Recently Diagnosed with Aspergers- feeling isolated

[SuperheroBarbie]

Hello

Im a 23 year old female from Scotland who has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers. I have always found certain things difficult that i feel everyone else dont think twice about. In a way im glad to know why i have had such difficulty and feel different, but at the same time i feel even more isolated. Over the last 9 months i have become depressed and anxious, and subsquently withdrawing myself from most social situations - which i tend to want to avoid anyways, but usually I force myself through them.

 

I feel like noone really understands or cares, and my parents dont want me to tell anyone that i have Aspergers. I decided to tell my lecturer and she spoke to me like i didnt even have it, saying that if i go to the support group i am being advised to go to, i will be faced with a bunch of loneys basically.

 

I feel so confussed and alone right now and i dont know where to go from here. How do you deal with something people dont understand or dont even acknowledge?

[darkshine]

Your question at the end of your post is entirely my problem - except in my case it is me not telling anyone through my own choice not someone else's. I don't think your lecturer sounds very helpful or accepting of your issues, I've only recently been diagnosed and I can't face the idea of seeing people face-to-face in a support group (even if I could the nearest is 12 miles away and I can't get there) but if you can, why not go along and see? I don't know if they'll be loonies or not but I do know one thing from experience and that is that sometimes people that are classed as lesser than "normal" are often the ones who are most supportive, understanding, honest and make the most sense because they aren't ruled by the rubbish that supposedly normal people live by.

As for understanding and acknowledging I guess you have a choice there, either make them understand and acknowledge this or drop it and let them pretend. This is one of the reasons I'm not telling people I know at this time because I don't have the energy to deal with their stuff as well as mine especially since the health professionals dealing with me just think I should be happy now I know what's wrong - except this doesn't take away all the other things unfortunately - like depression and social problems and depression from struggling with social problems etc...

Hello by the way

[zenemu]

Both are tough situations to be in.

 

Personally I advocate being as open as possible about Aspergers, at least with family and friends. Support is extremely important with AS and proper support can certainly help improve things. Perhaps the most important thing you can do to help yourself with AS is to be very introspective. The more you learn about yourself, the more easily you can learn to adapt to situations you find uncomfortable and the proper support certainly can help with that. It is extremely important that you are very open and honest with your family, especially your parents. Tell them about your concerns; discuss everything you have learned about AS and how it applies to you. Tell them how you feel in social situations and try to give those examples of things that other people seem to take for granted that you sometimes miss.

 

You are right; people don’t understand Aspergers and many people don’t acknowledge it. The truth is it is very difficult problem, but not insurmountable. Over time a lot of the symptoms of AS do lessen slightly, especially between the ages of 25-35, because we learn from our experiences and it is important to do so. There are always going to be those people who don’t acknowledge it. They vary from people who are outright rude, to those well meaning souls who occasionally come along and attempt to “bring you out of yourself”. Unfortunately you need to accept that and move on.

 

In the end, I suppose what it all boils down to, is that you can’t let Aspergers define you. Aspergers is a part of you, but it doesn’t define what kind of person you are deep inside or what kind of per you will be ten years from now. Only you can know that. Your AS will never go away, but with the right help and the right attitude it will get easier and in the end, you may even find that AS has some positive aspects too.

[dom]

Both are tough situations to be in.

 

Personally I advocate being as open as possible about Aspergers, at least with family and friends. Support is extremely important with AS and proper support can certainly help improve things. Perhaps the most important thing you can do to help yourself with AS is to be very introspective. The more you learn about yourself, the more easily you can learn to adapt to situations you find uncomfortable and the proper support certainly can help with that. It is extremely important that you are very open and honest with your family, especially your parents. Tell them about your concerns; discuss everything you have learned about AS and how it applies to you. Tell them how you feel in social situations and try to give those examples of things that other people seem to take for granted that you sometimes miss.

 

You are right; people don’t understand Aspergers and many people don’t acknowledge it. The truth is it is very difficult problem, but not insurmountable. Over time a lot of the symptoms of AS do lessen slightly, especially between the ages of 25-35, because we learn from our experiences and it is important to do so. There are always going to be those people who don’t acknowledge it. They vary from people who are outright rude, to those well meaning souls who occasionally come along and attempt to “bring you out of yourself”. Unfortunately you need to accept that and move on.

 

In the end, I suppose what it all boils down to, is that you can’t let Aspergers define you. Aspergers is a part of you, but it doesn’t define what kind of person you are deep inside or what kind of per you will be ten years from now. Only you can know that. Your AS will never go away, but with the right help and the right attitude it will get easier and in the end, you may even find that AS has some positive aspects too.

 

Well that was spot on..i somehow feel in my personal journey (undiagnosed) i cant tell anyone what or how i feel, even my best friend of 6years, 1st time i told him about my suspicions of AS & symptoms (i was reluctant to tell but he found out i was having CBT at the mental wellbeing service so i told him) and he plainly put it down to me being depressed, and lacking self esteem all my life. But no real support, just "get that crazy idea out of your mind and you'll be fine" At that point i thought to myself, is this the kind of friends i need?

There's no map to my journey but im hoping to find some comfort along the way.

All the best:)

[Aeolienne]

The truth is it is very difficult problem, but not insurmountable. Over time a lot of the symptoms of AS do lessen slightly, especially between the ages of 25-35, because we learn from our experiences and it is important to do so.

So what happens after the age of 35? Is it static or downhill from then on?

[LancsLad]

I have made massive progress between the ages of 35 and 45 and as such I hope this is an upward trend which will continue. I know the person I respect most in my life is my grandmother but she does have the advantage in that at 97 she has had so much time to perfect herself into the person she is today. For me she is a shining example that time is a valuable commodity which if used well can lead to real fullfillment and achievement in our lives.