few weeks since i had my 1st session of CBT in order to be diagnosed.honestly theres not much i want more at the moment than get some closure over the suspicions i've had for pretty much all my life. only learned about AS 2 or 3 years ago but there's stuff way back..the feeling that one lives in some sort of bubble, i can look, see and talk but cant really engage with people, growing up i thought i was overly shy but now i'm trying to make sense of it all. socially i pretty much doesnt exist, even though i dont consider myself as a hermit. never talked about it with anyone before..but i can distinctively remember my oldest niece (she's 28, im 31) saying that she thought i was autistic a while ago, when i was opening up to her about feeling lonely at the time. I didnt know anything about it then. But still, i try to meet new people sometimes, it usually is ok at 1st but at some point the "awkwardness" comes and then mainly i'm either ignored or seen as someone people only go for to get whatever they need,which has left me feeling used by even my own family/ friends and in lots of moral dilemma..its in my nature to help people and mostly bottle my own feelings up. i decided to do something about it now because i realize it's impacted in all areas of my life.i have to learn to live again, whatever i might have. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
allafluster Report post Posted May 10, 2011 I hope you find the answers to your questions, I find my oldest son cannot guage when people dislike him but equally when they do. Part of this is down to taking what they say literally and not being able to let go of comments made by others even when they are joking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 10, 2011 what happens most to me meeting someone new is, him/her or me will say "sorry?say again?what do you mean?what are you on about?" or any variations, a bit too often, and that just stops the ball rolling. The fact i'm easily distracted when i dont have a clear objective or goal doesnt help. Guess i dont really have a clue on how to start a bit of banter/ light chat with someone, and at times i say stuff without realizing it. very awkward. I assume it's hard to "get" me, and most ppl want it easy lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 10, 2011 hello and welcome I was diagnosed 5 years ago, am 30 and from east sussex but living in essex at present as at university there. where are you from Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 10, 2011 Charlotte im from Norwich even tho not originally. can i ask you, what differences did you feel before/after being diagnosed..did it help or just made you more aware? thanks for the replies.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AdamJ Report post Posted May 10, 2011 Charlotte im from Norwich even tho not originally. can i ask you, what differences did you feel before/after being diagnosed..did it help or just made you more aware? thanks for the replies.. I'm not Charlotte (obviously) but I'd like to give you my $0.02. My clinical psychologist couldn't understand why I was so perturbed when she diagnosed me early last year. She said that most people feel a sense of relief, yet I initially felt quite upset by it. Like everyone, I've had my ups and downs in life but I found it hard not to reflect on my life and feel that there was a clinical reason for key things having gone wrong, e.g. divorce (my ex-wife's petition reads like a list of classic AS symptoms!). This in turn led me to wonder whether I had any chance of future happiness... of things going right. I soon overcame that feeling. There's just no point in reflecting on past events. After that, I did feel relieved. It also brought practical benefits. At work, for example, my employer made changes to my job role so that I now do the stuff I like doing (and which I'm really good at) and avoid the parts of the job that used to cause me major stress. I think most would say relief was the main reaction. Ultimately, that was my feeling too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 10, 2011 i guess there's still light at the end of the tunnel then i know everyone copes differently though. i havent so far, more like jerky reactions, but there is a lot of my life i'm hoping to be able to change some day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 11, 2011 so you are not that far from me then i am in colchester. i had an initial assessment by a lady who the national autistic society recommended 1st as like you i could not get it done on the NHS and had to go privately. i was the one who wanted the assessment because i thought i had asperger's any way. at the time though my mental health was not good and although i was pleased and relived as it meant my past now made sense, i was also shocked in a way that it was really true and it took a while to come to terms with. now most of the time i would say i have excepted it as part of me and that i would not be me with out it. i have come a very long way since then. there are odd days though when i just hate it very very rare though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 11, 2011 so you are not that far from me then i am in colchester. i had an initial assessment by a lady who the national autistic society recommended 1st as like you i could not get it done on the NHS and had to go privately. i was the one who wanted the assessment because i thought i had asperger's any way. at the time though my mental health was not good and although i was pleased and relived as it meant my past now made sense, i was also shocked in a way that it was really true and it took a while to come to terms with. now most of the time i would say i have excepted it as part of me and that i would not be me with out it. i have come a very long way since then. there are odd days though when i just hate it very very rare though. its all right then, if there is a small chance of breaking the cycle my life has become, and make things better, i'll grab it. Although im still by the Nhs at the mental wellbeing clinic, dont know how will it be if i have to go private (lack of work/funds atm by this side of the norfolk broads lol) Thanks for your views on this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 13, 2011 what i also feel sometimes its something strange to describe, it's as if i have got no ego in myself in the way i come across to people. I'm an analytical guy..i talk about things very factually and my emotions rarely come into it. I've been asked if i ever swear, or why do i have some of the rigid non-sense routines i have! Erm..i just cant explain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 14, 2011 the only reasoning i have managed to make to my seemingly non-sense routines is they are kind of self help for me reducing anxiety and creating security. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 14, 2011 yes these routines are our comfort zone..but isnt there some "happy" medium between doing the same routines all the time (mostly lonely or within a very restricted group of people) and trying to do different activities with different people while trying to connect with them? for me it is a bit frustrating either end. I get that more people like me (warts and all) than i give myself credit for, i just dont know how to come across to them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 15, 2011 i know what you mean and there are times when my routines frustrate me. i have found though rather than do it all at once do different activities with the same people or a person who has understanding or do the same activity with different people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 16, 2011 i know what you mean and there are times when my routines frustrate me. i have found though rather than do it all at once do different activities with the same people or a person who has understanding or do the same activity with different people. The people we have around us do play a part in this isnt it..i'm afraid those around me aren't very supportive or understanding, today had a chat with my best friend of 5 years, 1st time i told him about me going to the mental health clinic and about AS, he very plainly said i was depressed, had no confidence or self-esteem due to my present circumstances and largely to my family (he knows them and its a valid point) who dont really give a shot about me unless they need something. Time for some changes and grow a thick skin then. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 17, 2011 have you thought about attending a support/social group know autism east anglia run them. or coming to autscape this year? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 18, 2011 have you thought about attending a support/social group know autism east anglia run them. or coming to autscape this year? ive just contacted the Asperger east anglia centre, i need to have a referral from the CBT therapist, in the meantime i got an interview there next week... thanks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dom Report post Posted May 25, 2011 now i feel things are starting to happen after all this time... just came from the Aspergers centre here in Norwich with mixed feelings but overall confused, had the AQ test done with a result of 37. feels as if i need to dig into myself to find myself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 26, 2011 it will take time Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
